I sometimes think of words and sentences,sometimes I keep them in my head,other times I hurtle them at others but most of the time I write them down,they spill from of my fingers and onto the page,they spill like water from a hose,only that the taps been twisted as far left as possible.sometimes it's hard to keep up with the words,they fill all my thoughts,they drive me insane,they twist and turn and scrape against my skull,they rip,naw and tear my mind,and then they grow and travel down my throat and through my lungs and into my heart scratching and tearing the whole way down. they reside and continue to feed on my self loathing and rage.The only way to get rid of the words is to let them spill from either my mouth or through my writing.draining my body of them until they run dry.But they always come back a bigger tsunami then before8. .
I let the words reside in my heart once for a very long time.I saw the things the words saw but my vision was blurred like looking through a foggy window.Once the window was splattered with blood.While the words were at their best,my ability to spill them was lost.I couldn't stop the words from killing me,I forgot myself as if the words weren't my own,I don't think the words were my own,they were infected and forced into my head like a long sharp shard of glass dripping in horrific poisoning words.
once in the haze I was trapped in.I heard a familiar voice,clear and sharp,it spoke to me,not to the words,and the window cleared and I saw what the words had done,I guess taking over my mind was not enough for the words action was needed.It was scary to know that I had actually thought and imagined the sight I saw,before the words took over,But I would never have ever actually done this.I let three words spill from my mouth before the window fogged up again.
Hello nice of you to read my thoughts,person I hope I've never met and who I hope I never meet.That would be way too awkward and embarrassing,you knowing all the ins and outs of my thoughts and secrets.
For example,imagine a complete stranger or one of your enemies etc coming up to you one day and yelling really loudly "I know that one time you sat in bird shit and had to lie that it was white chocolate,so you scraped it off your ass and put it in your mouth in front of a crowd of people"That,that would not just hurt your pride but your soul as well you'd want to find a cave and hide out with some old hermit,share a hole to crap in and talk about how society sucks.eventually turning to dust so when someone finds your remains they will not be able to identify them.Obviously I'm even worse off than that.Even the hermit with no connection to society probably would find out my secrets if they were to get out.
You probably want to know who's thoughts your reading,So you can tell the world everything in here and humiliate my legacy,maybe even publishing this as a book,shit,I'm giving you ideas,well your not getting my name unles you gain my trust.So good luck with that.You also may be thinking why in the nine realms am I writing this down when I can just tell someone close to my heart..Well first of all I trust no one,and second of all I'm lonely,and third of all I maybe,kinda,commitedfirstdegreemurderandgotmymouthsewnshutsoIcanneverinfectmyliesintoanyoneeveragain.try saying that 10 times,I know,I know it sounds really bad but I only killed lik 80 people.UNWILLINGLY,unwillingly of course
I yelled that last bit,It didn't form any words though and I scared off the the bald rat looking thing I call Timothy in my cell,Timothys skin is really gross it looks like extremely chapped lips,but it's slimy some how and,yeah I'm in a cell right now,Not a very clean one,there's a bit of my blood on the walls and Timothy's blood as well it has this terrible stench of rotten fish and vomit nothing like you've probably ever smelt unless your a gravedigger or those people that study body parts.Let me give you a description of my surroundings,I'm in a small windowless room with a metal slab of a table in the middle,I think it's supposed to be a bed,but after waking up one day not being able to move wrists,ankles and torso strapped down to bed,a rotten potato with a human face looking down at me,holding a scalpel,cutting lines into my chest.
Later on I realized that he had carved his initials onto my skin!the nerve,If you were to meet a god,I guess It would be deeply satisfying to feel superior then them,but carving your initials into their skin!,is just demented.I guess Mr Potato Head isn't as kid friendly as you would initially think.I also realised it was not a bed but a operating table,Now when I try to sleep(not like I get much) I keep as far away as possible from the table.Now I've gone ahead and got you hooked haven't I.
Well to bad you'll probably get to hear that story later on in this ordered pool of thoughts,IF they don't kill me first.You're probably a little scared to read this now,you know, the whole mass murderer and torture room stuff in the first paragraph but don't worry it gets much worse,But I reckon I'm funny and pretty optimistic in the circumstances of my life,anyone who doesn't laugh at the handicapped guy is going to hell,so the story it won't be as gore-ified as it could have been if I were a pessimist,do not get mixed up with the words pessimistic and optimistic the results can be horrific,that story later on.
If you are squeamish or easily frightened though don't read on it is full of torture misery and...just read lemony snicket's book,A series of unfortunate events,the first paragraph pretty much sums up my entire life.If you didn't like the blood on the walls bit I will warn you now I will be retaining my memory's of 1,2,Charlie 3,Timothy 4,Mum 5,Reagan,five deaths and one of them includes a knife,and yes Timothy dies.RIP.
You probably think your reading the thoughts of a deranged murdorouse lunatic?,and you would be partially right...So! sit back,relax get real comfy because you'll be sitting for a while and there'll be many moments where you won't be able to feel you legs at all, and when you do stand up you'll probably fall back down with the worst pins and needles you'll ever have in your life,So I'm going to break tradition this time and write instead ,stand up,walk a round a little,and enjoy reading!..my life in a $5 Notebook...
Is that a groan I think I hear through the future when someone reads this,that someone being you,wishing this was a video diary or an Audio book?Well to bad!,because I can't talk and neither can I video myself because then you would know who I am.and books are fun!(also I kind of have no idea how to use electronics I tried using a phone once but when it went flat my brother shot it with lightning trying to charge it),I know your primary school teachers have most definitely told you this many times,but I'm going to tell you through the power of words that books are absolutely magical,almost like a portal to another world.Also, I put a spell of sorts over the notebook so it will translate itself to your preferred language,cool huh!
So,books!,wooh,yeah hours of fun!.yeah sorry, that ended up sounding really sarcastic,but seriously you'll enjoy reading once you read a good book.A little tip for getting into reading don't,I repeat don't read any of the PMs books your forced to read in primary school.they'll only increase your likelihood to hate all literature. So read on!..
(I think that was a really interesting and engaging intro,don't you?oh, yeah,another warning if you don't like arrogant pricks ,I'm one of them.So heads up!)
I think I'll start my life story at the very beginning,where everyone's life story starts,No!,no no no no,Not! that beginning!I'm not writing about that!,we all know our life starts when a mummy and a daddy love each other very much...yeah..no,I'll start as far back as I can remember instead of educating you on things you already know,That would be a waste of time,like that one time your put in a class learning things you learnt like three years ago,I know someone that came to England from Africa for better education and for an entire term they were learning about the countries of Africa(Africa is a continent,not a country)So I'll start with as far back as I can remember ...
CHAPTER ONE
A war was raging between two kingdoms of the nine realms.The Kingdom of jotunheim,fighting for the rulership of Midgard(Earth)and the Asgardians fighting in the defence of Midgards traditional inhabitants for they where defenceless against the forces of jotunheim.You May be wondering what started this conflict,well the jhotens could not live in warm environments,so the froze Midgard into a frozen death land,the Asgardians believed this unjust and cruel.
through the eyes of the jotuns though these actions were completely justified for their world was crumbling to its end.They were dropping like flies,after flying into a great poisonous mist.That's how an elder jotun described the death of her grandchildren,she had five,they all fell to the floor in the space of 20 seconds gasping for air as they breathed in a poisonous mist,that proceeded to search the inside of the body soaking up the very life in them.After they were dead it would then escape their open mouths a different colour to its usual transparent appearance.The jhotens believe that the mist soaks up the soul.The jhotens after realizing that their kind would very much perish,went into panic,the mist seemed to enjoy the souls of children only,occasionally taking the soul of an adolescent,They couldn't gain any pity or help from any of the other realms peoples,being widely known for their peculiar or even appalling culture.
Many of the other kingdoms feared and told their children stories about the jhotens and quickly grew to fear and hate the jhotens too much to ever help such repulsive frightening creatures that would kill them without a second thought and bath in their blood,this of course was just another myth about the jhotens that other realms where ignorant enough to believe.Maybe the myths started with the king of the jotuns,during his early stages of rulership he had the concerning love for violence and power,but after many wars he became older,wiser and weaker.He only wanted peace.
Unfortunately,he was too late in changing his ways,The jotuns had a violent history with the other realms,and they did not forget the sins and horror the jotuns brought upon them.Often realms would even go as far as kill a jhoten as soon as they even breathed over into their realm.They would often decapitate them and bring their head to the front gates of the jotunheim palace.In declaration of war,but the jotuns never engaged.They could no longer afford to fight a war,let alone loose one.
In this time of death and depression.The jhotens gathered to decide what they should do about the state of their realm,All that we're fit to come came to the royal cave.A large cave of ice and and millions of specs of gold embedded in the walls,no one knows how the gold got there,and no one has ever managed to mine the gold out,so now the cave is used by jhotens of great respect and authority,It's where the royals are crowned and married.
The way the gathering worked was that each county of Jotunheim would hold a small gathering where they would elect a representative for their county.By the end of the great gathering all but one of the jotuns had very similar speeches,agreeing that they should invade the weakest of the nine realms and take charge by force,Many recounting the deaths of their children,students,grandchildren and even the deaths of others they did not know,But the most memorable one was the grandmas,that had lost all five of her grandchildren.
But first the speech of the one jotun who thought that invading was a bad decision.
He was nervous as soon as he saw the caves entrance flashing Dimond light into his eyes,he was known as a traveler,A jotun who ventures out to other realms.He explores and sometimes steals.This traveler was the queen's personal Traveler,he often steals valuable objects for her.
Travelers are rarely ever seen in the jotun community so he had terrible social skills.Should I even be here,they won't understand,my opinions don't matter,they probably think I'm crazy,I'm an outcast,I haven't talked to someone in three years.He sighed and made a show of keeping his head down and stopping low,the queen had given him permission to speak on the behalf of the opposing arguments that he had,he should take pride in that.
He wheezed and puffed as he ran through the halls of the Jotunheim palace.He felt the fat around his rib cage tighten and burn,he felt his blood heat up and rush to his legs and head.he knew if he stopped running he wouldn't be able to start again anytime soon.So he kept on running,he saw up ahead a fallen pillar taking up the entire length of the hallway,he kept running towards it and when he got close he lept and,landed on his face,he obviously miss judged the thickness of the pillar.He comically had landed on top of the pillar swaying back and forth before he lost his footing and slipped off.He just layed down in defeat,too embarrassed and exhausted to get up.
He heard hitched laughing from in front of him,someone had seen him,God Dammit.he started to tear up,trying to drown out the hysterical laughing,but the laughing bounced off the walls and strait into his ears.He was weeping now,he tried to keep down the sob forming in his throat,but it escaped his throat and through his lips.The laughing stopped abruptly.
"oh,sweetheart,don't be like that,I'm sorry-"
he whimpered and sobbed again "oh,don't be like that,if you keep on crying I'm going to start crying,and then we'll both be two complete morons,crying over nothing"He heard the queen sob and felt her embrace him he nuzzled his face into her neck.She stroked his head slowly untangling the leaves in his hair.Oh no,now you've gone ahead and got leaves all over the floor"She complained "I've missed you mum" he sniffs "I've missed you too,baby" she sobbed "I'm not a baby anymore"
"Really,then how come your crying like one"
"Oh,I don't know,maybe because your kind of squeezing my lungs"The Queen loosens her grip on her son and after one more squeeze let's go."sorry"He lifted himself up onto his feet,then collapsed onto the fallen pillar. "How've you been?,I haven't seen you in fucking years,what's it like being a traveler?,what's the outside world like nowadays?better than Jotunheim,this place is a fucking death trap,have you met anyone special?what's she like?or he I don't really mind if your gay,we are jhotens after all,are you gay?Fuck ,you look just like your father,but an improved version,obviously,you've got my best features-"
"My god mum,your the same as ever,and no,I haven't met anyone,the outside world is fine Asgard pretty much owns all the realms though,I'm fine,and when did you start talking like that?Your not the best role model for the next generation of jhotens are you"the queens wide smile dropped. "What did I say something wrong?" He inquired
"No...it's just,there might not be a next generation of jhotens"she sighed "what do you mean…"he whispered "I mean there may definitely be no future generations!,they're all dying eryh!,a mist from the mountains is sucking their literal soul from their body and killing them!!"She yelled,she was again in tears.Eryh was speechless there was nothing to say.He embraces his mother and tried to comfort her."And,your brother,he's sick,and small and weak.I'm worried he may die"she mumbled "WAIT,WHAT!!!,I HAVE A BROTHER!"Eryl screeched,The queens face changed to a look of excitement, "oh!you haven't met little Loki yet?your going to love him!"she giggled "I swear Mum,your like 2,000 years old and act like eight year old showing off their new toy to their friends"Eryl sighed "Don't be so rude,when I was eight I was reading books not showing off a new toy to my imaginary friends"the queen scoffed,she was not impressed. "Ok,whatever you say...old hag"mumbled Eryl "Don't backchat me!"she scolds.
She leads him through the corridor till they reach a staircase going downwards,here the walls are jagged and there's a long tapestry along the entire length of it,illustrating most of Jhotenheims history,Eryl,as a young jhoten used to run along the wall feeling the ancient material on his fingers,as his mother ran along with him,hurriedly explaining what was going on in the tapestry.She always left out the more gory parts.Only telling him the amusing parts of the story.Eryls favourite part by far was of the "great" symf,according to legend,he had slayed and entire battalion of enemy forces(these forces long dead now)He had stormed the camp and defeated them all winning the war.But,according to Eryl's Mum, "we were sent by the king of Jhotenheim at the time,to spy and to make sure an enemy camp did not progress closer to the palace,we were told not to make a move unless the enemy was to spot us or try to move closer to our main base.So one night dear old Symf decided it was a good idea to get a little tipsy,he was on watch that night as well,from on top of a muddy slope,and one day Symf had slipped and rolled all the way down right into the middle of the camp, "I slipped down heroically" Eyrls Mum had claimed that's what Symf had said. "We all had to slide down after him,as well,My Dad later forbid me to ever Mary him".Eryl was glad his Mother had not married the great Symf(what a joke).
looked out to the audiences faces.That all seemed to morph into a swirl of different colours.
"I have traveled far and wide,to other realms and back here again.Recently I traveled to Asgard,"he paused and the crowd gasp
"I was captured,and taken to their king.He frowned upon me,and told me to go back to my home land,To never!reek havoc on his or another realm ever again.He let me go that day without a scratch on my body.He also said that the jotuns had been rather quiet of lately,and we should stay that way.I agree.He told me that he does not want war,but if threatened,or sees another realm in turmoil,at our hand he will fight one.The Asgardians will kill all of us if we use force against another realm!,Asgardians are the most skilled fighters of all the realms!We can not afford to fight them!There will be a cure for all this death and pain we are suffering,I would gladly search other realms for medicines.Asgards king will fight in the defence of other realms,so I ask of you,please,I beg you don't go through with this,..."The traveler finishes.Bowing before leaving the stage.No one was convinced by him.You'll soon find out why.
Unfortunately or fortunately,the next person to come to the stage was the old grandchild less grandma.She walked up onto the glass podium and studied the depressed faces of those who had listened and spoken before her,Many recounting the deaths of their children,students and grandchildren.She looked down at her written speech and spoke in her most confident voice
"My grandchildren are dead!all five of them fell to the ground infected with the mist,they fell between 20seconds of each other.yal my youngest grandchild only two was the first to fall.Yal looked at me and his other siblings with pleading eyes,until they rolled into the back of his head,from his dying lips he whispered "Nan"the poor thing,could never talk properly.If he had the ability to form sentences I can assure you he would of said "Nan,why do you do nothing?"Nothing that is all I could do as he died.My eldest grandchild slemphnir,ran and wrapped his arms around Yal,As soon as the death mist left the open mouth of my youngest grandchild.It attacked my eldest,Slemphnir,beng a very bright child held his breath.he died in his older brothers arms.The same fate came to all of his siblings.
In the end they came to a decision to invade the weakest of the nine realms and take rulership by force there was only one speech that tried to convince his people that they had made the wrong decision recounting his to Asgard Quoting one forced to find other ways of sustaining their future,Many came to the decision to invade another realm and take rulership by force the weakest of the people of the realms just happened to be the people of Midgard who where quite unimpressive compared to other creatures in the realms,but they had a unique ability to make things up and imagine even more.And it just so happened that the king of Asgard(the strongest of the nine realms in many ways)at the time Odin happened to be in a generous mood even though they are the cruelest realm by far, raging war on almost all the realms including jhotenheim, but that was a long time ago when jotunheim where a strong force to be reckoned with.Asgard has no use for jhotunheim any more(jhotunheims woman where bigger than their men)though and are physically built for the harshest of winters.The heat unlike most creatures causes them to fall ill.Sometimes in a fatal way other times just a mere headache but nonetheless if they were to inhabit Midgard they would have to make drastic changes to the weather.And so with the casket of winter made the sun set forever and the earth to freeze and slowly have the life drained out of it.Suiting the planet to their preferable state.But the Asgardians saw this as and act of war and thought the original inhabitants of Midgard deserved to govern themselves.
as soldiers,swords and clothes were stained with the blood of enemy and Ally.The queen of the jhotens fled to protect her offspring from the hell of war.The queen whispered songs in her own tongue to the boy to keep him calm.Even though she wished to stay and continue singing for the infant she couldn't for her people needed her powerful sorcery on the battlefield.She put the infant down carefully for he was small,very small,almost more than half the size of a jhotens his age.He also looked very different to his species.The only jhoten traits he inherited were the red eyes,blue skin,and the light blue markings that differ depending on who the parents of that jhotens parents where. 'Good by,my baby Loki,I will return' whispers the jhoten queen soothingly to her child.Before standing up and leaving to join her kind in war.As soon as Loki realised the absence of his mother he scrunched his face up.And after 2 whole days of waiting he screamed until he couldn't anymore,could hardly breath for his throat had been dried to the point of loss of voice.Finally someone came,It wasn't the queen as Loki had been screaming for.Instead was an Asgardian soldier of high rank with golden breastplate and aged features evidently plastered all over his body,though he still seemed to have the energy and health of a young soldier. Even though his presence reeked of intimidation and power also being Asgardian the child seemed to like his presence.The Asgardian picked the infant up.The man's eye seemed to have been ripped from his skull but it did not seem to fresh of a wound but it seemed to still be awaiting tending to.He had as the rumours say traded it for the rights to drink from the well of mimir,mimir's well is the fount of all wisdom .Loki's jotun traits evaporated quickly after being picked up leaving him seen like a ordinary Asgardian.The man cradled and infant contemplating what to do with it.He could leave it.But he couldn't just leave it to die.The Asgardian put the child back onto the rock it had been residing on. its jhoten traits returning to its body.That's when the Asgardian saw the marking in the infants face.Only members of the royal blood have those markings.Laufey's son?The son of the king and queen of jotunheim!why would the parents leave him out to die like this?because he's deformed!?Jhoten's really are horrible cold hearted creatures aren't they.Thought the Asgardian.Picking the jhoten up again,Loki once more changing to his Asgardian form "he could also pass as an Asgardian,and (being the heir to the jotunheim thrown)could one day reunite our kingdoms once more,either way I cannot just abandon him out to die like his parents did" thought Odin being the righteous king he was.Odin had made up his mind he would raise the jhoten as his own,alongside his wife Frigga and genetic son Thor.He walked back to his army with Loki in his arms,then proceeding to ask Heimdall to open the bifrost.Leaving Midgard for a long time.
Back on Midgard the planets changes caused by the jhotens had been reversed.The war had ended leaving the Asgardians victorious.The remaining Jhotens had been sent back to their home land Jotunheim.Including the queen.She hadn't known what happened at first.One moment she was thrusting if her enchanted sword which had been soaked in the urd also known as the spring of destiny until it rusted then it had been cleaned her sword was to bring destiny of all living creatures early to the soul that may be priced by its blade,through the heart of an enemy soldier the next moment she was standing in the throne room on Jotunheim her subjects surrounding her.In the blink of an eye the thought of her son Loki came to her as quick as bullet may come to flesh.
She searched the whole of jotunheim even going to the lengths of searching the great mountains of surtur in her realm.These mountains were things of legend. even for the jotuns it was periliouse to even attempt to get across the great river of surtur at the foot of the mountain it was a vast river with frozen debris creating a thin layer of ice over the river to fall into the water would cost all but the gods of the gods certain death.for the blood of surtur had been spilled into the freezing depths of the river spreading death along the banks and watercourse of jotunheim.But still the queen prevailed taking as much protection from the glacial cold as possible despite her species being immune to the almost impossibly cold weather.
The cold pierced her half showing face as she trudged through the snow usually bare feet wrapped in cloth made to daw out what little heat there was.she carried with her a satchel made of enchanted fur from the wolf gatekeepers of Muspelheim(what hurts you) and helheim(your downfall) ancient beasts of great power and size.myths to the mytholicle.They were so vigorous they had the power of immortality a power even gods could not accumulate.The satchel had the power to hold any amount of quantity and also withhold any amount of power even be un scratched if it were to fall into the river of surtur.
The queen arrived at the bank of surtur.She took a deep breath casting a spell on her skin to prevent it from getting wet in hope it may dwindle the effect of the rivers water.she placed one bandaged foot onto the rivers ice causing the entire landscape to groan under her weight once the no cises subdued she stood on the ice adjusting the amount of weight she made the ice carry.To even touch the ice with her bare skin was to burn her flesh to the bone so she had to tread carefully.She made her way across the river of Surtur with its almost continuous length of 10miles.After one whole day of travel she found a cavern.It was said that when Surtur landed in the river the waves it created turned to ice,she presumed this cave was one of these waves.She walked under the waves roof,and extracted a long sheet of the bandage she had rapped around her feet.she sat down on it looking up at the waves above.It looked as if the waves were frozen in time.The moons glow shining through creating a aqua shine to fall onto the floor and roof.Almost like the northern light.the lights magnified the walls of the cavern waves.The queen lay down on her thin layer of material and watched as the lights twisted and turned within each other.She was almost asleep when she felt a mighty tug on her ear.She shot up with a start.Looking around for the cause of this tug,nothing was to be found.So presuming it was just a itch or her body tricked her into believing something had tried to rip her ear off.She went back to sleep with one eye open hypothetically.But as soon later she heard whispering in her ear. "It's the queen"
"Which one?"another creature inquired
"The one of Jhotenheim,who else" the other hissed
The queen listened intently for any mention on her son or other useful information.
"Do you think she died?"one asked
"No who d-
Obviously these creatures are rather stupid and their intellect will not help me here thought the queen
"I Am not dead,you sly creature!"yelled the queen as she used her reflexes to grab the creatures near her ear.They squirmed and scratched the inside of her hand