I am drifting.
In a deep shallow pool of water, covered by nothing but unending darkness I am adrift. Water lapping at my sides, the tiny waves splishing as they gently rock my body back and forth. I hear every movement of the water. Every tiny drop that drips from the roof down into the pool, and every ripple that my actions bring into being. I hear it all, my hearing working overtime to cover my lack of sight. I will have no light for a long time. I have pledged myself to the darkness, and I will remain buried in the thick dark until I am strong enough to fulfill my promises, and defeat the devils who threaten us.
"I will make it back alive." My father knelt in front of me, shamed and shattered.
The water is cold. Very cold. It sends chills up my spine when I think about it. I don't often think about the coldness. There are many other things on my mind. Thoughts pass across my mind like ants marching back home. One by one I count the bugs, one by one I count the lives. The ants are dressed in green, their heads all covered by the tiny green hood they wear to protect themselves. But I needed to see their faces. So I gently reached out, pulling off the hood from every ant I could. There was one ant in particular. I had to separate it from the rest.
Then I would be one step closer to going home.
But none of the ants I saw proved to be my target. Wherever I look, I find the wrong ants. so I crush them to make sure I will not check them a second time. I press down on their tiny bodies and watch them pop. I don't know why I do. I don't why I kill them like that.
I don't want to.
But I have to go home.
"I will make it back alive." My father knelt in front of me, shamed and shattered. I could not look him in the eyes.
The worlds keep drifting together. And when they do I am forced to take a deep breath, and sort out who is friend and who is foe. My past is never slow in reminding me that the entire world is still against me, but I have doubts sometimes. When I look around, at all the faces, lively, bright, and loving faces, and I have doubts. I see people living. They are not evil like I used to think, like I've started to hope. I see them so clear. I see them laugh, see them cry, see them smile, see them die. I asked the sky one time. I asked the sky why reality was so different than it was supposed to be, but I never recieved an answer. I simply kept drifting.
There is a light up ahead, and I am slowly drifting towards it. Within a few minutes, I will surely exit the dark.
"I will make it back alive." My father knelt in front of me, shamed and shattered. I could not look him in the eyes. I stared off into the distance, my lip trembling and my hand shaking as I promised him what I could not ensure.
I am in a river now, a torrenting tide drags me along. The water is wild, and a it reaches up with groping hands and keeps dragging me under, water rushs into my mouth and nose, leaving me gasping for breath when I manage to rise up above the flow for a moment. I grab towards the shoreline, but I cannot reach it. My hand touches the dirt, and for a moment I am unmoving, but I lose my grip, and go plummeting downstream once more.
"I will make it back alive." My father knelt in front of me, shamed and shattered. I could not look him in the eyes. I stared off into the distance, my lip trembling and my hand shaking as I promised him what I could not ensure. He hugged me harder, trying to bring my eyes back around to face him.
The water rushs over rocks up ahead, I can barely make this out from glimpses I catch of the path ahead as I fight for air. It seems that the river turns into a waterfall, and I am quickly about to be thrown over the edge.
"I will make it back alive." My father knelt in front of me, shamed and shattered. I could not look him in the eyes. I stared off into the distance, my lip trembling and my hand shaking as I promised him what I could not ensure. He hugged me harder, trying to bring my eyes back around to face him. He told me that he was proud of me, but I gave no response.
Suddenly, I am thrust by the tide over the cliff, but my hand finds a grip on the rockface just before I fall. I breath in, deeply, water pushing against my body, trying to dislocate me, but I hold on, every ounce of my being devoted to survival.
"I will make it back alive." My father knelt in front of me, shamed and shattered. I could not look him in the eyes. I stared off into the distance. my lip trembling and my hand shaking as I promised him what I could not ensure. He hugged me harder, trying to bring my eyes back around to face him. He told me that he was proud of me, but I gave no response. I simply stared away, emotionless and cold, as I have always had to be.
I only hope, I...I only hope that the weak who get swept along with the flow be considered human too.
Their screams haunt my every thought. Their deaths sour my most beautiful dreams.
I am their nightmare, but they are mine.
I lost my grip, and I went spiraling down, into the darkness, to drift evermore, as I am.