Hiroki's Realizations
Hiroki was fuming in their bedroom, pacing the floor at the foot of their bed. "That stupid brat," Hiroki grumbled, "what was he thinking?" His words trailed off as he thought about their latest argument.
It was pointless, really, as were most of the arguments they had. The arguments were almost always over trivial matters, and that was something that really bothered Hiroki. I hate that about myself, Hiroki thought, that I can't stop it once I start. That my pride refuses to let me back down, even when I know I'm wrong. If I'm being honest with myself, no matter how much I want to blame Nowaki…no matter how much I DO blame Nowaki…our arguments are almost always my fault. Hiroki paused in his pacing, surprised that the thought had come to him so suddenly. He battled with himself for a moment, searching for an instance when Nowaki was truly at fault so he could continue to blame him, but nothing came up. Frustrated, Hiroki continued his pacing.
Okay, fine, so the arguments really are my fault. But that brat is just as guilty as I am when it comes to our miscommunications! Well, maybe not, these usually arise when I'm not paying him the attention he deserves.
Wait, Hiroki interrupted himself, the attention he deserves? Well, I guess it's true I tend to ignore him when I'm working, and I don't give him enough credit for putting up with that, he admitted to himself grudgingly. That brat is surprisingly forgiving, almost to a fault, when it comes to me. And he always hangs on to every word I say as if it's the most interesting thing he's ever heard. Deciding to get off that topic entirely, he jumped to another quirk of Nowaki's that drove him nuts.
He's just way too…exuberant with his affections. Honestly, the constant 'I love you's and the hanging all over me whenever the opportunity arises are just too much! And this is especially true when he does it in public! Hiroki paused in his pacing again as he realized he was blushing.
Okay, so I need to be more honest with myself. I might actually like some of that stuff…sometimes…but does he ever take my feelings into consideration when he does that in public? What if someone we know sees us? Well, Hiroki interrupted his line of thought, he does usually make sure that no one is around when he's affectionate in public, or makes it as small as he can, and knowing what that brat is capable of, I should consider myself lucky that he usually just wants to hold my hand when we're out. At least he limits the 'I love you' stuff to when we're alone. Geez, the way he says it, he makes it seem so easy to just blurt out your feelings.
I'll bet he thinks that I can't do it, Hiroki thought, his pride kicking in again, that brat probably thinks that I can't say it! Of course I can! It's easy, just three words! Hiroki opened his mouth, determined to prove to himself that it was indeed easy to say, and was a bit shocked when nothing happened.
Hiroki stopped his pacing at the foot of their bed. "Ugh, just how hard can it be to say it?" he asked the empty room as he fell backwards onto the bed. He covered his eyes with his arm, lost in thought. If only I could tell him how much he means to me. That I would be lost if he ever left me. That I truly care for that damn brat. But no, my pride has to get in the way of everything. I'm too stubborn to tell the most important person in my life that he is important to me. It's pathetic. I wonder if I'll ever be able to say it?
Hiroki let out a sigh, dropping his arm back to his side. He stared at the ceiling for a few minutes, just listening to the silence. "I love you, Nowaki," Hiroki announced to the ceiling. He sighed again, knowing he would never be able to say that to Nowaki's face, not anytime soon anyway. That fact upset him, but he knew that Nowaki knew his feelings. He's still around, after all. But still, I'm sure he'd appreciate hearing it now and then. That I love him. Giving up for the night, Hiroki rolled over and went to sleep.
Nowaki stood outside their bedroom door, his hand raised as if to knock and a dazed expression on his face. He had been prepared to apologize for the latest argument and was bracing himself for the barrage of books that was sure to come once he opened the door, but stopped when he heard Hiro-san talking to someone. Curious, he leaned closer to the door just in time to hear Hiro-san's confession. Nowaki turned around and went back out to the couch, a grin plastered on his face. He knew that Hiro-san's pride often got in the way when he was around, and he believed that Hiro-san cared about him, but without hearing it, he was always a bit uncertain. He worried that maybe he wasn't enough for Hiro-san, that he was doing something wrong, and that was why the man would never return the 'I love you.'
Nowaki smiled again, knowing that he would never let Hiro-san know about what he overheard because it would destroy the man's pride, but he would forever treasure that small confession. "I love you too, Hiro-san," Nowaki whispered into the room.