|.
he didn't want to let her go, back when she crossed the riverclan border. after all, any intruder had to be punished, hadn't they? yet mothwing forced him to leave the tortoiseshell warrior alone. after all, her explanation made sense.
she didn't understand why he wanted to escort her to leopardstar for an accident, after not even catching anything on his stupid territory. it was a thunderclan squirrel, after all. she wouldn't put it past him to take tigerstar's path.
||.
he watched her every time he would see her, until she would disappear out of his sight. some might call it an obsession ; he called it love and admiration. that's what he felt, even though he couldn't quite understand what was so attractive about the thunderclan she-cat. she just was.
she knew he was watching her, but never showed it. she would ignore him, as if she didn't know he was there. she avoided his gaze ; if he looked her in the eyes, it would be the same as running around shouting "i love you", wouldn't it?
|||.
he thought the journeying cats became one big clan, ignoring their differences. he hated that, but it had its advantages. he could go hunting with anyone ; including the tortoiseshell. he finally found out her name ; sorreltail.
she finally looked him in the eyes, but acted like she couldn't care less about what he said. but he was admirable ; charming, smart and witty- ugh, what is she thinking. this can never work out. they're in different clans.
it hurts.
||||.
"sorreltail." in their new territories, he caught her hunting and took her by the lake ; after all, this is where he could go without being chased away by a patrol. "join riverclan."
"are you kidding me?" she hisses. "of course not!"
it hurts, and she doesn't understand why. she regrets the answer.
.
she doesn't meet him anymore after that. it seems he have forgotten, or he can't forgive her for the answer she gave him. no. she realized she hates him. after all, it was foolish of him to think she would abandon her clan for him. so mouse-brained, it was just dumb to even fall for a tom like that.
then she fell in love with brackenfur. she's expecting his kits.
it hurts, lying always does.
|.
cinderpelt gave up her life for kits she didn't even want. and now there are four bundles of fur lying next to her belly. all of them brackenfur's kits.
one kit was big, had broad shoulders, tabby stripes-
it was not brackenfur's kit.
"my kits," brackenfur had said proudly when he first saw them.
"yes."
lying hurts.
||.
she barely even remembers him. the one who pinned her down back in the old forest when she crossed the border while pursuing a squirrel.
she heard the news ; he is dead.
it hurts, and she doesn't know why. she hates him ; such an arrogant, bossy-
then sorreltail realizes that deep down, she had always loved hawkfrost.