Jean knew he shouldn't have done it, but after he looked both ways and made sure no one was watching, which he couldn't imagine why they wouldn't be, he picked up a piece of Marco's charred bones and slipped it into his pocket. He felt like he was closer to the other male already. He remembered seeing Marco briefly in a vision like he was there as a ghost, but like most of Jean's friends, dreams, and hopes, he was consumed by flames, and thankfully, not a titan. Not again. He couldn't bear to remember Marco's half eaten corpse laying on the street. He remembered how his freckles, Jean's favorite thing about him, seemed to drain from his cheeks.
He tried his hardest to think back to happier times, like when they would laze around and Jean would count those freckles on Marco's face and they always seemed multiply with each passing day, or Marco would just say Jean can't count because he had the mental capacity of a monkey.
"But monkeys are smart, right?" Jean asked, laughing some and pushing Marco a little. Marco just smiled back at him and shrugged. Hell if he knew. They hadn't heard much of any research done on those things since the titans breached the Earth. Jean thought back to how Marco confided in him about actually wanting to go outside the walls. He would never tell anyone else though about it in fear they'd think him insane, and Jean did for a while until Marco really talked to him.
"I'm serious Jean! Listen to me for once and you have to promise you won't laugh! I mean it. I trust you enough to even tell you this." he pleaded. Jean rolled his eyes.
"Have you been hanging out with Armin again? Did you hear about some tropical island with clear ocean waters and bright flowers and fall in love too?" he asked as a joke, but Marco fell silent and looked into his lap. His head hung low and he folded his hands into it. Jean just shook his head and put a hand on his friend's back and rubbed it. Tentatively, Jean leaned in though and rested against Marco's shoulder and wrapped his other arm around him into a light embrace. The brunette boy clutched at Jean's arm and pulled it in closer to his chest.
"Does that make me stupid for wanting to leave this place? Titans scare the hell out of me, but so does living a monotonous life day after day with no bright future. I mean, even when you die you go to see the light, and I think I'd rather die and be dead then live and be dead if you get what I'm saying." Marco said under his breath. People were walking by, but were ignoring the pair. "Jean?"
"Then let's go together when this mess is all over. I mean it. Even if we're old like Pixis and weak and we can barely stand, you and I will go to a tropical island with clear waters and brightly colored flowers, okay? I promise. Until then, let's not die on each other, alright?" Jean said, breaking the hug and holding out his pinky finger. Marco looked at him and laughed, but he took it and leaned in to kiss his end. Jean smiled, and he pressed his lips to Marco's forehead.
They kept getting more and more daring with their promises and their physical boundaries. Jean promised Marco that for every titan they killed, they should get a rewards system. Jean killed two last mission, so he got a high five and a double high five. The next time, Marco killed four, so he got a high five, and a double high five a pat on the back, a quick hug, and that was it. After that, Jean added on more and more, and as the kill count rose, so did the rewards. It wasn't until Jean hit ten did he pull Marco off to a dark corner of the cabin's while everyone was still playing cards and looked him in the eyes.
"I totaled up to ten killed behemoths today." Jean said, looking anxious. Marco grinned, and started down the chain. High five. Double high five. Pat on the back. Hug. Elongated hug. Kiss on the forehead. Kiss on the cheek. Kiss on the nose. Kiss on the other cheek. Marco stopped.
"What's the 10th reward?" Marco asked, blushing. Jean looked at him with a glint in his eye, but his bangs were partially covering his face, so Marco couldn't exactly tell what that meant.
"I- I think you know." Jean stuttered out, looking over his shoulder to make sure no one was observing them. Marco seemed to shrink back into the wall as Jean looked back at him and stared straight at his lips. His own quivered, and Marco just gawked at him.
"W-Why though, Jean?" he asked. "We're friends, right? We kill titans and we sometimes are more affectionate than most friends are, but, on… on the lips?" he asked. Jean nodded.
"Look, Marco-" he started out. Jean felt stupid. "I like you. I mean like, more than a friend, and I'm going to be scary here and realistic, but any one of these days, we could die, and I want you to know how I feel before either of us do." he said. Marco slapped his chest though and sneered.
"You're not allowed to die Jean. We promised each other we wouldn't, so you can't! And I'm- I- If I'm going to kiss you, you have to promise me that you'll kiss me back because otherwise I'm going to feel very foolish because I may or may not like you too. I mean, I suppose this is like a special one-time thing because you like Mikasa, right?" Marco asked, holding Jean by the waist and pulling him closer to his body. Jean's breath trembled.
"She's hot and all, but she's no you. You get me, Marco. Everyone thinks I'm cold, and I'm mean and rude, but you're always here, and I could swear I'm not gay, but then there's you, and I find myself needing you by my side every waking moment." Jean whispered, and Marco brought his face in dangerously close to Jean's lips. He could feel the breath on his face.
"Jean, for starters, you are rude, but that doesn't mean I feel you any differently. You're my best friend." Marco whispered back against Jean's lips. "Fight by my side until we die, and when we do, let it be known that you're the only person in this hell that I'll ever trust my life and love with."
It took that for Jean to get impatient and slam his eyes shut and kiss Marco like it would be their last. He didn't even care if people saw now, because with poetry like that, anyone would kiss their best friend, be it of the same gender or not. He wanted to lift Marco up and wrap his legs around his waist, carry him to bed and kiss him the rest of the night, but unfortunately, they needed to breathe and everyone else needed to sleep, because heaven forbid they were in the same bunk, they'd have lost voices in the morning.
Marco was the first to break the kiss. He drew his head back and admired Jeans' flushed face. He thought it was cute how hard Jean was panting and how the tips of his ears were cherry red. Marco brushed Jean's cheek with his hand and let it then rest on the nape of (hopefully) his boyfriend's neck. He brushed some hair out of the blonde's face and giggled a little before kissing him again.
This process happened night after night after day after night. Jean and Marco would sneak off when no one was watching and just kiss each other and whisper the bitterest nothings into one another's ear. There wasn't a time where they wouldn't talk of death or have the slaughter of a comrade in the back of their head. Marco would always be sneaking his tongue into Jean's mouth and dominating the younger male before he would pull back and tell Jean they could be on the body cart soon enough, and for some reason, this drove the two to touch one another more. They'd find quieter, more confined places and remove shirts and feel around toned bodies and kiss collarbones and bite and suck at sensitive nipples. After all, they were barely teenagers, and hormones were raging. Marco seemed to have more control, and more experience for that matter, because when Jean got to rough or didn't know what to do, the freckled boy would always guide him.
"Just a little more Jean." Marco coaxed as the other male tried to fit just another few centimeters of Marco's cock down his throat. Tears stung at the corners of his eyes and he was gagging, but Marco's hand was softly on his head and stroking his hair. His other hand was resting on the ground, curled into a fist that was opening and closing with every new feeling. Jean pushed himself a little lower before he needed to take a break and wipe the saliva off of his cheeks. Marco's dick was slicker than his moves on the field no thanks to Jean's seemingly well done blow jobs. They had only recently discovered this talent a few days ago, and since then, Marco was hooked. Jean felt like he could do without though since it hurt his jaw, but it made Marco happy, so he did it.
The younger pulled off with a gasp and a cough, and Marco groaned, but he cupped Jean's face and kissed him quickly while wiping the tears away from his eyes. "You're doing great." he said. "Do you want to try anything new?"
Jean thought to himself that he really wanted to go all the way, but he thought that it might be too early. He had never been gotten off by Marco before though, and Jean moved himself so he was sitting in between Marco's legs. He pulled his legs up to his chest, undid his pants, and slid them to his ankles. The shorter male looked up at Marco with an embarrassed smile as his member twitched against his body. Jean bit his lip and glanced down and off to the side.
"I just want you to touch me." he murmured. Marco sniggered though and did as he was asked, sending Jean into a spiral of pleasure unlike he'd ever felt. His toes curled and Jean's head rested on Marco's shoulder. The older looked down at him and captured his lips in a gentle kiss which was a stark contrast to his quick strokes. Jean's hips were moving up into Marco's grasp, and he thought he was going to cum so quickly that Marco would make fun of him, but he lasted another few minutes before he finally released his load over Marco's hand and he got some on himself. He nearly lost it when Marco brought it to his lips and smeared it over them like it was some sick lip gloss and then he licked it off way too sexily for Jean to appreciate.
Through back alley blow jobs and half assed handys, Jean and Marco became inseparable. They rarely showed each other raw emotions though in case the next day one or the other didn't come back. That became hard though as Jean's kisses seemed to get more and more tender and Marco's words and touches were like feathers. Everything was softer between them, and they didn't know when it happened, but it did. Jean and Marco would spend the nights in each other's arms and they didn't even really care when they were picked on for it.
"You guys are so close it's scary. It's like you're dating." Connie said, spooning some potatoes into his mouth at the dinner table. Jean stopped chewing and Marco swallowed his bite whole. The two subconsciously moved away from each other a little and just exchanged a look before trying to play it cool.
"We're just friend's Connie. Not like you would know because you don't have any." Jean snapped, his eyebrow twitching with irritation. Marco moved his hand under the table to rest on Jean's thigh and he gave it a squeeze and then moved it off.
"Jean and I are very close Connie, and it may seem like that, but I assure you, we're not. Come on. Jean likes Mikasa and I don't know, Annie looks more and more inviting as the day's pass." he said, flashing a smile. Jean really wish he wouldn't do that because when Marco smiled, his whole body became weak. Connie seemed to notice as Jean blushed and looked away from the beaming boy.
"You're not dating? Right. It's kind of like how titans are really just gentle giants and Mikasa just looks at Eren as family. If you are, who am I to judge in all honesty? Everyone needs someone in times like these and if fucking another dude gets your virginity out of the way before you die than so be it, just don't let us know."
Jean's body was stiff, but Marco titled his head and smiled, rubbing his neck and offering a small thanks before he moved back closer to Jean. The younger just looked down into his lap and then excused himself from the table. Marco followed shortly after and then wandered off to find his broken boy.
This seemed to happen a lot later in their relationship. Jean would come back from a mission and just be worn out and scared. He'd break down and cry when no one was around and Marco would find him looking miserable as ever. Marco always asked him what was wrong, but he didn't know. For some reason, Jean felt the compulsive need to let it out whenever they got back. He felt an impending sense of dread looming over them.
"It's going to be one of us next, I just know it. You're going to find me or I'm going to find you and it's going to be all over. I can't imagine living a life without you in it Marco and fuck, I don't want to go out again. We have to do this over and over and what if it all ends just like that?" he asked through choked sobs. "What if we never leave this place?"
"We will Jean, you just have to trust in me and in yourself." Marco said, but no matter how hard Jean tried to have confidence, he couldn't manage, but he always had to have full faith in Marco if he even wanted to get out of bed the next morning. And those were famous last words.
The day before they left and Marco's last, Jean woke up early with a feeling that made him bolt out of bed and puke. Marco seemed to be by his side without warning and as Jean looked him in the eyes, he knew. Marco's smile was weak and he placed his hand on Jean's back and rubbed it, telling him it was all going to be okay, and he asked Jean if he had a bad dream. That must have been it. Jean was dreaming and this was just an after effect of a nightmare he couldn't remember. Jean wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand and grinned at Marco before leading him back to their bed and cuddling up.
"I want to have sex today." Jean said under his breath, and Marco laughed lightly and pulled Jean closer to his body and kissed his head.
"What makes you decide that all of a sudden?" he asked, and Jean shrugged, shifting so he was face to face with the older male and their bodies pressed together.
"I just feel like today's the day." Jean said, but he left out the part where it was the day one of them was going to die. Marco smiled warmly and lifted the blonde's chin and captured his lips in a chaste kiss, and then Jean just cut right to the chase and gripped harshly at Marco's hair, biting down on his lip and drawing blood. Jean wanted to be sure he destroyed Marco before anything else could.
Jean ripped away at Marco's shirt and at his own, stripping them down in record time before knocking Marco on his back and straddling the older male quickly before anyone woke up. Jean was being less vocal than usual and Marco seemed to be concentrating on everything that was going on, and while their first time would be their last and not very satisfying at all, it was better than nothing. Jean needed and pleaded for Marco to go faster once he was seated on his aching erection, and Marco obliged, holding Jean's hips harsh enough that they would leave bruises, and those were the marks on Jean's life that Marco left him with.
They climaxed, and the alarm sounded for everyone to wake. They cleaned up, got dressed, and went to go and get breakfast in silence. Connie looked at the usual bickering boys like they were different people once he realized why the place was so quiet. He had never heard the two not talk, but they just ate as fast as they could before wandering off and walking hand in hand in the open. Jean would like to think that this was just a bad feeling, and Marco would too, but as they strapped on their gear and went out to fight, the two couldn't stop shaking.
"Hey, Jean." Marco said as they stood atop the walls, looking down at the battlefield below. "You know, when we get home today, we should plan out our trip on that island. I'd really like to go bird watching. The ones here only seem to sing songs of death." Marco said. Jean's jaw was tight, but he forced a smile.
"Yeah. But before we go, I just want you to know before we come home that I love you." Jean choked out. He couldn't cry. They were coming home. Marco nodded and looked down over the wall. They were coming home after this.
"I love you too." he said. "I promise I'll always be by your side so if you need me, just holler, alright?"
"Same here." Jean replied, feeling like his whole world was crumbling around him. They were coming home.
Marco never broke his promise at least. He was always by Marco's side now, but he was just a little smaller and a little blackened, that's all. He was just in Jean's pocket, and that was as close to his side as he could get. He kept his promise. They come home day after day together, and when all was said and done, they were going to go to an island together, but Marco just wouldn't be there all the way, but the promise would, and it would never be broken. Unlike Marco's bones, unlike Jean's heart, the promises made wouldn't ever be broken.