It was silent in the prison, a silence of anticipation that no longer comforted the people who inhabited Cell Block C. But Rick Grimes did not seem to mind the silence too much, if anything he seemed to enjoy the quiet and stillness. It gave him a moment to actually think, but not about the battle he knew was coming with the Governor. No Rick was thinking about the lonely hunter who was currently isolating himself on watch duty. Everyone felt awful for the poor man and his loss, well everyone except maybe Glenn and Maggie. Carol seemed to be the only one besides Rick though who understood how hurt Daryl actually was, how broken he was. Unfortunately both Beth and Judith had come down with a cold so Carol was unable to console the grieving redneck.
"You should talk to him." Rick looked over to see Hershel sitting on one of the benches reading his Bible. "You are probably the only one at the moment he will listen to."
"What would I say? It isn't exactly a clear cut situation. Daryl is so complex I wouldn't even know where to start." Rick was obviously uncomfortable talking about the topic but that did not deter Hershel.
"Well you could begin by offering your condolences. When somebody loses a family member that typically is the normal greeting." The sarcasm was clear and unappreciated by the officer, but he did not seem to have an argument against it. Slowly Rick turned and started to walk toward the tower that Daryl would most likely be in.
When he reached the door Rick stopped in his tracks. He was afraid of how Daryl would react to his interfering. It wasn't as if Daryl was very emotional to start with but now, Rick was afraid that Daryl would somehow manage to be even more closed off. "Hey if ya gonna stand there all night like an idiot I'm gonna just shoot ch'a." With that Rick had little choice but to turn the door handle and enter the tower where Daryl was currently aiming his crossbow straight ahead at the door. "What? Ya think I was lyin?"
"No. Then again when have you ever about shooting things?" Rick was trying so hard not to sound uncomfortable but he was failing. Daryl saw right through the confident front that the officer was putting forward.
"What do ya want Sheriff?" Daryl took a seat in one of the more comfortable looking chairs, even though none of them were really comfortable at all. "Why are ya here when ya got your own watch comin up soon?"
"I'm sorry." Rick blurted out.
"What?" Daryl was really confused at the moment.
"I'm sorry for your loss. Merle's loss. I'm sorry you lost Merle." Rick was saying it so fast that he was surprised that he even understood what he had said.
"Why?" Daryl was really confused. Why would Rick care about the death of some Meth head that only caused trouble?
"He was your brother; I know he meant a lot to you. I'm sorry you had to go through that." Rick wasn't about to pretend that he did not hear the stifled cries that Daryl made in the dead of night when he thought that no one was listening. He would not ignore the sight of the young hunter flinching at the slightest touch or any type of affection for that matter. It was obvious to Rick that Daryl was slowly breaking because he lost Merle.
"I still don't understan' how Merle passin' makes you sorry. After all he caused nothin' but trouble for this group. If anythin' ya should be happy that he's gone, I know the others are." Rick was shocked by the nature of what Daryl had said. There was no fire behind his words or grit in his stare. The Daryl in front of him was simply a defeated man that didn't know whether to resent himself, his brother, or the world that they were currently living in. The Daryl in front of him was a man that was unable to hold eye contact for more than a couple of seconds and would fidget with any object in his reach.
"I am sorry because you are hurting Daryl. Having to watch you be in pain kills me, it kills us all. I know that the pain you are experiencing stems from the loss of your brother, therefore, I am sorry that Merle died." The explanation made sense to Daryl, but he was still wrapping his head around the situation. Rick Grimes, the man who handcuffed Merle to a roof, was now offering him condolences. It didn't seem right.
"Ya expect me to believe that yer sorry Merle died? Ya almost killed him, and then wouldn't let him come here until he saved ya the other day. Why the sudden change? It aint like Merle was any different." Daryl knew it was wrong to lash out at Rick but he was still just so angry. The very thought of looking into Merle's eyes again and seeing no life just sent rage through his spine. It just so happen that Rick was the first to actually try and 'comfort' him.
"I told you already, it is because I care about you that I am sorry for Merle's death. I know I may have had a bad past with your brother but I can tell how much you are hurting and that hurts me." What Rick said had an obvious effect on Daryl. He immediately pulled his arms closer into him and his gaze drifted away from the police officer.
"Just go." Daryl gave a curt nod to the door. It was clear to Rick that Daryl was too afraid to actually address the emotions that he felt at the moment.
"Did he hit you?" Rick didn't know where that came from but there was no way he could turn back now.
"Excuse me? What did ya just say?" Daryl's head shot up and his eyes intensified in a sharp glare.
"I asked if Merle hit you." Daryl rose to his feet, dropping his crossbow on his way up. Rick stood as well but not with the same intensity as his friend. "I'm sorry Daryl but as a cop I learned how to spot an abused child."
"I'm no child. Ya have no right ta be analyzing me and shit!" Rick expected the outburst this time from his friend, it also confirmed his suspicions.
"So Merle did hit you?" Daryl was fighting the tears that had come to his eyes. There was no way he was letting Rick see him cry; he was too strong for that pussy crap. But a part of Daryl wanted to tell Rick, he wanted to tell him everything.
"It wasn't Merle." Daryl took his seat again and picked up his crossbow. He was uncomfortable with the topic and started to fidget. "It was my pa."
"Did he hit Merle too?" Daryl took his time thinking about how he was going to explain this to the cop without bursting into tears. He hadn't talked to anyone about this since he was fourteen, and that was with Merle.
"Na, Merle left before my pa turned to the bottle. It was after my ma died that it started." Daryl was trying to sound as normal as possible but it was clear to Rick that the man was fighting off tears. It was hard for him to see his friend so upset, but he knew that it was important that he go through this. The only way for Daryl to allow himself to move on was to talk about what was hurting him.
"How old were you when it started?" Rick knew that he would have to ask questions for Daryl to answer; otherwise they would be sitting in silence.
"My ma died when I was eight. Pa started gettin' violent 'bout two weeks later, but by then Merle was gone." Daryl hated that his voice almost quivered on the word gone. He was upset with himself for not being strong enough to control himself. He was pissed that Rick was breaking through his walls; and was absolutely livid that he was doing absolutely nothing to stop him. Why the hell was Daryl Dixon not beating the living shit out of Rick at this moment? He sure didn't know. But Rick did know. He knew that Daryl so badly wanted to get these emotions off his shoulders and was just waiting for someone to come by that was willing to listen to him. All Daryl wanted was to have someone listen and care, but for too long he was told that no one cared. It was sad to say that Daryl at some points even believed that crap.
"Did you ever tell Merle about what was happening?" Rick had pushed his chair just a little closer to Daryl, that way if his friend needed him he could be there and at less of an awkward angel.
"We talked 'bout it on the way back to the prison. He got mad and ripped the back of my shirt off and saw the scars. He tried to play dumb but he already knew." Daryl turned his head to look out the window that way he did not have to look Rick in the eyes. He was too afraid of what he might see in those deep and pained blue eyes. He was too afraid of the truth that he was about to have to face. "Merle was never one for staying in one place so when the beatins strated one night he packed up and was gone before I woke up that mornin'."
"He just left you, without even saying goodbye?" Rick was surprised by this, even though Merle could be a total ass Rick still believed that he had a soul.
"Yeah but it wasn't like I never saw him. I would sneak him his meth when he was in lock up." Daryl had a small smirk on his face when he said this. "It's funny because most of the time he was there for possession." This did not surprise Rick at all; Daryl was forever loyal to his brother even if what he was doing was not healthy for Daryl. "I would talk to him on visitin' hours until the cops made me go, we talked about everythin'. " To Rick it seemed as if Daryl was just talking to himself, but he was not about to interrupt the man or his thoughts. "I mostly would tell him about pa and how badly he was takin' ma's death." One tear slid down Daryl's face and the sight nearly killed Rick. What was worse was when Daryl jumped out of his seat and began to fiercely wipe his eyes.
"Daryl you don't have to be embarrassed by this, do you not remember the tangent I went on when Lori died? Grieving is not a sign of weakness, it really is a sign of strength." The other man turned to finally look at the officer, he was breaking and it showed. "Daryl let me help you that way you don't go around killing walkers with an ax and endangering the rest of us." And for the first time in his life, Daryl Dixon let out the sob he had been holding since the day his mother died. Rick stood as well and put his arms around his friend.
"Sorry." Daryl kept apologizing while he remained in Rick's arms. "I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize Daryl. It is okay." They stood there for only about a minute and a half when Daryl broke away.
"Thank you Rick but I ain't never been the type to hug and junk." Rick wasn't offended by the hunter's sudden withdrawal, he knew going into it that it would probably end like this. "I really do appreciate it. And if it means anythin' I want ya to know that I ain't gonna leave like Merle. I'm stayin here with you guys." This meant a lot to Rick but all that really mattered was that Daryl felt just a little bit better.
"It's okay, I understand." Daryl looked at Rick and let just the tiniest smile grace his lips. It was because of that smile that Rick knew Daryl would be okay.
Rick already knew that Daryl was strong. He endured through the pain of abuse from his father, the neglect and death of his brother, and he was about to face an attack on their home.
It was simple, no matter what this group was going to have to deal with; Daryl would be there for all of them. Not even the death of his brother was going to stop him from protecting his family.