Title: A Conversation Between an Officer and an Agent
Summary: Ziva asks McGee to explain about Kate.
Disclaimer: Characters are not mine. I'm just borrowing them.
Time Line: Season 3 between Episodes 5 and 6 - no spoilers.
Message: Comments welcomed but be nice.Any infringement on lines or story is not intended.
It was nine o'clock in the evening when McGee walked out of the elevator and into darkened area of the bullpen. Scattered lamp lights illuminated the way to his desk. As he passes by Kate's desk – actually Ziva's desk now – the lamp suddenly turns on making McGee jump a little.
Ziva had been sitting in the dark - alone.
Finding this slightly disturbing, McGee continues on his way to his desk, when he asked Ziva, "What are you still doing here?"
"Nothing. Just sitting."
"Oh, I just came back to get a case file to review at home." Unsure of what to say next, he stands behind his desk, zipping the file into his backpack. When Ziva didn't reply, McGee glances at her, seeing that she is indeed doing nothing – with her elbow on her desk, fingers pressed against her lips – Ziva is staring at Gibbs' desk.
"Ziva, are you okay?"
"Huh? What? Oh, yes, I'm fine."
Ziva stares intensely at McGee for a moment before tentatively asking "McGee, are you in a hurry? May I ask you some questions?"
"Sure. Ask away."
"What was Agent Todd like? What made her special to DiNozzo, Gibbs, Abby, Ducky and even you?" she asked curiously. "I'm trying to understand and I don't. Where I come from, team members die all the time. We accept it and move on. Its second nature not to become attach to another team mate."
Stunned, McGee slowly lowers himself into his chair. Kate. For the past couple of months, they've all been playing it casual, trying to bury the memories, to not let the pain in but in the end it all comes back to Kate.
When McGee doesn't reply immediately, Ziva notices the expression on his face and hastily says "Never mind. I didn't mean to bring back bad memories."
"Oh no, they weren't bad. They were memories but they weren't allbad." McGee looked slightly uncomfortable, unsure of what and how much to say to Ziva.
"Understand this McGee. I'm asking to understand the bonds – the connections - of this team. I'm not trying to replace Kate."
Ziva waits, hoping that McGee would share some of the memories – hoping to help her understand how this team operates so she herself can fit in.
"Kate…was Kate. We all responded to her in different ways and she in turn treated us differently." McGee stares off into nothing, recounting memories of a woman that touched them in various ways.
"To Ducky, she was patiently polite even when she was in a hurry. She would listen to Ducky's stories. Treating him like a favorite uncle, humoring him by letting him ramble on about cases that happened during the past 30 years or so. Ducky in turn appreciated Kate's tolerance. He adored her just as he adores Abby."
Smiling sadly for a moment, he looks over at Ziva and says, "Ducky was the only one of us that called her 'Caitlin'. That's her full name 'Caitlin'." Voice lowered, he adds "And he performed her autopsy."
"What about Abby?" ask Ziva changing the subject quickly, wanting to spare the young man. "I know that she doesn't like me. Abby resents my presence."
"Well, I don't think that Abby resents you-."
When Ziva's face shows of skepticism, McGee finishes off with "-not exactly".
"Kate and Abby were close. They were different as day and night. Kate was normal – dressed normal, acted normal while Abby is…not. Abby has her own personal style – flair. Despite the differences, they got along great. They matched wits and humor. They complimented each other. I think that Abby appreciated the fact that Kate enjoyed her originality." McGee sits quietly for a moment, fondly remembering when Abby bet him that she could get Kate to try on a surgical hat that had graffiti on it. He was so sure that Kate would refuse.
"McGee?" Ziva calls to him, prompting him to continue. "And Tony? What was their relationship like?"
"Their relationship was almost similar to what yours and Tony's is like."
At Ziva's snort of disbelief, McGee nods and says, "It's true. There was a lot of up-one-manship." At Ziva's confused look at the term, he clarifies. "They always tried to top one another off with their verbal sparring – trying to get the best of each other – the last word."
When Ziva nods that she now understands, he continues. "They argued like brother and sister – although a lot of times what they discussed was about sex." When Ziva raised her brows, McGee hastily explains, "Not with each other! Tony would comment about sex or make a sexist remark, and Kate would reply mostly with 'that's disgusting' or 'you're a pig'. Other times, she just hits him or throws something at him. There was an office pool going on to see how long it would take before Kate succumbed to Tony's charms. Those were not my words. But people didn't get it. People looked at them and thought that they would make an ideal couple – both beautiful, independent with strong personalities. Tony and Kate, despite their bickering and bantering, respected each other. There was a trust between them – a connection. Kate proved that when Tony got infected with 'the plague'," he finishes off whispering the last two words.
With an amused look on her face, Ziva continues with "You? What was your relationship with Kate like?"
"I respected Kate. I admired her. In the beginning I idolized her as practically the 'perfect girl'. Uh, can you not tell Abby I said that? I think Kate knew what I thought. She was pretty and smart and tough. She liked to tease me but nothing hurtful - just playful teasing. Sometimes she scared me when she would threaten me with bodily harm if I didn't keep what she accidentally blurted out to myself. But after a while, even though my crush died down, my respect for her grew even more. Kate could be sweet, nice."
When Ziva remained silent, McGee asks "Aren't you going to ask me about Kate and Gibbs?"
"Well, I already know that Gibbs would have killed for her. That says a lot already."
After a few moments of silence, Ziva changes her mind and gestures to McGee to continue.
"Gibbs and Kate. This is a little difficult to explain. I didn't really understand their relationship. I mean they worked together and Kate always did what Gibbs told her do but there was something there…something underlining, you know what I mean?" McGee looks over at Ziva, giving her a puzzled expression.
"I'm sorry McGee. I don't." Tentatively Ziva asks McGee, "Were they lovers?"
"What? Kate and Gibbs? No way! I mean they had this bond between them. From what Ducky told me, they had a connection since the very first time they met on Air Force One– like they already knew each other… but that doesn't make sense because no one really knows Gibbs. He's a difficult man to anticipate, always keeping us on our toes -."
"So they were like father and daughter?" Ziva says, interrupting McGee's ramblings, but it was said as more of a statement rather than a question.
"No, not exactly! Sure, Gibbs is, was, old enough to be Kate's father but they didn't have that kind of family bond. It's more like mentor and student. Gibbs wanted to teach Kate, having her become a good agent like him and liking how Kate just sort of absorbed everything."
McGee pauses a moment, "And then there's times when they argued or had disagreements – challenging each other" saying with a small amused smile. "They didn't yell at each other, they just kind of 'faced off'." Again at Ziva's confused look, McGee searches for a better description. "Like in the old movies were two gun fighters faced each other to draw their guns. "
At Ziva's nod of understanding, McGee continues "I've only been with the team for a year. Kate was here a year before me. So they all already had a sense of one another and a rhythm to working together. Just like you, it was a bit difficult for me to fit in in the beginning. But Kate and Gibbs – there was tension between them. It wasn't bad though just something that was there. Gibbs always knew when Kate was in the room. She could walk in to a room silently and Gibbs just knew she was there. I've never told Tony this, probably because he would mention it to Kate, and then she would kill me, but there were rare moments when I would catch them just staring at each other – not saying anything but it's as though they were communicating somehow. It was kind of weird watching two people silently talk to each with a simple look and then acting on it without verbally discussing their plans or ideas."
McGee remains pensive for a minute before saying quietly, "I guess that's why Gibbs took it hard when Kate was killed. He wasn't expecting Kate to be the target. They all thought Ari was after Gibbs." McGee stops, pondering the flinch Ziva gave at the mention of Ari's name. Shrugging it off, he finishes off with "he lost his best pupil - sort of a female version of himself." McGee pauses a moment, eyebrows drawn together, and proceeds to contradict his last statement, "Well, except Kate was nicer, more patient, funnier, easier to get along with and younger of course." Shaking his head, realizing he may not have made much sense, McGee stands, preparing to head out, when Ziva asks another question.
"Is that why Gibbs is the way he is now?"
"What? Oh, no, Gibbs has always been this way. Well, it's just that now he's more demanding, angrier, impatient. I think Gibbs tried after Kate died to be nicer but it's just not in his nature."
"McGee, from what you've just described, Kate and Gibbs may not have been lovers but they were in love with each other," says Ziva.
McGee looks slightly bewildered, wondering how Ziva could have come to that conclusion based on what he described. Gibbs and Kate -'in love'. With a snort of disagreement, McGee bids good night to Ziva and heads to the elevator.
"Thanks McGee. Thanks for taking the time to explain" Ziva says appreciatively.
As she continues to sit there quietly, Jenny Sheppard, whom had been standing in the shadows of the stairs, walks up to Ziva. "That was quite a history lesson, wasn't it?"
"Yes, it was." Ziva looks up at the Director and says, "She was an impressive woman to have affected so many people. I think I would have liked her if I had met her. I am sorry for what Ari did to her – to them."
The Director, turning her head towards Gibbs' desk, replies with, "I just hope that he gets over her. To have that much guilt is destructive." Turning back to Ziva, the Director suggests gently "Go home. Get some rest. There's still tomorrow." With that the Director heads towards the elevator.
Remaining at the desk, Ziva leans forward to shut off the lamp – sitting backin the dark once again, she mumbles quietly "I too hope to get over the guilt."
The End.