A CUP OF…
It had been a day like any day that passed for normal at NCIS Headquarters. Ziva David, Tim McGee, and Tony DiNozzo bantered, with Tony teasing Tim about his increased caffeine intake, and Tony and Ziva speculating how much coffee he had to drink to equal Abby's Caf-Pow intake. It ended in a draw as the three sat down to get to work before Gibbs showed up.
"Maybe we should have the barista add espresso to Gibbs' coffee. It already tastes like tar. He probably wouldn't notice," Tony said.
"Don't do it, Tony," Tim warned. "Rule 23."
"It's not messing with it if it enhances it. It's not like I'm going to have them use less tar."
Tim shook his head and looked around with wary eyes. "No, Tony, it's a bad idea. You shouldn't even think it! I don't want to have to scrap your guts off the wall."
"You writing again, McGory? That was pretty gruesome, even for you."
"No, just warning you what Gibbs will do to you if you even think about messing with his coffee."
"I'm not suicidal, McParanoid. I like my guts on the inside of my body, shaping the perfect me."
Ziva rolled her eyes. "The perfect you according to you or according to sane people?"
"Sane people are boring, Ziva. Why do you think I love your company so much?" Tony winked and grinned at her. "The only way I could be more perfect is if…"
"You shut your yabba and go get me coffee," Gibbs appeared out of nowhere, slapping money in Tony's hand as he walked by. He didn't sit at his desk, just took out his key to open a desk drawer to grab a file. "Get the Director one, too, café mocha, extra chocolate."
"On it, Boss," Tony said, heading to the elevator.
Fifteen minutes later, Tony returned with a beverage carrier of four coffees. He grabbed one and set it on his desk, and then headed upstairs to deliver the requested coffees, satisfied in the knowledge that he had ordered two for Gibbs, thinking if he was going to be with the Director for any length of time, he would need it.
Tony smiled at Pam, and nodded toward the inner office, and pointing at the coffees. She nodded and waved him on, clearly expecting him.
The door opened on his second tap and Tony stepped in. "Good morning, Director."
"Morning, Agent DiNozzo," Vance spoke formally but nodded once. Tony grabbed the Director's coffee first and handed it to him. He turned back to Gibbs and removed one of the others out of the carrier and handed it off. Gibbs accepted with a half-smile and Tony reached for the other one in the carrier.
Before he realized what happened, he was hit with a coffee spray as Gibbs spit out the offensive brew all over him. Tony gasped in surprise but before he could react, Gibbs shoved the cup at him. "What the hell, DiNozzo?" Gibbs barked, his voice angry and his glare at full force as he thrust the cup at him. With the carrier in his hand and a face full of coffee spray, Tony fumbled to grab the cup and the uneven weight distribution tipped the carrier, the cup Gibbs just had turning over and knocking against the carrier, and knocking the lid loose. Both cups knocked together and the other lid came loose as well and steaming hot coffee splashed out all over Tony's belly and legs. Tony let out a blood-curdling scream of pain. (Pam later whispered to the Director that she thought Gibbs was killing him.)
The carrier and cups dropped to the floor with a cardboard thud and bounce and Tony tore at his shirt and pants to pull them away from his skin.
Gibbs swore, his eyes wide as he reacted, helping Tony rip the shirt away from his skin.
Vance jumped up. "Pam, get Ducky now!"
Tony fled the room at what could only be called a dead run to the mens restroom. Gibbs followed not that far behind him. By the time Gibbs got to the mens' room, Ziva and Tim arrived outside the door at the same time.
"Gibbs? What happened? We heard a scream." Ziva's eyes were big and concerned.
"Tim, get Tony's spare clothes out of his filing cabinet."
Tim's eyes grew wide at the order. "Oh no, he didn't!"
Gibbs turned and did a double take. "Didn't what?"
"Oh my God, did he…did he add espresso to your coffee?"
Gibbs looked at Tim like he was crazy. "What?!"
"Tony said something about adding espresso to your coffee, wondering if you would notice. I told him not to do it, Boss. I was sure you'd notice. He said he wouldn't but he…oh God!"
Gibbs looked at Tim like he was nuts. "McGee! Clothes!" Gibbs barked. "Ducky should be on his way up, tell him where we are." Gibbs disappeared into the bathroom.
When Ducky arrived with his medical bag, he looked upset. He threw Gibbs out of the bathroom and went inside.
"Gibbs? What happened?" Ziva asked quietly.
"He gave me his coffee by accident. I gave it back but knocked the carrier and it tipped over. The cups knocked together and the lids came loose. Coffee all over him."
Ziva's eyes widened. "That scream…that could only mean…"
"Yeah," Gibbs said, his voice a little strangled. "Made a direct hit." He winced even as he spoke.
McGee delivered the clothes and Gibbs disappeared into the bathroom with an order for them to keep everyone out of this bathroom.
Not ten seconds later, voices echoed off the tiled walls, and a moment after that, the door opened and Gibbs emerged with an angry Ducky chasing him out.
"I shall deal with you later, Jethro," Ducky bit off each word as he spoke in a low, dangerous voice that even made Ziva step back. He pushed the door with an angry slap to force it to close faster and they heard the distinct snap of the lock being engaged.
Gibbs huffed out a breath and nodded to Ziva and Tim and the trio returned to their desks. Director Vance joined them a few minutes later and they waited in tense silence.
Not quite ten minutes later, Tony and Ducky emerged from the bathroom. Tony had changed into the jeans and sweatshirt that had been in his filing cabinet and was carrying his soiled clothes in his hands. He fished a plastic bag out of the filing cabinet and shoved them in it before throwing them back in the cabinet. His eyes were red-rimmed and his face was flushed. Gibbs jumped up. "Tony, you okay?"
"I'm okay," he said, pain in his voice. He cleared his throat. He then spotted the cup of coffee he'd left on his desk. He slowly reached for it and sniffed it. He grimaced, turned around and held it out to Gibbs. "Sorry, Boss. I thought the barista put your coffees together and mine next to the Director's." Gibbs held up a hand and shook his head once. Tony frowned. "Come on, Boss, you still need caffeine, and this is the right one," Tony tried to smile to lighten the moment but it didn't come out quite right.
Ducky reached out and took the cup from Tony's hand. "Jethro can go get his own coffee from now on," he bit out. He turned to Gibbs and his look of disgust said more than any of the stories he could tell, not that it would stop him offering the dressing down. "There was no reason for you to have just shoved the cup at him like that. That coffee was scalding hot, he has first and second-degree burns-"
"It was my fault, Ducky," Tony interrupted. "I should've checked before I handed him the cup. Rule 23."
"Anthony! This was not your fault. If Jethro had not been so selfish as to behave in such a despicable manner and made the carrier tip, you would not have gotten burned. There is no excuse, Jethro. Coffee is served scalding hot and can burn if next to skin for even a few seconds!"
Gibbs opened his mouth to speak, but Tony beat him to it. "Ducky, it was an accident."
Ducky directed his glare at Tony. "Jethro did not 'accidentally' shove the coffee cup at you." Ducky glared at Gibbs. "He meant to do it, and did not give a thought as to what could happen if scalding hot coffee met skin, especially the sensitive skin of…"
"Ducky!" Tony interrupted. "Please, let it go."
"I will not let it go, Anthony. Jethro behaved recklessly and selfishly over what was obviously an accident."
"I agree," Director Vance cut in for the first time. "I was there and saw the whole thing." Vance looked at Gibbs. "I know all about your rule 23, but your behavior was out of line over a cup of coffee. You're relieved of your duties until Monday. Leave your gun and badge in your desk. I don't want to see you until 0900 on Monday. Go."
Gibbs froze for a moment. Tony then watched in disbelief as Gibbs pulled his badge from his waistband and opened the drawer where he stored his gun and dropped it in. Gibbs didn't look at anyone but no one missed the grim look on his face.
Gibbs took a step and then hesitated before looking over at Tony, pain and regret in his eyes. "Tony…"
"You were given an order, Gibbs," Director Vance. "Do I need security to escort you out?"
Gibbs glared at Vance, glanced back at Tony, letting his second see the regret in his eyes, and turned and left without another word.
Tony turned to Vance. "Director, I…"
"How bad?" Vance cut in, interrupting Tony.
"Huh?"
"Dr. Mallard would not be this angry if it wasn't bad. I want to know how bad it was."
Tony looked around the bullpen and blushed. "Director, please…not here, okay?" He said in a low voice.
Vance nodded once and lifted his hand, flicked his fingers to indicate Tony should accompany him. He followed Vance to a conference room where Vance closed the door.
"Well?"
"First degree burns, one second-degree burn."
Vance looked upset. "Groin?"
"First-degree. Second-degree burn is on my thigh where I lifted it to try to catch the carrier."
Vance closed his eyes and took a moment, as though trying to keep his control in check. It failed because he swore, then shook his head. "Why do you defend him?"
Tony rolled his eyes. "I've known Gibbs a long time. He is who he is. He didn't mean to spill the coffee all over me. It was an accident."
"That accident was caused by a deliberate action on his part."
"Sir, he was as surprised by the carrier tipping as I was."
"He spit coffee in your face and then shoved the cup at you with as much force as he could to let you know how disgusted he was that you would dare give him the wrong coffee."
"He knows I would never deliberately give him the wrong coffee. He…"
"Never mess with a Marine's coffee…if you want to live." Vance's voice was hard as he repeated the rule.
Tony fell silent.
"Take the rest of the week off," Vance ordered. "Take it easy and heal up." Tony nodded and the fact that he wasn't arguing about staying at work spoke more clearly just how bad it really was. Tony nodded and turned to the door.
"Agent DiNozzo," Vance called as Tony reached the door. Tony stopped and looked over.
"What Agent Gibbs did was inexcusable. First and second-degree burns are not minor. You keep that in mind."
"I think he's learned his lesson, Sir."
"Not sure your burned skin agrees with that, Agent DiNozzo. I want you to know you don't have to work with Agent Gibbs and be treated that way."
The muscles in Tony's jaw tensed and he let go of the door handle. "Sir, with all due respect, you saw the look on Gibbs' face before he left. He was upset that I was hurt, and that he caused it. For Gibbs, that's the equivalent of an apology. He's not called second B for nothing. You've tolerated it all these years without a word, why are you pissed off now?"
"I'm pissed off because what happened was minor and he treated you like a servant. Tell me, why didn't he send Agent David? Fetching coffee is a job you give probies, not senior field agents. He knows that!"
"He knows I know how he likes his coffee and he didn't have to explain it. Last time Ziva got him coffee, it wasn't strong enough so now, he just sends me."
Vance rolled his eyes toward the sky as though praying for strength. "His behavior was unacceptable. Your team protects him, even when he shouldn't be. You, especially."
Tony rolled his eyes. "You're not going to fire him over spilled coffee, are you?"
"No, I won't fire him," Vance said. "But he does need to answer for his behavior, and you need to call him on it."
"I always do, just not in public." Tony spit out the last word. "We don't air our dirty laundry the way you and Ducky did out there." Tony gestured toward the direction of the bullpen.
"Maybe not, but there will be some changes made."
"What kind?"
"We'll discuss that Monday morning, 0800. Now, go home. Do what Ducky says." Vance paused a moment, the silence heavy before he spoke again. "That's an order, Agent DiNozzo."
Something in Vance's manner reached Tony. It wasn't something he could identify or pinpoint, but all his instincts told him not to argue. "Yes, Sir," he said weariness in his voice. This time, he left without being stopped.
He reached the bullpen to find Tim and Ziva talking quietly. When they saw Tony, they straightened. "Are you all right, Tony?" Ziva asked, stepping over to him.
"I'm fine," he said automatically, but he couldn't completely hide the fact that he really wasn't fine.
As if on cue, Ducky returned to the bullpen. Tony sighed, knowing the hope of escaping without seeing him was futile.
By this time though, Ducky had calmed down. "Anthony," he said gently. "I wrote out the instructions I told you earlier." He handed him a paper. As Tony reached for it, he saw a smaller prescription pad sheet on top of it. Tony took both. He read the smaller sheet and saw what it was. He sighed, but nodded. "Thanks, Ducky," he said quietly.
"The Director said he gave you until Monday off?"
Tony nodded. "Remember, you promised," he admonished Ducky.
Ducky nodded.
"Tony, I could bring over pizza after work," Tim offered hopefully. It was obvious both Tim and Ziva wanted to help somehow.
Tony held up a hand. "Thanks, Probie but not tonight." He sighed. "You were right."
Tim looked confused. "About?"
"I shouldn't have even thought about messing with Gibbs' coffee, not even in jest. You even told me not to do it. I'm gonna re-write Gibbs' rule: Don't even think about messing with a Marine's coffee…if you want to live." Tony managed a half-hearted self-deprecating smile as he grabbed his keys out of his desk and headed out.