I own nothing. You got that? Nothing. I mean it. Nothing. The only thing I own is the song 'Crimson Tears'. Actually, me and my friends Michelle and Ashley own it. Now, be nice and R&R please, or I'll set Reid after you . .
Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner looked down at the broken body of his ex-wife, Haley. Hot tears spilled over and ran down his slightly-scarred face. "Haley," he whimpered, "I'm so sorry I wasn't here. I should've been here." More tears came as he held her lifeless body close and murmured his apologies and his regrets. "I love you Haley and I promise, I'll remind Jack of you every day of my life." He didn't flinch or even acknowledge Morgan when he walked in the room. "Haley." he cried, "Haley."
Haley.
Hotch was awakened abruptly from his nightmare by the sound of his alarm clock ringing, signaling it was time for him to get up and face the day. Haley had been murdered almost a week ago, and her death had left permanent scars on his heart, along with a gaping hole that he knew would never be filling again. He thought he was going crazy - he heard Haley's voice at night, when he slept. He felt her skin brush against him sometimes. He saw her when he knew she couldn't possibly be there. It was as if things were slipping away slowly, like sand in an hourglass. He felt that was all his life had become life - sands in an hourglass. Constantly moving, never stopping, never feeling - just existing
Trying to get rid of his thoughts, he walked into the bathroom, he quickly showered and shaved before running a comb through his hair and walking back into his room with a towel wrapped around his waist. He threw on a suit - black, with a blue tie and shined black dress shoes - and he glanced at the clock. It was 5:00 a.m. - a little later than he usually got up.
Going downstairs, he started the coffeemaker before grabbing a pan and coating it with Pam before adding eggs and bacon for Jack's breakfast. Aaron smiled when he saw his sleepy-eyed son coming downstairs. "
Hey buddy," Hotch said softly, picking Jack up. Jack's head immedietly snapped up
"Daddy." Jack said, a sleepy smile on his face. His voice was thick with sleep and he rubbed his eyes.
"Daddy made breakfast," Hotch said before putting Jack down in a chair and returning to the stove, chagrinned to see that the eggs were singed and the bacon was burnt to a crisp. "Well, daddy tried to makebreakfast." A smile lit up Aaron's features when he heard his son laughing. He went to their fridge and opened the door, grabbing milk. He closed the door and reached up to grab Jack's favorite cereal - Cap'n Crunch - and then a bowl. Pouring the cereal and milk into the small bowl, Hotch grabbed a spoon and stuck it in before presenting the impromntu breakfast to his soon. "Enjoy,'' he said before walking over to the coffee maker and pouring himself a cup of the scalding brew.
As the hot liquid rushed down his throat, Hotch immediatly felt more awake, and he told his son, "Hurry and get dressed.''
A few minutes later, Jack rushed upstairs and combed his hair before putting on a Captain America T-shirt and a pair of his best jeans.
"Ready, Daddy!" Jack yelled adorably. Aaron grabbed his son's coat and helped Jack put it on before donning his own black trenchcoat. How cliche, Aaron thought dryly as he put on his coat. Grabbing his car keys, he helped Jack into the car.
After dropping Jack off at kindergarden, Hotchner drove to work, feeling a mix of emotions overwhelm him. The first emotion was excitement to see his team, which was quickly followed by the sadness that he did not do his job well enough to save Haley. Thoughts of Haley brought on another onslaught of emotions that Hotchner fought off by parking in his spot and locking the car, then walking into the BAU building.
Greeting the team was worst, he decided after Garcia had ambushed him with a tin of cookies, and the others had given him their sympathies. That had just reminded him of Haley, which brought tears to his eyes - something he deemed unacceptable in that situation. Shaking his head as if to shake out the bad memories, Hotch walked up to his office and sat down, before picking up a framed picture of himself, Jack, and Haley. How things had changed.
Aaron jumped as a knock sounded on his office door. "Come in," he called, putting down the picture quickly. He didn't really want = to see anyone at the moment but he knew he had to. He couldn't let the others know the state of his mind . . . not yet, anyway.
He was ripped from his thoughts as JJ tenatively entered his office. "Hotch?" she asked, her bright blue eyes filled with concern, "I just wanted to make sure you were alright."
"I'm fine, JJ. Thanks for asking, though. Is there a new case?" Hotch asked, touched that she would worry about him. On one hand, he dreaded having a new case, because he feared he couldn't do his job right. After all, he had let Haley be killed by the Reaper. If he couldn't protect his own family, how was he supposed to protect anyone else? On the other hand, he longed for the distraction a new case would provide. It would allow him to delve into someone elses mind instead of lingering in his own.
"No sir," JJ replied, "No new cases. Perhaps you should go home and just rest? This past week's been hard. I'll go pick up Jack from kindergarden."
Hotch was once again shocked and touched that she would worry this much. He was going to decline, but JJ seemed to know what he was going to do and added, "The team thinks you should rest too. Honestly, you wouldn't want Krauss on your butt, would you?"
Hotch sighed, realizing his defeat."I think I will go ahead and go home. Thanks, JJ."
"Not a problem, sir," she replied, gracing him with a quick smile before turning and walking out of his office.
Hotch grabbed his go-bag from underneath his desk, grabbed his car keys, and left the BAU building, eager to get home to wallow in his guilt and sorrow.
As he drove, he realized that he needed something to ease his pain, just for a bit. If not, he'd probably try to run his car into a ditch or turned on the radio and listened to a song, that eerily seemed to describe his emotions at that moment.
"Things were goin' just fine
I was happy and had a good life
But the good things never remain
Now all I can feel is the rain
Pain runs through my veins
Shattering my mind
Now I walk the empty lane
Of the lonely boulevard of life
I'm just sitting here all alone
Weeping my crimson tears
You don't have to take me home
Just take me away from here
I'm sittin' in the dark
And now I've left my mark
I'm in an empty hole
Spinnin' out of control
Everything is crashing down
Crushing me beneath this town
I can't feel anythin at all
But the pain numbs my fall
I'm just sitting here all alone
Weeping my crimson tears
You don't have to take me home
Just take me away from here
Can you take me away from here?
Please won't you take me away from here?"In the car, he turned on the radio and listened to a song. It seemed to describe his emotions at that moment.
[b][i][b][i]Things were goin' just fine
I was happy and had a good life
But the good things never remain
Now all I can feel is the rain
Pain runs through my veins
Shat-ter-ring my mind
Now I walk the empty lane
Of the lonely boulevard of life
I'm just sitting here all alone
Weeping my crimson tears
You don't have to take me home
Just take me away from here
I'm sittin' in the dark
And now I've left my mark
I'm in an empty hole
Spinnin' out of control
Everything is crashing down
Crushing me beneath this town
I can't feel anythin at all
But the pain numbs my fall
I'm just sitting here all alone
Weeping my crimson tears
You don't have to take me home
Just take me away from here
Can you take me away from here?
Please won't you take me away from here?
Hotch pulled over, his tears blinding him and preventing him from driving.
It should've been me, he thought, more tears cascading down his rugged face, It was me he wanted, not her. It should've been me. It could've been me.
Then, a thought occured to him.
I could end it. Right here, right now. I could end it all and go to be with Haley. He eyed the gun that hung at his belt, his hand starting to move toward it.
Memories of Jack came down upon him, along with memories of the team.
Jack's third birthday party. The team, laughing, singing Happy Birthday to him. Reid getting cake shoved in his face. Morgan laughing, having been the one to shove the cake in Reid's face. Garcia fretting over Jack, insisting on buying him every toy he wanted, along with a few things he didn't need. Prentiss helping Haley bake the cake. JJ. JJ helping me set up. JJ laughing and smiling. JJ holding Jack and carrying him to safety the night Haley was killed.
He found new meaning within these memories.
I have to do this. I can't committ suicide. I have to stay alive. For Jack. For the team. For JJ.
Mustering up whatever strength he had left, he threw the car into drive and stomped on the gas, determined to get home unscathed.
For Jack. For the team. For JJ.
Okay, so this one'll be pretty long as well . . .By the way, this is set back during '100' while JJ was still on the team. Anyway . . R&R? Please?