Chapter 1

'John, I'm really sorry. It has nothing to do with you and it's just a lot with me, but I don't think this is working anymore.' The words fall out of my mouth with no conviction at all. I groan in frustration at my own incompetence. Why am I so reluctant to face confrontation? It is seriously an issue that I have. If there is any conflict in a room, I am always the first one out of there.

Ok, deep breath and try again. 'John, these last few years have been great, amazing even. I appreciate you for everything you have done for me and how much you have been there, but I just think we need to take a break.' Oh, that was a much better way of phrasing things and makes me feel a lot less awkward.

'But a break?' I say out loud to myself. 'Is that really what I want? Like am I just delaying the inevitable and giving him false hope? Yes, Lara Jean, you have to just rip off the band-aid.'

'Is that you, Covey? A voice asks behind me.

My body tenses up. Damn, someone has heard me and is probably about to run away after witnessing a crazy person talking to herself.

I turn incredibly slowly, dragging out the humiliation which is coming face to face with the person behind me. My eyes recognise the figure in front of me. Oh no, this isn't humiliation, this is full mortification.

'Hey Peter…' I try to say nonchalantly, but the quiver in my voice betrays me.

Of course who better to catch me talking to myself like an idiot than the most popular kid in school and also my boyfriend's (soon to be ex-boyfriend's) former best friend.

'What are you doing out here?' he asks, looking around to check there isn't someone hiding away from him.

'Uh just getting some air.'

'Who were you talking to?'

Damn, he did hear that. 'Ummm, why do you want to know?' Maybe if I deflect him I won't need to tell him.

'You were talking to yourself, weren't you?'

'Maybe.'

'Ok bit weird, but I don't mind.'

Great, cause I was really fretting about that. This guy is honestly so vain thinking that the world revolves around him and everyone is always thinking about him. For the record, I don't care if he doesn't mind that it's a bit weird, since I, myself, also think it's pretty weird. Argh, I don't even know what I am saying. My thoughts are a chaotic mess.

'Ok, well I think I'm going to go back inside now.' I quickly try to excuse myself to get out of this awkward situation.

'Wait, wait, wait, what were you talking to yourself about? It sounded like you were going to break up with someone.'

Does this guy have super hearing or something? 'Ummm, no that wasn't it.'

'Covey, you don't have to pretend.'

'I'm not pretending anything.' Now I'm really struggling to understand what this guy wants.

'You were out here talking to yourself, wouldn't you rather talk to someone else and actually get feedback?' he raises his eyebrows as if to say 'duh, obviously.'

'It's kind of personal.'

'Oh I got that.'

I sigh. It would be nice to actually get the opinion from someone in a relationship but I'm not even sure if I want to go through with this and it would be disastrous if John found out I was thinking about it, if I then changed my mind.

'I still don't really know what I'm doing or even if I'll do it. I don't want anyone to find out, ok? But thanks for offering your help.' I say it sincerely, cause most guys would have just run back into the party and raved about the weirdo outside, though he tried to help her.

'You're welcome.'

Nope, now she is pissed again. Like really? He wasn't even offering that much help, probably just trying to lure some gossip out of her that he could run back to his mean girl girlfriend who could spread it around. I don't even resist my eyes from rolling.

'What are you doing out here?' I ask, now realising that him being here is also a bit weird, given we had been talking for a while and not once had he checked his phone, meaning he probably wasn't waiting for an uber to pull up any minute.

'Oh just getting some air.'

'Nuh-uh, I already tried to use that one, Kavinsky.' Seriously, how dumb does he think I am? Using the same excuse as me.

'Because you were so giving with your information.' He says sarcastically.

'That's a cheap shot and you know it. Now answer the question.'

He tilts his head to the side at me and gives a chuckle, like he hasn't even been given this attitude before. Most girls probably take one look into his brown eyes and fall to their knees. They actually probably ending up doing a lot more than just look at him while they're down there as well, not that I'm judging, but those are the stereotypical girls that the "great" Kavinsky attracts.

'I'm honestly just hiding from Gen's friends. She isn't here so they are all spying on me and constantly trying to talk to me to make sure I don't talk to anyone else.' He sighs. He lowers until he is sitting on the gutter.

'That's a bit…ummm.. possessive.' It's hard to say this, knowing that she is his girlfriend, but honestly I can't think of any other way to describe it.

'You're telling me. It just frustrates me sometimes that she doesn't trust me, like what kind of a relationship is that?' he opens up.

My shoulders tighten a little. This is getting weird. All I wanted was to know why he was out here judging me, not suddenly instigate a therapy session and hear all about his relationship woes. Though I can't but notice that some of his problems with Gen are at least slightly similar to mine with John.

'Yeah that's really irritating.' I decide to seat down on the gutter next to him.

'And the worst part is that she almost enjoys it, knowing that I can't do anything else.'

I nod. 'If Jane Austen was here she would probably say that you are vexed by her.' I emphasis the vex with an old British accent twang.

'Huh?' Peter is giving me a very weird look.

'It means to be troubled persistently by petty annoyances.'

'That still doesn't make sense.'

Argh, clearly Peter Kavinsky can barely read, let alone understand a word that has more than 5 letters in it.

'It just means to be annoyed by little things.'

'Well yeah that's exactly how I feel.'

'Hence I made the deduction.' I sigh. I had literally just said that Jane Austen would have described him like this. He probably doesn't know who Jane Austen is either, uncultured swine. Ok, that was mean. He is just a plain old jock.

'Deduction? Isn't that a maths thing?'

'What you don't know what a deduction is? Have you never seen Sherlock?'

'Oh yeah like the movie with Robert Downey Jr. That's a great movie.'

I can't stop the groan that escapes my lips. Screw being mean, Peter is definitely uncultured swine. 'No it's the television show with Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman. Only one of the best bits of cinema to ever grace the great channel which is the BBC.'

'Oh my mum used to watch the BBC, that channel was crazy boring.'

I can't argue with this kid anymore. 'Ok let's go back to talking about your borderline psycho girlfriend.'

'She's not a psycho or a borderline psycho, she just needs a lot of reassurance.'

'Why do you think she needs that though?'

He was dating Genevieve. Someone who used to be my best friend before we got into high school. In fact me, Peter, John and Genevieve all used to be best friends through middle school. I remember spending so many afternoon and even full days hanging out together. There was also Chris who is still my best friend and is Genevieve's cousin, as well as Trevor Pike and Allie who used to hang with us as well, but us 4 were the main ones. Peter and John were best friends, while Genevieve and I were the closest out of the girls. Genevieve and I spent hours dreaming about how one day we would both be power couples and we would rule any school that we went to. Apparently only Genevieve and Peter would go on to rule the school. Peter was always a super sweet and charming boy. Even though he had his flaws like when he insisted on being called Kavinsky or when he always took the last piece of pizza or just always felt entitled to anything over someone else, but he was really genuine and kind back then. He used to volunteer to partner with the kids who didn't have a partner and he was in chorus longer than any other boy because he didn't let any of their opinions stop him from doing something he liked. There was a time, I like to refer to it as the time I was temporarily mentally handicapped, that I actually liked Peter. Ok, maybe I thought it was love at the time, but it absolutely wasn't my fault. I always knew that he and Genevieve really liked each other, or at least that's what she used to tell me all the time, but when Genevieve went to see her grandma and John went across the country to see family one summer holidays, I almost thought Peter liked her back. Peter used to complain about not having Genevieve or John to hang out with so he got stuck with me, but eventually we were meeting at Carolyn Pearce's treehouse or going to each other's houses every day. I never thought we had much in common, but we both had a similar sense of humour. Peter's mum and dad were out for a lot of the day, while my mum was often at home since Kitty had just been born. My mum really liked Peter and always talked about how charming he was. She even scowled him once for not using manners and then spent the whole afternoon, teaching Peter how to eat properly when a lady was around. The memory of Peter carefully studying the way my mother pulled my chair out for me to sit down and then meticulously copying it over and over again with me is one that still makes me laugh. We would ride our bikes together all around town until our parents were begging us to come inside.

There was one day that I won't forget though. It was almost the last day that we had to ourselves. John would be back the next morning and Genevieve was coming back 2 days after that. We were racing down one of the streets just over from my house that rarely has any cars on it. I was in the lead, beating Peter (as usual). I was pedalling faster than I ever had and for the first time, after going down the massive heel I wasn't going to try to slow down. I was almost at the end of the road when a car suddenly came out of the drive way, a braked quickly but then swerved and went straight into the concrete gutter. I don't remember much, I just remember seeing blood then watching Peter run towards me with a worried look on his face. I was crying and felt pain all over my face. Peter turned around and urged me to get on his back so he could take me home. Somehow I got up and he ran with me all the way until I got home. My mum was so worried when she came outside and saw me. She grabbed me from Peter, thanking him and took me to the kitchen to cover my bruises and marks. Later I found out, that Peter had gone back and gotten his and my bike leaving it against the side of my house. His parents wouldn't be home for a while so he was waiting outside until my mum was done. I had a swollen lip, a bandage over a cut on my chin and some scars on my hands. She ushered us over to the television and put on a movie for us to watch as I held ice against my lip. Peter kept glancing over at me making sure I was ok. I kept the ice on it and gave him a thumbs up. After the movie he moved towards me so our knees were almost touching.

'Does it hurt?' he asked, peering at me. His eyes big and innocent.

I nodded. The ice had made my lips go numb but my chin and hands were still stinging.

'Where does it hurt the most?'

I put down the ice and I pointed to my chin. Though my finger was angled far away so I was just pointing to the area of my lip and chin in general.

'I'll make it better.' He declared, then he leaned forward and kissed me.

I remember it stinging a bit because of how bruised my lip was and not really being able to feel much because of the ice. But the idea that Peter had just kissed me was insane. It was the only time I had ever seen him look shy as he shifted back to the other side of the couch after the kiss. After that, I couldn't stop thinking about him and I really had a crush on him. I never told Genevieve or John and Peter and I never spoke of it ever. If I hadn't replayed the memory over and over in my head so much, I would almost believe it didn't happen but it did. My first kiss, it was Peter Kavinsky. By the time we got back to school though, he and Genevieve were hanging out a lot. My heart would break little by little as they kept arriving together at the tree house, or leaving together, or would make plans without us. Eventually they then became a couple. Genevieve was getting more and more popular and started ignoring us at school in favour of other people. Peter used to still talk to us and hang out as he was still really close to John, but then something happened between them, they had a falling out or a fight or something and they didn't speak much again. Peter sometimes said Hi to me in the corridor and when Owen and Kitty might be at the same event and we would cross paths, we would sometimes have conversations. Then I started dating John and we never spoke to each other again. I really missed him and never forgot about that kiss, but from what I have heard he is doing much bigger and better things. He and Genevieve have some crazy sex life. I haven't witnessed much but there are always stories about then having sex in someone's parents' bedroom or doing it in a closet at a party. Sometimes her eyes wander over to him in the cafeteria, Genevieve is usually surrounded by minions happy and waiting to do her every command, while he is just hanging with his friends, sitting behind her. It looks incredibly fake and staged, sometimes I don't think they say a word to each other when sitting there but then they'll be passionately making out in the locker corridor as the bell goes. I always just figured that Peter had become more fake, polished and manipulative like Genevieve but maybe he wasn't.

Peter starts to speak up and my thoughts are interrupted. I have no clue how long I have been zoned out for or if he has mentioned anything yet.

'I don't know. Like neither of us dated anyone before or anything, so I have no clue why she would need reassurance. She is the most popular girl in school and constantly says how no one can compare to her.' He shrugs.

'But do you tell her that? Like do you remind her that she is beautiful and intelligent and amazing every day?' I ask. I can't believe I'm actually giving advice to my first kiss and almost my worst enemy.

'What? Why would I need to do that? She already knows it.'

'But it's not the same as being told by your boyfriend. Maybe if she has more voluntary actions from you, then she won't feel she has to do as much such as have her minions- sorry, friends, spy on you at parties.'

He sighs. 'She has actually been bugging me about something. She wants me to write her notes or something. Like I don't get why she wants notes. I can just text, tweet or dm her things and it's much easier and faster, but she wants notes. I don't agree, so I don't do it.'

I have to roll my eyes. Here he is sitting feeling all hopeless about his relationship, when the problem is literally right in front of him. 'Why don't you just write her the notes anyway?'

'Didn't you hear what I said?'

'Yeah I did, but notes are something else. It's the same thing. It's you taking time out of your day to do something for her. She's probably even annoyed that she has had to ask you to do this instead of you just wanting to do it. She wants you to want to write her things on a pen and paper so she has something to keep.'

'I don't think so. She's not as starry-eyed as you.'

'Who says that I'm starry-eyed?' Classic fragile masculinity that feels threatened when I give him actual good and true advice.

'You are totally the girl who spends her weekend watching romantic comedies and reading romantic novels. You want to believe in this amazing version of love but it doesn't exist.'

'Excuse me, but I have a boyfriend so I can say that it does exist.'

'Oh yeah? Weren't you just talking about breaking up with that boyfriend?'

I growl in my head. Screw him. I am definitely lowkey impressed at how he threw that back at me, but irritated that I can't think of a smart answer to that.

'You know, I'm done talking to you.'

'Wait, I'm sorry I meant that as a joke.'

'No you didn't.'

'Ok, I guess I just didn't like the advice you gave me.'

I give him the 'I know and I'm smarter than you' look. 'The truth hurts, Kavinsky.'

Now he is rolling his eyes at me. I have really missed the banter we had between us.

'Ok your turn, wants wrong with Johnny boy?' he pats the concrete to sit next to him.

I throw my head back in the air with a sigh. I really don't want to talk about this, especially not with Peter, but maybe he could actually help. Reluctantly, I move and sit next to him, keeping almost a foot distance between us.

'Ok, John is great. Like he is the perfect boyfriend in so many ways. Like he is great with my dad, super nice to my sisters, he calls me every night and when he says he will, he really cares about me and has been with me through so much…'

'But?' Peter raises his eyebrows, clearly not agreeing with many of the good qualities I am listing about John.

'I just don't know if we were meant to be more than friends.' Saying it out loud, takes a weight of my chest.

'What do you mean?' Peter is keeping his eyes intently on me, he is focussing on every word that I say. It feels nice to have someone, even a former friend, be truly interested and invested in what I have to say.

'Sometimes I feel like we are forcing a relationship when we might be better as friends. Like we hang out a lot and talk about a lot of things, but it's kind of like things haven't changed much in the last year. I go to him to parties and things, but he drops me at the door with people who I know than just goes about socialising instead of taking me with him. That's more of a petty example, but I don't know how to explain it.'

Peter nods thinking about it. 'Well this might be a personal, but how often do you guys make out?'

'Make out? Like kiss?' I don't know why he is asking, but I have never considered this before.

'No, I mean like make out. Like fully hot and steamy.' He moves his eyebrows suggestively. It makes me blush a little.

I think about it for a moment, before I blurt out. 'See that's exactly what I'm talking about. We've only made out like maybe once this whole month and even then it felt super forced. I just feel like there isn't a lot of passion.' Eww, now I sound like Elena from Vampire Diaries.

'I mean I get that.' How does he get that? Is he referring to our kiss that we shared? 'But maybe he just doesn't think you are ready for that and he doesn't want to push you.'

'What?' This is a new theory.

'Covey, I don't mean this in a mean way, but you are quite judgey and innocent.'

'No I'm not.' I fire back.

'Yeah you are.'

'No I'm not.' I answer firmly.

'I'll prove it to you.'

'I'd like to see you try.' My eyes narrow at him.

'What happens to a guy's dick when he gets turned on?' he is looking right into my eyes with a challenge.

I feel blood rushing to my cheeks. The female anatomy I know down to a tee. I would having two sisters and a father who is an OBGYN, but the male one I have no clue and just feel awkward talking about it.

'Ummm, he gets… he gets…..a happy.' I manage to stutter out. I can't believe I'm still using grade 5 sex-ed words.

Peter bursts out laughing. It's so frustrating that he is right about me and his laugh is even worse. I swat his arm.

'Ok, ok, you're right. Now just make your point.' I grumble. I don't want to let his ego get too big.

'My point is that maybe you need to prove to him by you are ready for that. Maybe get used to referring to a guy as being hard, instead of having a happy.' He lets out a giggle as he says it. 'Then show John that you want more than what he is giving you. He might then start treating you as more than a friend.'

'Are you sure that'll work?'

He shrugs. 'I don't know, but I do know that you are probably going through this awkward period in the relationship as you get to more serious intimacy and he probably just doesn't want to push you as much as he wants to go there or at least he thinks that.'

I nod understanding where he is coming from. 'Ok, that's actually good advice. Thanks.'

'You're welcome.' This time, him saying that doesn't annoy me. 'Are you going to go back inside and find Johnny then?'

I roll my eyes at his nickname. John doesn't let anyone call him that except his mother and Stormy of course.

'Yeah I think I will. Are you going to come back inside?'

He grumbles. 'Might as well. Don't want to look like a weirdo talking to myself.'

'Hey, you just made conversation with that weirdo.' I retort back.

He laughs. 'True, I guess I did.'

We walk back together into the party. I want to grab John and ask him to take us home so that we can get in his car and actually make out again. Maybe after that I can then have this conversation with him. I can't believe I was considering breaking up with him for a moment there. My heart is skipping as I think that we have another chance together and we can move on to the next stage.

'Over there.' Peter taps my shoulder and points towards the bar.

This party is being thrown by Lucas Krapf because his parents are out of town. He has a bunch of his musical theatre friends over, including some that are overage who have been providing the alcohol. John is over dancing with a few of them, he is clearly drunk as he tries to balance against a bar stool. I let out a sigh. That conversation won't be happening tonight.

I leave behind Peter and walk to John. 'John, what are you doing?' I can't hide the annoyance in my voice.

'Oh Lara Jean, I'm having a good time, here I'll get you a drink.'

'I don't want a drink.'

'Are you annoyed at me?'

'Yeah, you are supposed to be my lift home.'

'But your curfew isn't for ages, I'll be sober by then.'

I shake my head this is ridiculous. I lift up my phone and show him the time. 'It's midnight, you definitely won't be sober.'

He pouts at me. Usually I can't resist it, but now I'm too mad to look at him. 'Sorry, Lara Jean. I pay for your uber.'

'No, it's fine.' I don't want to guilt trip him. 'Just make sure you stay the night here, ok?'

'Ok.' He agrees.

I then leave him with all the other drunk people around him. I walk back to where I was before, I have no idea where I am going, only just away from him.

'Hey how did it go?' Peter pops his head out of a conversation with one of Gen's friends, probably cornering him to ask.

'It didn't. He's too drunk to have that conversation and too drunk to get me home.' The anger in my voice is more evident. I keep walking to the door, I need to figure out another way to get home.

I get outside. The cold breeze feels nice against my face. I could probably call daddy to come pick me up. He would be dozing off at the moment anyway waiting for me to be home in an hour. I would just feel so bad and ringing and I also don't know if he has been drinking either. Maybe Margot or Josh could spare a second to take me, but they would both be mad. I'm racking through my head for options when I hear the front door open behind me.

'Covey!' It's Peter, again.

'Yeah?' Twice in one night, this is weird.

'I didn't drive or have a car here, but do you want me to walk you back home?'

That would be a perfect idea. It would only take me about 30 minutes to walk home from here, though I'm not 100% sure of the route.

'I don't really know where to go.' I admit.

He shrugs. 'I can probably remember. I spent enough time there when I was little.' He gives me a smile then starts walking and so I guess he is walking me home then.

We go around a corner and come to where rows of houses have short fences, in the shape of long concrete or brick pillars. I feel a rush of adventure surge through me as I leap onto the one of the first house.

'So tell me what's up, Peter.' I say to him, as I balance walking along the fence.

'Ummm, not a lot really. I just play lacrosse, go to parties, study a bit and help out my mum.' He answers.

'Sounds fun.' Silences falls between us.

We reach the end of the first house and I leap onto the fence of the second house. I steal a glance at Peter, he is looking at me with a mix of impress, confusion and understanding.

'You going to end up falling off there, you know?' he comments.

'No I'm not and even if I do, it's only a few feet to the ground.'

'If you say so.'

'You know you used to be more fun.'

'Did I?'

'Yeah you used to actually enjoy adventurous things instead of being critical of them.'

'I do still enjoy them. I hardly call balancing on a fence as adventurous thing.'

'Oh are this too low for your standards?' I tease him.

'Maybe it is.'

'I miss before when you didn't have standards.'

'I was kidding.'

'Yeah, but there was some truth to it.' I've reached the next house, the next fence is a little higher, but I can still make the jump.

'What's that supposed to mean?' he is peering at me confused now.

'It means that you do have standards now.'

He rolls his eyes, clearly unimpressed by how I am spelling it out to him. 'What standards do you think I have?'

'Standards on people. Like you don't interact with people who you don't think are popular enough.'

He goes quiet. I am wishing that I had held my tongue. I shouldn't be attacking him like this and I can tell that I have hurt his feelings a little.

'Peter…' I start and I am about to apologise.

'Nah, there is a bit of truth to that.' He admits. 'I don't know, sometimes Gen and the guys just want to be so in their group that I feel like I can't venture outside much. Like it's not having standards more than it is just peer pressure.'

'Why don't you just ignore it then?'

'I would, but I mean you've heard. Sometimes I feel like Gen is slipping from me each day and that I need to try harder. The "involuntary things" as you call it that I do, is just spending time with her and being at her beck and call.'

I nod. I'm starting to see now that Peter does really love her and care about her, she just isn't seeing the ways that he is doing that.

'But that shouldn't stop you from talking to people.'

'It doesn't. It just stops me from hanging out with them. Why don't you think I talk to people?' he asks me, he seems really interested, probably because we are talking about him and he loves to hear about himself.

I take my time to take a few more steps on the fence. I have a few words on my tongue but I don't think I can say them. 'I've just seen you ignoring people.'

'Who do I ignore? I can't think of anyone who I actively ignore.'

I can't take it anymore. 'I'm talking about me.' My voice comes out small and soft.

He stops walking as he registers what I am saying. I soldier on not wanting to have to face him or have a confrontation – that fear of confrontation really is a thing. I don't even know if he would want to keep walking me home after this, I have probably insulted him enough that he doesn't want to. Finally I hear footsteps quickly behind me, Peter catches up.

'Tell me I'm wrong.' I sass him, looking over at him expectantly.

He looks down at his feet and sighs. 'Ok no you're not completely wrong.'

I nod. 'I told you so.' I say satisfyingly.

'But I just thought with what happened between me and John that you wouldn't want to ever talk to me and I was probably mad at you for taking his side.'

'What did happen between you two?' I can't help but ask.

'You don't know.'

'No, I do, I just want to hear it from you.' I lie. I really want him to tell me because I honestly have no idea. John has never said a word.

'I can't do that. He's your boyfriend, he should be the one to tell you.'

'Oh now you want to be a valiant gentlemen.'

He frowns at me. 'No I just don't want him to think I am trying to make things worse. We have both kept to ourselves and I want to keep it that way.'

'So why did you stop talking to me then? I wasn't involved.'

'I don't know, I just thought things would be weird between us now that I was dating Gen and you were dating John.'

By now we have reached the end of the street and turn down the next one. I am back on the ground with Peter.

'Why would that make it weird?'

Peter peers over at me, searching my face to see if there are any trace of awkwardness or acknowledgement of what he is about to say. There aren't any because I honestly don't know.

He rubs his hand over his face. 'I actually don't even know, but I promise I'll say hi to you now.'

I don't control the next words that slip out of my mouth. 'Good.'

Silence falls between us as we keep walking along the path.

'I think I also just wanted to keep my distance after everything happened.'

I know exactly what he is referring to, but I don't want to talk about it, especially not with him.

'Yeah I get that. How is it being in the popular crowd?' His eyes went soft as he was talking before but now he just nods as if understanding why I would want to push on the conversation and change the topic. I'm grateful that he pays attention to this, instead of just galloping forward with his initial remark.

'It doesn't feel that popular. Like I'm just in it because of Gen and my friends, as opposed to being in it for the status. I mean what does popular even entail?'

'Ooooo, Peter K is using a big word.'

He rolls his eyes at me. 'I do actually have a vocabulary.'

'Yeah the vocabulary of a five year old.'

'Harsh, damn Covey I should start calling you Judgey McJudgeykins based on this attitude.'

'Oh just because I refuse to bow down and swoon over you?'

He laughs. 'What can I say? It's a talent.'

'Do you take everything people say as either a joke or a compliment?'

'I mean, probably. It makes life much more fun and exciting that way.'

'Not being able to take anything seriously?'

'If that's what you want to call it.'

'Maybe you should work on that then. Take things more seriously to find out what is important to you and to people around you.'

'I do that.'

I just look at him just my best eyes full of disbelief. 'Mmm-hmmm.' I make sure to emphasise how I am unconvinced.

'Ok stop it with the judgey eyes.'

'What?'

'The judgey eyes. You are giving them to me right now.'

I shrug. Actually that's a good name to call these eyes, since I have used them on him many times over the course of our walk. 'Fine, but just listen to what I say.'

'Ok, but you should listen to what I say and try be less judgemental.'

Now I'm rolling my eyes at him, but I nod. I guess I need to heed his words if I expect him to pay attention to mine.

'I've seen you play a few lacrosse games. You're quite good at it.'

'Really? I haven't seen you, but thanks.'

'You need to get better at passing the ball though.'

He snorts and then lets out a laugh. 'You barely even know the rules, you can't tell me what to do.'

'Oh but I see the game and you always like to show off, but then you lose the ball and the opportunity for one of the other teammates to score.'

'I like the chase. Anyway you could barely even run 100 metres without getting tired.'

'I can run 100 metres.'

'I doubt it.'

That hurt a bit. I mean I know I am not fit by any means, but 100 metres is easy stuff. We turn another street corner. I can see the end of the street and it looks almost 100m away. I get a sly look on my face that he doesn't as he peers over at one of the houses.

'Fine. Ready, set, GO!' I take off as fast as I possible can, pumping my legs quickly and driving my arms up. I've passed the first side street, when I hear footsteps hitting the pavement behind me. Clearly Peter has recovered from the shock and is up for a challenge. He mustn't remember that I was the fastest girl in our group in middle school and could even sometimes outrun John whenever we played tag. I still have to be able to run to be faster than Kitty nowadays as well. My legs are starting to get fatigued but the challenge and Peter's smirking face are enough to motivate me to go faster and put everything into it. I can see the end of the road coming closer and closer, but Peter is closing in on me. I can see his arms in my peripherical vision, but we are almost there. Just as we reach the end I put in everything I have and I collide with the fence of the last house, a second before Peter.

I laugh out loud. The adrenaline is still pumping through my veins and the satisfaction of beating him is making me light headed. I put my head between my legs as I struggle to catch my breath and laugh at the same time. 'I beat you!' I announce, smiling up at him.

He smiles back at me. 'Well you got a head start and cut me off a few times back there.'

'Admit it, Kavinsky, I won and you were wrong.'

He throws his head back and groans. 'Fine, you won and I was wrong.'

I jump up and down throwing my arms around. 'Yayyyyyy!'

He smirks. 'Ok are you finished celebrating so can we keep walking?'

'Awwww, did I bruise your ego?' I tease him.

He scowls at me, narrowing his eyes. 'You really have a thing for working guys, don't you?'

His remark almost makes me stumble in surprise. Did I have a thing for it? I didn't think so. I had never worked a guy in my life. I mean, obviously I knew how to rile up John but that comes from spending so much time together and wanting to tease him. To be honest, I haven't actually ever teased or mocked a guy other than John, until tonight with Peter. Usually I just stay quiet and polite to them, but for some reason, it just feels so easy and carefree with him.

I scoff at him. 'I might be able to work them, but clearly I can't work them up enough to be more passionate.' I comment, reminding him of our earlier conversation.

He looks like he is about to say something, but he is interrupted by a car speeding down the road. It's Gabe Rivera's car. He pulls up in the driveway in front of us and rolls down the window.

'Oi Kavinsky, wanna lift? We gotta spare seat.' He calls out of the car.

I peer in and see Darrell in the passenger seat and then two other guys in the back, with the seat in the middle being vacant. Peter looks between me and Gabe, conflicted.

'It's ok. My house is only a few streets away now and I know where to go.' I tell him. It would probably be easier for him to get a lift back now, since his house is further away than mine. I'm sure he would probably enjoy being with his Lacrosse friends instead of me as well.

'Uhhhhhh.' Peter rubs the back of his neck with his hand, thinking about his options.

'Peter, honestly it's fine.' I reassure him. He doesn't really need to consider this or feel guilty about getting a ride.

He turns back to Gabe, dropping his arm from his head. 'Actually, you know I'm good. I'll just walk back after I take Lara Jean home.' He says.

Gabe gives him a bit of a weird look, but then shrugs. 'Ok, suit yourself.' He then pulls out of the driveway and drives away.

I turn to Peter. He has a light smile on his face, as if waiting for me to thank him. 'You know I can walk myself home.'

'Really? You sure these streets aren't too scary for you?' he teases.

I cross my arms. 'Don't tease me, you're the dumb one who just turned down a lift home.'

'I wouldn't call it dumb.'

'Then why did you do it?' I am curious at what incentive or investment Peter could have to want to walk me home the whole way.

'What? Maybe I'm actually enjoying talking to you.'

I laugh at him, he gives me a puzzled look. 'Sorry, I mean why wouldn't you enjoy being constantly teased and insulted by me?' I joke.

Now he laughs. 'You're so funny Covey.'

'Was I not funny when I was younger?' I'm teasing him now and maybe digging for a compliment.

'Nah you were. I mean I've always thought that you were cute, but in like a quirky way.' He admits.

I roll my eyes. He almost actually gave me a compliment that I appreciated until he threw in that 'but in a quirky way' part. Like I wasn't enough to be cute and he couldn't figure out how he could possibly find me cute until he realised that it was in a quirky way. I mean who wants to be called cute in a quirky way? I've always felt like quirky was just an adjective that people used to try make weird sound more presentable and amicable. I just keep walking.

He has probably noticed that his last comment has caused silence from me. I feel him glance at me a few times as if about to say something. 'But what were you saying before?' he changes the topic.

'I can't remember.' I think it had something to do with John but I don't know if I want to talk about that again with him.

'You talked about wanting him to be more passionate.'

'I did?' I squeak, trying to deflect him off this.

'Yeah, what did you mean by that?'

I sigh, maybe I could ask him about some things. 'It's hard to explain, but like you and Genevieve, you started dating maybe 6 months before us?'

'Really? I thought it was longer.'

'When did you start dating?'

'We were officially together at the start of 8th grade.'

'Yeah and John and I started dating at the end of the Christmas break that year.'

'Really?'

'Yeah?' I don't get why he is prying about this.

'Huh? I thought you guys got together later than that.'

'What makes you think that?'

'I didn't really see you guys acting like a couple until we started freshman year.'

My cheeks turn a light shade of pink. 'Yeah we were slow-burners, I guess.'

He nods. 'Fair.'

'But like so you and Genevieve have been together for over 2 years given that we are in sophomore year now and John and I are going to have been together for 2 years soon as well, but the stages of our relationships couldn't be further apart even though the time is similar.'

'Um, ok. I'm not following this though.'

'Like you and Genevieve have had a crazy sex life since freshman year, yet we've hardly gone beyond first base.'

Peter shifts uncomfortably. He probably feels strange talking about this with me, but it has just been something that has been on my mind for so long that I either needed to tell someone or just get clarification on it.

'How do you know about my sex life?' He is searching her face, probably trying to find some embarrassment where she admits she has been secretly stalking him and keeping tabs on him for years.

'Everyone knows. You guys did it in her parents' basement, right?'

His eyes go wide before he gives a begrudging nod. 'It's great that the whole school knows about my first time.' He mentions sarcastically.

I just shrug at him. I'm not sure what he expected when he is dating someone like Genevieve, who uses everything personal that happens in her life for a way to push her status up in the world.

'Do you get what I mean though?' I am not willing to spell it out even more for him so if he doesn't get it by now then I just want to move on from this subject.

'Yeah, but I mean I think the difference is that maybe Gen and I have done more physical things, but you and McClaren are probably much more emotional than us.'

'Like in a good way or a bad way?'

'I don't know. Sometime I just feel like Gen and I are always just trying to jump each other instead of actually talking about things. Then she'll just get mad at me out of the blue for not wanting to write her notes or talking to other girls, instead of mentioning it earlier if we had talked.' He looks off into the distance, a slightly sad look on his face.

'That is hard. You're right I mean I can say that John and I talk every day. There is nothing that I wouldn't tell him and he wouldn't tell me. Aside from the sisters, he is probably the person who I know best and he knows me best as well. It's nice having someone who you can tell everything to who will always understand and be on your side.'

Peter looks over at me. His eyes are enormous as emotions swirl through them. 'Yeah that's how Gen and I started, but we've just lost it a bit over the year. Like don't get me wrong, the sex is great.' A cloud floats over his face as he zones out probably picturing Gen naked or something else as cringeworthy. 'But the emotional connection is nice as well.'

'Do you think one is more important than the other?'

'I don't know. I never thought about it.' He shrugs. He looks over at me expectantly.

I then say words that I've never said out loud before despite them weighing on my mind for a long time. 'I think that they need to balance each other out, because the difference between a best friend and a boyfriend that you tell everything to and can always talk to, is usually the intimate and the physical side of things. Whereas the difference between a hook up or sex-buddy is the emotional and caring side. It's the best of both which make a healthy relationship.'

Peter is now looking at me intently. He nods eagerly. 'That's a really perfect way of putting it.'

'Thank you.'

'You're welcome.'

We finish walking along my road until we are in front of my house. It's hard to believe that this night has gone the direction it has with Peter and I sharing so much and some what reconciling our friendship.

'I don't think either of us are really done or disappointed in our relationships.' I start to say to him. 'I think we both just need to be stronger and talk about what more we want and need.'

He looks down at his feet. 'Yeah I think so too.' He pauses for a moment, then meets my eyes. 'It was really great talking to you. Finally getting another perspective and getting advice that seems like it will work. I think I really needed this.'

'Yeah I do too.' I admit to him. We hold eye contact for a few moments more, relishing in this understanding between us.

'Thanks for walking me home, Peter. I'll see you at school.' The eye contact is getting a bit intense, so I lean back on my heel to turn around.

'Yeah you too Covey. Don't worry I'll say hi.' He winks at me and grins.

My thoughts seem to blur when he flashes his smile. Why did he have to be so handsome? I was allowed to notice that, wasn't I? I still thought that John was very good-looking, but there was just something about Peter. As if he was on the other end of the spectrum of handsomeness, his dark eyes, dark hair and sculptured features all complimented his face. Especially as the moonlight shines down on him, I can't stop but appreciate his looks. I quickly turn on my heel to avoid staring at him longer, going up to my house. I look down at my phone and see that I have arrived 10 minute before curfew. I have a bunch of missed calls and texts from John, which I decide to reply to once I get upstairs.

When I am all ready to go to sleep, I go through his messages. There are some asking where I am and a few wondering if I got home, before he has informed me that he is staying the night and is going to sleep. I sent him a quick text that I got home safely and before curfew so that he doesn't wake up feeling worried. I know that he will be feeling extra apologetic tomorrow, so I look forward to that. I also have a new sense of hope for our relationship and that we can finally sort everything out.

A/N: WELLLL HIIIIII! Surprise story that I wasn't really expecting to put out! I am going back to the roots and rewriting a bit of the books with a new story. I know now everything falls in line but I hope you like the few tweaks that I have made. It's basically based in a universe where John Ambrose didn't move away from them, where they are in sophomore year (so indeed spoiler, Margot is still hanging around and with Josh) and how Lara Jean might have been different by having John in her life and being in a relationship from the start. I hope you guys really love this story, I'm just starting it now so that I have something to keep going with once my other one finishes off. Please leave reviews if you like this and want more! I would love to hear your feedback and I especially adore when the stories are new and everyone has their theories and ideas, so feel free to review those as well!

I hope you like it and look forward to more updates! xxx