A/N: Season 8, AU of comics. Spike didn't come back through the amulet, he stayed in the same heaven dimension Buffy was in. Also, the spell to bring Buffy back failed; she chose to come back, but upon entering this dimension, she became so disoriented she forgot why. Chapters will be by day, letters written weekly. Days will be measured in D.A.S., or Day(s) After Sunnydale.
D.A.S. 1-7:
Mourning is hard. I see it in Xander's sleepless face; Willow's bloodshot eyes; Vi, Molly, and Rona's sluggish movements, but I hide it well. I sleep, but every night I save him. I scrub my face hard every morning to wash away the night's tears. I take long hot showers that turn cold at the end to wake myself up, then work out until I'm faster than all of them. But I still mourn.
Faith had the brilliant idea of writing letters. We all do. I will write my first one tonight.
Dear Spike,
You said you'd never leave, but you left. How could you not believe me? That last year, I treated you like I treated Angel. (Not Riley, though. I never loved Riley.) Before you protest at being compared to Angel, since your "coloring's all different", believe me, the only things you have in common are one, you're both vampires, two, you both wear leather (see one), and three, I love (or loved) both of you at one time. I'm over him, Spike. Me and Angel are done. I love you, dust or not. My only regret is not saying it sooner.
I hope you're in heaven, watching over us all; but especially me, Dawn, and my friends. Have you seen Tara yet? Or Mom, or your mom? Or any of the vamps we staked? I'm pretty sure I saw Sunday in my brief stay. And Mort. You remember, Harmony's minion? Of course, you didn't know Sunday. She was a vamp who stole my stuff, made fun of it, hurt my arm, and then got staked after I accidentally crashed through the glass ceiling of their nest. I don't know how old she was. Oh, she also turned my first college friend, Eddie. That's right, all in the first week at UC Sunnydale.
How many times is that now, that you've knocked over the Welcome to Sunnydale sign? 3? Make that 4. The sign is now at the bottom of Sunnydale Crater. Thought you'd want to know.
Please come back, Spike. We all need you. Dawn's a mess. She lost so many of her friends, including you. I'm a mess. I'm currently single, and spend my nights slaying mindlessly, my quips gone. I've almost lost twice, and I wanted them to do it. I wanted to lose. Dawn won't talk to me, my friends are in their own little worlds, and you're, well, dead. My lifelines are almost gone, just the weakest thread. Without you here, I have nothing to keep me here. If I die, do you think I'll end up in your heaven, or mine? Is it worth it to see you again? I need you, Spike.
Lovingly yours,
Buffy Anne Summers