Okay I wrote half of this before I went to a party and half after I got home at like two in the morning
so it may not be my best work, Just warning you now.
enjoy anyways :)
also if anyone is confuzzled feel free to ask me and I can explain everything
well you'd hope I could, considering I'm the one who wrote it
inspired by me finishing darker than black and deciding I love July
;-;
I sat with my arms covering my eyes in the darkest corner of the room, wearing nothing but shame and trying not to feel my body shiver as the cold wind blew in from the open window.
A doll?
A little boy doll?
How rare
How desired.
Moaning slightly I moved my hands from my eyes and covered my ears instead.
Must study
How can we do this?
Does it matter?
He can't feel anything.
I rocked slightly and tried to block out their voices.
Were they really talking?
Or was it just my mind?
Replaying in my head, over and over.
Over and over
Until I snapped
The memories...
I just didn't know anymore.
Must study
Yes we must.
I cried out.
I could still feel them.
The needles
The hands
Everywhere
All over me
I screamed out and whacked my arms against the wall beside me
'What are you doing?'
We must study...
I kept hitting.
'What are you doing?'
You can't do that, you'll damage the specimen
Kept lashing out at the wall
As if it were to blame
The wall was to blame
For everything
Must hurt the wall
Then someone grabbed my arms.
I tried to shake him off, I fought with all my might but he managed to overpower me.
'What are you doing?' he asked in a quiet voice 'why are you doing this?'
'Why am I here?' I sobbed 'why do you need me?'
He stared at me solemnly as I flailed in his grasp.
'Why are you crying? You don't need to cry. You're a doll. You can't feel. You have no need to cry'
I stopped flailing
'I... don't need to cry?'
'No. You don't. Stop crying.'
What is he doing?
Dolls can't feel anything.
I stared at him and tried to stop the flow from my eyes
I stared at him and didn't feel the pain that was rushing over my arms like the blood that covered them
I stared and didn't feel anything
;-;
I sat in the darkest corner of the room, head bowed with one hand on the wall and the other in my lap.
I was seeing.
Weeks earlier I had discovered how to use my observation ghost; I could see everything that was going on outside these four walls.
It felt like opening my eyes for the first time.
I noticed that two people had snuck into the side of the large building, destroyed a wall and killed all the guards.
I didn't feel curiosity towards the woman with her dark skin and light hair, or to the man with his cocky smirk and cigarette. And I didn't feel a slight glimmer of hope in my chest.
They were going through all the rooms
Every single one
Destroying test tubes
Breaking beakers
Smashing computers filled with research
Millions of research on millions of things
Millions of study
I sat patiently and waited
Something would happen
They would be stopped
Everyone was always stopped
No one ever made it in
Or out
No one got as far as they had and lived
But then I heard it
Didn't see anything but the sound was loud and clear
Gun shot
Hitting ice
The ricocheting
The smell of blood
Then the door slammed open
And there stood the woman
She wore a bright pink coat
'What is this? A kid?' she swore 'why do they have a kid here? November!'
'What is it April?'
'There's a kid. Waddya reckon?'
The man looked over at me for a moment
'It's a doll April.'
'A doll?'
'Yep. A doll.'
'But... he's just a...'
'April. It's a doll'
'... Do we need a doll?'
The man looked over at me
'We could use one' he turned to face me 'what do you say... July?'
I simply stared at him.
And I didn't feel the warmth that radiated from her hand as she placed it in mine, nor did I feel as though I had finally been found.
;-;
April sat down on the small seat of the smoky back room of the bar.
It smelled of beer and vomit but I did not care.
I knew that I wouldn't have been scared even if April weren't sitting opposite me but I still did not care.
She sat there drinking a beer, her obeisance as I'd learned
There were three more people in the room, a shady looking blackjack dealer and the other two were players against April.
I might have felt some fear for her if I didn't know she could handle herself and if it were possible.
I sat with my hand on the wall,
Seeing
Although the seeing didn't feel the same any more
I had seen the outside world now
I could walk in the sun and run across the grass
But I didn't
And I knew I probably never would.
But the idea was still there.
I was trying to track November, he'd disappeared and I could not locate him
April and I both knew that Amber had something to do with this
But there wasn't much we could do without knowing his whereabouts
I continued searching until he finally came into my sights
He was walking slowly, then suddenly fell to the ground
Clutching his chest.
It was so sudden,
I may have been surprised.
I did not feel the overwhelming sense of loss
The loss of a comrade and team member
I did not feel that my only solace left was April
And I did not feel that I needed her touch at that moment
I still felt nothing
'November 11 is dead' I stated calmly
;-;
I may have known that wherever she was going, I could not follow
I may have known that when she let go of my hand she would never take it again
I may have known that she would leave me alone
But I would never be prepared
I did not feel my heart leap into my throat when I saw her
All I saw her lying there mangled
Her beautiful form twisted and horrible
Twisted and horrible and not moving
not moving not breathing and not alive
I reached for her and did not feel the sickening coolness her once warm hands held
I did not feel the tears that rolled down my face
And I did not feel the world crashing down on top of me
All I felt was her cold dead hand and the weight of the future ahead of me.
I remained there like that until I saw her
The girl
Another girl
Not much older than me,
crying her eyes out
I stared at her and did not feel my curiousness
She just sat there sobbing,
Out in the open
Not holding anything back
Just sobbing
It was so... human
For some reason still unknown to me I followed her
After following her for a small amount of time she ran into some trouble
Still a novice at using the gun I decided to help her out with my abilities
Then BK 201 arrived
I stared blankly at his interested look towards me
'Come with us' he said simply
And I did.
Because I didn't feel any reason not to.
;-;
Awakening from the sick dream I had been stuck in I found myself alone in a field.
The flowers around me may have been beautiful
White and pure
I ran from them
Not out of the fear I did not feel
I just had to find her
I had to somehow let her know
The urgency I could not feel felt the same as her fingers pinching my cheek
Or her smile lighting up the world I did not see
'Go this way July' said an observation ghost nearby
'Wait by the fountain July' said another
'Twins' I thought, and decided to listen. They had no reason to lie to me
I waited for a short amount of time until I saw her coming closer from the distance
I did not feel the excitement that rose inside of me, just like I never felt my fear of needles
And did not feel her comfortable embrace when I hugged her, just like I never felt the belonging that came from April's hand in mine
And did not feel the happiness that filled all of me and threatened to burst out of every pore, just like I never felt the grief that came from losing everyone I never felt love for
I did not feel the small touch of sadness that came from her goodbye, just like I'd never felt the joy that came from her meeting
And I still did not feel the tears dripping from my chin, that fell to the ground and turned the dirt into mud
Because I am a doll and dolls don't need to feel, just like dolls don't need to cry