Title: Beside You
Author: Speedfanatic05
Rating:FRT
Classification: angst/ drama
Content Warning: Character Death
Spoilers: None
Pairing: Hints of S/C
Disclaimer: Not mine, don't have a conniption
Challenge Word: #8, Touch
Summary: What they needed was each other…
A/N: Okay, I got a little wordy here, but that's what happens when the magic hits. Enjoy!
A/N#2 For Fic challenge on Miamitalkfic.
He stood next to her, his hand covering hers protectively as he stared at the casket that stood against the gray skies. The cries from behind him did nothing but to serve a reminder that she was no longer here. What remained of her were memories now ; the faint traces of her smile, her laugh that seemed to light his heart every time he heard it, and the sparkle in her eyes when they met each morning when they woke, and each evening in the throes of passion that seemed never ending. He felt the small trickle of his tears as they fell silently, his determination to stand fast still being strong. He had to, now that it was just them. He had to be strong for the both of them.
Taking a glance down, he tried to force a smile on his face as he looked upon her, seeing all of her mother there, even down to the gorgeous dimples in her cheeks when she smiled. He could see it in her own green eyes, the sadness that sat heavily around them, giving her a much older look than the innocent one that she had worn most of her life. She tried herself to return the smile, but it didn't quite make it to her eyes and faded just as quickly as it had begun, its effect knocking the breath out of him. From that second on, he knew he had a battle to fight and not just the war of grief that was waging inside of his heart, but the fight to understand his daughter and help her through this. The only thing he could ask was that she'd understand, but he realized before he could even think another thought that it was too much to ask of a six year old. All she knew was that her mother was no longer with them, and it was just the two of them.
They both remained silent as the people began to clear the area, leaving just them and their broken hearts. Tim retained his focus on the sturdy casket that bared her remains, his chest seemingly caving in at the intensity of his anguish. He couldn't stand there a moment longer, the air suddenly taking on an oppressive feeling. With a solemn nod to the priest, he turned to her and knelt down, getting eye level with her. It was at this position, he could see everything, all of who she was, and right now, the unimaginable level of despair that held his gaze tore his heart out.
"Cayleigh," he said softly as he watched her drop her gaze to the ground, her little black shoes kicking at the grass. He lifted her chin gently, trying to carefully choose his words. His intentions were on getting back to the car with little detractions and heading home. His heart and soul couldn't take anymore. Sighing heavily he composed himself once more, "Cayleigh, we have to go."
"I don't want to leave mommy," she responded in a tuft, a frown coming on her pretty face. The appearance of her tears came next as her frown crinkled at her eyes, "I can't leave mommy, and she is going to be scared."
Tim pulled her into his arms, closing his eyes against the impending tears, feeling her little body jolt with her sobs. He held her tightly to him, feeling her little arms trying to circle his neck, her touch sending shivers down his spine. The moment was one of emotional despair, but Tim fought for conversion. He had to start to move on from this point.
"Oh, sweet heart, Mommy's in a better place now," he said into her thick dark brown hair that cascaded down her back in waves. She got her texture and color from him, but the length was all Calleigh. He choked slightly as he thought about her, the blond hair flowing in the breeze and the simple gesture of tucking it behind her ear. That single gesture rousted his love on a many nights." She isn't going to be scared anymore."
"Daddy, I – I miss her," she responded as she pulled away from him, opening her eyes that were rimmed in tears and redness. The dramatic effect the tears had on her eyes amazed him, wondering at his part in bringing such beauty forth. She was truly an angel. She looked past him to see the casket being lowered into the ground, her expression crinkling with sadness again. Tim stood up and took her hand again and started walking towards the car, leaving his heart where he stood. It would be of no service to him any longer.
Four years later….
The sounds of crashing alerted Tim and he shot up quickly from under the sheets of his bed, squinting at the light that had permeated through the blinds. Rubbing his sensitive eyes, he pushed the covers back swiftly, swinging his legs over and standing in one movement. Having less than three seconds in reaction time had not been new to him, he was now used to it, perfecting it over the years. Walking quickly, he snatched open the door to his room and poked his head out, listening for any more odd noises.
"Cayleigh?" he called as he looked through the hallway, seeing nothing. Emerging from his room completely, he started walking towards her room, running his hand through his hair and yawning. He glanced up to the wall, seeing the pictures of her, her smile frozen in time forever. Taking a second, he stood there, staring at it, getting lost in her eyes once more. He would give anything to hear her laugh, even her words again. Sighing heavily, he reached out to touch the picture, the motion being stopped by the sound of something else crashing in the direction of her room. Pulling his hand down, he started off once more, feeling less than enthused about what his daughter could be getting into this morning. Since losing her mother, Cayleigh had been through the several stages of grief, finally settling in on defiance, and seeming to not have any inkling on leaving that stage behind. No matter how hard he had tried, it seemed as if he couldn't reach her, she had completely shut herself away from him and others in her life.
Coming to her door, he lifted a hand to knock, hearing her voice on the other end. It saddened him to hear her voice, mainly because it reminded him so much of Calleigh, but also because of the extreme amount of grief that still hung on every word. Despite her attempts to prove otherwise, Cayleigh was still deep in the depths of mourning her loss.
"Cayleigh," he repeated as he knocked softly, the sudden silence returning to him. He knocked once more, putting a little force behind this one as he spoke up more, "Cayleigh, open the door."
"I'm fine, Dad," she stated through the door her tone reticent of her desire not to further the conversation. "I just can't find something."
"Maybe I can help you find it," Tim tried as he placed his hands, palms down on the door. He closed his eyes, the desperate wanting to be there for her surging through him. His part in her life now only consisted of taking her to school and greeting her in the afternoon after a hard day at work as he paid the teenaged babysitter. He could concede that she needed more from him, but he realized that it was all he had to give.
"I can find it on my own," was her simple reply, the tone dry and unremarkable. The sounds of rustling followed and Tim pulled away from the door, receding somewhat. As always, he wouldn't push it. She would come around on her own time. At least that's what the therapist had told him. The sudden movement of the door opening startled him and he looked up to her, seeing the obvious distaste in her eyes. Her dark brown hair had been pulled up into a pony tail, making her resemblance to her mother even more so. "Dad, I said I had it. Don't you listen to me at all?"
"I just thought you would need my help," Tim answered as he stared at her straight forward. His eyes lit on the tiny sparkling diamonds in the tops of her ears that had turned the surrounding tissue red with irritation denoting how recent the action was. "Cayleigh Ann, what is that in your ears?"
Cayleigh rolled her eyes and moved to walk past him, mumbling," It doesn't matter; you never pay attention to me anyway."
"What did you say?" Tim asked, his temper starting to climb. There was but so much he could take from her, and he was fast hitting that ceiling. "Don't move another muscle." Cayleigh dramatically stopped, her stance instantly losing any semblance of respect as he came behind her. He peered at her ears, seeing the onset of infection and sighed heavily, "Cayleigh, when did you get this done?"
"What's it matter to you?" she spat as she snatched away from his grasp.
"It matters because you have an infection," Tim responded tersely as he glared at her. The anger seemed to have bubbled up to a boiling point and was now in danger of spilling over. "What the hell are you doing to yourself, Caye?"
"It's just earrings, Dad!" she shouted, a slight hint of tears in her voice, as she turned on her heels and headed for the downstairs.
"Cayleigh! Cayleigh!" Tim called as he heard the door slam. In a motion of anger, he hit the wall, causing a picture to fall off and crash to the floor, the glass spreading everywhere. Bending down, he felt the anger wash over him once more, closing his eyes to ward it off. He had no idea of what he was doing. Gazing at the picture of her as he swept the broken glass away, he released a strained breath, "Cal, I'm failing miserably at this."
The silence ate at his conscious as he straightened himself and walked to his room. Dejectedly, he began to get dressed, knowing that he would have to find her and smooth things over. This was a never ending cycle that he desperately wanted to break.
TS
She sat cross legged in the lush green grass, pulling a strand of hair behind her ear, wincing at the tenderness of the earrings, a long sigh coming from her. As always, he had been right; they were infected. Angrily, she slammed down her bag and started to rifle through it, finally coming to the item she wanted. A tear slid down her cheek as she placed the tiny bracelet on the stone, her fingers lightly tracing her name.
"Mom," she said shakily. "I miss you so much. I know I was only six, but I can remember you. You died today, and it hurts just like it did back then."
The wind blew some and she closed her eyes, feeling the peace as it drifted down on her. Another shaky sigh passed through her and she put a hand to her face, letting the tears fall at will, the sounds of her crying starting as well. No matter what was going on with her, she could always come here and get understanding. It was as if she was still here to guide her.
"I'm so alone," she continued, her eyes still closed. "I – I can't talk to Daddy, he's too busy going on with his life to even see me. Do you know that he actually brought a woman to the house? How could he do that? Doesn't he still love you?"
The silence that returned to her sent waves of hurt through her as she opened her eyes, "I don't even know if he remembers today. He doesn't talk much."
"I remember," he said from behind her, startling her. She quickly wiped at her tears, and stood, with her back to the stone as if trying to hide something. "Caye…"
"How long have you been here, Daddy?"
"Long enough, Cayleigh. I … I didn't know that you felt like this."
"Well, you wouldn't would you?" Cayleigh said as she glared at him. "You don't talk to me; you don't even know I exist unless I happen to do something you don't like."
"That's not true, Cayleigh. I try," Tim said as he advanced forward, his hand outstretched. "But you don't let me in. Don't you see we are in this together?"
"Liar," Cayleigh hissed as the river began again, her eyes glistening with bigger ones. They dropped heavily out of her eyes as she continued, "We aren't in this together, you are moving on without me, leaving me … I still love her. You don't."
"Cayleigh," Tim warned. "Cayleigh, stop this."
"You don't love her, you don't," she cried as she flung herself at him. Her anger, her fear, her sadness found a way out and spilled over, her fists hitting him in the chest. She pounded on him for a second longer before he grasped her wrists and held them out. Her weeping grew as she tried to speak, only for the words to be lost in the deluge of tears. Tim pulled her closer to him, holding her tightly as she tried to fight with him. She began to tire and then relaxed herself in his arms, feeling, for the first time in a long time, a connection.
"I can never forget your mother, Caye. I've never stopped loving her," Tim responded, the sadness tingeing his words. "But I realize, honey that we have to move on. She wouldn't want us to be like this forever, she would want us to be happy. I just want to be here for you, that 's all I've ever wanted."
"I want you to notice me, Daddy," she returned weakly as she encircled her arms around his neck. The gesture threw Tim back into the past, remembering the day that they buried her, the scene being an exact carbon copy of that moment.
"I notice you, Caye. I love you, and I want to help," Tim said as he pulled away from her. The look that was in her eyes mirrored four years ago, the sad innocence returning. He smiled at her as he wiped the stray tear from her eyes with his thumb. "You help me, I help you."
"We help each other," Cayleigh smiled lightly.
Tim nodded as he released her fully and they both turned towards the stone. The sadness was still there, as he suspected it would always be, but it was some how less intense. He saw as Cayleigh sat down and followed suit, sitting cross legged as well, noticing the bracelet as it hung precariously off of the stone and smiled. He knew exactly where that had come from. They sat in silence the remaining time there and relished just being together. Despite the walls that had been put up, what they needed to get through this were each other.
"Dad, what's this about a new woman..."
The End