firebreathing
all those lit matches are lighting up the sky, and all i'm wondering is where you've gone. i whisper your name, i think, or do i even know it? i'm not sure. i'm wondering where you've gone. you blow a ring of smoke in my face and for a second i feel almost like i remember.
and then you speak out in a glorious, almost nostalgia-inducing voice. where've ya been? and your eyes are so beautiful that i wish i could bring myself to remember just who it is i'm talking to.
i raise a brow and shake my head. i don't know. and now you're skeptical, just like i am, but it doesn't matter because your feelings don't matter to me. i just want to know who the fuck you are and just why you can't stop mattering to me, like you're something and i'm something and we're things on a thing.
you stare at me in the utmost contempt and you smile crookedly and so do i. did i block you out? i wonder, did i remove you from my life? what did you ever do? i can't imagine those shades of jade, so innocent and eager, ruining anything to where i would like to get rid of you. you're beautiful and all of a sudden i'm talking to you, crying, like i've never cried in my entire life. i'm apologizing and i don't know why. all this fire that i'm breathing into your face is totally worthless and oh, god, i don't want to let go of this forgetfulness but i know you're going to tell me.
who are you? i sound so amazed that i can't bring myself to recognize my own voice.
axel. a-x-e-l. commit it to memory. and now you're crying. god, what have i done to deserve this? this memory, or lack thereof... it hurts. so tell me what he did, would you?
and now your lips are on mine. it's right. it's more right than i can remember being. i don't know who you are; maybe if i did, i'd hurt you, because really deep down, that's what it feels like. your hands are on my skin and under my clothes and i want to push you away but the memory fucking burns and i can't bring myself to do it. why. why am i so weak. why am i letting you win, and why aren't you telling me your name. i'm done crying. i stop. i just wonder as your mouth explores mine.
so you break away and stare into my eyes and murmur my name and i don't even think to wonder about just how you know it. i'm lost in that sea of jade, which seems completely endless.
i can't breathe, so you kiss me again.
i'm breathing fire and you seem to enjoy it. i'll do it, then, and maybe i'll remember. that's the plan, right? that i'll remember, that you'll mean something to me again. your hands are so warm and my skin is so cold and it's like a fever in my body. i can't i can't i can't breathe, help me please. is this fear, is this wanting, none of it makes sense and donttouchthatitsmine.
but you do. you don't listen to me, no one listens to me, especially you, and now that your hands are around me i can remember who you are. not a name. you. this is familiarity, for really and honest and truly, and i pull you down into me. oh, yes. this is what has been missing; this is what has made me so empty; this is, in essence, me. and now that i can breathe again, we're sloppy and misaimed and awkward just like that first time on the roof and i love you for it. your hands are much less confident so i use my own to regain memory of your flesh. you give a moan, my name, and i smirk because i'm winning just like i always did, even though you would never, ever admit to it. now we're singing a song, a song about breathing and about being together, and it's beautiful and who wouldn't want to listen to it?
then we hear that rustle, that noise that used to be our warning, and we stop. we part. i'm cold, and i can't remember. i stare at your face blankly. who are you? you're a firebreather. your hair. your face, stricken with pain.
who are you?
you speak again, broken. maybe next time. and you slip into the dark and i can't help but cry.