Nezumi came awake the moment he felt movement beside him. He'd always been a light sleeper, living outside the city had made that a necessity, and with everything that he had done and experienced, deep, peaceful sleep was still a rare commodity. The fact that he could now close his eyes and no that he didn't have to worry about rough hands, or sharp knives at his throat, that he was warm and safe, with Shion nestled against his side, seemed to make no difference as his eyes shot open, breath catching in his throat.

Shion.

As soon as his thoughts turned to his partner, he realised what had woken him, feeling a bony elbow catching his side as Shion shifted uneasily in his sleep. If that hadn't been enough to tell him what was going on, the soft noise, little more than a whimper that followed did, and he sighed softly as he rolled over to face the other man. Shion's face which had been so peaceful when he had fallen asleep while Nezumi read to him, was now twisted with distress, the curling scar seeming to stand out more vividly than usual. It was an expression that Nezumi had seen far too often, especially recently, and it hurt to see it again after such a peaceful evening, where for once the past had seem far away. However, he couldn't be irritated, because considering everything they had been through – everything Shion had been through, it was unsurprising that he would have nightmares, it just didn't make it any easier for Nezumi to see.

He was itching to reach out and pull Shion closer, to chase the nightmare away with his presence and gentle words, but he forced himself to wait a little longer, eyes fixated on Shion's face as he tried to get a fix on what was haunting him tonight. If it was a silly fear, the kind of nightmare that would wake anyone at times, then it could be soothed away with little more than a hug, soft words and an even sweeter kiss chasing the nightmarish images away into the night, leaving Shion to curl against his chest as he dropped off again.

Those were the easiest and the rarest.

Other nightmares were not so simple to deal with, and watching as Shion shifted again, pain and distress flickering across his face even as fear set in, he knew that this was one of them. He reached out now, fingers light as he touched his partner's cheek, gently tracing the pinkish scar as he scooted closer, hoping against hope that his warmth would be enough to ground Shion and draw him gently towards consciousness. It depended on what the nightmare was about, because there were ones where Shion would wake up crying out in pain, flailing wildly as he pleaded with Nezumi to get it out of him, to get the wasp out of him…to kill him, just as he had that night so long ago now that it felt like another lifetime. Those were the nightmares that would have him shivering, needing a moment, before he could pull Shion into his arms. He could still vividly remember that night, and the feel of Shion's skin parting beneath his scalpel. How close it had been, and it terrified him to know that if he had been a bit slower, a bit less calm, he could have lost Shion that night…

It would take him a few minutes to gather himself enough to be able to comfort Shion, running his fingers along the mark that night had left behind, knowing that although it was the most visible, it was the shallowest of the scars left by that night. And if his voice, trembled as he reminded Shion that it was over, that it was in the past and not able to hurt him anymore, then neither of them mentioned, and slowly Shion would relax against him, leaning into his touch and letting it soothe away the remembered fear. However, it would take them both a while to fall asleep again on those nights, and they would spend the rest of the night pressed so tightly together that it was hard to tell where one of them ended and the other began.

"Nezumi…" He stiffened at the sound of his name, a different kind of dread pooling in his stomach as Shion's brow furrowed, a sob hidden in the single world. Shion. These were the worst nightmares. The ones where Shion would usually come awake, gasping for breath and clawing at the spot where he had been shot, apologies on the tip of his tongue. Apologies to Safu…to his mother, and to Nezumi… He wasn't sure whether it was his own memories of that day, the fact that he had walked away afterwards, or those frantic, broken apologies, but these nightmares hit them both hard. Those were the nights when neither of them would be able to fall asleep again, clinging to one another with a desperation that contrasted sharply with the peaceful life they had now, listening to each other's breathing to remind themselves that it was all over.

That they were alive.

He swallowed as Shion shifted again, more restlessly this time. It had been weeks, no months since this particular nightmare had struck, and he wondered what could have set it off. It was six months until the anniversary of the event, a day that they always spent together, just the two of them and as far away from the city as possible. As far as he knew nothing had happened at work, or with the few people that knew exactly what role they'd played in everything to trigger this, and he sighed, realising that there probably wasn't rhyme or reason to it. Just as there was no way to predict the days when he would be overwhelmed and need to get away from everyone and everything, or the days when he couldn't bear to be touched even by Shion, as the memories of what he'd had to do just to survive reared their ugly heads. We're both a mess, he thought with a bitter chuckle, even as he moved, this time letting his hand cusp Shion's cheek properly, his thumb still rubbing lightly over the scar.

"Shion," he murmured. "Shion, it's time to wake up." Shion's brow furrowed, and his head lolled towards Nezumi although he remained asleep.

"…I'm sorry."

"No!" It came out more forcefully that Nezumi had intended, almost a shout, and he was surprised when that didn't startle Shion back to consciousness, and he swallowed. They'd both had more than enough to apologise for in the past, but those apologies had been said and accepted. When he'd finally returned, unsure of whether Shion would welcome him, or if even had a right to place in the other's life anymore, they'd spent days just talking about everything. Forgiving one another, and themselves, and for the most part they both knew and accepted that. It was just on nights like this when the memories were too close to the surface, and the past loomed large, that it was hard to remember. "No," he repeated more softly. "You have nothing to apologise for. Nothing, do you hear me?"

Please hear me.

A few minutes passed. Shion still moving restlessly, although not as bad as before, but he was talking, murmuring under his breath, too quick and quiet for Nezumi to properly catch the words, but he didn't need to. He recognised the tone and knew that his words hadn't been enough. Damn it Shion, you never make things easy for me, do you? In the past, that thought would have irritated him, now if there was any exasperation, it was buried beneath fondness and concern, and a wry smile twisted his lips. "Stop being stubborn," he tried for scolding, trying to hold back the dread and memories that these nightmares always roused, but it came out more pleading as he reached out and lightly shook his partner. "Come on Shion, wake up for me." Shion whimpered and tried to pull away from his touch, his mumbles becoming clearer and Nezumi tensed as he could now hear the apologies, the pleas for forgiveness.

The pleas to be remembered.

"Shion," he murmured, pushing himself up so that he could lean over Shion. "You're safe. You're home." Words weren't enough. Words could be twisted, and misunderstood, he knew that better than most, hell he had used it to his advantage more times than he could count. Actions spoke louder, and that was what was needed here. "I'm here," he added softly, moving to cup Shion's face between both hands, thumb lingering on the tip of his scar. "And you're here." He leant in, pressing his lips to Shion. It was more chaste than their first kiss had been, lingering, as though he could press his words home that way. He knew that it was working when he felt trembling fingers reaching out to grasp his shirt, burying themselves in the folds, as there was a faint pressure against his lips. "And that's all that matters," he finished, as he slowly pulled away, managing a weak smile as he met haunted crimson eyes. "Hey…"

"Hey…" Shion's voice was little more than a whisper, and Nezumi's smile dropped as he felt one of the hands falling away, knowing exactly what his partner was doing. Leaning back, he managed to capture the straying hand before Shion could reach the scar where he had been shot, tangling their fingers together and bringing the trembling hand to his lips so that he could press a kiss to it. "Nezumi…"

"Don't," Nezumi warned him, actually managing to sound stern this time as he heard the apology building behind his name. "You never have to apologise for nightmares, remember?" That was a leftover from the early days when nightmares had plagued Shion on an almost nightly basis, leaving them both exhausted and snappish because there had been no way Nezumi could sleep through them, and he had refused to even consider sleeping elsewhere.

"Yeah." Shion didn't look convinced, but after a moment he looked at their linked hands, and his lips twitched just a little, not enough to be considered a smile, but a softening of the haunted expression. "Please…will you lie with me?"

"You don't have to ask," Nezumi murmured, leaning in to steal a quick kiss, before allowing Shion to pull him down beside him, unsurprised to find the smaller man curling against his chest before he was properly settled, one ear pressed against it, seeking out the reassuring lullaby of his heartbeat. "I'm not a pillow." It was an old complaint, that held no weight at the best of time, let alone on nights like this when he needed Shion close, as much as Shion needed to be held, and he dropped his head, letting his chin come to rest against snowy hair. "It's been a while since you've had this one." It wasn't really a question, but he felt Shion stiffen, his breathing speeding up and the grip of Nezumi's fingers was almost bruising.

"I don't know why I had it…"

"It doesn't matter," Nezumi soothed, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. "You're allowed to have nightmares, remember."

"I know," Shion turned, burying his face against Nezumi, his next words muffled. "I just wish that they would stop. It's been long enough."

"I wasn't aware that there was a time limit on nightmares."

"You know what I mean." Yes, I do, Nezumi thought, thinking about his own nightmares, the memories that he would give anything to be able to forget. However, he knew that it wasn't that simple, and he sighed, stroking his free hand down Shion's back, feeling the tremors still wracking him.

"They're not as frequent," he pointed out instead, and that was true. It had been over a week since the last nightmare, and months since this particular one had occurred. "And you woke easier tonight. It might only be baby steps, but it's progress, and maybe one day they will disappear entirely. But, even if they don't…even if you have these even when we're old men, it doesn't matter." He felt Shion pause at that, his breath catching, and for a moment he faltered, heat blossoming in his cheeks as he realised that it was the first time he had really spoken about them that far in the future. Startled to realise just how much he meant it, and how much he wanted it, and there was a slight waver in his voice as he added. "I'll still be here."

Shion was still for a long moment, before slowly he drew back, just enough to peer up at Nezumi with wide eyes, that was a little brighter, a little less haunted than before, as a tentative smile curling his lips. "Is that a promise?" They had always avoided making promises before because they'd both lost everything before, and this thing between them had been new and tentative, and neither of them had wanted to threaten that. However, that had been changing for a while. In the quiet 'I love yous' and 'I'm heres', and while there was a residual nervousness, Nezumi felt his expression soften.

"It is."

"Good," Shion was the lean forward, tilting his head up and Nezumi met him halfway, feeling the tentative smile blossom into a proper one as they kissed. "Because I don't want you to go anywhere," he murmured as they parted, leaning against one another, a strange feeling of peace seeping in, despite the remnants of the nightmare still lingering between them.