A/N: This is a little short story that I started a few years back. This isn't even the entire piece (and what exists of it is fairly short) but I wanted to present it in parts, and expand on it to its completion. I have watched up to season 2 of Kuroshitsuji, and haven't read any of the manga, so my knowledge is limited. To avoid any confusion and nitpickiness, this is a sort of AU with an older, demonic Ciel. I would speak on the upcoming future chapters, but I don't want to spoil anything, and they'll pretty much speak for themselves. Please enjoy and review! ouo
Ciel sighed, setting aside his cup of Chamomile Tea and looking sidelong out his study window at the gentle powdering of snow. This Winter was going to be brutally cold, he considered bitterly. He was supposed to be working on blueprints for a new line of Funtom toys before the Christmas holiday, but his mind couldn't focus. Distant, long-buried memories crept up his skin like a ghost, making him shudder away from its immeasurable chill. Sure, he could be selfless and professional, presenting to the children and orphans of the world joyful new designs. But who was going to make his Christmas better?
A suffocating feeling of despair swamped him as he reminisced of his beloved friends and family from Christmas past. On the Eve of, they would frolic the hours away, decorating the mansion all day and playing silly games all evening. When the night completely fell, and the weather had grown truly dreadful, they would sit about the fireplace, bundled in blankets, cradling mugs of hot chocolate with cinnamon dusted marshmallows. They cracked jokes, told stories, sung ridiculous carols out of key. The cognizance of their melodious laughter and beaming smiles was still crystal clear in his mind; especially Elizabeth's.
His heart wrenched as he pondered how much that smile used to enchant him beyond reasoning. Those were the days when he genuinely loved her. The days he even believed love existed.
And then there was the anticipated Christmas morning, when they revived from the night's vigorous festivities to rush the mountain of presents under their glorious tree. These recollections should have been warm and comforting. Instead, they were a tormenting burden, causing pain and grief to well from his heart every time he encountered them. His hands balled to aggressive fists and his jaw set with annoyance. He was too old to be this disturbed by worthless baggage. Why was he still harboring this resentment? Moreover, he was a demon now. It wasn't as if he could return to such a mundane existence, even if he truly wanted to.
"Is there something troubling you, young master?"
Although his heart lurched, Ciel lent no other evidence that he'd been startled at the man's unwelcome presence. His timing really was the worst - he desperately needed to be left alone right now. He kept his face stubbornly turned to the window as he listened to the demon's ominous footsteps advancing towards him.
"I was under the impression you no longer had the ability to produce tears?"
Ciel had known he was on the verge of tears, if his blurring vision and burning cheeks were any indication. But he hadn't realized he'd actually allowed a few to fall. Unacceptable. He viciously swiped across his face, caring not about staining his sleeve, before casting the butler a warning glare. "Don't be foolish," he snapped, forcing the rest of the tears back into their seldom used reserves. "I never cry."
Sebastian merely smiled, amusement dancing in his wine red eyes. "I presumed tea wouldn't be enough to quell your nerves this time of year, so I've brought you something a bit more efficient."
To Ciel's expertly concealed delight, he sat a slice of caramel drizzled cheesecake on his desk. The sweet aroma slowly wafted to his nose, instantly dispelling his anguish. Snatching up the fork, he stabbed off a piece and sunk the utensil into his mouth. His eyes fluttered closed as the rich confection melted sensuously on his tongue.
Granted, he couldn't really taste anything, but his memory alone sufficed.
A sharp inhalation of breath caused the dual colored orbs to snap open again. Sebastian stood with the same inconspicuous expression, but something alarming flickered in his eyes. They gave the impression that he'd just witnessed something tempting, and a sort of ravishing hunger was evident. Ciel's eyes narrowed on the man, but the look was so fleeting, he wondered if he'd just imagined it. Yes, now he suspected that the stare he was boring into the other was beginning to annoy the servant. The impatient, almost unnoticed tick of his jaw actually tickled the aristocrat.
"I see your new Christmas designs are still pending," he pointed out, his eyes scanning over the unfinished disarray upon his desk.
"Mmm," Ciel hummed with a nonchalant shrug, continuing to indulge in his treat. "I was considering forgetting the little gremlins altogether. They ought to learn to appreciate the things they already have." Honestly, he wasn't even sure why he insisted on running this company from the shadows as he was. Even after all these years, it was hard to break old routines.
"Even if you continue to want for something you can't have?"
Ciel's dark eyes snapped towards him, a mixture of embarrassment, shock and anger swirling in their depths. Just as he thought, the demon was intuitive as ever. How dare he analyze him to such a point, unveiling his innermost desires in such an undignified fashion?
His desire to have his beloved friends and family back for Christmas?
His desire to feel full instead of empty?
His desire to feel . . .
A retort burned on his tongue, but the damned demon was right. He hated when he was right.
"Are you really going to punish billions of children - orphans, at that - for something they aren't at fault for?"
Ciel glared at the other, who continued to grin at him. He just loved playing on the burdensome human emotions he still clung hopelessly to. Disgusting.
"Of course not," Ciel said through gritted teeth, despising how he pretended to have a soul for the sake of others. It was a rather pathetic tactic, especially for a demon like Sebastian. "I just got caught up. They'll be finished by tomorrow morning."
"Take your time, young master. Christmas is a month away," he replied, clearing the tea cup before affording him a smile. "Speaking of which, I have quite the present planned for you. Look forward to it."
"There's no need," Ciel dismissed with a roll of his eyes. "Forgive me for sounding ungrateful, but I'm officially immune to the charm of Christmas. Your kindness would be wasted on me."
Sebastian's eyes suddenly darkened as he regarded him, causing an electric sensation to shoot down his spine. Had he actually accomplished angering the resplendent butler?
"I assure you, young master; my gift is sure to restore all your years of happiness, charm and joy - and much more," he drawled with a confident raise of his brow. "Besides, I won't take 'no' for an answer."
"Fine. I won't say no," he relented. He finished his cake and pushed the plate towards his servant, who eyed him ominously as he lifted it onto his platter. He snorted as realization flitted through the butler's eyes.
"Don't underestimate my capabilities, my lord. You can try and resist my ministrations all you want," he spoke, turning on his heel and heading for the door. "I always accomplish what I set out to do." He glanced over his shoulder and smiled. "I'll leave you to do the same now. I'll draw a bath when you're finished."
As the door closed, Ciel picked up his pen and tapped it atop the desk in contemplation. Sometimes, he wished he was still dealing with people like Finnian, Mey-Rin, Bard, or even Elizabeth. At least then, he'd be just to steel himself for disappointment. It was simply human nature to make promises one couldn't keep.
With Sebastian, however, he knew he'd be far from disappointed, and that actually terrified him. He was one helluva butler. Failure didn't exist in his universe. With a disheartened sigh, he continued with the completion of his blueprints, the upcoming holiday weighing heavily on his mind. A very small part of him actually hoped that what Sebastian had declared would come to pass.
That's right. Sebastian had better ensure he was the happiest man on Earth this Christmas.