It's a quarter to six. She's been glancing at the clock all day today, and it moves so slowly she's tempted to think it's stopped. Her heart flutters in anticipation of this evening, which has been on her mind ever since she heard his name spoken aloud for the first time in weeks.
Kingsley had strolled loudly into her cubicle last night, under the pretense of acquiring updates on the 23rd street warehouse raid. She had humored him, going along in responding to the questions she knew he already had answers to, knew that this must be a guise for transmitting some other information. And sure enough, once they had been discussing the raid long and boringly enough that anyone in close proximity were sure to have tuned out of the conversation, Kingsley cast a slight muffliato and dropped his voice to a whisper.
"Dumbledore wants a last-minute meeting at the Burrow tomorrow night", Kingsley told her. "He says he has some information we need to know and wants everyone updated on the progress".
Kingsley paused, then met her eye for a second. "Lupin should be there". And then he left, loudly concluding to no one in particular the importance of keeping timestamps while on missions.
Tonks' heart patters at the memory, and she hates herself for letting him affect her in this way, hates that any mention or thought of him sends her heart racing despite that they'd broken up six months ago. She figures that Moody has caught on, and is why he tactfully (or irritatingly) avoids bringing up Remus' name whenever she's around. It's distressing, and she wishes he wouldn't, wishes he'd tell her how Remus is really doing, because Merlin knows Mad-Eye is the only one who would be able to tell her like it is, without the sugar-coating.
Mad-Eye is the messenger, who goes every two weeks or so to the predetermined location about a mile from the werewolf camp to see Remus, to give him messages and a meager pack of Molly's cooking, and to collect updates on Remus' mission of persuading the werewolves to side with the Order. From what she's heard, Moody's notice is that Remus is thin and grey, but this is a message watered down through Molly, so she's dying to know what Moody's exact, harrowing words of description were, even if she's a little scared to ask. She's terrified of the images her mind will come up with.
Tonks steals a look at the clock again - it's ten to six. She wonders if anyone will catch her if she decides to leave early, although she doubts anyone will mind - it's been a slow day in the office. From her seat by the window, she's seen Dawlish head in to relieve her for his evening shift, so it's just a matter of minutes now.
It all just feels so safe, she thinks, being cooped up in the Ministry office while Remus is out Merlin knows where, living day to day on scraps in dirt and filth, facing the man who cursed him with his condition as a child. Her heart aches for him, and she can't imagine how he must feel, what it must be like for him to have to pretend to pander to Greyback realistically enough to save his neck, while also trying to persuade others that there is a life for them in the wizarding world. He's been telling them of the goodness of people like Arthur and Molly, who she knows has been taking him in for a few nights every couple of months to replenish his health and morale. (Tonks knows this because Molly had tried to get her to come over those nights, none too subtly.) She wonders if he thinks of her as he reassures them that there are people who will accept and befriend even a werewolf. For certain they'll ask him if he's found it then, if he himself has known friendship and love. She wonders if he'll actually tell them about her, and if he feels guilty for encouraging them to pursue something he'd given up months ago.
It all just feels so bleeding safe. Molly tells her she's not being fair. She says she's not giving herself enough credit for being a guard and protector of Hogsmeade and Hogwarts. But she's lucky being so close under Dumbledore's wing and protection, so even with all the shady and sinister creeps who she deals with on a daily, she can't help but feel that her work is nothing on par to what Remus must face.
Remus, the thought of whom sends her heart and mind racing, and who she'll be seeing within the hour. She wonders if she's been on his mind the same way he's been haunting her dreams. If he's like her, and keeps revisiting the memory of that last night. The way they'd fallen together, his body pressed against hers as they held each other against the night. The way he'd whispered "I love you" into her ear. He'd said it was the only way he could say goodbye.
Maybe that's all she misses, having the comfort of another to come home to, to hold. Maybe all she wanted was to have someone who would accept her for who she is, someone who wasn't just after her body. There's some part of her that hopes that's it, that it's not really Remus she's missing, but a feeling of belonging, of being wanted. She knows that's what Remus wants, desperately hopes, is for her to fall in love with someone new, someone he claims is more suitable than him. Vaguely she wonders if that'll actually happen, if it's possible she'll meet some wizard tomorrow and fall head over heels for him, all thought of Remus whisked from her mind.
But then again, her Patronus tells a different story.
There's a knock on her cubicle wall, and Tonks breaks from her train of thought. "Hey. It's Prince Charming, here to save you from the evil clutches of desk work." Dawlish grins, thinking he's so clever.
"Wotcher", she says, reaching for her bag and rising to her feet. Finally. "I saw you come up".