A/N: Well, what can I say. It's been a while. I have finally completed another piece. Another fanfic for a new fandom. I am a huge fan of anything CLAMP, just thought I'd mention that. XD
Enjoy!
Resolve
sapphireglass
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"Your wish is to kill me?"
"…"
It should be, Subaru thinks. Once upon a time the answer to that question had been easy. It had been his wish. The hate and revenge had helped him cope in the first few years following Hokuto-chan's death; it had been something to focus on. He trained hard to become more powerful, just enough to kill him. The decade passed slowly, years of chasing him had left him tired and broken. Finally facing his sister's murderer, he found he honestly no longer wanted to kill him. The anger at being deceived and the hurt of losing his sister were both still there, but acts of revenge no longer played on his mind. As to why, well, Subaru avoids thinking about if he could. He doesn't want to be reminded of emotions that, after all he has been through, should be long dead. Any kind of affection towards that man is unacceptable, no matter what his heart proclaims.
---
He had been called away on business, it had taken him a good part of the day getting there and back. Train ride was a long and lonely affair which left Subaru with too much time mulling over what had happened the other day. He had let the Sakurazakamori escape. Such simple illusions no longer fooled Subaru, and a small measure of pride had swelled with that thought, nevertheless he didn't give chase, instead withdrawing his kekkai. A promise had been made to meet again.
He was offered to stay the night as thanks for his services, the couple had owned a very nice temple, but a nagging feeling prompted him to return home. The Year of Destiny was upon them; it was best to remain in Tokyo at all times. He had again missed dinner. His stomach was so use to it, it hardly even felt the pains. Slowly pushing open his apartment door he quickly notices he is not alone. There may be no physical evidence implicating the intruder but Subaru knows his presence well. It could only belong to one man, the man who that has haunted every one of his days since reappearing in his life. Sakurazukamori. Subaru will not refer to him as anything else. Anything else would be too personal.
"Good evening, Subaru-kun," Seishirou's tenor voice drifts from the shadows over the small apartment.
"Get out!" Subaru all but grits out. As if plagued by thoughts of the man wasn't enough, he had to go and add his physical presence to the growing number of things Subaru most definitely not want to think about.
Subaru hears him sigh in feigned disappointment, finally stepping into the moonlight pouring though half open curtains. A face of perfect innocence painted on his ever handsome face. Subaru is assaulted with the memory of Sei – Sakurazukamori's greetings to him at the veterinary clinic. That had been a time when Subaru had thought the vet could do no wrong. Subaru admits now that he was too naïve, too quick to trust; a mistake he had paid dearly for.
Seishirou chooses to walk past Subaru as he leaves. "You belong to me." Words softly whispered into the shell of Subaru's ear.
The fake smile is all but gone from his face, replacing it a sinister smirk of a cold blooded killer. Instead of being frightened, Subaru feels a shiver of excitement run down his spine. Like his words have the ability to caress every inch of him. Without doing anything more, Seishirou leaves.
Subaru remains standing, until his legs remember to move and carry him to his bed, where he collapses without changing and rolls his blankets over himself. Subaru's night was filled with strange dreams of Seishirou, Hokuto and himself, during the bet year. Even those the specific details vary from scenario to scenario, but the ending is always the same; she dies and he is left used and broken. Upon waking Subaru felt as if he hadn't slept at all.
---
Subaru comes home late the following night, even more tired and hungry only to find Seishirou has broken in again and deposited himself this time on his couch.
"Good evening, Subaru-kun."
A sense of déjà vu; the same smile, same voice, same face, same man. Determined not to repeat what happened last night, Subura tries is make light conversation by enquiring after the reasons of such visits, but can't quite manage to keep his tone from betraying his hostility. The question was completely ignored.
"You're not eating well; you will make Hokuto-chan worry." It was said as if she was still living and breathing, as if she was merely away and his welfare was entrusted to Seishirou.
The anger could not be controlled anymore and Subaru lashes out. "Get out."
It seems their never ending cycle cannot be broken.
Seishirou laughs, smooth as silk. "You're still so cute." And, in a flash he has Subaru's chin between his fingers and Subaru's back against the wall. Golden eye meets green orbs for a split second before his mouth presses firmly into Subaru's, claiming him in a way more than any markings or words could. The kiss ends and Seishirou disappears through the door leaving Subaru trembling on the floor. Stumbling to bed and once again, Subaru drifts into dream filled sleep, but this time he dreams of only Seishirou and all too recent events.
---
Subaru finds the expertise of the most powerful head of the Sumeragi clan is in high demand and doesn't return home the next two days. After too many train rides and far too much time with his thoughts, none of which is heading in a good direction, he comes home to find that his twin star doesn't visit. Perhaps god is pitting him, but then again maybe not. His dreams remain wrapped around one particular subject.
---
After finishing dinner, cheap take-out from downstairs, the Sakurazukamori comes again. Instead of letting himself in, this time he knocks. Subaru wonders what new game he is playing at, and goes to open the door anyway.
The same pleasant greeting awaits him, with it an additional gift. A skilfully wrapped box of chocolates is offered up as compensation for the lack of visits. Subaru is informed that they are his favourites, and even without checking, he knows it is true. He steps aside to admit Seishirou entry and offers him a seat with cordial expression. The sunglasses remain on Seishirou's face, which obscures the slightly surprised look at being treated in such a manner. A few days of absence brings a wave a difference.
Once seated Seishirou habitually lights cigarette and he exhales out the smoke. He silently watches Subaru though the cloud of smoke. The piecing eyes slowly trial down Subaru lithe body, slowing stripping him with his eyes. A slow smirk of appreciation begins to emerge. No matter how old Subaru is, he thinks he will never get used to this kind of attention and goes for his own cigarette to calm his nerves.
"Why have you started to smoke, Subaru-kun?" A seemly innocent question turns Subaru's mood one-eighty.
It was Subaru's turn to glare though the smoke. The message reflected in his the emerald orbs are perfectly clear. Get out.
The sound of the door closing resonates through the apartment. Subaru finishes the rest of his deck that night and pockets Seishirou's. He keeps reminding himself that he is only doing so to return to him on his next visit.
---
The next evening, Subaru doesn't make it to the apartment before Seishirou assaults him in his hallway. He is roughly pushed against the door, his body is pinned and his arms are caught and secured above his head. A hungry mouth sorts his and then travels slowly to his collar, leaving dark bruises wherever they touch. Instead of complaining Subaru arches up and lets small whimpers escape his lips. He doesn't tell him to stop be cause he wants this as much if not more than the other.
The assassin leaves as abruptly as he came. Subaru is left feeling unsatisfied and stumbles into his bathroom to take a cold shower. He believes he has seen a different Seishirou today, more human that he has ever seen him before.
---
A week of absence follows, which ends with one night when Seishirou doesn't greet Subaru when he enters his apartment. An aura of death clings to Seishirou, and Subaru is surprised not to find blood on his hands. Obviously Seishirou had just been out hunting and hasn't bothered to hide it.
"Good evening, Seishirou-san." After all these years, Subaru still cannot drop the honorific associated with that name. It almost feels like its part of the name; attached.
Upon hearing Subaru, Seishirou's mask slips back on and he is all smiles again.
"It is, isn't it?" He replies.
The smile beckons; the desire is evident in the mismatched eyes. He knows he's like a puppet manoeuvred at the simple wish of the puppeteer. Those strings are attached solidly to his heart. There are no more words tonight; intention is evident in the way Seishirou pushes him down on the bed. Skilful hands do what his eyes did only a few nights ago. Each piece of Subaru clothing was peeled of and tossed aside. Seishirou lens back on his heals and admires the view. The fake smile was gone and Subaru is strangely glad. Even though it is his first time, Seishirou is not gentle with him. The thrusts are sharp and deep, and his body responds through the pain because the pleasure Seishirou brings outweighs it. Subaru comes a few times that night, and for the first time since meeting Seishirou again falls into a dreamless sleep.
Subaru wakes up shortly after dawn to find Seishirou is already gone. For a moment he considers it was all a dream until his brain registers that he is in fact naked underneath the sheets.
---
"Isn't your wish to kill me?"
"No."
Everything Subaru can give is given, there is no more hesitation. The answer is now resolute.
Comments and critics are most welcome.