[Lincoln backed up near the fireplace in preparation for when his sisters' fists would be flying.]
Lori: [whistles between her fingers, calling the attention of the other sisters] Wait. Why are we even fighting again?
Lisa: Ms. Sporty here thinks she needs a car-cleaning material due to my lisp! It's not something I can help, you know! [glares at Lynn]
Lola: [to Lana] And since Ms. Queen of the Mud here thinks I snore so loud, maybe she should FART louder!
Lana: Well you wouldn't have known about it if Lincoln didn't-
[The moment those words left Lana's mouth, the remaining sisters quickly realized who was to blame for this fight.]
Sisters: Lincoln...
[Lincoln froze in fear, and before he knew it, he was completely surrounded by his siblings.]
Lincoln: [nervously] So... You still mad about the secrets?
Lola: You're darn right we are!
Lincoln: Well, about that... Hey, look, Hugh!
Sisters: [gasp in happiness and sprint to the front window] Where?
[Thanks to this distraction, Lincoln manages to get to the back door in the kitchen and is about to open it. However, Lola caught notice of him escaping.
[She informs the others and they then realize they were tricked and are even more enraged. The 9 sisters corner Lincoln around the door.]
Lola: [with a huge frown on her face] And just where do you think you're going?
Lincoln: [paused; trying to think of an excuse]
Lynn: [cracking her knuckles] Nowhere, that's what. Now, you're ... going... to... be history!
[Extremely intimidated, Lincoln opens the door, runs out, and then slams the door behind him.]
Lincoln: [screaming and running away from the Loud House] Out of my way! Out of my way! [points] Can't you see they're going to kick my butt?!
[A bunch of kids look over to Chandler and his goons at a bus stop.]
Chandler: What are all of you looking at?
Kid 1: So, you like kicking butts, do ya? Well we'll show you, dirt bags!
[The kids start beating up on them while Lincoln is hiding in a garbage can.]
Lincoln: Okay, I need to skip town, start a new life, live under an assumed name! "Lincolnovich Loudinski". Yeah, that's good. Grow a beard, and then shave it off, and live happily ever after.
[The Loud Sisters are right behind him, looking ever so furious.]
Lynn: Yeah, except you forgot the part where we kick your butt!
[Lincoln gasps three times and runs off while still in the garbage can. As he is running down the road, trash falls out of the garbage can, including some banana peels. The angry sisters ended up slipping on said banana peels and end up colliding with a nearby brick wall in the process. Cut to later when the sisters are in the hospital.]
Lincoln: Hey guys, you feeling better?
LYNN: What? Where are we?
Doctor: [walks in] Why, you and your other sisters are in the hospital. This young boy saved your lives. He performed CPR for five hours straight.
Lincoln: Yeah. They said you guys would be okay after the first few minutes, but I just wanted to be sure.
Lynn: Wow, I'm touched. We'll have to remember that when we're kicking your butt.
[Lincoln is thunderstruck, accompanied with glass shattering.]
Lola: Those flowers for us?
Lincoln: [screaming as he runs out of the hospital] They're still gonna kick my butt!
[The kids look at a bruised Chandler and his goons.]
Kid 1: How many times do we have to teach you this lesson, dirt bags!?
Chandler: [in a weak tone] Oh no, not again.
[The kids walk up to them. Cut to Lincoln running to Clyde's house.]
Lincoln: [banging on the door repeatedly] Come on, come on, Clyde! Open up!
Clyde: [opens door] What's up,buddy?
[Lincoln rushes inside his house and slams the door shut.]
LINCOLN: Oh, Clyde, I'm too young to have my butt kicked! There are so many things in life I haven't gotten to do!
[Cut to an older Lincoln in an office building at a desk, on the phone.]
Older Lincoln: Hang on, I'll transfer your call.
[Cut back to the present.]
Clyde: What are you talking about, buddy?
Lincoln: It's a long story that involves my sisters.
[Suddenly, there's several hard knocks at the door.]
Lincoln: [high pitched squeal] That's probably them! Clyde, help me barricade the door!
[Cut to montage of Lincoln Clyde barricading the door with an office desk, an anvil, and wooden planks.]
Lincoln: [sighs in relief] Good thing your dads had all that stuff in the garage. I think we'll be safe now.
Clyde: Yeah, but what about the back door?
[Lincoln realizes this and he rushes towards the back door. He pulls out a prison cell door from the left, pulls down a bank vault door from the top, grabs from both sides of the door and pulls out a closed elevator door. Finally, he blocks the back door with a stack of cemented bricks.]
Lincoln: [sighs in relief once more, but gasps in realization] The windows!
[Lincoln closes the blinds on each window as well as locking them so that his sisters wouldn't get in.]
Lincoln: [sighs in relief again] Alright, now I feel completely safe.
?: We wouldn't be so sure about that.
[In confusion, Lincoln looks behind him and sees that his ever so furious sisters said that and that they've managed to get in.]
LINCOLN: [screams in fear, then stammering] H-H-How'd all of you get in here?
Luan: We came in through the chimney. [points to the fireplace where there is a ladder inside of it] Do you see what your r-ash actions have come to?
Lincoln: Uh... Clyde! You gotta help me out here, buddy! [sees an unconscious Clyde that passed out from having eye contact with Lori; deadpanned] Of course...
[The sisters then corner Lincoln in the living room and are about to give him the beating of a lifetime.]
Lincoln: Wait, wait, wait!
[The sisters reluctantly decide to cease fire]
Lincoln: Okay, so before you beat me silly, I just want you to hear me out. [teary-eyed; voice breaking] Is violence really always the answer to everything in our family?
[The sisters' angry expressions begin to slowly fade and turn into guilty, shameful expressions.]
Lincoln: When you really think about it, we usually beat the living daylights out of each other over even the smallest of things on a daily basis, like the TV remote, the best seat in the car, money, or in this case, all of this. You were thinking of pummeling me nearly to death all because of some petty arguments, weren't you?
Lucy: [starting to feel bad] When you say it like that, that does sound pretty harsh.
Lori: Yeah, especially if you literally became scared of us.
Luan: As well as having to spend a lot of time in the hospital because of us.
Lincoln: Exactly. Now, is there any way we can each settle our differences without having to resort to violence as the very first option in mind?
[All of them hug Lincoln tightly.]
Lisa: [teary eyed] I know I usually don't show inane human emotions like this, but...[turns to Lincoln] Thank you, dear brother, for making us realize our mistakes.
Leni: We promise we won't try to inflict any pain on you or each other again, in addition to being so hard on you at times.
Lincoln: Apology accepted, girls.
[The siblings hug each other tightly one last time.]
Lincoln: [looks around Clyde's house] Now, I think we should un-barricade the doors and windows here.
[Cut to later when the siblings get back home.]
Lynn Sr. and Rita: [from their bedroom door] Hey, Lincoln! Is it safe to come out now?
Lincoln: [to the parents] It sure is! Everyone made up again, thanks to me! [to his 9 sisters] So, you guys wanna watch Dream Boat?
[The siblings watch TV whilst sitting very close to each other.]
Lincoln: [to the viewers] You know, we're not all perfect. We all still make mistakes every now and again, especially me as of late. It's a good thing we have all learned a very valuable lesson that we won't forget.
Luna: [in response] Couldn't have been said any better, bro.
THE END