Authors note:
This is a quick one-shot, I have a disliking for Sasuke yaoi fics whatever shape or form! This is definitely just humour. All characters could be a little OOC because it's humour I want to do some exaggerating! Lol love it, please review!
I'M GAY!?
Sasuke had just finished a hard days training, it took a lot to summon Manda! The snake still had absolutely no respect for him, and it drained his chakra to the extent that Chidori drains chakra! However, he finally mastered the Summoning, and Manda seemed to have come around to a new way of thinking after months of persistent training. His tai-Jutsu had come along leaps and bounds under Orochimaru's training. He was faster, stronger and more skilled when executing various techniques.
It was at this time that Sasuke found himself drifting to his quarters, wondering to himself what would be a nice relaxing way to amuse himself before he had lunch and rest.
As he pushed the door open he was his laptop resting on his bed! As much as he tried to hide his secret love of fan-fiction, as much as he tried to suppress the desire to read various action packed fictions where he would pummel Naruto into the ground, he knew that he didn't have the energy to argue with his subconscious today.
Closing the door and moving over to his bed he picked up the laptop and connected to the net. Sure enough there was his homepage: Man he loved to read those fictions, it gave his ego a boost, and gave him plenty of cool comebacks that he could use next time Naruto would attempt 'Rescue' him.
As usual he picked the characters 'Naruto' and 'Sasuke' then the rating, usually T, but today he felt he wanted much more gore! He liked gore! So today he picked 'M'. Unfortunately for him this was his undoing, that and the fact that he was too lazy to pick a genre! If only he had, he would not have to read it!
He waited a moment as the page loaded 159 pages of fictions for him to browse through. And there near the top was a fiction that caught his eye, 'Naruto Is the Best!'
The thought of Naruto being the best made his skin crawl; it had to be a joke, why would anyone write this trash,
'I could beat Naruto even if my eyes where gauged out' he thought. Wanting to find out more he immediately clicked the link for the fiction.
Firstly he read the summery:
"Sasuke returned to Konoha after admitting that all he did was wrong and apologising desperately to Naruto and Sakura to forgive him, but after a day's hard training Sasuke has other revelations for Naruto's ears only: "Naruto Is The Best"
That really took the biscuit as far as Sasuke was concerned!
"Why would I apologise... least of all desperately... you people are sick you know that, SICK!!!!"
Angered by what he read he continued to read, the joy of flaming said author grew inside of him! How he loved to flame!!
Then he came to a paragraph that had a heading: 'Lemon'. Having only ever read violent fictions where he beats the living crap out of Naruto, poor Sasuke had no idea of what this heading indicated!
He just made a small mental note to mention to the author that random words like lemon are not a good idea! Of course being the fiery hot head that he is, it would be worded slightly more aggressively! Then he foolishly continued to read.
This of course was Sasuke's biggest ever mistake! What he read there horrified him, he did indeed want to gauge out his eyes, only his yearning to kill his brother stopped this from happening.
Phrases that were mention haunted him and for this reason Sasuke flamed vigorously:
"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!!! ARE YOU A COMPLETE RETARD! FIRST OFF WHY THE HELL WOULD SASUKE EVER AND I MEAN EVER, EVER, EVER... APPOLOGISE TO THOSE TO MORONIC TEAM MATES OF HIS... REALLY THINK ABOUT YOUR CHARACTERS ASS FACE!!"
As you can see Sasuke was angered by what he had read, but that was not it, he flamed and he flamed until he was all flamed out. He continued:
"AND FOR PETE'S SAKE, WHY WOULD SASUKE ADMIT THAT NARUTO IS THE BEST, EVEN IF HE WAS GOOD IN BED WHY WOULD SASUKE KNOW ABOUT THIS, HE'S STRAIGHT DAM IT!! WHY WOULD SASUKE LET NARUTO BRING HIS 'THROBBING MEMBER' ANY WHERE NEAR HIS 'PERFECTLY SCULPTED BOTTOM?!"
Sasuke quickly checked the authors name, 'Orochi123' it made his blood curdle.
"orochi123, you are sick you know that." He spoke to the screen as though the author would hear his plea and remove the story immediately! However there was no such luck!
So Sasuke decided that he would have to go on a private mission, he would sort this out no matter what, this meant a dreaded visit to Konoha!
He would have to make sure that there was no chance of this ever happening, after all Naruto was a bit odd and he kept trying to 'rescue' him, this could have been Naruto trying to show these deep and hidden feelings that he held for Sasuke! Yucky!
Sasuke himself couldn't blame poor Naruto for being attracted to him so, he was after all Uchiha Sasuke, he was smoking hot and anyone would be lucky to get in his pants! But he just didn't swing that way, and therefore, it had to be sorted!
He got a bag packed and headed for the exit of this week's hideout! He was stopped by the ever creepy Orochimaru!
"My dear Sasuke kun, where are you going?" he asked in the O so feminine voice, this leads Sasuke to explain his new mission!
"It's all because of some sick author on called Orochi123, he wrote the sick fan-fiction!" Sasuke finished the tale that was gradually making him feel more and more queasy!
As soon as the name of the author was mentioned Orochimaru went all quite and a slight blush formed on his cheeks! It was true; he was in fact the author! Sasuke's eyes narrowed as he realised that his sensei had committed this vile act of treason to his pupil!
"WHY, DID YOU THINK ANYTHING LIKE THAT, WOULD EVER HAPPEN?!" Sasuke fumed at his sensei. Orochimaru blushed some more, and smiled shyly.
"It's a small fantasy of mine!" his blush increased.
"WHY!? YOU DISGUSTING PERVERTED... PEADOPHILE YOU!" Sasuke continued frustrated by the lack of understanding that he was getting from his creepy sensei.
"But Itachi told me it was right up your street when we were in the Akutsuki together!" This made Sasuke sick to the bone! He was about to attack Orochimaru when he started his 'Body takeover Jutsu' (not sure of the name).
"It's ok Sasuke, soon you will discover the pleasures!" this made Sasuke's blood boil and after a small struggle he was able terminate his somewhat psychologically deranged sensei!
Sasuke strutted to the exit!!
Authors note: Thank you for reading, I don't except flames definitely not Sasuke style! Lol this is just humour for me and some friends on a forum so if you going to get uppity go elsewhere fan girls!! Anyone who wants to express any con-crit feel free!! And anyone who wishes to compliment me definitely feel free! thank you's!