A/N: Be prepared for an extremely lame similie...
My Life
*CRASH*
My eyes sprung open like a Reverse Bear Trap. I looked over at the clock. 4:19. It is way too early for my parents to be doing something stupid. I trudged out of bed and down the stairs. I see Amanda Young, my mother, taking apart her watch and John "Jigsaw" Kramer, my father, using a screwdriver to adjust something on a trap. Amanda looked up once I reached the bottom step.
"Oh good morning Izzy!" She said, a little too cheerful for four in the morning.
"What the hell are you guys doing now?!" I snapped.
"Someone's a Miss Grumpy this morning…" Amanda muttered.
"What does it look like we're doing Iz, visiting France?" John laughed at his own joke, but quieted down when he realized no one else was laughing with him.
"This trap is gonna be a good one!" Amanda cheered. "It'll rip the victim's eyes out if she doesn't complete her task!"
Suddenly we heard an awful noise coming from the laundry room. You could hardly call it a laundry room though because the washer and dryer and been removed and converted into a trap. I ran to check and as it turns out, one of our dogs, Elvis, had thrown up.
"MOM! Elvis threw up!" I screamed.
"Oh shit, I knew I shouldn't have left that severed arm on the coffee table…" Amanda cursed. I remembered the other day her and John brought home someone's arm that had been cut off to save her life. I believe it was a woman named Simone. I knew this because I had snuck out with my parents that night to 'work', where they set up their games and put them into action. Sometimes I slip into their truck unnoticed, and by the time they find me, they have no choice but to allow me to go. Other times they personally invite me to go to help me understand some games a little better. They call it 'a learning experience'. I don't argue. But occasionally they catch me sneaking out and don't let me go because I 'need a good night's sleep' or something like that. Those nights I don't end up going to bed until 12 am or so anyways because my parents tend to not get home until 2 anyways. Sleep is generally at random times for them. Sometimes they go to bed right when they get home, but sometimes they sleep at a random time like 11 am. It doesn't matter too much if they're not awake when I wake up for school at 6:30, because I'm a pretty independent person.
This isn't to say that we don't spend any time as a family however. Just the other day, we went out to eat on a day that my parents weren't spending making traps or killing people. We decided on McDonald's, which is one of the few places we're not banned from. Unfortunately, things didn't go too well. John got pissed because when I ordered my veggie burger, (Did I mention that I'm the only vegetarian in the family?) he found one tiny itty bitty slice of sausage in it. So he took out a knife and threatened to kill the manager. That night we hid out at P&C and decided Burger King was better.
So needless to say, my family is different. If I had normal parents, I wouldn't be kneeling on the floor of our 'laundry room' at 4:24 in the morning cleaning up dog puke because he ate someone's arm. But normal lives are sooo overrated.
A/N: So there! I even remember where this idea came from! It started while my BFF Aj, his little brother Joey, and Aj's other friend Danny were all waiting after school and so I bit Joey and Danny said 'You're like...Jigsaw's daughter!' and Aj and I ended up expanding on the idea...and after a while I tried to imagine what life would be like if Jigsaw and Amanda really were my parents. I imagined all of the little things that the two of them could somehow screw up from leaving my science binder at home to the annual spelling bee. Then there's the holidays...I'm sorry this chapter is so short but I promise I'll work on the next one a little more! Make sure to R&R! (-), 3, and :]!