Summary: When Sam shoots Madison in "Heart," Dean's reaction is partly caused by the sadness he feels for his little brother, but the other cause is him imagining himself having to shoot Sam.
Eh.. I don't know if it's that great, but I'm putting it up anyway. It's my take on how Dean felt at the end of the episode. Review and let me know what you think.
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Dean found Sam leaning against the doorway, his back to him. Dean would do it for him. He wouldn't let Sam do it himself. "Sam…"
Dean's heart broke the second Sam turned around, his eyes brimming with tears. His baby brother… he'd failed to protect him again. All of the pain Sam was feeling should've been prevented by him somehow. He was supposed to keep Sam away from this kind of stuff. How could he not feel guilty as he stood there and saw so much anguish in Sammy's eyes? "I'm sorry." As if that could make up for such colossal failure...
"No, you're right…" Damn it, why wasn't he pissed off at Dean? Why wasn't he angry that Dean had let this happen? "She's right…"
That first tear fell, and Dean knew well that Sam wouldn't be able to hold any more back now. But he was torn between sadness and a sort of anger. Why was Sam so accepting of it? Just like he was so resigned to be killed by his own brother to prevent himself from becoming evil. Dean just couldn't let Sam do it… "Sammy, I got this one. I'll do it."
"She asked me to," Sam told him, his voice sounding broken.
Christ, didn't Sam understand that if Dean let him do this it would mean that Dean was accepting the possibility of killing Sam? "You don't have to." I don't have to kill you either…
"Yes I do."
Damn it, Sam. Dean tightened his grip on the gun that he held at his side. If he could help it, he wouldn't allow Sam to do this.
Sam held out his hand. "Please…"
Why didn't Sam realize what he was really asking his brother to do? Dean would die if he ever did come to killing Sam. Couldn't Sam see?
Dean hesitated, but Sam's eyes were pleading with him. And how could he deny his baby brother? He slowly set the gun in Sam's outstretched hand, letting his own linger there for a moment before allowing Sam to take hold of it.
"Just… wait here," Sam told him. And Dean felt guilty because he was slightly relieve to not have to watch. He didn't want to see Sam lose another piece of himself, another part chipped away, another part that Dean couldn't keep intact.
Sam walked back through the doorway and stopped just outside of it, looking back at Dean, his face covered in those tears that wouldn't stop. Dean, wasn't seeing Sam, though. He was watching himself prepare to kill his little brother. And when Sam walked out of his view, all he continued to see was Sam and himself.
Sam was standing in front of him, back in that hotel room from weeks earlier, putting the gun in Dean's hand, begging him to shoot, to save him from his destiny of evil.
It was a memory Dean had relived many times since then, only this time he took aim with that gun Sam had given him. He pointed it at Sam's chest, his hand shaking for the only time he could recall in his entire life. His eyes burned and one tear fell before he released the safety. Sam was looking at him both apologetically and forgivingly. I'm sorry to make you do this. Don't feel guilty, Dean.
And then the gunshot rang out, causing Dean to flinch.
Sam had shot Madison.
Dean had killed Sam.
