When Valen had been spending a large amount of his time at the Imperial City Prisons he came up with three rules that always held true:
1. The guards perpetually had a metal rod shoved up their arses.
2. Prison was more exiting to hear about than to experience.
3. Every problem, big or small, had one answer. The answer is always skooma.
The 1st and third rules always brought Valen amusement and utter joy, respectively. The 2nd was the most powerful, the 2nd was the reason for Valen's never-ending had experienced a short exciting time when a prisoner had been brought to what he had coined the "Death Row Cells". He named them this because most of the unfortunate fools who were brought there were soon executed. When the other slightly dim (in Valen's humble opinion) prisoner had awoken,
Valen took delight in his new toy. He had bragged (without any elements of truth) that he would soon be leaving and that if the fellow Dumner wanted, he could keep is significant (and hopefully more attractive) other company. This wasn't true twofold. One, Valen wasn't getting out soon and two; he did not have mad skills with the Dumner bitches. Valen had hoped to have more fun with the unfortunate fellow, but the emperor strode in (to Valen's shock) and opened some secret door taking all hope of Valen's entertainment with him.
After that delightfully amusing climax in Valen's prison stay the falling action had well… fallen. As it tends to do, but this action fell like a highly intoxicated Orc: Quite fast and quite heavily. It was Valen's hypothesis that OD'ed off of the previous excitement the plot of his prison stay had died quite tragically. In fact, Valen realized that he was thinking about a lack of climax more than most of his partners, at that point Valen realized he was insulting himself.
He didn't even have skooma to amuse him, the guards had taken it when he had been incarcerated (a big word for Valen) and he knew the guards were having some great parties with it. Sure, it was the only way those self righteous pricks would ever relax, however Valen really needed his skooma, emphasis on the HIS part.
Also, the memory of a quite intoxicated guard running around stark naked singing a song from "A Lusty Argonian Maid" would never leave him. In fact, the sight of the book (which used to be one of his favorites) would make him twitch for years. Valen sighed and turned over in his bedroll, he hated the world and most of all he hated prison….
This is the first chapter of my very first fic, reviews are appreciated. Reviews are the food that I eat, I need them dearly . So please, feed me. Think of the opportunity! When you go to the zoo you're never allowed to feed the alligator or the monkey or anything really! Here at my fics you can feed me all you want ( and remember the feeding is a metaphor for reviewing this, please don't airmail me food).