BLUSH
Author: Queen Nightingale
Rating: M (For Language)
Pairing: JPLE
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You dweller in the dark cabin,
To whom the watermelon is always purple,
Whose garden is wind and moon,
Of the two dreams, night and day,
What lover, what dreamer, would choose
The one obscured by sleep?
- Hymn from a Watermelon Pavilion by Wallace Stevens
---
You love her because no one else will, no one else would.
You're just a boy, she screams at you in hallways, her red hair flailing behind her small figure, wrapping her up in a scarlet cloak that you just can't seem to get out of your mind.
(And you do know that you're just a boy, but you figure in your head, staring at her wide green eyes and milky white skin, that she's the sort of girl that might like your sort of boy.)
She stomps towards and away from you – two steps forwards, one step back. The game you like to play is a dangerous one, and so far your thirst hasn't been quenched by any of the other girls in Gryffindor, or Ravenclaw, or Hufflepuff … or even Slytherin, for that manner. All that's left for you to divide and conquer is this flaming ball of madness that wants to trust you but knows better than to let her guard down.
You're still not quite sure when it happened, you muse to yourself, absent-mindedly spooning porridge out of a bowl and into your mouth one early morning in the Great Hall. Sirius is still asleep, Remus has got his nose into a book and Peter is snoring on the table beside you, so it's the perfect time of day for you to quietly amuse yourself with your thoughts.
As you were thinking, you're not quite sure when it happened. You don't know when, how, what, where, why or WHO, for that matter, convinced you to like her. Maybe it was yourself.
No, you shake your head, frowning, someone must have convinced you to fall for this harpy. Probably some evil God.
Either way, you fell for her whether you liked it or not. You started realizing you might be attracted to her when butterflies exploded in your stomach whenever she came around, whenever you managed to set her cheeks on fire and burn her skin into that beautiful pink flush. Instead of being mildly irritated at her, you found yourself mildly attracted to her.
Madly attracted to her, actually.
She started to possess your every thought in a way that boys aren't supposed to think about girls. You started worrying about your looks, whether you were too gangly and messy-haired; you started bothering to make sure you walked with a characteristic swagger whenever she was near, leaned perfectly, sat perfectly, talked perfectly.
You acted out more and more in class (not that anyone really seemed to notice, except for Sirius, who cheerfully went along with it), just to get her to daintily snort or huff at you for your foolishness, just to catch her eye and wink at her from across the room.
You particularly enjoyed the way she turned a lovely shade of pink.
Her blushes, in your mind, were legendary. You'd be sitting casually in class, grinning with your canines at Sirius or Remus or Peter, talking too loudly, when suddenly McGonagall or Slughorn or whoever the teacher was would tell the class to shut up and pay attention. Then, you'd drift your eyes across the room until they landed on her small figure.
Sometimes, she'd be sitting with her chin in her hand, lazily fiddling with her quill or doodling on her piece of paper. Sometimes she'd be quietly whispering to Mary McDonald, sitting next to her, or Marlene McKinnon, or one of the other Gryffindor girls. Sometimes her back would be so ramrod straight you could imagine a ruler stuck straight up her ass through her spine. Sometimes she'd be hunched over and frantically scribbling down notes, which you knew from watching her was really her homework for the next class.
Either way, whatever she was doing, she'd slowly stop that activity and tense. You could see it creep up her spine, through her muscles, until she quickly wrenched her body around and looked for you, wherever you were sitting.
Sometimes she'd miss, and accidentally stare angrily at a poor Hufflepuff, and then blink a couple times and blush when she realized that she missed her target.
But most of the time, she would whip around and glare straight at you.
You loved it.
There was nothing like being glared at by Lily Evans.
You would languidly trail your gaze up her body, making her cheeks turn that delicious shade of rosy pink, moving slowly up until you reached her stunning eyes, which even if far away, you could still see had that spectacular, magnificent shade of angry emerald. Then butterflies and tingles and delicious queasy pulses would fill your body, straight from your head to your feet, making your toes curl, and you'd grin widely, almost imitating the Chestershire cat from that muggle fairytale.
Then she'd huff, and you'd watch her chest heave in and out, her fragile frame inhaling almost too much air, and for a couple seconds, your grin would leave and you'd worry that she'd pop open, she was gasping so much.
And then, lo and behold, you'd notice a faint pink slowly staining her cheeks.
It would start at her cheeks and then spread all over her face, deepening in colour to a rose or soft cherry, spilling over her high cheekbones and washing over her neck, until it slipped over her collarbones and into her school robes.
Then, slowly lifting your eyes back to hers, you'd grin maniacally, and she'd blush even harder, turning redder and redder the longer your gaze stayed on her.
But then, there was always an interruption, a loud professor declaring homework or either one of the two of you getting distracted by your noisy friends, and your eyes would disconnect. You'd go back to sprawling out in your chair, obnoxiously taking up a huge amount of space to prove your masculinity, while she went back to concentrating on the class.
But your eyes couldn't seem to help but slowly rotate back towards her, and you grinned to yourself when you saw trickles of pink slowly stem up the soft inclines of her face.
And then the game started all over again.
"Today you will be paired up in order to complete a series of potions," Slughorn declares, nodding at you as you and Sirius stroll into the room, a couple minutes late, "Nice of you to join us, m'boys."
As you casually walk to your seat at the back of class, you make eye contact with her, causing her to blush and dip her head back to her desk. Sliding into your desk, you yawn and haphazardly throw your book bag in front of you, making a couple of your quills fall out.
You swear, and bend down to get them, feeling her gaze from across the room on you.
"As I was saying," Slughorn continues, obnoxiously patting his rotund stomach, "You'll be paired up to complete a series of potions. The pairs are assigned, and you have the class to finish up the assignment. You will pick two out of three given potions – Amortentia, Unctuous Unction, or the Deflating Draught as the antidote to the Swelling Solution."
"Oh, joy," Sirius whispers to you as he slides into the seat beside you, making you snicker under your breath, "I can't wait to brew the fucking Deflating Draught. Excitement central."
"Oh, but it'll be good for you, Padfoot," Remus comments, making both of you turn to face him, "Maybe it'll deflate your head a bit."
Sirius scowls and you bite back a loud laugh, high-fiving Remus under the table.
"Here are your pairs. Mary McDonald and Lucius Malfoy!"
You watch Mary make a face at Lily, and then start to move her stuff over to Malfoy, whose face is so pinched at the idea of working with a Gryffindor that he barely resembles a human anymore.
"Marlene McKinnon and Sirius Black!"
Sirius grins widely and nods across the room at Marlene, who turns towards him and pretends to grind against her chair in joy, barely containing her laughter.
"Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew!"
"I'm sorry Remus," Peter says quietly, sadly looking down at his messy notes, "I hope you don't mind working with me."
"No worries Pete, I'm sure we'll do fine," Remus replies jovially, piling up his various notes, "Let's just try to not explode it across the room like last time."
Slughorn continues shouting out names at the front of the room, and you lazily sink lower into your chair, yawning dramatically, making Remus smack the side of your head when your eyes start to droop shut.
"I'm tired, you dipshit!" you exclaim, rubbing the side of your head and pouting at Remus, who is shaking his head and looking exasperated.
"At least pretend to pay attention, Prongs," he says, turning back to his notes, "It might do you a load of good."
"James Potter and Penelope Parkinson!"
You groan under your breath and glance over at the Slytherins, where Penelope is disgustedly looking back at you, her nose stuck in the air.
"I don't want to work with her," you whine, poking Sirius, who is absent-mindedly doodling on his paper, "She's so nasty. And ugly. And a bitch."
"Lily Evans and Dorcas Meadows!"
"Oh suck it up, Prongs," Sirius retorts, biting his lower lip and bending closer to shade in the broomstick he drew on his page, "I had to work with lovely Lucius "I-think-I'm-the-shit" Malfoy a couple of weeks ago while you got Remus."
"Well go on," Slughorn bellows from the front of class, plopping himself down in his gigantic armchair, motioning with his hands, "Divide and conquer!"
You sigh and bundle up your things, slowly moving over to where Penelope is sitting at her desk, her arms furiously crossed and her nose halfway up to Pluto.
"I don't want to do this with you anymore than you do," you growl at her, shoving your things beside her, "So let's just get it done, okay?"
"Fine," she says, spitting out the word, and then flounces off to get some materials at the front of class.
"Fine," you mouth behind her back, exaggeratedly imitating her and making eye contact with Peter, who snorts at you and then gets back to work with Remus.
You suddenly hear a small yelp behind you, followed by a thud, and you turn around to see Lily Evans sprawled out on the floor, a liquid spreading out of the vial that she was holding in her hand.
"Are you alright?" you ask quickly, bending down and grabbing the vial out of her hand. You feel sparks explode between the two of you when your fingers brush hers, and you quickly inhale, feeling her unconsciously jerk.
"Yeah, I'm alright," she says shakily, moving into a sitting position, an embarrassed blush spreading up her face, "The vial, not so much though."
"Oh Ms. Evans!" Slughorn dramatically proclaims, barrelling his way down the row towards the two of you, "Are you quite alright m'dear?"
"I'm great, thanks professor."
"Oh no, you spilt the last bit of unicorn blood! That's no good, no, not at all!"
You hear, rather than feel yourself, start to speak.
"I can go with Lily –" you feel her inhale sharply "to get some from the groundskeeper, if that's alright with you, Professor Slughorn. Parkinson and I need some as well."
You keep your eyes trained on Slughorn, feeling Lily carefully watching you.
"Great suggestion, m'boy!" Slughorn booms happily, "Just remember to get back by the end of class! I'll excuse you from this assignment, Miss Parkinson can work with Miss Meadowes!"
You meet eyes with Sirius across the room, and he mouths 'Lucky Bastard!' across the room at you.
You casually place your hand against the small of Lily's back, feeling her start, and slowly guide her out of the classroom, ignoring whatever it is that Slughorn is ranting about at the front of the room. You feel her taking breaths in and out, and delirium spins in your head when you inhale her soft scent of water lilies and bergamot.
The two of you make it out of the class, and you drop your hand from her back, feeling her grow tense. You start walking down the hall, her at your side, the two of you cloaked in silence as you leave the classroom.
"So," Lily mumbles, looking at her feet as you glance over to her, "How are you doing?"
"Good," you reply, grinning a bit at this crazy fierce girl who has gotten into more arguments with you than anyone else in the world, "You?"
"Bout the same."
An awkward silence falls, and you see, out of the corner of her eye, Lily twirling a strand of her red hair as the two of you walk down the hallway.
"Um, actually, I have something I want to ask you."
You feel her stop walking, and you turn to face her, questioningly, your eyes landing on hers.
"What's up?" you ask, raising an eyebrow.
She doesn't reply for a couple of seconds, but stands there, biting her lip, as you rake your gaze over her. You had forgotten how much smaller she was than you, and how stunningly red her hair was, and how pale her complexion. Up close her eyes are even more spectacular, and you find yourself engrossed with the persimmon lips that she's raggedly chewing on, her perfect white teeth biting down on the reddened skin.
You stifle a groan, and let your gaze travel down her body.
She definitely filled out over the years, you note in your head, with hints of her soft feminine curves under her Hogwarts uniform, and more than anything, you just want to rip off the black cloak and ravag-
"James?"
Hearing your name startles you, and you quickly drag your gaze back up to her face, where she is smirking at you. You find yourself blushing as you realize that you've been caught, but you still stand and wait for her question.
"This will sound, uh, a bit, uh, awkward, actually," she says, her smirk dimming and an uncomfortable expression spreading up her face, "But I figure that this is the best time to ask you this."
"Alright," you say, searching her face for clues.
"Why do you stare at me in class?" she blurts out, and then her eyes widen and pink flushes her cheeks.
You stand there awkwardly in silence for a bit, searching in your mind for the right answer. She takes your silence the wrong way, and lowers her head and groans.
"Oh Merlin, I've really mucked it up, haven't I," she says, laughing a bit, her face reddening, "Oh Merlin you have no idea what I'm talking about. I'm sorry, really, this must have been a big misconception."
"I know what you're talking about," you say hoarsely, and she freezes, staring up at you.
The two of you stand there in silence for a bit longer, until you sigh and walk over to a nearby window, staring out of it.
"Lily, there's no use in me lying anymore. Everyone knows, anyways. Even you know."
"Know what?" she asks, walking closer to you, her large eyes swallowing you whole. You wrench your gaze away from her, back to the window, and continue talking.
"Well, I mean, since first year we haven't exactly had the greatest relationship. I asked you out almost every day. Every day, actually," you add, seeing the look on her face, "And it was wrong for me to have done so. I was just doing it because it was funny to make you angry, I just didn't realize why, at the time."
"I like the way that you stand," you say, breaking your gaze with the window and staring into her beautiful eyes, "I like the colour of your hair and I like the way you laugh. I don't know anyone who laughs like that."
Lily lets a small smile appear on her face, and you grin back at her.
"I like the way you move, and the way that you talk, and the way that you treat everyone, except for me, but of course I deserve that. I like making you angry, making your cheeks turn this, this, … this delirious shade of pink and red and, and, I like making you huff and get riled up, because no-one else can do that as well as I can."
You watch a flush appear on her cheeks, and you grin wider and start to find your confidence again.
"I like your smile and your gaze and your eyes, Merlin, Lily, I don't think you know what you do to a bloke with eyes like that. And you've got perfect skin – but it's not just all that shallow stuff, I know, it's just … I don't know, I just like you a lot."
The two of you stand in silence for a bit longer, basking in each other's sunshine, until she breaks it and explodes it into clouds and moons and planets around your head, asking more of you than anyone ever has.
"Well, what are you going to do about it?" she asks, raising an eyebrow, a smile peeking at the corner of her mouth.
"I'm not allowed to do anything about it, Lily," you say, snarling a bit unconsciously, "I can't do anything about it because I've mucked everything up in the past and I've lost my chance because I got you angry but I didn't really mean to and now everything's lost to the wind and –"
"Will you go out with me?"
You freeze, standing there in the hallway with this girl who has captured and sold your soul for knuts, with this girl who you are so unconditionally in love with that you can't stop staring at her, with this girl who is the most beautiful girl in the world, at least to you.
"Yes," you say quietly, a huge, giant grin lighting up your face, "Yes. That would be great."
A blush slowly starts to spread up Lily's face, from the inside of her shirt to the roots of her hair, and you can't help but want to bottle up her pink flush and inhale it and walk around with this little carton of happiness for the rest of your life.
Staring at this little piece of sunshine in front of you, you realize that everything has finally worked out.
And it'll all be okay.