When Hinata slept, sometimes she would dream that she was underwater.
Just water, with occasional strands of sunlight that let her see the blue in every direction. There was no Hanabi, no Neji, and no Father. No branch house that screamed for her blood or main house that cried for her freedom.
Just a cool calm that enveloped her completely.
She never ran out of air. She never even remembered breathing. But she didn't care. Swimming, it was like flying. The water picked her up and held her, and she was never going to fall down.
Never going to fall and feel ink and chakra seared into her forehead.
When thoughts like that sped to her in bubbles, she would swim and swim and swim as far away and fast as she could.
It wasn't always fast enough.
But when they didn't, when it was just Hinata idly watching strands of dark hair -hair, one letter away from heir, one letter away from that cursed word- float in front of her face, when it was just Hinata floating down to a bottom she couldn't see, or a surface she couldn't glimpse, she would lose everything.
She was not Hinata.
She was not Hanabi's sister, she was not Neji's cousin, and she was not Hiashi's daughter.
She was water and sun.
But then a single bubble of bright yellow and sky would rush past her, and languidly she would reach out and pop it, an audible pop that made her eyes widen.
Naruto. She remembered Naruto, and then-
She was Hinata again.
She wasn't current that swayed gently or pervasive stillness.
She was Hinata, Hanabi's failed protector, the reason Neji no longer had a father, and her own father's biggest disappointment.
And watching air-Naruto-sky suspended in the water, not knowing which way was up or down either, was when she always realized.
Hinata didn't need to know up or down.
Hinata didn't need to breathe.
Hinata was already drowned.
And that was when she lunged at the bubble, and it sped into the distance. She paddled and paddled as fast as she could but it was always in front of her, sometimes so close, so close, and sometimes so far she could barely see the bright burst of color. All she knew was that Naruto was air, Naruto could bring her back to life, Naruto would save her.
But she just couldn't reach it.
And the moment that the bubble was so far ahead she knew she had lost it, Hinata woke up.
Hinata jolted up, gasping for air and clutching her thin sheet. She looked around, desperate- there was no water, just white paper walls and wood.
Lying back down, Hinata closed her eyes and lied to herself.
That she was going to sleep to pretend that she and Naruto were eating ramen together, or gazing up at stars, or –and this one was her favorite- flying in a sky the same color as his eyes, with wings that curled out of their backs.
Not that she was going to sleep because she was happier drowned than awake.