Author's Note: Standard disclaimers apply. Characters and plots from the following episodes are referenced: The Disciple, Kitty's Love Affair, The Badge, Miss Kitty, and Hostage! Thanks to ladybrit, whose great time travel story gave me the confidence to give this a try, and singerme for being an encyclopedia of knowledge which she generously shares.

Someone to Watch Over Me

Chapter 1

"What-Ifs"

Kitty lay still in her bed, staring blankly at the ceiling as the pool of tears in her sapphire eyes trickled down to her hairline. They were familiar tears, shed privately more times than she cared to remember over the past nineteen years. Worry and grief, hurt and anger, relief and joy—each tear had been hard earned with one of these emotions, yet decidedly worth the price she had paid for them. Her life with Matt Dillon was something she had never dreamed possible when she stepped off that stage in Dodge City as a young girl those many years ago. Now a middle-aged woman, it was sometimes difficult to even remember a life before him. Not that she usually tried very hard—those were not memories she was eager to relive.

But tonight, stretched out alone in a double bed, she found herself struggling with a different kind of memory. Watching him ride out of town with no guarantee of his safe return had certainly not been a new experience. No woman got involved with a lawman if she couldn't handle that, and Kitty had handled it better than most. It was his job, and they both knew that the lives of a town full of citizens had to come before the personal feelings of two people, no matter how strong those feelings were. It wasn't easy, but she accepted it.

This time, however, it wasn't his job that had taken him away. No renegades to capture, no trial to attend, no crime spree to stop. No, this time they were separated not by duty but by choice. His choice.

The bullet that had spurred his departure had been fired by a gang of outlaws, as had so many before it. How many times had he crumpled to the ground as she watched in horror, begging Doc to work another miracle? More times than she had fingers to count them. Not terribly long ago, she had deemed that number at least one too high and had left her home with every intention of leaving the uncertainty and heartache with it. But she soon discovered that along with the heartache she had left her heart in Dodge City, and when he came after her she had no choice but to come back and reclaim it.

That fateful morning, as she cradled his head in her lap while a red stain spread through his shirt sleeve, she knew she would never leave him again. She didn't know how many times he had been hit or how bad it was, but she would see him through it no matter the outcome. It had been such a relief to learn that his right arm had suffered the only wound—nothing to take lightly, but far less worrisome than a major organ where life or death hung in the balance. But to a man whose livelihood depended on the use of that arm, merely surviving the injury was nothing to celebrate. A lawman with a bad gun arm was useless.

The decision to leave town had been completely his own, no one had demanded his resignation. Matt Dillon had protected this town for twenty years, and the citizens of Dodge City couldn't imagine having another Marshal. The fastest draw around just needed time to heal and rebuild his skills, and people were eager to give it to him. Unwilling to risk their safety, he decided not to take it.

He had ridden out with no fanfare, minimal supplies tied to his horse as the woman he had loved since the early days of his long career stoically watched him disappear from view. Her pleas for him to reconsider had been ignored, not altogether unexpected from a man who always had to do things his way. He had bid her farewell with a promise to be in touch, but no more. There was no promise that he would come back, or that he would send for her if he didn't. Then again, theirs had never been a relationship built on promises.

That had been days ago, and she had heard nothing since. Kitty Russell found herself in the familiar position of worrying that she might never see her man again, and the unfamiliar one of knowing that this time it didn't have to be that way. He had options other than leaving town. He was not a young man anymore and no one would have faulted him for turning in his badge and retiring while there was still life left to enjoy. A bad arm did not make him useless—not to her. Yet she didn't seem to be a consideration in his decision.

Kitty rolled over and sobbed quietly into her pillow. It was late and there was no one around to hear her, but somehow she couldn't release her cries with the intensity she felt. The role of the strong woman with nerves of steel was too engrained in her person. Her sobs were meant to be muffled.

After she had exhausted the last tear, Kitty turned over and wiped the moisture from her eyes. A full moon shone brightly through the window, catching a small stone in one of her rings and casting a pinpoint of light around the room. She had never liked her freckles and wore rings and manicured nails to make her hands look prettier. She grasped the ring between her thumb and index finger and began to nervously twist it back and forth. Such a pretty ring, the one Matt had given her years ago on Valentine's Day. It had always been a symbol of what she had, but tonight it was a painful reminder of what she didn't.

Nineteen years, and what did she have to show for it? Not a family, or a home, or even a commitment. Not a real one anyway, as the void in her bed proved. She could have had all of those things if she had been willing to settle. She'd had offers, and there would have undoubtedly been more had there not been a discrete but common assumption that she was off limits. The beautiful redhead belonged to the big man with the badge, and he was not a force that many were willing to challenge. Kitty let out a brief, ironic laugh at the thought. If only they had known that the deck was stacked in their favor. He would have let them win, for noble reasons that she understood but that stung nonetheless. She had learned that lesson with Will Stambridge.

What if she had accepted Will's offer? He had come into her life at a time when she was hurt and vulnerable, and she didn't love him. No, she didn't regret letting him go. But what about all the other men who had shown interest in her when she was young and had her whole life ahead of her—what if she had given one of them a chance? She probably wouldn't be lying alone on a bed in The Long Branch Saloon crying her eyes out at this moment. Maybe she would be in a different bed lying next to a husband who cherished her, and the perennial bachelor of Dodge City would be a distant memory.

Better yet, what if she had followed her gut and gotten right back on that stage her first day in Dodge, oblivious to the man responsible for the nineteen year detour her life had taken? There would be no Matt Dillon looming tall over every man she encountered, men who didn't stand a chance of measuring up to the new standard she had discovered. Maybe she wouldn't have found the same intense love, but perhaps she would have been spared the intense pain that often went with it. Maybe Matt would have been better off too—free of the burden he carried in protecting her, of the conflict he felt in being unable to always put her first in his life.

Kitty ached at the thought. Was it possible that her life in Dodge had been one big, long mistake? That it had led her on a futile, fruitless journey that she would regret in her later years? The thought consumed her as she slowly drifted off to sleep.

TBC