Title: Friendship Zones and Benefits
Category: Glee
Genre: Humor/Romance
Ship: Rachel
Rating: Teen
Warning(s): Coarse Language, Sexual Innuendo
Prompt: Friends don't give friends seven orgasms. - puckrachel drabble meme
Word Count: 2,369
Summary: "Arguably, you can't be in the 'friendship zone' if we're engaging in intercourse… That would nullify the zone and its purpose entirely."
Friendship Zones and Benefits
-1/1-
They're panting and his skin's so warm he really wants to kick off the sheet she pulled over them. What the hell does she need with modesty? He's seen it all; multiple times. And that smirk he's now sporting? Hells yeah he's proud! Him and Berry have been at this for weeks, and okay he's been doing this for years, but this has gotta be a record. He's gonna find out where Guinness World Records is based out of and fucking let them in on this, 'coz there's no damn way any other dude is even half the stud he is.
"This friendship is more beneficial than I'd ever imagined," she pants, her hand pressed to her forehead and her eyes closed. Her skin's all shiny and sweaty and her cheeks are flushed and if he could move, he'd so be on top of her right now.
And then he scowls. 'Coz she said friendship… Again. And when the fuck was she going to stop living in Berry's World of Denial? "Are you serious right now?"
Her eyes flutter open and then those big browns are looking up at him and his stomach's all flipped over and he really fucking wishes he didn't know what that means, but he's become really damn acquainted with that feeling the last few weeks.
"Admittedly, my history of sexual encounters is nowhere near as large as yours, so perhaps my doubts had little merit. But I don't think it unreasonable that I might have underestimated what this 'Friends with Benefits' relationship might entail…" She chews her lip, eyes glazing a little. "You certainly exceed even the most flattering of boasts in regards to your prowess, Noah."
"'m a fuckin' stud," he says, but it's not all arrogant or shit, 'coz he's still kinda trying to figure out what all the hell she just said. Damn it, even in the afterglow she's wordy. "Okay, wait… When'd we agree this was a friends with benefits deal?" he asks, 'coz yeah, he's caught up now.
Her brow furrows. "I had thought with your first advance, crude as it was—"
He snorts. "It worked, didn't it?"
She half-rolls her eyes. "Regardless. I'd come to the conclusion after our first encounter, and I'll remind you again that having sex in the school showers is firmly off the table in future, our simple parting of ways afterwards made it abundantly clear that we wouldn't be engaging in anything exclusive… Therefore, I could only conclude when you solicited me for a second and third—"
"And fourth," he grins in remembrance.
"Right, that you were willfully entering into a beneficial relationship with little to no strings attached." She hugs the sheet to herself as she draws up on her elbows. "Was I mistaken?" She scowls at him then as a thought occurs. "You aren't about to remind me that we 'weren't friends before,' are you? Because if so, I can guarantee that any future sexual endeavors will cease to exist if those words come out of your mouth." She narrows her eyes to make her point.
"Okay, wait…" His arms were still pretty shaky, 'coz they'd just had enough sex that he could take a weekend to recoup, but he manages to lean up so they're on a level playing field. "Just 'coz we didn't cuddle after - and seriously babe we were in the locker room; there's not a lot of places to do that - doesn't mean it wasn't exclusive…" He frowns then. "And the hell does that even mean? 'Coz if you've been banging other dudes behind my back, shit's gonna hit the fan, Berry…" He eyes her seriously, and a little worriedly (not that he'd ever admit that pansy shit).
She reaches over to pat his shoulder and he scowls at her little (soft) hand. "Noah, it would be very unhealthy for me to engage in sex with more than one partner. I require trust in the person I choose to share my body with and at this point in time, I can honestly say that you are the only person I'd willingly do so with."
He maybe puffs up a little bit, 'coz this crazy girl trusts him and that feels better than it should. "If you trust me then why the hell am I stuck in the fucking friendship zone?"
She wrinkles her nose disagreeably. "Arguably, you can't be in the 'friendship zone' if we're engaging in intercourse… That would nullify the zone and its purpose entirely."
He rolls his eyes, 'coz she's right, but she also totally knows what he means. "Berry…"
Pursing her lips, she rolls over and leans back against the pillows. "We were having a perfectly nice evening, Noah. I don't see what purpose your question has."
"Uh, maybe that I thought this was more than you getting your rocks off." Frowning, he throws his legs off the bed and sits up. Where the hell are his jeans? He tries to remember but when he thinks back, all he sees his dark hair and her tiny hands pushing denim out of the way before her mouth's on him. Fuck yeah, that no gag reflex thing is awesome. His eyes dart around the floor and he wonders how the hell they made such a mess. 'Coz her end table's knocked over and he thinks they maybe broke her lamp. And how the hell'd her skirt end up hanging off the ceiling fan? Whatever. He stands and starts kicking shit out of the way, 'coz he needs to get out of here before he starts growing a vag over all these feelings. When the hell'd he become the guy that wants more than just sex?
He finds one of her knee socks on top of his boxers and then he remembers… Right, he started wanting more when Rachel Berry like cared… Legit, when they weren't boning, she was helping him through a few of his classes and excitedly sharing college brochures with him like she really thought he could get into that shit. And maybe she told him he could make a career out of his music, that his voice would like carry him places, and coming from her that actually meant something. So maybe he didn't just want the crazy midget as his friend, maybe he wanted to hold her hand and play with her hair and hear her call him Noah, her boyfriend and not just Noah, a friend from glee.
"I don't understand where your sudden reluctance is stemming from," she calls from the bed, sitting up once more and frowning as he scouts the room for his clothes. And yeah, he probably looks ridiculous in his boxers and one sneaker, but the fuck ever! "Previously, you were perfectly content sharing the same agreement with Satana."
He threw his hands up. "That was Santana!" Finding his other shoe, he hops around on one foot as he pulls it on. "You're not her, Rachel."
She looks hurt though, her eyes falling to the sheet pooled in her lap. "While I can't argue with that statement, I had thought that I was getting better given how much we've been practicing."
"Shit, B, you get any better and you'll kill me," he mutters, half-smirking. And it's true. Maybe Santana has more experience, but Rachel's intense and passionate and she wants to do everything. Well, okay, there are some things she's not down with, but overall she's pretty open to exploring her limits and he likes that. 'Coz exploring Berry is like his mission in life and he takes that shit seriously.
She sighs then, staring up at him from beneath those long dark lashes, and he really just wants to kick of his clothes and get back into her bed and kiss her, 'coz she's pouting and her lips are fucking awesome. "I need you to make me understand then, because I'm at a loss at your turnabout. We'd been making progress as friends and—"
"Friends don't give friends seven orgasms," he finally snaps.
She eyes him warily. "I disagree. I think very good friends would do just that." She crosses her arms over her chest and looks away petulantly.
"Rachel…" Blowing out a heavy breath, he crosses the room and sits down next to her. "Babe, you're friends with Hummel. He give you any play lately?"
She rolls her eyes. "I believe that to be a ridiculous inquisition, especially given that his desires lie only with those of the male persuasion."
"All right, fine, you're buddy-buddy with Chang. If he weren't banging Tina, would you spread your legs for him?"
She gasps indignantly. "That's a crude and utterly unnecessary way of putting things!"
"Whatever, s'not the point. You said friends hand out orgasms, right? So how many of our friends would you be willing to pay that favor to?" His brows are high and his lips are pursed and he really wants her to say none, 'coz otherwise the glee club's gonna get their ass kicked, collectively.
Her shoulders slump. "Fine, Noah… You're right, I wouldn't willingly engage in that sort of behavior with just any of my friends… Although I still feel that your need to point out that our sexual relationship hinders or disqualifies us from having a friendship is unfounded and a little hurtful."
"What?" He frowns. "'m not saying we aren't friends, Berry… 'm saying that's not all I wanna be."
She sighs, loud and frustrated. "Which is why we're currently enjoying each other's naked company! So again, I ask you, what is the point of this conversation?"
Licking his lips, he restrains himself from reaching over and shaking her. "You're the dumbest smart person I know," he mutters.
Her mouth drops open to argue, but he covers it with his hand; she glares at him in a way that promises a whole lot of no sex in his future.
"I'm gonna say this once and I'm never repeating it, like, ever…" His jaw ticks uncomfortably. "I like you. I like all your crazy and your fucking animal sweaters and your too-short skirts and all your giant-ass words… Even if I like how you cuss and grunt and whimper a lot when I'm inside you, and it's totally better than when you recite your Tony speech for the five-millionth time. But whatever. Point is, I like you more than a friend or a fuck buddy or any of those other stupid ass titles… Like I wanna be more than the guy your bang in your little Polly Pocket bedroom and who gets you off in school showers." He shrugs, eyes darting away. "Like if you wanna hold hands at school, I'm not gonna freak out or anything… And maybe you could meet my mom, 'coz she'd legit have a heart attack if I brought home my Jew girlfriend and—"
He trails off when she bites his hand.
"Ow! What the hell, Rachel! Your fucking midget teeth hurt!"
She glares again. "Firstly, I am not a little person, and I would ask you to kindly stop referring to everything related to my person as midget!" Blowing out an exasperated breath, she reaches for his hand and soothes her teeth marks out of his palm with her thumb. "Secondly… I found your speech to be very moving and flattering, although in future perhaps pausing to remind me of the sounds I make during intercourse wouldn't be ideal…" She bit her lip. "I hadn't realized you wanted anything more, Noah… I had convinced myself that all you were willing to share was your body and not your heart and so I didn't want to get my hopes up as I have in previous relationships only to have them dashed and… And I care about you, a lot. You're one of my closest friends and we have such passionate chemistry together that I didn't want to ruin anything by making plans…"
He cocks a brow. "Babe, that's all you're about is plans…"
"And you've seen how well that's worked out for me in the past," she reminds him, brows quirking. "My previous relationships have a long history of blowing up in my face and I didn't… I didn't want that to happen between us."
Half-grinning, he drags her over and into his lap, wrapping his arms around her waist. "'m not like your exes, Berry..." He tucks her hair behind her ear and tugs lightly on the lobe. "I know how crazy you are and you know how much of an ass I am and we like get each other, y'know? So just…" He smirks. "'m already in your pants, lemme into your heart, okay?"
Rachel smiles, leaning forward to press her forehead to his. "You're already there… It must've happened somewhere between orgasm three and six…" She taps her chin thoughtfully, grinning as she teases him.
"'m a fuckin' master, babe!" His eyes widened happily. "Did you see that last move? That was legendary!"
She laughs throatily. "I was there, Noah, I remember."
Chuckling, he nuzzles his nose with hers. "So this friends with benefits thing is done, right?" He eyes her searchingly, 'coz he needs to lock this down. "You're my girlfriend?"
She nods, trailing her fingers through his 'hawk. She hums then and looks up at him. "You realize I'll have to withhold sex until our third date, however, right?" She grins at him cheekily. "I wouldn't want you to falsely conclude that I was easy or something of the sort."
He stares down at her, a little worried, 'coz three fucking dates? That's way too long without full-access to Berry. And then he smirks, 'coz… "You really think you can keep your hands off me for three dates?"
She raises a brow. "Would you like to test the theory?"
"No." He leans her back on the bed – he's got his sights set on orgasms eight, nine and ten before the daddies-Berry get home from work. "I got the proof right here…"
In a rare occurrence, Noah Puckerman wins two arguments that night. That they're more than friends and that she has any self-control when it comes to him. And his sex-god status lives on!
[End.]