Author's Note: This concept has probably been done a dozen times already, but I couldn't help myself when it popped in my head. And I've been missing these characters after playing Inquisition. Hope you enjoy it!
Isabela was bored. This was a pretty common occurrence for her, actually. Downright routine. And that only made it even more boring. The problem with trying just about anything that popped into your head was that you've tried just about everything before. And that made it nearly impossible to think up anything new to do.
Plopping her chin in one palm, she looked around the Hanged Man and took an inventory of how many of the patrons she'd already slept with. When she started reaching double digits, she realized that it would have actually been quicker to count how many she hadn't yet shagged. Hell, she'd already slept with half of Hawke's circle of friends (including Hawke), and some more than once. Even Varric had let down his guard enough to have a bit of fun with her on occasion, though she wouldn't normally count what they had done on her list of exploits. He was very strict about boundaries.
Her gaze roamed down the table, ticking off boxes and weighing her level of interest in pursuing more activities in the near future. Merrill had been fun, but she was a little occupied with Hawke right now and Isabela had no interest in getting in the way of their burgeoning love affair, which meant Hawke was also off limits. Fenris? Mm. Delicious, but strenuous. She wasn't sure she was up for that level of exertion. Her eyes lingered on Sebastian for a moment, pulse increasing at the sight of his baby blues, and she wondered if she could coax more out of him. She knew how to get him worked up, but he was just too good at self-denial for her to break through that wall. Nope, too much effort. Aveline? Oh how she wish she could convince the big girl to loosen up a little, but she knew making an attempt was not only a waste of time but also likely to end up in broken ribs. Anders? Hm.
She straightened. Anders looked absolutely wrecked tonight. Blond hair all disheveled, face flushed, coat unbuttoned at least a button lower than normal, and all that longing in his eyes as he desperately tried to avoid looking at Hawke. She sucked in a breath through her nose and scooted closer to the table to get a better look. Yes, he was definitely pent up in all the right ways. He was ripe for a little attention from Isabela. And now she was thinking about herself in third-person, apparently. That's how much his appearance affected her.
He must have sensed her attention, because he raised his head from his manifesto at that moment to look at her, lower lip worried to a bright pink where it was caught between his teeth. She must have groaned, because his brows creased with concern. "Isabela? Are you feeling alright?"
"Could be better, actually." She sat back in her chair and stretched out, trying to find his legs under the table. How fortuitous that she'd already discarded her boots next to her chair in an effort to get more comfortable.
He flinched when she made contact and she smirked, dragging her toe up his boot until she reached his knee. She watched his adam's apple bob as he swallowed and then slid her toes up until they were halfway along his thigh. His hand came down on her foot to stop its progress.
"Don't," he whispered.
"You remember that night at the Pearl?" she purred, leaning forward to press her breasts against the edge of the table. She happened to know this made them look irresistible. "How long ago do you think that's been now?"
"I don't know," he said impatiently, trying to push her foot away, but she just pressed harder. "Years."
"Hard to believe it's been that long and you still haven't given me another taste of that electricity trick."
Jaw tight with annoyance, he said, "You remember two days ago when you showed up at my clinic to treat the disease you'd picked up from your latest taste test?"
She grinned, turning her foot in his hand to get better leverage. "I remember you were especially thorough in your treatment."
"Isabela, really. Just stop. It's not going to happen." He tried to turn her leg away, but this time she used the distraction to push her other foot into his groin. His eyes widened, jaw clenching as he attempted to dislodge her.
"What exactly is going on under the table down there?" Varric asked, a mischievous glint in his eyes, but Isabela didn't have much attention to spare for him because she had finally felt a twinge of reaction from Anders.
"That's it, sweet thing," she cooed encouragingly. "Your body knows what you need."
Varric sighed. "Blondie, is Rivaini trying to take advantage of you?"
There was that twitch again, and Isabela only needed two tries to figure out what worked. She giggled under her breath and watched Anders flush the prettiest crimson she had ever seen.
"Varric, just keep talking, will you? Little Anders seems to like the sound of your voice."
The dwarf laughed, a melodic rumble that made his glorious chest hair sparkle in the light. "Ah, Blondie. I always knew you had a thing for me."
Before Isabela could feel Anders' reaction to that one, he finally flung her feet aside and pushed his chair away from the table. "That's enough," he said.
"Oh, you used to be so much fun!" she complained. She looked around the table for moral support, but found that it had emptied out except for the three of them. Rolling her eyes, she continued, "What happened, Anders? That spirit steal all your libido away?" She sat up straighter as an idea struck her. "Or maybe he takes care of it for you? That would be convenient. A partner inside your own head. Sharing your body. Mm. Gives me shivers."
"Really, Rivaini, I think you've done enough," Varric said mildly. He was standing next to Anders now, resting his hand lightly on the nape of the mage's neck. Anders sat still as a frightened cat, hardly even breathing as Varric absently traced fingers over his hairline.
"Okay, new plan," she said. "You two in a room and I get to watch."
"You just described what's happening right now." Varric's hand slipped inside the collar of Anders' coat and Anders' eyes fell shut, back arching ever so slightly into the touch.
Isabela licked her lips in anticipation. "Well, unless you want all these people to see Anders unravel before their eyes, I think you'd better find a different room. One with a lock."
That statement seemed to break the spell Anders was in and he ducked away from Varric's touch. "No," he said, voice faint. "I was just getting ready to leave, actually."
He fumbled with the pages of his manifesto, trying to put them in order, but Varric leaned over him and pressed the papers down to the table. Speaking right in his ear, he said soothingly, "Let me help you with that." She couldn't be sure because of the angle, but she thought she saw his tongue dart out to lick Ander's ear.
Anders' eyes slid out of focus, jaw hanging slack. Pulling the papers easily out of his grip, Varric put them in an orderly pile and then tucked them under one arm. His other hand grabbed Anders' and pulled him up out of the chair. "Come on, Blondie. Let's go somewhere more comfortable." He held Anders' hand against his bare chest as he tugged him into motion and Anders giggled a little bit, voice breathy. Looking back at her, Varric asked, "You coming, Rivaini?"
"Balls!"
"Trouble, Rivaini?"
Isabela looked up from her paper. "I ran out of ink. And I was just getting to the good part."
Wandering over to her with a fresh pot of ink, Varric glanced down at her paper. "Wait. Is that more friend-fiction? On my good paper and with my ink?" He snatched the sheaf of paper from her hands. Scoffing as he scanned the page, he added. "And a self-insert no less. You should be ashamed of yourself. Hey, do you even know what 'fortuitous' means? You'd never say that in real life."
"How do you know I wouldn't? The situation has simply never been fortuitous enough to allow for it. Until now, of course." Laughing at her own joke, she didn't notice at first that Varric had stopped critiquing. Then she looked up and saw the intensity in his eyes as he turned the page, jaw dropping open as he continued reading. "Well? Not half bad, is it?"
Teeth clicking as he pulled his mouth shut, Varric stuffed the papers back into her hands, eyes flicking over to the table on the other side of the room where Anders sat working on his manifesto, a pen balanced between his lips as he re-read a line.
"Want to find out if it will work?" she asked in a conspiratorial tone.
Varric chuckled. "Oh, I already know it will work. How could it not? Just watch." He walked across the room and bent over Anders, placing a hand on the back of his neck and saying something in his ear. Anders stiffened as if hit by lightning, his hand coming up involuntarily to touch Varric's chest.
Making a noise of disgust, Anders finished reading Isabela's story aloud, the last few words dripping with sarcasm. Shaking the papers in front of her face, he said, "This never happened, and it never would! What kind of sick world do you live in? Varric and I are friends, nothing more."
"But have you considered…?"
"No! And another thing! Why does the story just end abruptly and switch back to reality without any warning only to end up picking up right where the first part left off? It doesn't make any sense!"
"What are you two arguing about?" Varric asked, walking up to their table. Anders flinched when the dwarf leaned over his shoulder to look at the papers he was holding.
"Nothing," Anders said abruptly, shoving the papers back in Isabela's hands and standing up. "Keep your smut out of my manifesto," he added to Isabela as he walked away.
Varric chuckled. "You still writing that stuff, Rivaini?"
Looking mournfully at the door as Anders disappeared through it, she sighed. "Yes. But I don't know why. It's so unsatisfying."
Author's note: I know that was a pretty cheap trick. A little bit like pointing two mirrors at each other and seeing reflections inside reflections. And I used it not once, but twice. I don't know why I find it so amusing, but I do. Hopefully it wasn't too confusing. The "pairing" if you can call it that is also pretty unconventional, but this is Isabela, after all. And she is bored.