I was born to be broken.
From the very first breath
Everyday of every year,
all I remember feeling was
sorrow and pain.
And the pain built up
but, I did not shed a single tear.
Except alone
I wore a mask of contentment,
everyday
wondering aimlessly for a purpose,
beyond that of absorption of melancholy
They watched me bleed
And I broke and bled
before I finally
fell
To the lowest place of
the dark crevices of my mind
A place no light was visible
At that moment Why?
I wanted to hit the bottom
But I never did
Why am I not put out of my misery?
Why did I live to see another day? …
Was it because
I was supposed to meet you?
And now I wonder
your purpose to my twisted fate.
As I regain a reason to truly smile.
The man closed his eyes and took a whiff of as he took a moment to relax properly. The sky was clear and the sun was warm. Everything was so peaceful. The moment was soon interrupted when he felt a slight bit of pressure on his head. He opened his eyes and looked over his shoulder, only to stare at eyes like his own.
"Daddy?"
"Yes?" He answered in a calm manner. The man chuckled slightly at the look of confusion he was given. The little girl went around him, to face him, and continued to stare at him sitting.
"Daddy, are you okay? You're not playing with me anymore." She pursed her lip out slightly as she said this; clearly she was saddened by the fact that the man was just sitting around doing nothing instead of playing with her. He chuckled again and patted the girl's head, covered in curly brown locks.
"Yes, I'm fine. Just relaxing a little bit. Is that okay?" He watched her try to figure out exactly what he was saying. Even though the little girl did not fully understand the word 'relaxing' she just nodded.
"Oh I see, you're just rela…sing. I will too." She sat down in the grass and crossed her legs like him a small smile on her face as she looked at him. He watched her play with the blades of grass and dandelions for awhile before another look of curiosity fell on her face.
"Hey Daddy where was that place you took me to…?" She paused and took a moment to count her fingers before putting up seven digits. "This many ago? The place with those people in black karate clothes, like you. Only they had white…capes. And they were in a circle…around me and you."
He blinked his eyes, surprised that the little girl before him remembered such an event. He shook his head and tried to smile.
"That's where Daddy works, dear."
The girl tilted her head, still confused "Then why did Daddy look so scared and mean?" She asked this as she leaned forward from her spot.
"He was just being serious, that's all." He answered as he tried to keep a smile on his face, not liking the direction the conversation was going in. Despite this the little girl smiled and nodded showing she understood him.
"Oh…I see. What is Daddy's work? What does Daddy do? Why are all the people so sewious?" She asked this in her usual innocent manner as a smile was still on her face. The man on the other hand grew silent. He was not entirely sure how to answer those questions in the desirable way she was expecting him to. Her smile soon vanished seeing him like this as she waited for him to answer her questions, completely oblivious to what she wasn't suppose to know. He started to pat her head again after a moment.
"You're sure asking a lot of questions today, little one. And I would answer them all but wait…who's that I see? … The tickle monster?" He exclaimed before he took her into his grasp and began tickling her. He hoped eventually she would forget all the questions she had. It was too late for him though. Her questions made a place in his mind for him to think about. The girl giggled in his arms and the sweet sound filled the air around them. He smiled down at her but he couldn't help but think of all the situations his line of work put him in.
As more and more incidents flooded his mind, he grew certain of one thing. He never wanted that for the girl. He never wanted to see her off into battle. He never wanted the innocent look in her chocolate brown eyes to be replaced by that of a killer. As selfish as he knew the wish was he couldn't deny that he wanted her to stay the way she was; his little girl.