Chapter 1: Anywhere But Home

For the first time in his life, people actually listened to Theo when he spoke. It was at once gratifying and terrifying, because he was so unaccustomed to it. It was almost a relief when both the Chantry and the remaining Seekers not only refused to listen to him, but also all-out laughed in his face. It felt more like home, and he was easily the least dejected of anybody when they began the long trek back toward Ferelden.

"What are you smiling about?" Cassandra finally asked. The campfire accentuated the hard angles of her face, and the deep scar cut across her left cheek and jaw.

Theo poked the fire with a long stick and scooted back quickly when a log fell and sent up a shower of sparks. A few feet away Varric was chuckling. "It's ironic," Theo said. "I was expected to serve the Chantry, and now not even the Chantry wants anything to do with me."

"Or any of us," Varric pointed out. The dwarf took a swig from his flask. "Face it, no one expected an Inquisition out of all of this."

Cassandra stared into the fire. "No, least of all me. But I am a Seeker of Truth," she said. "That has to mean something. And if not to the rest of the order, then to me."

Sometimes Theo wasn't sure if she was talking to him or reassuring herself. Probably the latter, in this case. The Lord Seeker had sneered at Cassandra, had told her she had no right to call him by his title, and that the Inquisition was nothing short of heresy. Theo had half-expected her to agree, given the strength of her faith and conviction in her beliefs. But she'd clenched her jaw, jutted out her chin, and left Val Royeaux without a backward glance. Though she'd never declared herself the new Inquisition's leader, Theo, Varric, and Solas followed her out of the city as if she were.

But as soon as they were out of the city's gates Cassandra deferred back to Theo. "The Grand Enchanter said the rebel mages were meeting in Redcliffe," she said, staring at him from across the fire, again secure in her conviction.

"And the templars were in… Therinfal or someplace like that," Theo said. He rubbed his forehead. He'd spent his whole life sheltered in Ostwick; he'd never thought he'd go anywhere other than the nearest Chantry, and now he was trekking all over Thedas.

Varric handed over his flask. Theo accepted and took a swig. It burned going down, but it was welcome in the cold night air on the very edge of the Frostback Mountain pass. They'd hoped to cross the mountains before nightfall, but had stumbled upon a set of Fade Rifts. The fight left Theo exhausted, clutching his burning left hand to his chest and feeling dizzy. For their part Varric, Cassandra, and Solas, the elven mage, hadn't escaped unscathed either. Camping seemed like the better option.

"Therinfal Redoubt is east of Redcliffe," Cassandra said, reappearing and angling the unrolled map to see it better by the firelight.

"What would you do?" Theo asked her. In those first days she'd mistrusted him and watched him closely, as if expecting him to begin glowing green all over. Once Solas taught him the ability to close the Fade Rifts, she'd been better, and when he woke in Haven after sealing the biggest rift of them all, she'd completely trusted him. She was not a woman who trusted easily, and for that he respected and trusted her in return.

"This decision… it is not mine to make," she said in a halting voice. She rested a hand on her sword hilt. "You are the Herald of Andraste," she reminded him, as if he could forget with his hand glowing green and people demanding his attention every five minutes. "What choice you make, I will follow."

"She wants you to go to the templars," Varric muttered, watching her retreat to her tent.

Theo clenched his hand and shifted on the cold ground. "Of course she does. Where would you go?" he asked the dwarf.

"If I had a choice I'd go back to the Hanged Man in Kirkwall," Varric said with a grin.

"You do have a choice though," Theo said. Unlike me. His left palm seemed to pulse with vibrant light, though it didn't hurt the way it had when he'd first woken in chains in the Haven dungeons. Sealing off the large rift had helped that much, anyway. "But seriously, Varric. Where do I go? What if I make the wrong choice?"

Varric chuckled, but stared into the fire instead of at Theo. "There's a giant hole in the sky and it's raining demons. I think the wrong choice is still better than no choice." He looked around. "Have you seen Solas at all?"

"Given up calling him Baldy already?" Theo asked with a smile.

"I'll come up with something eventually. I always do," Varric said and took another swig. "Go rest. I'll take first watch," he offered. Theo tried to protest, remembering the vicious gash a demon had left on Varric's arm, but the dwarf waved his hand and shook his head. "You're the only one who can do that… thing that closes off the rifts," he said. "I think it's a better idea for you to be well-rested."

Theo sighed, though inwardly he was relieved. "Thank you, Varric," he said, and made for his tent.

He curled up in his bedroll and watched the firelight flicker on the wall of his tent. A stone dug into his back and he squirmed to get comfortable. He'd camped before, growing up in the forests outside of Ostwick when his uncles had taken him on hunting trips and he'd learned to shoot a bow. But it was always more comfortable than this.

But if he was still back in Ostwick, he'd probably have been shipped off to the Chantry by now. As the youngest son, when there was already an heir and a spare (as nobles in the Free Marches liked to joke), it was expected he and any sons after him would be given to the Chantry for religious service.

Whether he wanted it or not.

Theo had grown up without a voice, without a place, and without a future. Now, after one explosive moment, he had all three.

His father must be shitting himself.

He didn't know whether to head to Redcliffe and speak with the Grand Enchanter, or to keep going east to meet with the remaining templars. But the thought of his father soiling his breeches over Theo's sudden fame was enough to make him laugh softly and relax enough to get some rest.

He didn't decide where to go the next day, nor the next. He just kept moving east, over the Frostbacks and into Ferelden's Hinterlands until one night Cassandra could keep quiet no longer. "We must make a decision," she snapped, pacing angrily about. By "we", she clearly meant Theo, a fact that was not lost on him. "The countryside is tearing itself apart, between rogue templars and rebel apostates!"

Theo kicked at a clod of dirt. "I know. I was with you when we fought that last band, remember?" he said, a bit too acridly. Cassandra glared at him. "I'm trying to figure it out, Cassandra. Really," he said a bit more gently. "I'm sorry?" he ventured, but she just muttered something unintelligible and stormed off.

"She is getting accustomed to her new role as well." Theo looked up as Solas, the Elven apostate mage, glided up beside him. "The world as she knew it ended. She is trying to forge ahead, but it is a new world with new rules that she must learn." He turned his blue eyes on Theo. "And what of you and your place in this world?"

Theo shrugged. "I'm just sort of fumbling along and hoping I don't get myself or anyone else killed right now." He sat down on a log and the mage joined him. "I suppose we should just go to Redcliffe, but… it feels wrong going there just because it's the most convenient," he confessed.

Solas stared out into the gathering dusk. "Both templars and mages are able to help us," he said finally. "We need an immense concentration of magic to close the breach; either mages, with their magic, or templars, with their magical disruption training, can do it. I don't see that it's a problem choosing mages, simply because they are convenient."

"Are you saying that because you're biased?" Theo asked with a half-smile.

"I'm saying it because I'm practical," Solas said. "The breach grows daily. Time is not exactly on our side," he said, gazing up at the sky. The growing night was clear, though a pale green on the eastern horizon made them both uneasy. Theo stared at the mark on his hand, glowing the same shade of acidic green. "I support your choice, and I believe the Seeker will too. Her frustration stems from seeing no choice," he explained.

"That makes sense," Theo said. "I'm just not used to being asked what I think, let alone having to make a decision."

Solas nodded. "That is understandable. But do not fall into complacency and let that be an excuse for you to avoid the difficult decisions you will have to make." The elf stood and walked away, leaving Theo alone. Varric was off hunting; Maker only knew where Cassandra had disappeared to; and Solas had vanished as silently as he'd appeared. It gave Theo the time he needed to think over what the mage had told him.

Not for the first time did he feel a swell of resentment when he thought about how woefully underprepared he was to be making these sorts of decisions. Then he stopped. No, he wasn't prepared, but could anybody ever be truly prepared for the end of the world? Then he tried to picture Matthias, his oldest brother, in his shoes and stifled a giggle. Matt would go running to their father for answers, letting Lord Trevelyan rule through him. Even Gavriel, the second Trevelyan son, wouldn't truly be able to act without wondering what his father thought. Perhaps Theodane, the youngest, was best suited; he'd never had to worry about what his father thought. It had never mattered.

It never mattered that he'd taken to archery faster than anyone in his family, or that he made and fletched arrows that were of a better quality than those the fletcher in town sold. It didn't matter that he was a quick study, or that other families had made offers of their daughters. No, the third son went to the Chantry, and that was it.

With a sigh he picked up a pile of sticks and began stripping the bark with his pocket knife. It was mindless and soothing work that allowed him to focus. What Solas had said was true. All they needed was power to close the breach. It didn't matter where they got that power from. And time truly was not on their side. It was a miracle the world had not come crashing down upon them yet.

"Solas tells me you've made a decision?" Cassandra said. She stood at the edge of the ring of light cast by the camp fire. She didn't apologize, but she did sound gentler.

Theo set down his stick. He looked forward to returning to Haven to forge some proper arrowheads. He ran a hand over his dark hair. "Did he now," he said. Cassandra didn't say anything, but he could tell from the clench of her jaw that it was taking great effort for her to hold back. "I've decided we should listen to what the mages have to say," he said with a nod to punctuate his decision. The moment he said it his stomach flipped with nerves; now that he said it, it was true. If he went back and changed his mind he'd be seen as weak.

Cassandra bowed her head. "I will have word sent to Commander Cullen at once," she said. She turned to leave, but stopped. "Theodane, if I seem to question you often it is not because I disrespect you," she said.

"I know," he said. "I have a lot to learn."

She gave a smile. "As do I. I am accustomed to leading. Giving it up is not easy for me."

He laughed. "So you can lead," he said. "Please, by all means!"

She shook her head. "No. It is the same reason Cullen or Leliana cannot lead. We had roles before this. If we were to take on leadership, we look like opportunists for our cause. But you… you stepped out of the Fade, marked with magic though you are no mage. You are the Herald, chosen by Andraste herself."

There it was again: Herald of Andraste. "I keep trying to tell you that I'm just Theo," he insisted, but as always it was moot to argue. He sighed, but smiled at her. "I admire your faith, Cassandra," he said. "I just hope it's not misplaced."

"So do I," she said, but she was smiling.

"Thank you for the vote of confidence," he called after her as she headed off to alert Cullen of Theo's choice.

Theo rolled out of the way of a wispy green wraith as it lunged for him. "Little help here," he called.

"Trying!" Varric fired his crossbow, Bianca, into an approaching demon. "Maybe you could try that fancy trick with your glowing hand?"

"I'd like to, but…" Theo grunted as another wraith knocked him down. Where had it come from? His keen hunter's senses were usually good at seeing things and reacting quickly. But it was as if this one had come from nowhere. No matter how quickly he moved it still felt like he was underwater, sluggish and slow, while the demons and wraiths moved abnormally fast.

Cassandra kicked the wraith off of Theo and hacked at it with her sword while he rolled out of her way, narrowly missing her blade. Solas had thrown up an ice wall that kept another trio of demons at bay while Varric fired at them. Theo held up his left hand to the wavering wall of green above his head and concentrated on the tingle of energy racing from shoulder to palm. A thin line of light connected his hand to the rift. The demons screamed around him and the rift glowed more brightly. Theo gritted his teeth as the energy made his arm start to tremble, but he held the connection. Just when he thought he wouldn't last any longer, light burst from his palm and twinkles of green rained down upon them.

"Maker's hairy balls, what was that?" Varric asked, reaching behind him to hook Bianca onto the special harness he wore. He tucked a lock of hair behind his ear. "It was… not what we've been fighting," he finished. He glanced at Solas. "You're our Fade expert," he said.

"So I am," Solas said. But he was not smiling, just gazing at the spot in midair where the Fade Rift had been. "It was as if time had been distorted," he said after a quiet moment while the others struggled to catch their breath. "Time has no bearing on the Fade itself. For it to affect denizens of the Fade so strongly…" He shook his head and began walking, headed toward the Redcliffe gate.

Theo recovered as many arrows as he could, and then jogged to catch up to Solas. The puzzle of this particular rift seemed to be occupying the elf's thoughts. He got this way sometimes, and Theo had learned in the last few weeks that it was best to just let the elf think. He identified with neither Dalish clan nor city alienage, and also seemed to think on a plane not of this world.

The village smelled faintly of fish, testimony to Redcliffe's recovered fishing and boating industry. It wasn't the same as the salt air of the Ostwick coast, but it gave Theo a strange homesick feeling that surprised him. He was supposed to be glad to be anywhere but home. He led his small band into the village, glancing around nervously. He'd never been around mages before, and now he was on their territory.

"Excuse me," he finally said to a passing mage. "I'm looking for the Grand Enchanter." The mage looked nervous. "I'm Theodane Trevelyan, with the Inquisition; she met me in Val Royeaux and asked to speak with me." He tried to keep his voice steady and smile, trying to look at once relaxed but authoritative. It felt just like being at a party back home. Stand still, smile, look nice even though you don't count. But here, now, he did count. He had to act like it.

It was harder than it sounded.

"The Grand Enchanter doesn't speak for the mages anymore," the mage finally said with a nervous glance between Theo and Cassandra. "Though the Magister isn't here, so I guess you could speak with Fiona…"

Theo ignored Cassandra's whispered curses. "I'll do that, thank you," he said with a smile he wasn't feeling. The only time he'd heard the world "Magister" had been in reference to Tevinter, the shadowy land to the north ruled by darkness and magic. Or so the Chantry taught. He followed the mage's directions to the Gull and Lantern, Redcliffe's tavern.

The interior was dim and dusky with pipe smoke and Theo coughed and waved away as much smoke as he could. The rumble of discussion died down as he stood in the open doorway with his companions fanning out on either side of him.

"See? It doesn't only happen in books," Varric muttered, nudging Cassandra, who just shook her head.

"I'm… looking for Grand Enchanter Fiona," Theo announced.

Silence.

The mages in the tavern all looked at one another uncomfortably. "You should not be here," one man said. He had wide eyes and a mark on his forehead. "The Magister does not approve of you or me, as we lack magic." He was reasonable, but his voice was oddly flat and he kept staring at Theo and the others with no expression on his face.

"One of the Tranquil," Cassandra whispered to Theo when he had no response but to stare back. "Pay him no mind."

"I am Fiona," called the Grand Enchanter, appearing around one of the wooden pillars. "Please, come in. But… who are you?" she asked, appearing puzzled. She was pleasant enough, but her brown eyes were narrowed.

"I'm Theodane Trevelyan, with Cassandra Pentaghast, Varric Tethras, and the mage Solas," he said, returning her narrow-eyed look. "We met in Val Royeaux and you suggested we come discuss terms of an alliance."

Fiona blinked, confused. She beckoned them to follow her to a table in the corner, near the blazing fireplace. They all sat. "I apologize," she said, her voice low. "But unfortunately, I've never seen you before, let alone asked you to set up an alliance."

"That's funny, because it was definitely you we saw in Val Royeaux," Varric said, leaning back in his chair. He'd put on what Theo could only assume was his business manner. He was disheveled from the time on the road fighting and spent sleeping in camps, but he was completely in his element here.

"I've been here in Redcliffe; I haven't had the time to get to Val Royeaux," Fiona said, irritated. She sighed. "I apologize though. You've wasted your time coming here. I've… pledged our services to Magister Alexius of Tevinter," she confessed.

"Andraste's ass," Varric swore, the front legs of his chair thumping down again as he nearly lunged across the table. "I'm trying to think of a worse thing you could have done, and I've got nothing!"

"We should have gone to the templars," Cassandra muttered.

"We are indentured to the Magister," Fiona said quietly. "I no longer have the authority to negotiate. You'll have to speak with him."

"You deserve better than slavery to Tevinter," Solas said quietly. He looked sadder than Theo had ever seen him, and his shoulders sagged.

"That was… fast," Theo said. Any one of his companions would have sworn on the Chant of Light, and by any number of the Maker's body parts, that they'd spoken with Fiona only a little over a week ago. How did a Magister come all the way from the Imperium and secure Fiona's promise in less time?

"We were desperate," Fiona said and it looked like tears were brimming in her dark eyes.

"I guess so," Theo said. He stood. "I'm going to rent us rooms," he announced. "I think we'll be in Redcliffe for some time, and I intend to be comfortable." He would be damned if he went into a negotiation with a Magister after sleeping on rocks and roots for one more night.

Author's Note: Here it is! The start of my new Inquisition story! Title comes from a discussion with the ever-awesome Karebear, where she said that sometimes as adults we're just fumbling toward who we are. Many thanks to the numerous people in the Dragon Age Fanfiction Writers group who've encouraged me and given me such helpful feedback as I've prepared to write this, and to all who've read The Magician! I will be finishing up the final chapter of that one very soon-at least, before I post chapter 2 of this one! Thanks again!