A/N: Hmm. Typing this up on wordpad using my sister's laptop. This outta be interesting.
Anyway, giftee for GreenAppleIce, for being awesome. You know what you did, ma'am. And while you asked for fluffiness, I failed hard in my attempt, so I went with a spot of humor instead. I hope you don't mind the liberties I've taken with your request for "Undertaker, Lau, and William" and "fluffy humor". It won't amount to much, because I don't know how to humor. And I'm using the anime!edition Undertaker, because I can tie it up easier that way if I make him a shinigami.
Invitation Only
William resisted the urge to sigh, for the action was below someone of his rank and title, and frankly, if he was honest with himself, he didn't feel like damaging his pride. He did, however, push his glasses up his nose. He wasn't sure why he did, perhaps to reinforce his dignity and manliness?
Because his superior and his guest most certainly were not making the effort.
"Mister Spears," the Chinese man says over their antics. "You're so still I almost confused you with one of the bodies!"
William knows, from what he has observed of this Lau character's actions, that this is a bad thing.
"Learn your terminology, Mister Lau," the grinning undertaker admonishes. "These people are more than just bodies, they're my customers, my guests!" He laughs anyway.
"Sir, if we could please-" William doesn't get to finish, for he finds, unexpectedly and suddenly, cold, tender, flesh beneath his fingertips.
"Did you call me 'Sir'? Call me Undertaker, everybody does."
William stares at the finely dressed corpse in his grasp. Her sandy-blond hair is clean and brushed back into a bizarrely twisted bun. He figures the style is foreign to this region and blames the Chinese man entirely.
"Undertaker, sir," William amends slightly as he rests the human body in one of the many coffins laying about the dimly lit building. "I must tell you that what you are doing is a complete breach of protocol and that I must advise you to cease your actions immediately."
"A breach of protocol? I don't remember such a rule. Are you bluffing?"
He is, but William won't admit to it. Not even four hundred, five hundred years from now.
So he tries another tactic. "You do realize this is horribly macabre, Undertaker, sir?"
Both perpetrators laugh, something mad in the sound.
"Mister Undertaker," Lau purrs. "your friend here is a talented comedian."
"I assure you I am all business."
"Billy, this is almost a part of my business."
"Undertaker, sir, almost does not equate to definite. Also, I fail to see how any of this has anything to do with undertaking or soul collection."
"Soul what? Mister Spears, you're as amusing as the Earl sometimes, you know?" Lau grins, not unlike the cat from Wonderland.
"Ah, he most certainly is, Mister Lau!"
William quickly discovers his well-practiced glare, the same one that sends foolish Grell into a state of terror, does not work on these men.
The same men that are defiling the shells of the souls he has reaped. He glances at his sanctioned death scythe, at the spear-like clamps at ends of his staff. Speaking of Grell, if he was even half as moronic as his fiery-haired co-worker, he might just impale both Lau and the Undertaker without a second thought.
"Undertaker, sir, your soul count is rather dwindling-"
"Billy, this isn't a house of souls, it's a house of patrons!"
"Patrons of the ball! Invitation only." Lau adds, wagging a finger as if he is the smartest creature on the damn planet.
"I'd like to thank you for attending, Mister Lau, Billy," the Undertaker says as he spins about on a custom made platform. "I invited the little Chihuahua Phantomhive, too, but it seems he has declined. Said something about smashing spiders."
"With his rabid dog," William spits out before he even realizes what he has done.
"Earl Phantomhive doesn't have a dog," Lau says slowly, this time impersonating someone speaking to a small, dumb child.
"I took care of Plu personally," tacks on the insufferable Undertaker.
William feels his urge to sigh become the urge to groan. An agonized groan. "I am aware that Earl Ciel Phantomhive does not have a canine in his presence."
"Especially not one with rabies! Sebastian wouldn't allow a rabid dog near the Earl. I think. I hear he isn't fond of dogs much, anyway."
"The young Earl had a dog before the first fire at the estate, you know."
"Ah, really?"
William does not think he can handle much more idle chatter for fear of his brain imploding. "You'll have to excuse me. I hear tell of my co-worker causing a spot of mayhem and I must see to the correction of this predicament. Enjoy the rest of your...ball."
As he swiftly leaves the building, ignoring the childish cries of protest behind him, William wonders why they find waltzing with corpses so enthralling.