That's Sayounara Baby… to you anyway

Author: Götterdämmerung

Pairing: Past Kurt/Blaine; Future Kurt/Dave, Present Mixed Feelings Kurt/Dave

Genre: Future AU, Angst, Humour, romance… hell it's a hodge-podge, a bit of everything.

Disclaimer: No Product Heavy Coiffures were injured in the writing of this epistle and St. Bland of the Waxed Coiffure is currently awaiting Canonisation. Certain plot ideas have been lifted from Harvey Fierstein's Masterpiece play and subsequent movie: Torch Song Trilogy

"What…? "

"You think the tiara's too much? "

"Huh, you should have seen my collection in high school; this, my dear is nothing."

"You know, I've been known by many a name in my short time; Virginia Ham, Bang Bang… L'Douche, Fonda Bhois and even Miss Loosy Fhürr, but nowadays I go by the moniker Miss Ci O'nara… think about it, you'll get it… one day."

"I know I make it sound as if I have been around for years, but trust me honey; when you're gay, time is measured similarly to dog years. If you start pushing above that magic 25 years of fabulousness… well, believe you me sweetie, you may as well be 50 for all the action you'll get."

"Young and Beautiful, that's what they all want, 'Young and Beautiful'. Oh, believe me, I've been beautiful and Gaga knows I've been young, but never the twain has met… or at least not so anyone has noticed that is."

"I never really thought of myself as a cynic, but then again as we all know, a cynic is just a frustrated idealist and if that particular turn of phrase ever applied to anyone… it's me."

"I hear you ask, did I ever think that I would be headlining one of New York's finest Drag establishments…? Well… co-starring anyway."

"The answer to that is threefold I suppose, if you've got the time, pull up a pouffe and I'll regale you with the story… at least until I finish putting on my face anyways."

"It all began about eight years ago when I had finally had enough of the constant bullying from a certain Neanderthal who shall not remain nameless… David Karofsky."

"I had just finished delivering an exquisitely stinging barrage upon the character of this Hamhock when…"

'Lips, his lips are on mine, his hands, calloused and rough, dragging across the skin of my face. Gaga save me, the Hamhock is kissing me… wait a minute, Karofsky is kissing me…? If this isn't a WTF moment then what is? Time to cue the drama queen gasp and appropriate shock and horror… anytime now… now damn it!'

'Phew, finally, he's backing off… oh Gaga above he's coming back for an encore. Not this time Hamhock, phew… now the drama queen act can begin, start off with the aghast gasp and follow it up with the chin wibble and the affronted hand over the mouth… that's right. Now breathe… BREATHE I SAID... That's better'.

'Think Kurt; think… what would Mercedes do? Hmmm, no somehow I don't think I could get away with that… even if it were anatomically possible.'

'I hate it when he does that to the lockers, it always makes me think of the sound I make when I get up close and personal with them.'

'Courtesy of the same Neanderthal as well, I suppose it's nice to know I rate the same as a set of lockers in his mind.'

'…His mind? Is he out of his ever gauche polo loving mind?'

"…so thus was my introduction to the Closeted Jock mindset of a certain ex Puckhead and his feeble attempts at… well whatever it was."

"Anyway, what do you think, should I go for the Dior asymmetrical off the shoulder or the Channel pant suit?"

"You're right, a pant suit for evening wear is just plain passé, just what was I thinking?"

"There, what do you think? No, never mind, I'm as fabulous as usual, thank you for that."

"Anyway, where was I…? Oh yes…"

"After getting my heart rate back down to a normal level, I did what any good gay boy living in the arts-end of Ohio would do… run back for re-enforcements. Also known as a certain singer, of whom I just couldn't seem get my mind off of for some reason …Blaine Anderson."

"Well sweets, time for Miss Ci O'nara to go and dazzle the masses, go on out there, have a drink or two and I'll show you why a small town boy from Lima, Ohio is performing in the finest Drag establishment in New York."

"We'll talk later on after the show if you'd like, just make sure you bring the voddies and keep them coming."

"Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome to the stage, the incomparable Miss Ci O'nara."

"…. Once upon a time in olden days, I spent my afternoon…"