I stare at my ceiling, wide awake as my clock reads 1 a.m. Another
sleepless night. I try counting sheep, but they all just seem to fly out
the window…the window. I climb out of my bed and open a dull, standard
window. I look straight, trying not to look down. If I do, something
might push me…relax. I'm trying to relax, but I can't seem to shut up
these thoughts in my head, and I can't stop my legs as they lead me out my
window, to the roof, still trying not to look down.
I lie on the cold, hard shingles of my roof, just staring at the sky, and closing my eyes to stare at the darkness in my head. I pretend I'm not up here. Such secular beings we are! Such sad and pointless lives…but I try not to think about such dismal things. They're more for my sister, too cliché for me, really. I sit up, and sigh. I'm probably not going to get to sleep tonight. So many questions are running through my head, but the answers remain silent. Those dreary thoughts start coming to my head again, and seem to lead me to the edge of the roof, and I stand.
I wish I could fly…a wistful thought. I close my eyes, and strech my arms out to the side, as thought I were flying. I'd like to try. But what if I fall? I consider this. What's keeping me here, anyway? Zim? He's been my reason for many things, but I don't know about this. It all seems like a childish game now, even though it's only been two years. I'm thirteen now, and everything that meant so much to me before, seems very pointless.
Mother…I close my eyes tighter, trying to shut out the memories that come with thinking of her. But I smile anyway. I think about flying again. "If I try, would you catch me, if I fall?" I whisper softly. Dad told me that she's an angel now, in heaven. I don't know if I believe in things like heaven. If there is a god who watches over us, wouldn't he be sad? Someone who loves everyone would be sad all the time. I don't know if I can believe anything has that much love.
Lost in thought, I loose my balance and my foot slips off the edge. My eyes open suddenly and I let out a yell in panic. I shift my weight backwards, and fall hard on the roof. I let out a sigh of relief, but looking at the ground makes me feel dizzy, and wonder just how unintentional that slip was. Frightened of jumping…if I'm too afraid, I'll never fly, only fall. "Mother….will you catch me, when I fall?"
I climb back into my room, silent, unwelcome tears streaking down my face. I climb into bed and await the rest of this long, sleepless night, too afraid to keep living in case I fall.
I lie on the cold, hard shingles of my roof, just staring at the sky, and closing my eyes to stare at the darkness in my head. I pretend I'm not up here. Such secular beings we are! Such sad and pointless lives…but I try not to think about such dismal things. They're more for my sister, too cliché for me, really. I sit up, and sigh. I'm probably not going to get to sleep tonight. So many questions are running through my head, but the answers remain silent. Those dreary thoughts start coming to my head again, and seem to lead me to the edge of the roof, and I stand.
I wish I could fly…a wistful thought. I close my eyes, and strech my arms out to the side, as thought I were flying. I'd like to try. But what if I fall? I consider this. What's keeping me here, anyway? Zim? He's been my reason for many things, but I don't know about this. It all seems like a childish game now, even though it's only been two years. I'm thirteen now, and everything that meant so much to me before, seems very pointless.
Mother…I close my eyes tighter, trying to shut out the memories that come with thinking of her. But I smile anyway. I think about flying again. "If I try, would you catch me, if I fall?" I whisper softly. Dad told me that she's an angel now, in heaven. I don't know if I believe in things like heaven. If there is a god who watches over us, wouldn't he be sad? Someone who loves everyone would be sad all the time. I don't know if I can believe anything has that much love.
Lost in thought, I loose my balance and my foot slips off the edge. My eyes open suddenly and I let out a yell in panic. I shift my weight backwards, and fall hard on the roof. I let out a sigh of relief, but looking at the ground makes me feel dizzy, and wonder just how unintentional that slip was. Frightened of jumping…if I'm too afraid, I'll never fly, only fall. "Mother….will you catch me, when I fall?"
I climb back into my room, silent, unwelcome tears streaking down my face. I climb into bed and await the rest of this long, sleepless night, too afraid to keep living in case I fall.