a/n: Hi guys ! This is a story inspired by Anansi's "Will You Still Love Me " and Anansi is definitely one of my favorite writers , and If you haven't read the beautiful story yet, then please do so ! You shouldn't miss it ! Read it Here!

And if you would all be so kind , I'd also like you all to listen to the song "Almost Lover "– A Fine Frenzy and play it in a loop. I found out about the song from Shannel ( who's incredibly amazing btw xD) and fell inlove with it.

So, this story just hit me when I was just lying in my bed all morning listening to the song. And flashes of images just came in as the song played, so you all know what's gonna' happen next, right ? XD

Still, I love you guys, and more power to the Hiddlestoners and Loki's Army !

P.S You'll also find some lines taken from "Loki's Song" and it can be found Here.

Warning: angst and slight smut and feels (? )
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Your fingertips across my skin

The palm trees swaying in the wind

Images

He caressed your cheek with such affections. You closed your eyes as you leaned over to his touch. His presence felt like home to you. There wasn't any place you'd ever rather be in. This was your home. He was your home.

You both sat under a shade of a tree. You looked up to him. He was taller than you, and you should have felt intimidated by his height, but you didn't. You loved every single aspect of him. His voice, his hair, his contagious smiles, and his eyes, my what a breathtaking pair they were, your knees always failed you when he would look at you with those emerald green eyes, though this time, he didn't look down at you, he still kept his eyes closed, and you wondered what pleasant things he could have been thinking at that moment.

In less than a second, he had now encased you in a tight hug, and every second felt like a millennia to you. He didn't let you go and you didn't want him too. And you both just simply stood there, hugging for what seemed like forever now. It was a forever you wanted to hold onto.

You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick

You had both managed to sneak out of the party the All-Father has engaged. He brought you into the gardens. The very gardens which Frigga loved so much, and you as well did too. He ushered you into the lush green grass and you both laid thereon your backs. Your head was on his chest as his was on the grass. You loved this side of him, serene and peaceful. He looked up, and you followed his gaze unto the beautiful evening sky. You didn't speak and nor did he, the beautiful view didn't need words anymore to describe, and just by simply being there to admire it with him was enough. You brought you hand up to the sky, trying to reach for the stars. He quickly grabbed your hand and brought it to his beautiful mouth. You watched him as he gently placed a kiss on your knuckles. His eyes had a hint of uncertainty to them, a bit of sadness as well. You didn't bother to ask him though, instead, you gave him a warm smile, you wanted to cherish this moment, you wanted to cherish him while you still can.

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

You watched, frozen in place within the shadows as the sudden turn of events stunned you.

You watched him rage in fury, throwing sharp words with hisses at the All-Father, and you swore that you could almost feel how painful they were, slicing deep into you. This was certainly the most heartbreaking scene you've ever witnessed in your entire life, and seeing that he was deeply hurt at the big revelation, you found yourself sympathizing with him as well. He didn't deserve any of this but you couldn't do anything for him. You knew your place. And if only, if only you could, you would have ran by his side, clutching his hand as you stood with him all the way, that is – only if you could.

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?

Your heart broke as you saw him sit at the edge of his bed. You went inside his room and you got a better and closer look at him. His eyes seem so lost, he didn't utter a single word as you went closer to him. You sat by his side as you gently caressed his back. You brushed a loose strand of his raven black hair. And for the whole time, you just simply sat there, silent as you watched him, looking physically present but mentally absent. You thought it wouldn't be wise if you would to talk to him now. You understood his pain perfectly. And you would be there for him as you had always been. Always

So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

Days have passed, and he still hasn't come out yet. He had shut himself in his quarters and you continued to resume your duties. And while you were within the premises, and within his range, he didn't talk to you like he always would. You felt sad and disappointed. You were worried for him, and for the both you too. You didn't know what to call your relationship with him yet, you just couldn't put a label onto it. But you knew, deep inside your heart, you knew, and you were sure, you had always loved him, even from afar, even when you both hadn't met yet, even if he was now looking like this, and it still broke your heart.

When the day you had finally built a strong courage to talk to him came, it was also the day you'd never expected to hate so much too. You've tried numerous, hundreds and countless ways to get him to talk to you. Though he had improved quite a bit, if you'd consider him leaving his quarters as an improvement, he still hasn't spoken a single damn word to you. You hated him for that. You hated feeling like a used toy being thrown out once your owner had gotten enough of you. You hated remembering the moments you both spent with one another together as you saw him everyday, passing through the hallways. And when chances came, your eyes would meet his and we would quickly look away into the opposite direction. You hadn't understood why but you quite well knew, he must have had enough of you now.
You knew this was coming but, you weren't expecting for it to happen sooner as you thought it'd be.

One late Asgardian evening, you had him cornered in his room. You tried to talk him out of his current self. You needed to know why this was happening. Instead, you were met with a rage that scared you to death. Even now that you were on your bottom, on the ground, looking up to him with scared eyes, he didn't finish throwing fits at you. And when he'd finally calmed down. You gently stood up, you felt tears well up in your eyes. You looked at him one last time before turning your back to him. With fast strides, you ran out of the room, leaving the man whom you had loved for so long. Leaving the man, who'd now shattered your already broken and fragile heart into smaller pieces.

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images

For several sleepless nights, you've walked along the golden halls of Asgard. You couldn't sleep a single night when memories of you with him, flooded your mind. And it drove you mad. Crazy mad.

You went for slow pace as you walked mindlessly, while you clutched your thin shawl tighter around your pale shoulders. A bitter-sweet memory of you, slow-dancing with him under the moonlight brought you to a halt. As the memory became so vivid to you, you could once again feel the night air, and you shivered against it. He laughed at your reaction as you eyed him playfully. He twirled you round and round. You giggled as he playfully spun you around his arms. He kissed you for a brief moment, letting you know that there wasn't anyone else in his heart but you. He made you feel like a princess, one that you thought would never happen in reality.

And when you left you kissed my lips
You told me you'd never ever forget these images, no

And as another memory came, it was one where he'd promise to marry you, no matter what the odds or chances were. And still, even if you had painfully scorned him at this very moment, you still held on to that promise. It was the only thing that kept you going on. A world where he would never exist wasn't the one you'd like to live in. He promised you too that he would continue to love you and live on with the promised you both made to another.

You hadn't realized you've been completely immersed into your memories when you tears running down your face. You opened your only to see a silhouette from afar, it looked like it was watching you. You felt oddly scared and so you shifted yourself, and made a fast-paced walk to the other way around, going back to the path you had earlier taken. The dark silhouette gave you chills, ones that you didn't like, but they felt oddly familiar.

Once you got back to your quarters, you shut the door, locking it in place as you leaned your back to it and slid down to ground as you cried yourself to exhaustion.

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

The next day, you walked through the golden halls of Asgard humming as you did so, it was time for you to fulfill your duties again, which meant you'd have to go into his room and face him again. You stopped humming and the thought chilled you to your bones as you started to slow down your pace on purpose, if you weren't ready to face him again, then you might as well had to take it slow, it was the very least you can do for yourself.

This time, he wasn't sitting on the edge of the bed like he usually does after the current events, he was now facing his floor-to-ceiling window, overlooking the whole marvelous beauty of Asgard. He looked calmer than usual. His face showed no signs of his scornful self, but traces of worry and sadness replaced them. You knew he felt you coming, that was one of his many talents, you knew he felt your presence, but still, you tried not to make a single sound. You still loathed him for what he'd done to you.

You went around his desk, and bended over a little bit to place the tray with food and refreshments on it. Once you've finally settled them over, you raised your head, and a pair of emerald green eyes met your instantly. You lost your breath for a moment, his eyes reminded you of so much memories you wished to forget. It hurt you deep down inside. Only this time, his eyes weren't a joyful as they usually were in your vivid memories. You stared deep into to them, and it felt like you'd drowned yourself in a dark pit of nothingness and darkness. It scared you. Terribly.

You quickly jerked away from him. Your faces, no more than a meter apart. Your breathing was labored as you quickly spun around. Your back was now facing him as you took another set of fast strides. They halted when you reached the quarter's door, you spun your head around to look at him one last time.

He looked empty.

Just like you.

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?

As the weary All-Fatter falls into the deep "Odinsleep" to recover his strength. And having no one to rule over the kingdom as the older brother Thor was away, banished into Midgard as a mortal, the man you'd scorned had finally seized the throne to his own will thus, it became the very time for him to rule the Asgard as he had pleased.

You didn't like it, not a single thing of it. You tried to stay away from his view but you kept your tab on him, on your range. You watched him in the shadows. You knew that he was aware since yours efforts proved to be minimal and fruitless as he watched you watched him.

He gives you his very mischievous smile.

A tear dropped down from your eye. You wiped it off quickly as you spun your head to your left as you quickly walked away, steal concealing yourself in the shadows.

That man wasn't him.

That wasn't the man you loved.

The man you loved was nowhere to be found from that face.

He was gone.

So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

He called for you.

You knew this time would come.

But before that, you'd found comfort in another man's arms. Your new companion made you feel loved and wanted it was so much more you've asked for. Ever since he had left you, desperately at your wits end, all you'd known was pain and bitterness, you swore to never love another man again, but you were proved wrong by your promise to yourself. Amidst the gardens of Asgard, you wept your heart out one night. When you knew you've had done enough, a strong hand laid flat on your shoulder, you tensed for a moment, you were afraid of who it might be when in reality, you were actually only afraid of him.

You spun around, only to see another man. And in time, you found refuge within this man's arms. He was newcomer though, but he was a good person. His heart was so pure that you could never bring yourself to love him back at first, you were afraid that you might hurt him, after all, you still hadn't gotten over the man who'd broke your heart.

Your sleepless nights became more tolerable because of him, you were now happy with the changes that were happening now in your newfound life.

But that wouldn't last long though.

Why ? Simple.

It was because he called for you.

It wasn't just a mere call for you to perform your next set of chores or your duties in

housekeeping.

This time however, it was the duty in bed.

You felt very scared as you walked down to the hall towards his chambers, scared by the fact that he might not treat you gently, given with how he'd unpleasantly treated you a few days not long ago. You didn't want to be broken again.

Once was enough.

As you pushed the doors to his sleeping quarter open, you found him in his casual leather outfit, only without the horned helmet. He was pacing around the room when his eyes met yours as you stepped inside.

You asked him what he required of you to do in a low shallow and formal tone, you bowed as you did, facing only the marble floor.

Footsteps were heard as you saw a pair of leather shoes step on the marble floor you were staring at earlier. A finger tilted your chin up as a huge sting of pain filled out through your cheek.

He just slapped you. On the cheek.

The sudden act made you gush out the tears you've been trying to hold on for a long time now.
And when your tears had almost reached halfway down your cheek. He yanked your hair backwards, forcing you to face him, and in a split-second, his lips claimed yours.

The kiss wasn't gentle at all, in fact, it was so rough, you tasted blood on your bottom lip. You closed your eyes at the sudden impact but now, you decided to open them, only to see his, tightly closed. His faced looked very strained even when he was now kissing you. His eyebrows met as he ferociously kissed you with all his might. His longer and slender hands clutched your face tightly. You felt trapped within his grasp, with nowhere to go. The urge and heat of desire to run your hands all over his lean frame rose up within you. You returned back his kiss as you clutched his raven hair. They felt godly silky within your grasps. You marveled at his scent, his strength, his need to kiss you.

You felt a stray slender hand reached up your thigh as you followed your gaze to the sensation. He brought you to the nearest wall as he held your left thigh and brought it to his body, he did the same with the other too. When your thighs engulfed his torso, using your ankles to lock them in place, you felt his manhood harden against your core. The heat made you dizzy as you whisked away from the kiss, gasping for air. Yours and his breath was labored as you both stared into one another. And then, you hadn't see it coming.

For a brief moment, you saw him.

You saw the man you loved.

He was back.

You were happy, even if it only lasted a while. He hoisted you up quickly the sweet friction made core quicker with need to be filled, the need to be one with him. Your eyes never leaving his as your arms were now engulfing his head. He lifted you away from the wall, he was now walking towards the bed with you in his arms.

You thought that this is wrong.

No. No. No. You should stop.

He laid you gently on the soft mattress of his bed, it felt so good to be back in his bed again. But your fear was now creeping up its way towards you. You shouldn't be doing this with him now. Everything that you were both doing now was entirely wrong. You shouldn't do this when another man waited for you in the other side, loving you wholly and selflessly while this man, the man in front of you now, just wants a good time and release. And you didn't want to be a part of that.

You fought with all your might, you brought your frail arms to his chest and pushed him away, telling him to stop. And to your surprise, he did. He looked at you with those eyes, eyes that you've loved not long ago. You told him that this was all wrong, and you started to stand up, you struggled under him at first, but eventually, he let you go. And as you stood up, fixing your undergarments and dress. You took one last look at him before you went.

His hear was a complete disarray, thanks to you, some parts of his outfit are left out of place, and he only stood there, looking at you. His face was an exact replica of the time when he'd found out about the truth regarding to his true lineage.

It was the face you wanted to protect.

But no. Not now.

You needed to escape.

You had to leave him, and forget all these resurfacing memories of the past.

It was time to let go.

And so, you took a last look again before you'd mouthed him a slow goodbye. You ran out of the room, and out into the dark and golden halls. Tears ran down heavily on your cheeks. You ran as far as you could.

You wished that this wasn't going to be the last.

Your last goodbye.

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind

Thor came back.

And he wasn't happy.

The Bifröst Bridge was going to fall apart. Thor fought him with all his might, and you watched them do so. You didn't want it to happen. And you hated yourself for being so useless. You stood there not far from the two as Thor heavily brought down his Mjölnir onto the ground, breaking the Bifröst Bridge little by little, He was on the ground, watching Thor do it all .
When he finally got a hold of himself , he started running towards Thor with such speed and precision, jumping into the air, he brought down his scepter onto Thor to strike him but it was all too late, with one last hammer Thor gave onto the Bifröst Bridge, it eventually fell apart.

You screamed your heart out to him but the huge impact blew you away. Your voice never reached him anyway.

This was it. You thought to yourself as your body was blown away.

The explosion made you land on your back. Although the impact was great, you didn't fall into unconsciousness but it did hurt a lot, you also received some gashes along the way, but it didn't matter. Gathering what was left of yourself and your strength, you quickly ran towards the broken end of the bridge, calling out to him as you did so .

When you got there, you were astonished to see the All-Father at the edge, grasping for something. Or someone. Your heart leapt in hope. When you reached the edge, you found Thor hanging on to the All-Father and he was still holding on to scepter's end in which Thor was also holding on to it's opposite end.

He's alive.


He's eyes found yours before the All-Father's. He told words with sorrow strained into them. His eyes bore into the All-Father's as they pleaded acceptance and approval. In return, the All-Father only gave him a calm 'no'. He then gave you all a look and you knew what it exactly meant. Your heart was crushing into millions and millions of pieces, you weren't ready for this. No, not yet.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. You screamed to him but he didn't listen.

And as he had one last look at the All-Father, to Thor and to you, Thor muttered a few words your mouth failed to say.

Loki, no.

And just like that.

He let go.

You reached out your hand as you screamed over, over and over again but you were too late.
Your heart felt so heavy in your chest, you wanted to rip it away. Tears were now gushing non-stop from your tear-ducts, falling into the abyss just like he did. You could never bring them back.

The tears weren't coming back.

They were gone.

And so was he.

Loki, no.

[What is the honor they give me?
Denied a seat in Odin's hall
Forbidden fruits from Idun's tree
And cast outside of Asgard's walls]

So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy
To walk right in and out of my life?

He was gone.

He's never coming back.

Ever.

For a week, you cried yourself in exhaustion everyday. It hurt a lot now that he was gone. Everything, every smell, every sight, every voice reminded you of him. Queen Frigga tried keep you nourished. The All-Father never spoke but never the less, it didn't mean that he cared less. You knew deep down that the All-Father loved him so much, just as Thor and Queen Frigga did.

But Loki was hurt.

Terribly.

And you constantly blamed yourself for not being there with him when he needed you the most. You refused his advances earlier. And everyday, you had to deal with the guilt. It was a great burden you had to face and you couldn't carry anymore. Your existence meant nothing without him. He was your sky, your sun, your life. He was all that you ever wanted and nothing else. Even your previous newfound refuge, Arland knew that. And he understood you, he knew the risks and odds he was going to face. Loki was the only man you'll ever love and no one else could take his space in your heart.

And now that he was gone.

So did your life.

[ But when that storm god you all praise
Walks the earth and shatters trees
You huddle close beside my gift
And whisper prayers beside the spit
And as the woodsmoke turns and twists ]

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you

Can't you just let me be?

And so, on a dark Asgardian night, you walked along the edge of what remains and what's left of the Bifröst Bridge. The memories were still fresh in your mind. And you stood there, mindlessly gazing into the universe. You wondered if he was still alive. And if he were, he was out there.

Lonely.

All alone.

You closed your eyes. You let the air pass through you and you welcomed it. You stretched your arms wide. A voice not far from you called out your name, Your eyes flew open but you ignored it. Only the universe and the air mattered now.

I wish to take it all back if I could.

You still stood there, balancing yourself, letting the air mess with your long hair.

I'm sorry .

You smiled to yourself, letting the memories sink in your mind. The universe was breathtakingly beautiful. You closed your eyes. You wanted to drown yourself in it.

So sorry.

And so you did.

Goodbye, Loki.

You let yourself go.

[ You owe your lives to sly Loki ]

~ You were once again on the lush green grass lying on your backs as you both stared into the sky. The night air was unusually warm as you tilted you head up to look to him. He was beautiful-nothing in comparison with the things surrounding you. His eyes were closed and you gently poked him on the shoulder before you gave him your most playful smile.

'Will you still love me if I were to be suddenly gone ?' You asked him as he propped himself onto his shoulders and looked back at you. His expression, amused.

'Of course, how could I not ? How about you ? Will you do the same if it were to happen to me too ?' He asked you back in a same playful manner. The night was young and you would spend every single second of it with him without any regrets.

You gave him a huge grin before playfully placing your palm onto his heart.

'Always.' ~

So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

[ So sit beside the fires gleam
And count the wrongs that I have borne
I wait for Ragnarok and dream
Hark! Is that the battles horn? ]

The End.