Guilty Love
By Any Unborn Child
It started off very innocently.
They grew from strangers who didn't know a thing about each other into traveling companions who understood and figured out each mystery behind the facades they put on.
It was close to pulling off the masks they kept on.
Hiding behind smiles and scowls, they didn't want to reveal who they really were in the risk of getting hurt.
In the risk of getting stabbed in the back.
In spite of that, they grew close.
Closer than they would have hoped.
Helping Syaoran and princess Sakura along the way.
Finding out more about each other in the mists of a new world.
One that was similar.
One that was different.
One that was in-between.
They would become close.
Very close.
Closer than you might think, my friends.
It happened almost by accident. At this point, the three of them (plus the ever-fluffy Mokona) had been traveling from world to world for a little over a year. A year of pondering where they were going to go next, what they were going to do, what would become of them… Despite everything, they still thought of the good old days, when there was five of them and not four. At times each of them would wait for a response from the fifth that was not there, and with each unreturned response, their hearts sank just a little bit more.
It was a wonder that they made it this far.
One particular evening, the warrior and the mage were going about their daily business. Syaoran and Mokona were up to other things – where they were, no one was exactly sure. In the midst of planning out the group's trip to the next world that awaited them, Kurogane had called Fai over for something. Something menial.
Fai followed the husky voice, its tone so unlike his own, so intriguing and so…dare he say…enticing.
Just as he was about to reach him, Fai could feel his equilibrium failing him. But for what reason? Was he not feeling well? He had felt fine most of the day, so why was he…
It was then that he realized. He was tripping. Over what, he wasn't exactly sure. Had it been his feet? A loose floorboard? A pebble? He didn't know, but the moment afterward brought about so much more to realize.
He never hit the floor.
Fai looked up, his rapidly-beating heart almost near his throat as his eyes widened to see the soldier named Kurogane tightly grasp his right hand, the rest of his body almost like a pendulum as his field of vision changed from the oaky pine of the ground to Kurogane's stern expression.
"Oi, wizard – you should be more careful not to trip over things; stop having your head in the clouds all the time – it's really annoying. You"
They let their hands fall by their sides.
Fai looked up at Kurogane, an embarrassed blush streaking against his pale cheeks.
"Sorry, Kuro-puu. I must have been thinking about something…"
Kurogane's eyes thinned, deeming something suspicious in what Fai had said. "Like what?"
Fai walked past Kurogane, starting and attempting to leave the black ninja in a bewildered expression. "Oh, Kurger-burger, you worry too much!" He stated, working a smile into the joking disposition he put on so many times in the past.
Just as they had been.
Just as they had been close…in the past…
All at once, the memories of a previous time worked its way into Fai's subconscious.
Not just one. All of them.
All of them, and the details that they bore. All the laughter, the tears, the fights, the anguish, the sacrifice, the momentous occasions, the battles they had fought, the inner demons they had vanquished…
Together.
They had done all that…together.
He had realized before…that he had…that he had…
He remembered…yes…that he…that he…
"Wait – Kurogane!"
For the longest time, it felt as if the world had stopped, that time had stopped completely, that the only thing going on in the entire world, no, the entire universe revolved around Kurogane and Fai holding hands at that instant.
They both let go of each other.
At the same time.
He had realized a long time ago…that he had…loved.
He realized that he loved Kurogane.
They had let each other go…
Would he….would Kurogane…
Love him back?
All at once his body began to respond to these thoughts, these foolish wishes of whimsy. His eyes widened again. His breath suddenly hitched in his throat. His hands became clammy and started to shake. He put his cup of tea down on the table in front of him, but his hands continued to shake and writhe. He felt a painful stab at his heart, as if something…or someone…was trying to grab whatever was left of his soul and twist it out of his body.
He grasped his chest, and tried to take a breath. And another. And another. And another. And another.
With this repetition, he eventually calmed down. His hands stopped shaking, and his body soon returned to its original, thoughtful, wistful, lonely state.
They had let each other go many times before…
Fai did not want to let him go again.
Not after all they had been through.
Maybe…if he got the chance…he would tell Kurogane how he felt about him.
How he loved it when Kurogane got really annoyed with his silly antics.
How determined and protective Kurogane was when he was doing battle.
How his sense of honor and loyalty towards their companions (though they were minus one at the moment) made him truly admirable in his eyes.
How…he couldn't imagine living without him.
He didn't want to lose the chance.
He couldn't.
He didn't want to.
He wouldn't.
Fai turned around, a rare (but certainly not impossible) glint of concentration in his phantom blue orbs, and without a word of explanation, he grabbed one of Kurogane's hands – both of their skins touching once more – and kissed him.
His expectant, hopeful lips met Kurogane's shocked, surprised ones.
In which they melded.
They melded into each other.
They gave into each other.
They gave in.
They finally gave in.
To their wants.
Their needs.
Their desires.
They both wanted closure.
They both wanted comfort.
They sought it out in each other for the longest time.
And now, they finally found it.
Intertwined now.
Their bodies meeting.
Heat upon heat.
Lust and love tangled, entwined.
For the longest time, both Fai and Kurogane had denied their feelings for each other. They had bigger things to worry about at the time. They had waited and waited for the right moment to make their feelings known to each other.
So much had been unsaid for so long.
Their wants.
Their needs.
Both were finally being met.
With every touch, every kiss, every thrust.
They didn't have to say anything, but they knew just what was being said.
There was no way they could have known what would happen. But in the end, it was inevitable.
Fin