Disclaimer: Once upon a time there was a narrator who took it upon herself to screw up every story she could get her hands on. With complete and utter disregard for the opinions of others, authors and fans alike, she made it her mission to corrupt any good plot line or character development she had the means to. With the help of her tech-savvy computer and her skills of destroying anything she put her mind to, she quickly set to work on annoying the crap out of everybody. These are her stories.
We would have joined our heroes on a journey, except that last night they all perished tragically in a freak motorcycle accident. The local Officer Jenny had this to say:
"Card games on motorcycles has become a serious problem. These invaders from the anime/manga producers across the street have infected our beautiful, little town with their abominable dueling."
A local pokemaster also had this to say:
"Hide yo kids. Hide yo wife. Hide yo husband, cuz they're duelin' everybody out here."
"Does that count as our song, Mistress?" Ash asked from the floor in front of the television.
"I suppose it can," the narrator said, surfing the web on her laptop. A sudden loud banging caused her to put away her computer and open the rock door in the side of her lair. A pair of teens toppled into the room.
"Ooh, Brock," the red-head smiled, licking her lips to the point that they became chapped.
"Ugh, Misty, get off me! I told you, I don't like girls. In fact, I'm gay. Gay for Ash alone and no one else."
"That works out fine for me, Brock. We'll just have a three-some. I've always wanted to try it."
"No! Ash is mine and mine alone. I thought you and Togapi were still together."
"He left me for a woman half my age, which is still much older than him, but anyway."
"Hey, guys," Ash waved from the tube, not bothering to look up. His eyes remained glued to the Card Game Channel.
"Ash, come on," Brock said, "We have to return to Pallatetown so we can learn to spell gooder."
"I'm good right here, actually. The narrator's going to teach me how to play duel monsters via the Card Game Channel and a musical montage that should only take half an episode."
Brock blinked. "What are you talking about? You have to fulfill your destiny as a Pokémon master. It's your life-long dream, remember?"
"I have a new dream now; one that doesn't involve me getting electrocuted every time I tie my shoe. I'm going to be the King of Games."
"Misty, knock some sense into him."
"Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex ,sex…"
Brock rolled his eyes, "Women." He ran across the floor and gripped Ash by the shoulders, shook him roughly. "Snap out of it, Ash. What about our dreams of getting married, starting a family, and growing old together on our Pokémon ranch? I was going to tend the Buneary, Ash."
"Man, get your hands off me! I'm going to Duelist Kingdom to study with Maxamillion Pegasus, who is a far sexier man than you could ever be. He will teach me the right way to spell good, and I won't need your constant nagging or my mother's disapproval of our love. Don't call me anymore."
Brock laid full out on the floor and started crying. He banged his fists and moaned loudly, bruising his hands on the rock floor. "I hate rock!" he shouts.
Pikachu ran up to Ash and perched on his leg. "Pika-pee?" he asked in concern.
"Ew! Get off, you nasty rodent! Pegasus's castle doesn't have rats, I bet. As soon as I go to the store, I'm going to put out rat traps for you vermin."
"Pikachu!" he replied angrily, electrocuting the boy. Ash twitched on the ground. Pikachu nuzzled his cheek in repentance, "Pika."
Suddenly, Ash exploded into a shower of pink flowers. "Oops! Happens every time," Pegasus giggled from the screen of the television.
Thus the world was saved from almost-certain temptation.
The End