warning(s): please ignore the fact that we can have more than one of the same sword at one time, sorry.
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Your hands held on loosely to the hem of your blue haori. You sat alone in that empty room, breathing in the smell of smoke filling your lungs. The fire was out, yet the odour still lingered. The room was dark since you didn't even bother to turn on the lights when you came in. There were some noises from outside of the room; chattering, neighs of the horses and even the wind blowing against the tall cherry blossom tree which stood tall outside. All the sounds were so clear on your ears, reflecting the solitude of that room.
Even though you had settled in this human form for a while now, you didn't manage to find out how to move right now. The tip of your fingers shook slightly sometimes, but that was all. Your whole body stayed still, refusing to leave this suffocating room. It felt numb.
Your eyes locked on to the four kinds of object lining up in front of you. Not much, only a small bit each. But that didn't mean they had no worth.
You knew their story.
His remains.
.
.
(That was the first time.)
Four Seasons of Hellos (and Zero Goodbye)
Touken Ranbu © DMM Games/Nitroplus
This is a work of fanfiction, simply written for the purpose of enjoyment and entertainment. I gain no financial profit from writing this.
You could count the days of his absent in one hand before he appeared before you once again. With that same enchanting eyes and same bewitching smile. He curled his lips up and fixed his hair before introducing himself. Then he put that hand on the hilt of his sword. He greeted you in that exact same manners you remembered him to be.
Was this all a dream? Recalling the things about him, was this because you weren't ready to let go of his memories yet? Everything probably happened deep inside your head. You still couldn't accept his end and choose to let his memories lived on as your (fabricated) reality.
He stretched out his hand in a smooth movement, swaying back a bit. His hair fell from his shoulder and he asked for your name.
Ah, that's right. That also happened, you didn't even remember those small gestures yet they appeared so breathtakingly vivid right now. Those trivial details couldn't have come up from your head. You're not the one forging this fake reality. If you're not, then who?
Was it the time itself then? Had time turned back just to give you one more chance on keeping him beside you?
You gave him your full attention, holding yourself back from muttering how dazzling he was standing under the tall cherry blossom tree―ah! It... wasn't blooming? It was spring when you first encountered him. You remembered how one of the pink petals got on his hair and you took it away.
That meant this time was different. The time hadn't turned back.
He called out to you once again.
And you roused from your never-ending nostalgia.
He waited for your answer, for you to give him your name―which felt really odd to do now. The cicadas' chirp filled in the silence, so it wouldn't be a problem even if you took another second to gaze at his uncalled beauty. But you decided to make him wait no longer. You smiled and voiced your name.
You took his hand under the scorching summer heat.
'How captivating.'
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You were sent off to an expedition right away after that. When you got back, you knew where your first destination was―his room. You couldn't wait to see him again, to hear his voice, to feel his touch, to restart everything anew.
Your heart beat faster; such a weird sensation. It was pounding so hard you could feel it without having to put your hand on your chest. Was this normal? This felt uncomfortable, as if you're about to break. You just recently obtained a heart after all, so everything was still novel for you.
You breathed in, breathed out.
After you're ready to face him once again and greet him as someone-who-he-just-met-this-morning, you put your hand on the door and slowly slid it open. It was dark, and no sign of anyone occupying the room. It collected dust and not even a single trace of a soul lived there.
Weird. You're sure he should've been given this room.
You left and searched around the citadel. You asked the other swords about his whereabouts, but none had the answer.
Your body―once again―felt heavy as lead. Each step you took resulted in cold sweat dripping down from your forehead. Your hand clenched to your kimono and you let your feet lead the way. You hoped you're not too late. You wanted to run and make sure he's still there, but your legs refused to do so. You dragged them with you and now, you're back to the same door.
The suffocating room.
The room which took him away from you.
The door made a creaking sound when you opened it. It's dark―again. But you could see quite well from the light which slipped in from the opened door.
You were welcomed with the same sight as that time... Your eyes followed after each of those four objects.
Charcoal.
Steel.
Coolant.
Whetstone.
It could have been anyone's. But your heart convinced you the worst possible event.
.
.
(That was the second time.)
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"Master doesn't seem to like me that much."
You almost dropped your tea. His statement startled you. Did he remember his previous selves? He shouldn't have been. There had been no one before who could have any recollection about their lives in this human form before they broke, and returned. And he should be the same.
"She never lets me out on a sortie nor an expedition." He stretched his right hand out to the sky and tried to cover the sun with it. He narrowed his eyes while staring at his nails. He clenched his fist and pulled it down. His eyes still followed after his red-polished nails, "Am I not pretty?"
You put down your teacup on the tray and pulled his hand to you. He had always taken care of his nails and complained a lot when his nails were ruined. But if he hadn't been on any battle then would his nails still ruin that fast? You brushed over his hand and fingers with yours. It felt rough.
"You're the one who takes care of their appearance the most. So of course you're pretty!" You intertwined his fingers with yours and scrutinised how his fingers fit perfectly between yours, "And I know you've been training by yourself just by looking at your callused fingers. There's no way master wouldn't love a sword like you. Okita-kun used you a lot in the past, didn't he?"
You kept a smile glued on your face, keeping the corner of your lips curled up. "... Master must have loved you in her own way. So much that she doesn't want you to catch even a dent."
You're thankful you're good in hiding emotions. The other swords said that you're hard to read. No one knew if you're lying or stating the truth. You never thought much about it, but it's really useful now. And you're probably going to use this skill a lot in the future.
He tightened his grip on your hand and locked his crimson eyes with your cerulean ones. His mouth formed a wide smile, dismissing the gloomy face he had before. "You're probably right."
You managed to protect his smile with your lie. You still hoped that your master would change her mind and take another look at him. She would definitely realise how beautiful this uchigatana is, and let this moment of his existence last forever.
.
.
(Unfortunately, everything still ended as the third time.)
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"Ng... Don't get too close... It's hot," he complained. But you didn't care and instead tighten your embrace around him. "Just go back to your room, Yasusada. Why are you even here when you have your own room to sleep?" he said, trying to push you away. But his attempt in doing so failed since you held on to him tight, and he didn't really give that much power in doing so.
"Because~ I want to shower you with affection~" you said playfully as you buried your face in his neck. "You said that you want to be loved, didn't you?"
Even with only the light seeping through the paper screen doors, you noticed his neck and the tip of his ears went red. He hid his face from you, but you're sure it's in the same state.
You pulled down the yukata covering his neck and kissed his nape, tasting a bit of saltiness from his sweat. He lurched and covered his nape with both of his hands. He sat up quickly and moved away from you, putting up a barrier so you wouldn't get close.
"What are you doing!?" he shouted, but still kept the volume low to prevent the others from waking up. The moon was high and he definitely wouldn't want to disturb them.
You sealed his lips with yours and pushed him down. Your hands moved to his neck, slipping down his yukata and trailed down to his shoulder with your finger. You licked his lower lip and let yourself indulged in the exchange if hot breaths when he invited you in.
His hands lay quietly on the futon. He didn't seem to have intention to pull you closer to him; neither did he want to push you away. He just simply let your pace led him.
When you pulled away, his lips lingered for another second longer just to keep the kiss intact. Your eyes followed after every lines of his face, they were so vivid even without proper lighting. The fireflies and moonlight was enough for you to observe each shade of his skin complexion. His flushed face and dazed eyes, looking rather erotic under the fireflies' flickering glow from outside. His crimson eyes glittered like orbs for a second before meeting your cerulean. You brushed over his lips with your thumb―wet thanks to you―then moved over to the mole under his lips.
He's so beautiful, you couldn't fathom why your master would let this beauty broke down as wherewithal.
"You're red," you muttered.
"So are you," he replied.
You planted another kiss, slipping in your tongue which was well-received by him. He held your hand and intertwined your fingers together. You used your other hand to flap away his yukata and caressed his thigh―
"―Ouch!" You pulled away, "Why did you bit me?"
"You're way too sudden!" he hissed. He fixed his yukata to cover up his pale legs.
You narrowed your eyebrows, "You don't want?"
He quickly shook his head, "No―you're wrong! I―I'm just surprised―"
"Then that means it is okay now?"
He struggled with his words for a moment, and then his gaze was thrown all around you. You noticed how he licked his lips and bit the lower of his lips before stealing a glance at you. He pulled your neck and gave you another deep kiss.
You took that as a yes.
He crawled to your lap and wrapped one of his hands around your neck to prevent him from falling. His other hand slowly brushed each of your arm muscles, to your lower arm and down to your callused fingers. You knew he found your lightly toned body attractive when you could hear his breaths getting more ragged.
You let your hands roamed freely to every inch you could reach of him while your lips tasted his sweetness. Starting from his mole, and to his left ear, leaving a red mark under it before gently tugging at his earring. Your eyes were half-closed, focusing on each and every expression he made.
"Kiyomitsu is really beautiful," you whispered on his ear.
He shivered and was about to pull away, but he didn't. You felt his ear went hot when you nibbled at it. He wanted to pull away but he seemed to be struggling so hard not to, your guess was because it sent a weird and pleasurable sensation for him. Actually, his moans explained everything.
His ears were his weak point―that's how it's always been with all of the Kiyomitsu.
"Beautiful."
And you repeated it once more.
Then one more time.
Again again againagainagain and again you told him how alluring he was, and the way he would raise his shoulder slightly up to his ear as if getting electrocuted each time aroused you. Your hips moved on its own to rub it against his. It was getting painful so you had to use your hand to help.
"Do you... love me... Yasusada?" he questioned you between his breaths. He also moved his hips to follow your movement, but that made you lost balance and fall back down. He's now on top of you and still grinding it against yours.
He landed several kisses on your neck. You cringed at the pain when he bit your skin, but it was nothing since he immediately licked it to soothe the pain.
"I love you... I love... you... I... love you―ngh!"
You repeated that phrase for more than the times you could count. The you from that time wouldn't have done this. But the you now were different. It didn't matter anymore whether those love confessions sounded silly to you. You only had one wish. And it was so that he would feel that he's loved... before he ceased to exist again.
.
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(That was the seventh him.)
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"Hey, Yasusada..."
You glanced at him, not even bothering to respond since he knew you're all ears.
"Is this... not the first time I'm here?"
Ah, this conversation happened before.
"Sometimes they asked me about stuff that happened before I joined."
'At first I thought they were just mistaking some things...'
"At first I thought they were just mistaking some things, but―"
"―But, there was something weird and I just felt insecure―isn't that what you wanted to say?" You smiled at him with your head tilted to the side. You leant over the bridge and picked up the falling red leaf with your hand. You glanced at him from the corner of your eyes. He seemed to be startled and confused.
"This is the third time you've asked me the same question."
The more time you've spent with the new him, the more you wanted to know more of his expressions. You realised over time that no matter how hard you tried to protect him, everything would still reset itself. You would still have to start everything from zero again.
He wouldn't know what happened after he re-joined. It didn't matter if you broke his mind now, he'd still come back with all smiles.
A convenient reset button.
.
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(The 23rd him became the first to know how much he's not loved by his master, and you realised keeping it a secret was a better choice.)
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"Welcome back, Yasusada―ah! You're hurt badly!" He quickly approached you and prevented you from falling on your knees. "A-are you okay!?" He narrowed his eyebrows and had his mouth parted a bit, unconsciously murmuring concerning words.
You coughed and nodded, "I'm okay... The repair room is full so I have to wait for a bit." He helped you sat down and hurriedly closed the door behind you to prevent the freezing wind outside from blowing in. He came back and examined your wound.
"Was the fight tough today?"
"The initial plan was to help new recruits gain more experience today. But kebiishi got in our way."
"Is that so..." He settled down beside you and leant back on the wall. "Is it fun, fighting...?"
His crimson eyes were cast downwards and his finger traced the carvings on the sword guard which were laid down next to him. You averted your eyes and back to stare at the empty space.
He's definitely aching to fight. That's how all of you swords were, after all. A sword was created to be used, their rust and dent showed their worth. When a sword was well-used by their wielder, that proved how much they're loved.
And you, for sure, loved that thrill when your blade cut down your opponent. The sound it made when the iron came in contact with flesh, followed by the splattering blood―there's no way that sensation wouldn't excite you.
You're positive, that he didn't need an answer for that question. The answer was clear from the very beginning. It's just a rhetorical question, expressed just to calm himself down from the never ending struggle inside of him.
"It must've felt nice to fight, have your body worn out then get repaired." He took his sword and unsheathed it, staring at his own reflection on the blade, "How nice, being loved is..." He slashed it a few times before running his fingers through the blade; it was unscathed.
You leant closer to him and kissed his ear, "Aren't you so loved now?" You landed a few more kisses on his face.
"You're different," he responded while sheathing back the sword. He turned to you and returned your kisses. He forced his way in with his tongue and pulled you in for another one.
When he finally pulled away, both your lips were connected with a strand of saliva. You caught your breath, and you noticed he did the same. "Being loved by a fellow sword is a lot better than getting affection from our master," you whispered.
Indeed, you didn't enjoy getting affection from your master the least. You couldn't care less about the person who treated him that way.
.
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(That was the 49th him whom you fell in love with.)
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You breathed in the crisp air scent which was mixed together with his scent. You opened your eyes and stared at the low ceiling. The tatami mat started to feel hard on your back, so you shifted to the side and stared on the empty room. His belongings just disappeared somewhere every time―as if this had always been a new unoccupied room.
The door opened and a familiar figure you've long waited stood before you.
Ah, finally another him.
"Eh? Sorry, I was told that this would be my room?"
You got up and fixed your kimono. You smiled and stared at him with a wistful gaze. His absent had lasted really long this time. It hurt to see him keep coming back and act as if nothing had ever happened between you and him―forgetting everything. But after waiting so long for him to return again, you comprehended that having the new him by your side every time would have been better than waiting for the chance of him to return.
"I'm just borrowing your room. Are you a new comrade?"
"Yeah, I just joined up from the last sortie. Uh, I'm the child beneath the river. Kashuu Kiyomitsu. I may be difficult to handle, but my performance is good."
"I'm... Yamatonokami Yasusada. Weren't we together under Okita-kun's care back then?"
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(That was the only time you had the chance to exchange words with the 82nd him before he was dismantled.)
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You went back to his room and lay down on the floor again. The him you talked to this morning disappeared too fast. You hadn't even talked to him long enough to satisfy yourself after his long absence. Your master surely didn't waste any time getting rid of him, huh?
You closed your eyes, waiting for the 83rd him.
(And that's when you could start smelling the blooming cherry blossom's scent.)
.
.
Alas, he never appeared.
From that day on, the spring never came to an end. Even when it's about time summer should've come, spring lasted. Months passed yet the cherry blossom still bloomed astoundingly, reminding you of the time when you fell for the first him.
.
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(The 82nd him also happened to be the last him.)
.
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(Nobody had ever heard of master's voice anymore ever since that day.)
End.
a/n1: I was playing touken ranbu on my phone the whole time while finalising this fanfic, and kIYOMITSU ALMOST BROKE. I was careless and didn't pay attention to his health. thankfully I've got omamori equipped.
a/n2: the skip was way too far, I was planning on writing some more but can't figure out anything.
a/n3: thanks for reading until the end, really. I'm so sleepy now I'll head to sleep, I've got class tomorrow.