Oh Brother
by ~Gods-Dragon
Oh Brother
WARNING: Contains cuss words, American stuff, a odd Gaara/Shino respect friendship, and Shino/Kiba and Gaara/Kankuro brother wackiness.
A request by blackdragonflower, who asked for either a Gaara/Kankuro or a Shino/Kiba brother fanfic. I couldn't decide on which one to do so I kind of combined them in a wacky brother fanfic. Sorry if I took so long to finish it my brain's been asleep ever since I got back from camp. I even manage to put a small Shino and Gaara respect scene in there. So I hope you like it, blackdragonflower. Sorry if its not the best though I couldn't at first find a good topic to go on. Some of the scenes were inspired by two pics, one was Gaara and Kakuro arguing about Kakuro's war paint and one where Kakuro was yelling that he wasn't fat.
Oh and I am not bashing Kankuro or Kiba, to let you guys know, just teasing them ok. I hope the rest of you guys like it as well.
It was a normal day at the Sunagakure. The Sand siblings had just gotten back from a tiring mission and came back to their home to rest. Well for a while.
"Damn it Kankuro, get your sorry ass back over here with my diary and makeup bag." Temari yelled at the top her lungs, while chasing after her brother.
Kankuro snikered as he ran from his enraged sister with her dark red makeup bag and her purple diary in hand.
"No way Temari, I need some of your make for the next up coming mission, besides I know you'll beat the shit out of me if I do."
"I'll do even more if you don't give me back my things." Temari screamed, "I'll freaking kill you, and besides you have your own makeup so why steal mine."
"I ran out." came Kankuro's simple reply, "Besides I want to see the new eyeliner that you got when you went shopping with the girls."
"Grr, Kankuro!" Temari yelled, throughout the whole Kazekage household.
From another part of the sand sibs home, Gaara was having a civilized conversation with one of the Konohagakure ninja on the phone. The phone was on speakers on Gaara's desk. He was going through papers while talking to his friend.
"What in heavens name is going on out there?" the voice said, "It sounds like a war is going on back there."
Gaara signed "Oh that's my idiotic brother Kankuro and he just did something stupid to enrage Temari and she's gonna kill him."
"Uh…Shouldn't you try to stop her?"
"No, I'd be crazy to try to stop her after all she's in a certain stage and we had just gotten off a mission, so she's kind of extra cranky lately." Gaara replied, "Besides he probably deserves a beating, he probably stole something of hers anyway, know him."
There was a slight buzzing noise on the end of the other side of the phone. Gaara raised his non existent eyebrow, in curiosity.
"What's that noise, sounds like an angry swarm?"
"Oh that just my bugs, they've been quite restless ever since they've be introduced to caffeine drinks like soda." came the cool reply, "Plus the fact that its suppertime and Kiba still haven't came back from Burger King with my and Hinata's orders, so they're a little bit hunger as well."
Suddenly a loud bang was heard from the other line.
"Well well well, speak of the devil, there he is now."
"What did you just say, Shino." Kiba's voice growled, in the background.
"Nothing."
"Ok, I brought the value meals that you and Hinata wanted." Kiba said handing Shino his bag containing his value meal inside, "Where's Hinata?"
"She's out with Sensei getting some more supplies." Shino replied.
Kiba began to walk further in the shake that they were staying at with his muddy shoes on. Shino noticed this. Gaara was listening to their conversation with interest. Ever since he found out that the bug ninja had defeated his older brother, Gaara was quite curious and respectful of the insect welder's strength. Gaara jumped a little bit when he heard a sudden shout from the normal calm bug ninja.
"KIBA, BEFORE YOU STEP ANY FURTHER INSIDE TAKE YOUR DARN MUDDY SHOES OFF , I JUST MOPPED THE FLOOR AND I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE TO MOP IT AGAIN." Shino growled, "And make sure Akamaru's paws are clean before you let him in here."
"Geez Shino touche much." Kiba muttered, "You don't have to bite my head off, ya know."
"Well Kiba, if you spent up to eight hours cleaning a certain room just so your teammate to come in all muddy and is about to ruin the just cleaned floor with his extremely muddy shoes, you'd be pissed too." came Shino's tort reply, "Beside this isn't our place so we should at least make sure it isn't damage or dirty when we leave."
Kiba sighed, "Alright I'll take off my shoes."
Shino gave a heavy sigh, "Ok, I'm sorry Kiba but I had to use the last bit of the bleach to clean this dirty floor and I would like for it to stay clean, understood."
Kiba nodded, "Fine, Can Akamaru come in now?"
"Yes, just as long as he wasn't playing in the mud puddles again."
Kiba gave a short whistle and Akamaru came in practically covered in mud. The young dog gave a short bark of happiness before shaking off the dirt in every direction. Some bits of mud hit Shino and let's just say he wasn't at all happy about this.
Gaara was still on the phone with Shino and was still listening to the argument between the dog and insect ninjas.
"Any way here's your order a Tender crisp chicken sandwich with French fries and a Dr. Pepper." Kiba said tossing Shino his bag of food and handing him his drink, "I also got Hinata's a Caesar salad and a Mountain Dew… Speaking of which, where is Hinata anyway?"
"She's out with Sensei getting more supplies." Shino said, "One of those supply items is another bottle of bleach, so when they get back you are going to clean up that mess that Akamaru had just made."
"What?" Kiba exclaimed, "Why does it have to be me that cleans it up can't you do it yourself?"
"Because he is your dog, therefore it is your responsibility to clean up after him." Shino stated, "And besides I just clean that floor and I'm NOT going to do it again just because you don't want to clean up after him."
Kiba snorted, "Fine, I'll clean it up and afterwards can we watch 'Barking Mad' again or maybe 'The Dog Whisperer'."
Shino sighed, "Ok, then maybe after you watch your wild dog shows how about we watch 'Buggin' with Ruud' or even the 'World's Biggest and Baddest Bugs' special on the praying mantis."
Kiba looked disgusted at the sound of watching that show again. He was already disturbed from the last episode of World's Biggest and Baddest Bugs on the dug beetle. He couldn't understand what Shino found bugs like the dug beetle so interesting. Kiba didn't even want to try to think what the special on the praying mantis would show. Kiba and Shino had their own unique taste in shows. Kiba would like the ones that has gone a lot of thrill and excitement in it like 'Jackass' for example. Shino on the other hand liked educational shows with a comical twist in it as well as some survival shows. 'Fear Factors' and the 'Myth Busters' were a few of some of the weird shows Shino and Kiba would watch together. They would spend hours laughing at one another's shows just because they found them hilariously stupid.
"Fine with me." Kiba said shrugging, "What's this week of 'Buggin' with Ruud' about this time?"
Kiba actually liked that show due to the fact that he and Shino would find Ruud poking Hercules beetle just to have it pinch him with its pincher funny.
"Its about the stinkbug." Shino replied, simply.
Kiba got up and walked over to the bathroom. While Kiba was heading toward the bathroom Shino got his meal out and began nibbling on his French fries.
"I wouldn't drink from the toilet if I was you." Shino said, taking a sip of his Dr. Pepper.
"Why not?" came Kiba's annoyed growl from the bathroom.
"Because, I also had to clean the toilet as well since it looked like it hasn't had a good scrubbing in months." Shino told Kiba, "In order to get all the grim and dirt off I had to us what was left of the Comet, besides you shouldn't drink from the toilet anyway, its disgusting."
"This is coming from a guy who has millions of little insects inside his body."
"At least I don't smell like ass."
Kiba was about to argue with the bug ninja when a sudden loud bang noise was heard from Gaara's end of the phone.
Gaara turned around to find his brother, Kankuro shutting and locking his bedroom door frantically. Kankuro then turned to face his baby brother.
"You've got to hide me Gaara." he said his voice filled with panic, "You've got to save me from Temari."
Gaara stared at his brother. "What did you do this time, Kankuro?"
"Umm… Borrow her diary and her makeup."
"You mean you took them without her permission."
"Yeah, Borrowing."
"No, its called Stealing, Kankuro."
"Same thing."
Gaara shook his head in disbelief, surely his brother couldn't have been that stupid as to steal from their elder sister. Just as Gaara gave another sigh, yet another bang was heard on Shino's side.
"Kiba, Shino, We're back from the store." Kurenai said, taking a look around the area, "Man you really did a good job of cleaning up the place, Shino, although it looks like you missed a few spots."
"Actually I didn't, Sensei, Kiba brought Akamaru in all muddy and he got bit of mud everywhere." Shino admitted, "Did you get some more bleach?"
Hinata who was standing behind Kurenai stepped over to the side revealing a big bottle of bleach.
"Here it is Shino." she said happily, holding up the bleach bottle up.
Kiba grinned at her revealing his dog like fangs, "Sound like someone had a great day today hasn't she."
"Kiba has your salad and drink, Hinata." Shino said, finishing his fries and now starting on his sandwich.
Hinata smiled, "That good." she chirped, taking he bag of the table and taking a seat next to Shino.
Kurenai glanced at Kiba, "Didn't you order something from Burger King, Kiba?"
"Yeah, I just ate it on the way back here is all." Kiba said, "Besides I do need to clean up that mess that Akamaru had made."
On the other side of the phone Kankuro was going through Temari's diary, flipping through pages to see if there was anything good. Gaara caught this and glared at his brother.
"What the hell are you doing?" Gaara asked, getting quite annoyed at his brother.
"Reading her diary, of course."
"I know that but why?"
"To see if Temari's got any plans with that Shikamaru kid and if so I'm going to have a little talk with that shadow casting freak."
"Do you realize that she will eventually come in here, looking for you and beat the crap out of you when she spots you reading her diary."
"Yeah but I'm not worried."
"Why not?"
"Because she would dare enter your room without permission, right Gaara?"
"Not really."
"Oh Shit."
"Looks like old makeup face is in deep dog shit now huh." Kiba's voice teased, "What did ya do makeup man wear her underwear and farted in them."
"Kiba." Shino growl, "Don't ease-drop on other people's conversations, its rude you know."
"Who are you talking to anyway, Shino?" Kiba asked the bug ninja, "Besides the fat makeup man?"
Kankuro overheard this, he shut the book and walked over to where Gaara sat. He pulled up a chair and sat down next to Gaara.
"Did I just hear that dumb mutt on your speakers, Gaara." he growled, getting a bit mad over Kiba's fat comment.
"WHAT DID YOU JUST CALLED ME, YOU FAT PILE OF DOG SHIT?" Kiba yelled, "How dare you call me a mutt you makeup wearing freak."
"I'M NOT FAT" Kankuro yelled back, getting even more ticked off by the moment.
"Yes you are." Gaara said, obviously teasing his older brother and enjoying it.
Kankuro shot a glare at his little brother then returned his attention on the phone.
"And beside I don't wear makeup its war paint I wear, barf brain."
"Yeah since 'PURPLE WAR PAINT' is SO intimidating." Kiba replied, rolling his eyes at the puppet master.
A snicker was hear on both sides of the phone, both Gaara and Shino was chuckling at Kiba's statement. Kankuro once again glared at his brother.
"Hey you're suppost to be on my side, Gaara." he growled, "Besides who are you talking to anyway little bro?"
"Shino."
"What that bug freak, that beat me in an unfair match."
"Uh I can hear you, you know Kankuro." Shino said dryly.
Kankuro then faced the phone speakers.
"Listen you bug freak, you were lucky last time we fought each other but the next time we cross paths you won't be so lucky." Kankuro snarled, obvious still mad at the bug ninja defeating him in the forest.
"HEY, Nobody talks to my pal Shino like that except for me, you fat ass makeup wearing puppet boy." Kiba yelled, back at the puppet master with equal venom laced in his voice.
"Mind your own business you flea bitten mutt." Kankuro growled.
"Kiba, calm down, I appreciate what you're trying to do for me but, no need to get riled up here, ok." Shino reasoned, "Kankuro, I understand that you are upset about our match but there is no need to drag others into it too."
Kankuro was about to argue even further with the bug ninja but Gaara placed his hand over his brother's mouth.
"Yes, I agree Shino, there is no need for our teammates to get riled up because a little argument." Gaara said cooly, "Lets continue with our civilized conversation shall we."
Shino nodded, "Agreed."
Gaara nodded his head as well, understanding that both he and Shino did not want a simple argument to turn into a full blown war between Konoha and Suna and the ceaseless fighting between Kankuro and Kiba was over, for now.
Suddenly as Gaara was about to discuse the topic of the book he and Shino was reading, a sudden bang was heard followed by the door to Gaara's room being flung open revealing a very very ticked off Temari. Kankuro hearing the noise, quickly turned around and saw the sight of his terrifying sister. Upon seeing the very angry expression on her face Kankuro gave out a very terrifying girly scream.
"There you are you little rat." she hissed at Kankuro, "I've been looking everywhere for you, should have knowned that you'd be hiding in Gaara's room."
Temari then reached her hand out and grabbed a hold of Kankuro's ear, yanking it viciously. Kankuro understanding that if he didn't get his little brother's help than he would be a very dead ninja.
"Gaara little bro, please help me." Kankuro pleaded with Gaara sadly, as Temari was dragging him away.
"Well Shino I got to go, since Temari has already found my so dead brother and I don't want to get his blood all over my room thus driving Shukaku nuts." Gaara said, "And I don't think you'd want to hear Shukaku at it, it goes insane, Bye."
Shino nodded, "Yeah I highly doubt that I want to hear the aftermath of a sand demon getting a whiff of blood, and besides I got to make sure Kiba ain't trying to drink from the toilet again." Shino chuckled, "Good luck in trying to keep your brother out of trouble, Bye, Gaara."
And with that said both Gaara and Shino hung up. Gaara then got up and walked over to his two siblings. He bend down to face Kankuro.
"If I help you this time will you promise not to torment Temari again?"
Kankuro insteadly nodded. "Yes yes, I will stop bugging our sister just please save me."
Gaara signed, "Temari, if I give back your things that Kankuro stole will you let our idiotic brother live?"
Temari put her hand on her waist and looked down at her pleading brother.
"Fine, but if he does it again he's dead, ok."
"You understand that Kankuro?" Gaara said, "If so nod."
Kankuro gave a short quick nod in agreement. "Yeah, sure, sure."
Both Temari and Gaara nodded. Temari let her brother go and Gaara handed her, her makeup bag and diary. She nodded and walked out of Gaara's room.
After a while of reading a book about raccoons, Gaara noticed Kankuro playing with something. He looked up and realize it was a container of purple lipstick.
"Kankuro, where did you get that?" Gaara asked, getting very uneasy.
"I snuck it out of Temari's makeup bag when you was busy talking to bug boy." Kankuro answered, "Besides its not like she's going to know that one stick of lipstick is missing."
Then there was a sudden yell across the hallway.
"KANKURO!"
Gaara gave a long sigh before looking back at his book.
"Brothers." he said simply, shaking his head sadly.
THE END