In the back of her mind, it would the three of them fighting side by side. It was not a dream, no, because there was no use in dreaming in a time of war. Not when reality continually slapped her in the face with whispers of her comrades' last breath. It was just a notion, something she frequently told herself as a rational thought. After all, they were still teammates no matter what the records say. And teammates go through hell and back together.
But they already carved paths different from one another.
Naruto was the hero, Sasuke was the antihero, and she—she was needed by many others. There were far too few medical-nin for the thousands that were injured in the battlefield. She thought that maybe, just maybe, when everything is over, if it will ever be over, she can start dreaming again.
It has been said far too many times and in so many different ways that no one comes back from a war alive. People die, and so do dreams and hearts. But in that moment, the moment that gradually became a part of history as the seconds trailed by, there was a flashing chance at bliss.
Uchiha Madara has been defeated.
Sakura, notwithstanding the physical and emotional exhaustion from both retaining and ending the heartbeat of numerous shinobi in the combat zone, gained an ounce of positivity. She could not help but regard the blinding light caused by the massive chakra that Naruto and Sasuke exuded together from the jutsu that finally killed Madara, as a silver lining. It was symbolic and very much surreal.
There were no immediate screams of triumph among the shinobi left standing; just the anguished release of breaths, silent prayers for the fallen, and the need to touch their comrades who were breathing. It was the feeling of a comrade's soft punch upon one's arm and friendly hug that brought that cheers and tears. It was not what she imagined.
The smell of smoke and blood lingered in the air. She still had work to do. No side really wins in a war.
Amidst the years of bloody contention, Uchiha Madara and Hashirama Senju had founded Konoha. It was only fitting, regardless of the irony, that through Uchiha Sasuke and Uzumaki Naruto's victory, a new Konoha had been established again. Rebuilding what was once the greatest hidden village was an intricate and on-going task.
The widespread recognition among the leaders and citizens of the five great shinobi nations that they cannot afford another war from taking place paved the way for the creation of the Allied Shinobi Post-War Efforts, which many hoped would eventually develop into a permanent alliance. Resources and manpower were shared to restore the stability in every hidden village. Inauspicious as it was, the ruthlessness in war was necessary for everyone to appreciate the significance of peace.
Sakura thought bitterly that it took four great wars for the people to finally realize that.
Indeed, only the dead returns home.
It's unfair to be feeling so broken. Not when her team is finally complete, not when Naruto is bound to be the next Hokage, not when Sasuke is slowly redeeming himself, not when Ino needs her. She's not the only victim of the war, not even the worst one and she knows it. She lost patients and friends, but not a lover or a teammate. Yet, she still wants to escape and she promised herself that this will be her last selfish act.
She has been called many names, based on her association with prominent figures. Tsunade's apprentice. Copy-ninja Kakashi's female student, Uzumaki and Uchiha's teammate. Desperately needing the time and space, she swallows every bit of doubt that's clouding her mind. She needs to find out who she is beyond the names, and beyond the love she has for Sasuke. She has loved him for too long to remember who she was before that.
As she looks back to the newly built gates of Konoha, for the last time in a time unknown, she realizes that she's more like Tsunade than one will ever know, other than her mentor herself. And thank Kami for that, because her shishou wouldn't have signed a long-term mission scroll for her if she doesn't understand her.
And when Moegi finally comes running towards her with a huge backpack slung over her shoulders, she inhales the air that smells particularly like freshly-cut grass… like home.
The action that she's about to take will hurt them. She wants to say that it's for their own good too, that she's rediscovering herself so that she can give herself fully to them when she comes back, and not just to a single boy who currently owns every fiber of her being.
But that will only be half of the truth.
She's doing it for herself, for the reason that she's hurting more, with him being so near. Because she's supposed to be indifferent after what went through between the two of them.
But she can't.
She'd rather be far away from him and heal; than stand close to him again, have her heart beat so fast, and all the walls she built around herself crumble down with just the utterance of a couple of words.
There are two consequences in loving someone, she believes.
Loving someone can leave you broken when the impact comes, and loving someone can teach you how to fly before the fall kills you. Maybe that's why they call it falling in love.
Sakura deems she's in the former situation. However, she's a fighter and a healer. She can still stand up amidst the broken bones. And like hell, she'll freakin' heal herself too.
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