Title: Whims
Pairing: Naruto/Ino, implied Sakura/Naruto, Sakura/Kankuro
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 1457
Disclaimer: Don't own. I just do this for fun.
A/N: This came out a lot darker than I ever thought it would. Needs betaing.
This, Ino decided, had to be one of the worst thing to ever happen to her.
Perhaps she should of have expected it, Ninjas experience these kinds of things all the time. Death came to everyone, favorited no-one, and saved many. It did not, by any means, mean it was accepted, nor wanted, nor was it ever completely welcomed, or expected.
Too much was lost, too little was done, not enough time to say "I love you" or "I'll miss you".
She remembered her first funeral. The hokage was a brave man. Too caring, too special, too close to her. She spent far too much time consoling Konohamaru, and Asuma spent far too much time by himself, alone. Often she had wondered if it had been Shikamaru's shogi game, or Kurenai's loving touch, or maybe it was their weekly lunch-time break that kept him grounded. She wondered if Chouji and herself helped their team leader, but when he smiled over a comment Chouji flippantly stated, they realized that maybe, perhaps they had helped him.
The second funeral she had attended was of the third man she had admired, third only to the Hokage and her father.
Asuma was an ass and died on her, and she had mourned him at first, then hated him, and then tried to get revenge for him, for herself, for her team. Then she sat down in her room, curled into a ball and cried, did not come out of her room for an entire week, and found that when she did, she was more than happy to find she still had part of her team left intact. If only superficially.
The third time she was forced to watch a colleague be bury was of her best friend.
Sakura Haruno, beautiful full-blossomed flower. She was a sannin-level medical nin, with so much more potential that she had ever given the chance to prove, not enough time, never enough time.
Not enough, she was gone, too little time. Sakura needed more time, deserved it more than anyone else Ino had known.
Instead, Sakura had withered right before her true love's eyes. Too bad Kankuro had died along with her. Too bad it had been so short-lived.
Too bad, it's so bad, it's not right, it's...
Naruto had brought her body back. Kankuro's had been taken away by his younger brother. It was proper, it was right, it was the way of the ninja, it was for the best. It was for the best, and it was for the stabilization of both countries, and it was best for both Gaara and Naruto. They couldn't help either one of them.
Naruto, the idiot. Naruto blamed himself for Sakura's death, and Ino was the only other idiot to confront him and blame him completely for both the deaths. Told him he was selfish, and a horrible monster for letting his emotions get the best of him, and for not saving Sakura no matter who she loved, or what she thought. Ino had punched him so hard her knuckles throbbed, and his cheek bruised immediately, and while he laid on the floor blood poured out of his nose and mouth, and tears pooled around his eyes, his eyes, his eyes watched her die and Ino wanted to strangle him, and scream again and curl into a ball and pretend the fault laid only, and only on the blonde laying on the floor. She wished he choked on his own tears.
And then, when she could not take it anymore, she wrapped her arms around him and held him until his tears were gone, and his guilt was not threatening to suffocate him, and her, and the entire village. Instead, she sobbed into his shoulder, and he just shook silently, and her arms felt like lead when she woke up, still wrapped around him.
She slept with him the very next night. And, oh God, it was the most painful sex she had ever had. It was probably the softest too. He held her too gently, touched her too lightly, whispered things he did not mean.
Too many lies. Lies. Lies, it was not...
This, Ino decided, had to be the worst thing to ever happen to her.
Sakura deserved much more than what she was giving him. Too much was being lost to her, Ino was...
Guilt. Guilt. It gnawed at her. It made it impossible to live.
She was withering along with the flowers she had placed on top of the tomb her best friend was buried under, she was withering, and she wanted to grab Naruto and kiss him again to make sure she was in fact alive. That maybe his kiss would stop the guilt, and maybe she was stopping his guilt too. But she was suffocating, and she could tell he was too.
It was too much. Too much. She needed to stop it, stop this foolish act. Stop the guilt, she just couldn't take it anymore...
When she saw Naruto again, she smothered him. Kisses, and gasps, and breaths, and, and it was too much. He knew it too. Just too much.
Together, they spent too much crying. Crying would not bring her back. But they still did. Men don't cry, she heard someone once say. Then she saw Naruto sobbing along with her again, and she realized it was true, men don't cry, human beings do, and they die too, but they don't need to leave the earth to actually die, and he was dead, and she was too and this would make her...
Feel alive, alive, alive, she wanted Sakura to be...
She slept with Naruto again. But this time, he just fell asleep, and she just curled along with him with a small glimpse of happiness in the back of her head, and hope in her heart.
--
That afternoon she joined Naruto at Sakura's grave for the first time. It was not ackward, or strange, or weird, nor was it simple, nor sweet, nor was it complacent, or relieving. It was just them, together, asking forgiveness, wishing for different things, the same, hope, wishing, praying, sometimes asking, and at another just ignoring each other.
She didn't know what she was asking for exactly. Maybe she should never expect a simple answer, answers aren't always simple, and simple was the last thing Sakura was. She wondered if Naruto had arrived at the same conclusion. His furrowed brows, and deep set frown, and trembling hands, and the tears that she had become far too-well acquainted with, they were there and of course, Naruto was not ready, not ready, he would never be.
Death was too fast, too quick, no one could allude it, not even Orochimaru, death played favorites with no-one, death released people, bound others. Naruto slammed a hand onto the grass, and apologized at Sakura's grave. Ino doubted it would tell Sakura the message, and when she saw Naruto draw back to punch the ground again she stopped him, her hand trembling along with his.
That was enough. It was enough, it wasn't, but for now it was, there was no more, no more, Naruto was not a hero. He was a ninja, simple, simple, not like Sakura ever was simple, no one ever was...
Simple, she's gone, gone, gone, and.
"Good intentions," she started, her voice hoarse from too much crying, and yelling, and now little speaking, "Won't bring her back." and maybe she should of have stayed quiet because his eyes reflected everything he ever felt, and they broke, broke like she imagined a soul would break like.
Death, death.
Still killing, she was a ninja, she kills for a living, it was part of her life. Dead. Like Sakura, she had killed Naruto's soul.
She straightened herself. "She forgives you." Because Sakura was such a beautiful soul, she would never hold a grudge against Naruto. She loved Naruto too much, like family, she loved Naruto too much, she would never hate Naruto.
Naruto snarled. She expected it. Naruto was predictable sometimes. "Fuck you!" Like he hadn't done that already. Her mouth quirked upwards at her own tasteless joke. He caught on, and his cheeks flared, and then he slumped against her.
"I can't forgive myself."
Naruto was an idiot of the highest quality. "She probably does." He was just a kid. Poor kid, poor kid, he was just a kid.
"She would probably forgive you too." He whispered into the wind, carelessly, his head craddled between his hands and knees.
Just a kid, a poor, poor kid, and the poor poor kid understood far too much; she smiles while he cries, and she catches the irony but she.
Alive, alive, she wishes Sakura was still...
A/N: Written years ago, when Naruto wasn't so bad.