Disclaimer: Not mine and you guys know this has absolutely no legal validity right?
A/N: This was supposed to be a short smutty fic that was a thinly veiled excuse for Regina and Emma to have sex in a school uniform. Then it devolved into an angsty hate-that-I-love you relationship because I apparently can't write simple kink. I also need a break from writing fluff from 'Too Soon' but don't worry I'm still updating that.
Warnings: Some domestic abuse ahead.
XxXx
Regina Mills hated Emma Woods (as she was called back then) from the moment she entered Skycastle. There was no way that a girl like her, obviously born and raised in a ditch, should be at the prestigious boarding school run by her mother. The first day Emma showed up at the school she stood with four other girls that also didn't belong.
"Ah, Regina darling," her mother turned, smoothing down the lapels of her suit, as Regina stood at the top of the stairs in her pristine uniform. "You're finally here. I was beginning to think I would have to show our new students around myself."
"Rehearsals ran late, I'm sorry Ms Mills," Regina answered coming down to stand beside her mother. She wasn't allowed to call her 'mother' during school hours.
"No fear, we want you to do your best and thus make our school look the best," Ms Mills smiled for the new girls benefits. "Regina is the Prefect of your year and also the lead in the school ballet. She has graciously taken time out to show you around and will be around if you need help during your time here."
Regina was eyed dismissively or with derision by the bunch. Emma however just looked bored, the rag tag little group were all wearing their normal clothes but Emma's had been by far the rattiest. Her oversized jeans were held up with a belt that had holes cut out from homemade notches, her jumper looked like it came from good will and her sneakers were scuffed and filthy. She didn't have a coat or any interest in the place at all. Her indifference and appearance rankled Regina immediately. She wasn't used to people ignoring her, in hindsight that was probably the only reason Emma Woods made it onto Regina's radar and never left.
"These are the scholarship children we're taking in for the government grant. Show them their dorms and their classes but don't waste too much time on them. You have more important things to be doing than coddling the likes of these," Her mother muttered to her quietly behind her hand before letting it fall and giving the group a wide smile. "I'll let you get on, Regina should be done with the tour in time for dinner, I know you must be hungry, some of you have come a long way."
Regina rolled her eyes. She remembered hating the idea that their school had to stoop to taking in the impoverished. Her mother was dead set on expanding the music hall and the government grant was the only way to do that without annoying their rich alumni for more money. It also helped with their diversity record as political correctness was forced down their throats. At least the test scores had to be exceedingly high to qualify for entry into Skycastle, Regina couldn't handle both poor and stupid besmearing the halls.
"Come along, and keep up, I don't repeat myself and I won't waste anymore of my time than I have to," Regina said briskly once her mother was out of earshot. She took off down the mahogany panelled halls and away from the marbled entrance hall.
"Aren't you going to even ask us our names?" One girl asked snidely. Time and disinterest had robbed Regina of her name and even her face. Most of the scholarship students had either kept their heads down and made the most of this golden opportunity or they didn't. Skycastle would just be another school they had got kicked out off, albeit with a slightly better class of people doing the kicking.
"Why would I fill my head with that useless information?" Regina asked. She remembered being genuinely curious. Emma had called her bitchy. The distraction posed by the question had stopped her from evading Mary-Margret Blanchard as she clumsily knocked into her.
Mary-Margret dropped the stack of books she was carrying. Mary-Margret spouted her useless apologies as she bent down to gather her books. "Watch where you're going Blanchard," Regina snapped, then spied a few of the books titles, "what are you doing with those? Non-library books have to go through special permissions from the head mistress. Do you have your permission slips?"
"These are for a project. It's a medieval folk lore paper for English and since most folk lore devolved into fairytales I was doing additional context," Mary-Margret babbled nervously.
"And through all that I didn't hear whether or not you have your permission slips," Regina glared.
"They're still being processed, since they aren't on the banned list, I didn't think there would be any harm bringing them in-" Mary-Margret looked white, as she fiddled with a large golden hard backed book of fairy tales.
"-What a surprise! You thought wrong. Rules are there to be obeyed, I'm confiscating those books until their permission slips arrive," Regina held out her hand meaningfully.
"They're just books," Emma rolled her eyes as she picked up the last of the fallen books and handed it back to Mary-Margret. "Relax a little."
"Excuse me?" Regina rounded on her furiously but the blonde met her with cool eyes.
"Blanchard was it? How about you give me a tour of this place and I'll help you carry those books?" Emma, arrogant and pointlessly rebellious even then, slung her arm around Mary-Margret replacing her as Regina's most hated person in school.
"Those books are being confiscated and you haven't finished the tour," Regina drew herself up but Emma just shot her an unconcerned grin.
"You want these books? Come take them," Emma dared, her grin holding a rough edge to it.
Regina remembered reading about inner city kids that carried knives and guns to school, and while she was almost certain that Skycastle had excellent security that would have checked for dangerous weapons, the look in Emma's eye made her equally certain that this girl was dangerous without them.
"Didn't think so. Come on," she pulled Mary-Margret passed the group and down the hall, "the tour isn't mandatory and I can find my own way, always have."
"I'm going to report this! Both of you! What's your name?!" Regina yelled in frustration.
Emma flicked her blonde hair and lightly called back, "why fill your head with such useless information?"
Mary-Margret of course did get two weeks detention for unsanctioned books and Emma served a day's detention for behaviour unbecoming of a Skycastle student. Regina Mills however was not one to let go of a slight and that is how she met Emma Woods and came to hate her.
XxXx
Regina even with her ability to hold a grudge might never have had the opportunity to settle with Emma had it not been for Mary-Margret. Mary-Margret had volunteered to be Emma's guide and Emma was immediately transferred into her classes. The classes Mary-Margret shared with Regina, meaning that apart from the advanced classes that Regina took alone, the three of them shared lessons.
Emma had even joined up for the production as Mary-Margret was dancing in it. She was backstage help of course, all the roles had been cast and Emma didn't have the grace or poise necessary for ballet. But the friendship between Mary-Margret and Emma continuously brought Emma back into Regina's life and a routine developed.
Emma was late to class, Mary-Margret made excuses for her, Regina had to give them both detention. Emma was late to turn in assignments, Mary-Margret helped her complete them, Regina had to supervise to make sure there was no cheating. Emma snuck out from the dorms after curfew, Mary-Margret acted as her look out, Regina acted as their warden. It was driving Regina crazy how they would flaunt the rules so carelessly. If they weren't careful they would be reported to her mother and even Regina wouldn't be able to save them then.
"Honestly dear, the way you keep looking at the two of them, I can't tell if you want to kill them or screw them," Maleficent said from behind her dusty tome. Regina knew that she was hiding a banned magazine but she had long ago given up on trying to make Maleficent follow the rules.
"Don't be disgusting," Regina sneered handing Maleficent her detention slip.
Maleficent took it with a roll of her eyes. She probably had enough to fill her own forest. "What's disgusting is that you're almost eighteen and haven't even masturbated. No wonder you're high strung."
Regina let out an aggravated sigh. The best policy was to ignore Maleficent and her crudeness. She was not a long term asset as her career prospects were minimal. Her father had locked her up here to prevent her scandalising the family. "They constantly flaunt the rules," Regina glared at the small group around Emma and Mary-Margret. They were loud and obnoxious filling the common room with their shrieks of good humour. "Honestly I don't know why she's even stayed here. Most of the other delinquents have been kicked out or dropped out."
"Perhaps she's here just to annoy you. Obviously God didn't think your mother was punishment enough and has sent someone else to torture the poor long suffering Regina," Maleficent drawled sitting up and throwing away the Iliad and reading her magazine out in the open.
"I will confiscate that," Regina threatened.
"Look there's a great article about political sex scandals. You should read it unless you plan to be the most boring president in history," Maleficent smirked.
"Doing your job well isn't boring," Regina snatched the magazine from Maleficent's lax grip. "And this is complete trash. Maybe you should actually read your copy of the Iliad instead of using it to hide your stupid magazines. Perhaps then you'll contribute an opinion worth considering."
"I'll find a worthwhile opinion in a book older than your mother?" Maleficent snorted, "I doubt it. Not that you care since you're back to staring like a stalker at those two. Or is it just the one?"
Regina who had been glaring at Emma blushed. She had only been staring because in the few months that she had been here trouble had followed the bottled blonde (also against regulations). Obviously it was just good sense for a Prefect to keep an eye on trouble makers.
"You're going to be one of those repressed Republican's that gets caught screwing her maid or secretary," Maleficent muttered, but Regina didn't hear as she was already back to glaring at Emma.
XxXx
Mary-Margret was an extra swan in the schools production of Swan Lake. She convinced Emma to sign up as backstage crew which meant that Regina had to deal with her even there. Regina would be training hard and completely absorbed in the movements of the dance and Emma would stroll past in second had low riding jeans, tight t-shirt she was obviously growing out of and a smirk that she was already growing into. She reeked of poverty and completely disregarded any professionalism as she told rude jokes and laughed loudly with the other crew. It was her fault that Regina took so long to master her role. Most things in her life back then had been Emma's fault.
"How is everything?" Her mother asked Mr Scrolls, the dance teacher and director.
"The boys from Groundtree have been excellent. James in particular has taken to his role as prince with surprising gusto while Graham is a terribly unconvincing bag guy. He dances Rothbart's part well but he doesn't play the character."
"And my girls?" her mother's tone was light and inquiring but Regina had felt her intense gaze on her as she moved into arabesque, (standing on one leg, the other out straight behind at waist height, her arms spread wide, head forward).
"They're doing well. Our star is having a little trouble. She has the role of Odile down to a magnificent degree, I've seen seasoned professionals struggle for the understanding Regina seems to have for the black swan. But that is only a minor part of the ballet, most of the time she is Odette and her performance is lacking," Mr Scrolls scowled. He spoke loudly so everyone could hear.
"How unfortunate," her mother's mild tone of displeasure made Regina tremble slightly. "I think I shall start supervising practice. It might give the girls a little incentive."
Her mother was an even harsher task master than Mr Scrolls. Even Emma had stop playing around and laughing during practice. This turned out to be a blessing as Regina could not have afforded any distractions under her mother's watchful eye. The weeks leading up to the opening night were the most stressful of Regina's school career. It took its toll on everyone with her mother's harsh form of encouragement being unusually gifted to those other than Regina, although she did receive the brunt.
"And that's it for today girls," her mother called. She gripped Regina by the arm hard enough to make her want to flinch. She didn't though, she knew better than to draw negative attention like that, "you are to stay here and practice. How many times do I have to tell you how important this is Regina? This ballet has to be a hit, the entire alumni is coming and they won't want to sponsor a school with merely mediocre performers," her mother shook her head looking sad, "honestly I think you do this to hurt me, I know you can do better."
"I'm sorry mother, I'll try harder," Regina promised. She bit her lip as her mother left, shutting off the lower lights near the doors, leaving only half the hall lit.
Regina practiced over and over in the empty room, her flaws were continuously flung back at her through the mirrored walls as her mother's disappointed face beat at her with every tremble of her weak limbs. She had finally had enough, the stilted movements of Odette gave way to Odile's passionate seduction, she spun and thrust with a desperate energy as she mentally transformed into the black swan and flew away from her mistakes.
She remembered those days of dancing, pushing her body until it was exhausted. She remembered how the manic movements were both an escape and an affirmation of her cage. There were nights she practiced so hard that she swore her muscles would burst into flame. She remembered her lungs constantly on the edge of collapse as she rationed their oxygen to a painful degree. She remembered Emma emerging from the dark to change her life.
"That's the black swan bit right?" Emma asked titling her head.
Regina's pirouette came to an abrupt jerky end at Emma's interruptions. She was sweating and out of breath as she regarded Emma with surprise and suspicion. "Yes, it is," she confirmed slowly as she picked up her towel from the barre. She mopped at her face gently, her thoughts were slow and sluggish, still in the process of being dragged to the present.
"Yeah, you always seem better at that than the white swan bit more...real. I guess you like that role more?" Emma laughed as she came closer. "You empathise with the evil man stealing woman?"
"I didn't think you knew the story. Actually I didn't think you knew much beyond pointless rebellion and how to carry out your tasks as loud and bothersome as possible," Regina bristled at Emma's insinuation. "Odile's dance is simpler, her character one note, playing Odette however is more challenging. She falls in love and holds a purity and innocence that belies her tragic past. None of these are traits I have experience with nor care too." Later it was easier to see why she connected with the black swan better. How could a character existing only to carry out a task to satisfy her parent's ambition not resonate with her?
"You don't want to fall in love?" Emma extended a water bottle as she raised her eyebrow at Regina.
"Not right now, I'm much too busy," Regina wrapped the towel around her neck. She didn't know why she was still standing there. This was almost like a conversation.
Emma sat the water bottle on the barre where it lent against the mirror between them since Regina refused to take it. "You watch me all the time," she said slowly, and the words sounded accusing to Regina as they reverberated inside her.
"I do not!" Regina protested sharply.
"Not lately," Emma acknowledged, "you're wrapped up in this little show so you haven't lately. But you used to, all the time. I would look around and there you were, staring at me."
"I have no idea what you're talking about," she shook her head and backed away. Of course she knew what Emma's was talking about.
"Yes you do, girls like you always know," Emma grabbed the ends of the towel and stopped Regina's retreat. She pulled them closer, Regina remembered being paralysed by her knowing eyes. "Little rich girl that thinks she's above it all," Emma gave her a slow smirk as she tilted her head. Regina bristled, it was clear Emma was laughing at her, "...but the poor little rich girl can't stop herself from watching me. You know exactly what you're doing. What you want me to do."
"That's disgusting," Regina said but she didn't back away. She didn't move as Emma drew closer, she only stared at Emma's lips and bit her own.
"Then push me away," Emma smirked.
Regina couldn't.
The kiss was confident, Emma had obviously done this before. Regina hated the feeling of playing catch up, she didn't know what way to hold herself, to tilt her head and most humiliating of all, she forgot how to breathe. Emma was insistent pressing close and bringing her hand up to Regina's shoulder. Emma lead and Regina followed without protest, a rare event in their relationship.
Emma Woods had been her first kiss. She hadn't stolen it but she hadn't asked either. Regina resented her for it anyway. Emma could have easily waited until Regina wasn't in sweat slicked clothing or exhausted from hours of practice, she should have allowed Regina to at least fix her hair or put on make-up. But no Regina was sweaty, panting, messy and bare, which was the start of a terrible pattern with her encounters with Emma.
"Why did you do that?" Regina asked as the kiss broke and she had time to be alarmed.
"I like you watching me," Emma shrugged, "I missed it."
Regina stared. It wouldn't be the last time Emma left her speechless.
XxXx
"No! No! No!" Mr Scrolls yelled as Mary-Margret tripped. She caused the rest of the swan behind her fall as well leaving them in a white feathered heap. "Blanchard! Keep your eyes forward! Your chin up! We have two weeks until the opening night! Fun time is over!"
Regina rolled her eyes as the seamstress put the finishing touches on her Odette costume. She was unaware 'fun time' had even started, this ballet was anything but fun for her.
"Again!" Mr Scrolls snapped.
The swans went back to the start. They were in costume and running through different scenes so Mr Scrolls and her mother could get a feeling for the overall production. The seamstress gave her a tentative smile and stepped back, not a moment too soon as Regina's cue came. She launched out on to the stage to join her swans. Odette's role was still hard to master, but she had the movement down to an almost mechanical precision.
The soft music gave way to the Prince's theme as James boldly entered the scene, in costume for the first time. The prince character did not usually wear a cape but James had insisted he have one. It was a heavy red material with a gold trim and the way he whipped it about gave a distinctive flare to his movements. James understood the character of the prince and his love for the role really shone through.
Regina did her best to keep up with him. Her hesitance in the white swan role worked to her advantage in this scene at least since Odette would be tentative when confronted with her prince for the first time. Regina however, hated the fact that James was the star of this scene due to her incompetence. She loved being the black swan, in those scenes she left him three steps behind gasping to catch up with her as she seduced, him, the audience and the whole world.
It came time for the embrace. She clasped James's hands and too late saw the mischievous twinkle in his eyes. James was a terrible joker, his fantastic work ethic would lapse at the most inappropriate times as he embarked on what he considered to be 'good fun.' He tightened his grip when he felt her try to pull away, was he actually going to kiss her? The grin on his face said that he was.
Even in her later years the look on James's face as a sand bag swung down from backstage and smacked him in the head never failed to put a smile on Regina's face.
James went reeling into the line of swan causing Mary-Margret to fall for the second time that day. "What the hell?!" Mr Scrolls yelled "who was that!?"
"Sorry Mr Scrolls," Emma said trying for sheepish but coming of dismissive. "Sandbag slipped good thing it happened now and not on opening night."
"James I don't care if you have a concussion, get back up! Practice has not ended yet," Mr Scrolls snapped. "And Regina stop making that ugly face every time James touches you. You're supposed to be in love! Gha! Asking teenagers to understand love is a ridiculous waste of time!"
"Now Mr Scrolls," her mother's soft voice cut across the noise of the room without effort. She sat primly in a director's chair her eyes taking in everything, "don't be so harsh, of course it's hard for them to understand. Love is like a fairy tale, a story told multiple ways with complex undertones," she looked straight into Regina's eyes to tell her yet again about the truth of love, it's a fairy tale for children and ultimately a lie.
"You were jealous," Regina said smugly as Emma pulled her into the empty English room. Her back hit the wall beside the door as Emma pushed her roughly against it. She spared a moment to lock the door before she was pulling Regina into a kiss.
Regina was better at it now, she had had the practice. Emma would seek her out push her against something or pull her to her. It was always Emma that sought her out, Regina refused to give in, but she also refused to fight. She would wait impatiently for Emma's touch on her arm, a pointed look or insult, but she would wait and never instigate, and that had to mean something. It had to make her less guilty.
"The bag slipped," Emma's breath was ragged as she pulled back to lie, "and he can't kiss you like I can."
No, no one ever could.
"And why not? He'd probably kiss better, he's a boy," Regina needled her. Emma's eyes darkened as she seemed to surround Regina. Her heat was maddening as her body and arms acted like a cage trapping Regina against the wall and her own want. "He wouldn't need to stand on his toes to kiss me, he's handsome, tall and broad-"At the thought of someone else pressing against her like this, kissing her like Emma did, Emma's eye's took on a hard quality that made something inside Regina shivered as her whole body tingled.
"-And not what you want," Emma's voice was hard, almost condescending. It had that smug superior tone that Regina always hated, like Emma knew exactly how much she affect Regina.
"I don't want – oh," Regina gasped as all her awareness rushed to her hand. Emma had taken it and pressed it against her breast over her school shirt. She could feel Emma's hand cupping her own squeezing it softly forcing her hand against the swell of her breast. Even through the shirt the heat and softness was maddening. It cut off Regina's protests as all the moisture in her mouth vanished.
She could feel the faint hint of the pattern of Emma's bra. She pressed firmly with her thumb tracing the little flower shapes around the edges of the breast. She bit her lip and looked down to see her hand sandwich between Emma. The shadow of the black bra could clearly be seen underneath the thin white shirt. Regina should have given her detention, she should have demanded that Emma put on her school jumper as this was clearly a violation of the rules. But the only thing she could do was squeeze the soft giving flesh and try to keep her mind from spinning as she felt skin start to pebble at the palm of her hand.
Emma was smug. Regina could feel it in the kiss that was trying to consume her. Emma had her hands on Regina's hips as she pressed close enough to make their blue pleated skirts ride up a little. The soft cotton of their socks brushed against each other as Emma slowly and deliberately worked her way to stand between Regina's legs.
Regina pulled away flushed and overwhelmed. She tried to hide her almost petrified look. This was all too much. Kissing Emma most of the time was not enjoyable. Her stomach was always in knots and her skin was always tingling with nerves as she was afraid of making a fool out of herself, Emma was like a furnace and Regina always grew uncomfortably hot around her, causing her to become sweaty and red. She hated being so out of control but she couldn't stop the hunger, the need that overwhelmed her common sense and left a sick lurching wave that bounced between desire and insecurity.
Emma chuckled at her and Regina's nerves snapped into anger. How dare she-! How dare-! Emma kissed her again softly before drawing her face down into her neck letting her hide, letting her get her breath and mind back. Regina, still angry, remained stiff but slowly relaxed as Emma softly stroked her back and kissed her hair. She could still feel the smug smile but could ignore it more easily now that she didn't have to see it.
"He can't make you feel like this," Emma promised. "No one can."
No, no one ever did.
XxXx
"You stumbled again," her mother said softly as Regina shut the door to her office. "Lock it."
Regina tried to stop the shaking of her hand as it fumbled with the lock. She glared coolly at a passing first year that showed too much interest as she passed by. She heard her mother get up and come out from behind her large foreboding desk. With controlled movements she drew down the blind to cover the window blocking the secretary's sympathetic gaze.
"I have told you over and over Regina how important it is that you get this right," her mother sighed and Regina felt the disappointment like a blow. "Are you out to hurt me Regina? After everything that happened with your father, are you still not content? Must you make me do this too?"
"I'm sorry mother," Regina bit her lip to stop the excuses that would only make her angrier. "I did my best..." she muttered.
The sudden shock of her mother's tight grip on her jaw slammed Regina's head against the window of the door. Her mother pressed her against it roughly her eyes blazing like flint as her mouth twisted in scorn. "Regina we both know that isn't true. My daughter is smart and graceful not a clumsy ox. You're so much better than this but your laziness will cost us everything. You have to try harder."
Regina held her breath and had to fight the tears. Her mother deflated when she saw them shining in her eyes, "oh Regina, why do you make me do this? Can't you see I just want what's best for you?"
Her mother stepped back and shook her head. When she looked up she was in tears too, "why do you hurt me this way Regina?"
"I'm so sorry," Regina felt the guilt twist in her stomach at the anguish. She was a horrible daughter. "Please, don't cry. I'll do better."
"You always say that and yet here we are again," Her mother hugged herself. Regina went to her wanting to reach out but grew hesitant. Those were the same hands that had strangled her last month.
"I'm sorry," she begged for understanding, "maybe I'm just not good enough-"
"Don't be foolish!" Her mother snapped her tears gone, "of course you are. You're going to be running this country one day Regina. You can't doubt yourself. We'll just have to work on making you better. You promise from now on to do your best don't you dear?"
"Yes mother," Regina quickly nodded.
"That's my girl," her mother smiled and Regina felt proud that she had finally said something right. "Good now bring me the black thorn. We can't have you forgetting this lesson, now can we?"
Regina paled and did what she was asked.
When it was over she headed straight to her room. As Prefect she only had one roommate and Belle French knew better than to ask questions. Regina paused to look at after school board rather than try and fight her way through the group that was coming towards her. She felt a familiar prickle of awareness and looked around. Emma was with the group but paused to look at her suspiciously.
Regina straightened up to glare out of reflex but the motion caused her to flinch and cradle her ribs. Emma looked at her in surprise and stepped forward. Regina scowled and stepped back.
"Emma, what's wrong?" Mary-Margret called out warily.
Emma eyed her for a long moment before turning around dismissively. "Nothing's wrong. Nothing that's any of my business anyway."
XxXx
Regina rested her forehead against the horse's neck and took a deep breath. The familiar smell of the stables was comforting and other than the slight rustling of the horses, the silence was calming. Practice had been hell with both Mr Scrolls and her mother punishing her for her stilted performance, but she couldn't go to sleep. Instead she had broken curfew and slipped out to the barn to be with the horses. She was much too sore to ride but just being around them was relaxing as she knew her mother hated horses and would never find her here.
Of course that didn't stop Emma.
"You have blood on your shirt," Emma said coldly.
Regina turned sharply "what are you doing here? It's after curfew!"
"Pot, kettle," Emma snorted. One of the horses a young buck, tossed his head and came to see what the noise was about. Emma shied away from him with a cautious glare. It surprised Regina how much Emma didn't like animals.
"I came here to think, a crime that no one would accuse you off," Regina said sharply trying to discreetly tidy up her face. She couldn't remember when she had stopped crying and was worried she looked terrible.
"They also can't accuse me of abuse," Emma folded her arms grimly. "You know what she's doing to you is wrong."
"What would you know about it?!" Regina snapped and the horse, picking up her mood grew restless. She put a calming hand on him trying to find strength in his large form. "She wants me to do my best. She pushing me to be better, that's what a good mother does."
"So beating you so badly that you've ruined your shirt, that's just a prized technique of good mothering? 'Cause I got to tell you, I know a few foster parents that have plagiarised it," Emma glared.
"Shut up! What would you know about mothers?" Regina just wanted to hide behind Goliath because Emma was not even remotely comforting. She never was.
"Oh, please, I might have been found in a forest but it doesn't mean I was raised there. Wake up Regina your mother is an abusive asshole," Emma lent on the door of the stall but wouldn't enter.
"My mother loves me and I don't need you sticking your nose in where it doesn't belong," Regina's voice was indignant. She resented the accusation that she was an abused child. She had seen the videos in health class and she wasn't like those snivelling victims. Her mother was making her better, she was going to be President one day.
"You're right," Emma shrugged lightly, "it's your life."
Regina nodded but it didn't feel like she had won anything. The despair only sunk deeper. Emma held open the stall door for her careful not to get to close to the horse. She didn't resist when Emma pulled her into a kiss. When her back hit the wall she hissed as the fresh welts were aggravated. Emma eased up but Regina realised she didn't want space.
She wanted to sink into Emma and forget. Eventually when she pushed through the nerves and fears this felt good and Regina desperately needed to feel good about something tonight. Emma must have sensed something change. Regina's kisses were frantic and hungry and she didn't protest when Emma started to unbutton her shirt.
Regina couldn't think, the fire in her was eating her alive. The panic was a distant buzz in the back of her head that threatened to overtake her but it wasn't in charge yet. There was a snap as Emma undid her bra leaving Regina feeling oddly vulnerable. Her breath hitched as Emma's hands came up to cup her bare flesh for the first time.
The kissing grew in intensity until Emma broke it off drawing back with dark eyes. Regina's breathing was coming fast and thin making her feel light headed. She watched Emma's eyes take in the bruises and the welts for the first time and she felt ugly. The urge to cover up was overwhelming but when she tried Emma stopped her.
"What are you doing? These are the marks that make you better right? Shouldn't you wear them proudly?" Emma's eyes were hard as her thumb traced the welt dangerously close to her collar bone.
Her mother's hand had slipped on the belt causing it to wrap around her shoulder instead of striking her back. It was the only mark that might be visible when Regina had her uniform on. Her mother was careful to keep her arms and face blemish free. Most people wouldn't understand her version of tough love.
Emma's gaze made her feel awful and Regina just wanted to stop feeling so bad for once. She drew Emma back to kissing hoping to use that to make herself feel better. Emma was rougher now, nearly growling at her and it didn't feel good at all. She just wanted to- she just wanted...something.
When Emma grabbed her hand and roughly shoved it towards the hem of her drawstring pants Regina froze. When Emma's hand began to unbutton her own jeans her frayed nerves broke completely and she beat at Emma's hands until they were off her.
"Stop! Just stop!" She snapped backing away. She was surprised when Emma did. She wasn't used to that word having power. "Stop," she said again, it sounded so strange to say it.
Emma looked at her warily still glaring. She was obviously annoyed but Regina couldn't tell if it was because she had to stop or if it was something else. She drew the edges of her shirt together the constriction making her feel slightly better as it was almost like a hug.
"Stop," she said dully again looking down. Please just stop.
"I'm nowhere near you!" Emma snapped think Regina was talking to her. "I don't need you accusing me of anything, especially considering how fidget you are."
Regina looked at her and Emma flinched looking repentant. She ran her hands through her curls looking frustrated but no longer angry. "Listen, I'll just let you get back to what you were doing..."
She made to leave and before Regina could think she reached out and grabbed her. The thought of Emma being mad at her, of not coming back, made her panic. "Stay," she asked. Emma looked torn and Regina realised that unless she was willing to do more to keep Emma's interest she might leave and find someone else. Her grip tightened and she considered it.
It wouldn't be that bad. She was nearly eighteen plenty of girls had done it already. In fact she was starting to feel like she was the strange one for wanting to wait. Sex wasn't that special but it would mean that she wouldn't have to be alone.
Goliath whinnied and Regina realised what she looked like. She was gripping on to Emma asking, no begging her to stay, and actually considering giving up her principles so she wouldn't have to be alone anymore. With a jerk she let go and straightened up with a defensive scowl. She didn't need Emma. She didn't need anyone, her life was perfect. She was going to be the President of the greatest country on earth.
Emma must have realised she hesitated to long. She stepped closer as Regina felt her entire face shut down into a sneer. "Regina..." she tried to say but Regina was finished making a fool out of herself.
"It's after curfew, if we're not careful we might get locked out. I'll head back first and leave the kitchen door ajar. You should have no trouble sneaking in," Regina sniffed and added "your kind never do."
Emma bristled and the pity on her face dissolved which was what Regina wanted. She didn't need pity and she certainly didn't want it from Emma Woods of all people.
Regina pulled her into a punishing kiss that Emma returned in kind. When they broke apart Regina roughly shoved passed her. "This changes nothing between us," she declared but she looked at Emma and breathed a sigh of relief when Emma nodded. "And don't you dare speak badly of my mother."
XxXx
"Ow!"
"Oh my God! Regina I'm so sorry!" Mary-Margret gushed wide eyed and stupefied as Regina clutched her ankle in agony.
"Blanchard!" Mr Scrolls scathing voice cut across the music "don't stand there gaping! Go get the nurse! I swear if Regina's broken her ankle I will string you up and use your guts for Halloween decorations!"
Mary-Margret paled and ran but Regina could barely breathe as the pain made set her ankle on fire. Her mother wasn't due until five and the thought of her ankle being broke made Regina want to throw up in fear. She couldn't let her mother see her like this. "I'm fine," she said through gritted teeth and heaved herself to her feet.
"Don't you dare!" Mr Scrolls snapped "wait until the nurse gets here. I swear that pale faced bambi reject is out to ruin me! Someone get Regina a chair!"
"I'm fine," Regina insisted she placed her full weight on her ankle to show him. The pain was so intense it made her scream and she would have collapsed if James hadn't caught her. She really started to panic now and her breathing was coming in far too sharp.
Her mother would kill her.
"Hey, calm down," James tried to sound comforting but she just wanted to kill him.
The nurse arrived looking harried and hurried on stage. She gingerly poked at Regina's ankle and Regina had to stop herself from screaming. "It doesn't feel broken but I'm going to need you to take of the costume to get a good look," the nurse muttered.
Regina's heart seized. Odette's costume was a one piece with tights and a tutu, she would have to take everything off and the nurse would see- "no," she shook her head. "I'm fine."
"I don't mean to take everything off here," the nurse rolled her eyes thinking Regina was being dramatic.
"I need to see my mother," Regina tried instead.
"Like this? No, absolutely not," Mr Scrolls said looking fearful. "James, Graham, get Regina to one of the dressing rooms so the nurse can see to her."
Regina bit her lip but didn't know what would be worse. If she made a scene then people would talk but if the nurse saw and started asking questions. She eventually went with James and Graham trying to stall for time.
When the door of the dressing room opened it wasn't the nurse that came in but Emma. "What do you want?" Regina snapped. She didn't have time to waste arguing.
Emma rolled her eyes and went to where Regina had sat her injured ankle on a chair. "Hold still," she ordered and before Regina could protest, she had used a pair of scissors to cut the tights right done the middle. She looked up with a grin, "good thing you shaved your legs or that could have been really embarrassing."
Regina stared at her dumbfounded but finally relaxed as she realised that she wouldn't have to undress. "Wardrobe is going to kill me you know," she said but really meant thank you.
Emma's good humour left as she stared at Regina. "About the other night...I'm sorry," she said and brushed Regina's hair out of her face. Her thumb stroked over her cheek softly before she rested their foreheads together.
Regina remembered that moment as one of the few times Emma had ever made her feel safe.
Her ankle was swollen pretty badly which meant that she would have to rest it. She attended every practice however and watched silently as Mr Scrolls tried to subtly beg her mother to think about getting Regina an understudy. Her mother refused to even consider it and Regina felt worse every time her mother looked her way, she hadn't set out to her herself but the recrimination in her mother's eyes made her feel like she was responsible anyway.
Her nights consisted of watching every production of Swan Lake she could get her hands on. She ate up the different interpretations of Odette and copied what she could. Emma would sneak in and while the movie played in the background they would lie next to each other on the blanket. Most of the time they didn't even speak but it was the closest Regina had ever come to feeling happy.
XxXx
The opening night was a last minute panic. Backstage crew rushed around making sure props where in their proper places and all lighting was secured. Dancers rushed around in all states of undress as Mr Scrolls marshalled them one last time. Her mother was escorting the alumni to their prized seats in the front row while less well off parents filled the rows behind them.
Regina stood like a rock in the ocean of insanity.
Her head was bowed and she was taking even breaths. Her ankle stood firm its injury only a phantom memory kept at bay by pain killers. Her mother's pep talk had done nothing to ease her nerves but she refused to give into them. Her hair was pulled tightly into a bun and she concentrated on the painful pinch of the hairpins to take her mind of her rolling stomach.
"This is it," she could still feel her mother's hard squeeze on her shoulder. "It all comes down to you now. Make me proud..."
"Your ass looks huge with that frilly skirt," Emma pulled on her white tutu with a grin. She was dressed in black like the other stage crew but had two horizontal black streaks across each cheek like she was going to war.
Regina slapped her hand away; she was not in the mood to be teased. She was already feeling sick enough without having to deal with Emma and all the chaotic feelings she brought with her.
"Want to go for a quickie in the closet?" Emma's lassie fair attitude was grating.
"Shut up!" Regina hissed looking furiously about to see if anyone had overheard her. "Can't you take anything seriously?! In a matter of moments I'm going to be on stage in front of hundreds of potential investors! The fate of our school depends on me and I can't even dance Odette's part with any believability!"
"Hardly," Emma snorted and rolled her eyes, "so what if we don't get a high tech music room or brand new computers or whatever, the school will hardly close."
Regina gave her a withering glare.
"Ok, sheesh, I was just trying to relax you for your big début," Emma scowled "excuse me for trying to help you."
"Helping me is the last-ofmph!" Regina's angry retort was swallowed by Emma's lips pressing against her own. She tried to pull away but Emma just followed until she didn't fight anymore.
"I've never seen you look so pretty," Emma said as they pulled back. She tenderly wiped off the black smudge that transferred from her cheek to Regina's. "And when you dance, white swan or black swan, you command the room."
Regina was too stunned to respond.
"Curtain in five minutes!"
"Emma..." but Emma was already waving as she ran to get into position.
It was odd what she could remember of that night. She remembered the darkness of the stage as it tried to swallow the one lone spotlight that shone down on her. She remembered the movements coming to her more fluently than ever before. How the music would swell and crash taking her soul with it as if they were attached by more than sound. That even through the thunderous applause that seemed to make the room swell, the only thing affected her was Emma's small smile as she stood back stage watching over her.
XxXx
Of course the celebration didn't last long. Nothing good ever did. Her mother and several of the alumni walked in on them when Emma had come to congratulate her after the opening night. There was no room for pleading or denial. It was obvious what they had been doing. The fleeting moments of pride in her mother's eyes were shattered and never again to appear as she slammed the door behind her. It had been a long time since her mother beat her with her birch stick. Luckily she still knew how to hide the scars.
Then it was just a matter of waiting to see what would happen first. Would Emma leave or would her mother finally find a reason to expel her?
Her mother found every excuse to punish Emma. Every minor infraction was inflated to terrible proportions until Emma couldn't even walk down the corridor without getting detention. Everyday her mother belittled and degraded Emma in all her secret and vicious ways. Emma however, was not one to take this lying down. She stole the tires off Cora's car, put rotten fish behind the heater in her office and was finally caught vandalising her room.
When Emma was expelled she travelled around a lot, Regina kept all the postcards and emails she sent and had a mini map that tracked the blonde. The rest of the school year was a haze of studying and trying not to think about Emma. She never realised how lonely she was with only her mother for support. Her final tests came and went with top marks in each subject. Her mother enrolled her in a community project helping to feed the homeless for the summer along with other various charitable activities. She had already sent her letters off to colleges and was waiting to hear back.
Her mother had decided between Harvard and Yale pre law because that would be more useful to a politician. Regina was allowed the final choice between the two which she was thankful for. Emma sent her a postcard from Boston telling her she got a permanent job at a diner there.
"So you decided on Harvard?" Cora nodded as Regina told her that night. The postcard tucked safely into her lockbox. "That was where your father went." Her mother was a Yale women herself.
"I feel it's the best choice for my future," Regina nodded seriously.
"I'm glad you're finally taking it seriously," Cora smiled and gave her a rare hug.
Emma's face when Regina stepped into the small diner was amazing. Regina wished she had a camera, the blonde jumped into her arms, nearly knocking her back out the door, and wrapped her bare legs around Regina as she kissed her fiercely. That was the exhilarating moment that Regina knew she wasn't the only one invested in this thing that they were. The rough blue collar workers at the diner hooted and rattled their cups on the table but Regina had never felt more proud of herself.
"Why does your tag say 'Emma Swan'?" Regina asked when things had calmed down. The ugly pink diner uniform Emma wore had her nametag wrong.
"That's my name now, I changed it when I was a little drunk," Emma blushed and looked away, "hey let's get you some pie."
"But why Swan?" Regina ignored her trying to change the subject. Emma's embarrassed silence suddenly made sense and Regina started to laugh. She felt so light and wonderful that even Emma punching her arm couldn't bring her down. "You did it for me."
"I like swans, they're graceful and elegant," Emma denied hotly.
"And they remind you off me," Regina said drawing her back into a kiss. The diner hooted again and suddenly she didn't feel so bad spending half a year pinning.
"So you look hot in a leotard," Emma shrugged "sue me. Now C'mere."
For four years Emma worked at the diner and Regina visited almost every night she had free. During test time she would sit with her earphones in and an endless supply of coffee. She lived for Emma's breaks when the blonde would slid in beside her, making the linoleum squeak as she played with Regina's hair or blew in her ear, to annoy her. The owner had forbid them to make out in public as he didn't want to deal with the noise.
"You don't even like law," Emma coaxed trying to get Regina to out down the books and make out with her in the storage room.
"That's not the point. It's going to be my career and my mother will kill me if I get bad marks," Regina tried to defend herself but Emma had already pulled away. There were some things they just didn't talk about, Regina's mother was one of them, it was better that way.
XxXx