Eat When You're Hungry

Synopsis: Jack, Rose and the Doctor chat - complete fluff
Characters: Jack, Rose, the Doctor (nine)
Spoilers: Anything up to The Doctor Dances
Rating: G (fluff)

"So what would your tip be for traveling in time and space?" Rose asked at Jack.

"My first year tutor at the academy told us to eat when we were hungry, sleep when we could and to always remember that no one is what they appear to be."

"No one is what they appear. That's deep," the Doctor said with an almost straight face.

"Well it's certainly true in your case," Rose pointed out.

"I'm exactly what I appear," the Doctor argued.

"A nine hundred year old time travelling alien?" Rose asked.

"Yes. Since I am a nine hundred year old time travelling alien, this must be what one looks like."

"Can't argue with logic like that," Jack agreed. "But when you're out there, living on your wits, no one is what the appear is good advice. Of course, if I'd always had a ship like this..."

"You don't have a ship like this now," the Doctor reminded him.

"I have a question," Rose said as she took another sip from the bottle of something sweet tasting.

When she didn't continue, Jack and the Doctor exchanged an amused look and Jack prompted her. "Go on."

Rose looked confused for a second and then remembered her question. "What about the door?"

"What door?" the Doctor asked.

"The TARDIS door."

"How much have that have you had to drink?" the Doctor asked with a frown.

"Few sips."

"Okay, that's probably enough," Jack said as he took the bottle from her and handed it the Doctor, who placed it far out of Rose's reach.

"I'm not drunk," Rose protested.

"Course," Jack agreed and gave the Doctor a knowing grin. "So what about the TARDIS door?" he asked Rose.

"How do you find it?"

"Well, it looks like a door, it has a handle and a key hole," the Doctor replied.

"No," Rose shook her head, which she regretted when the world started to spin. "When the chameleon thing is working, how do you find the door? In fact how do you find the TARDIS?"

"Oh, I know the answer to that, he has a telepathic link," Jack guessed and the Doctor nodded.

"Alright, but what about the door?" Rose asked again. "'Cos, if it was a tree it wouldn't have a handle or a key hole."

"Now that is a good question," Jack agreed. "Doctor?"

"The key'd know."

"The key?" Jack asked.

"Yeah. And the lock. When the key got near the lock, the lock would appear."

"So... okay, but what if it was disguised as a something large?" Jack asked. "If you were being chased by unfriendly aliens..."

"Which happens far too often," Rose said.

"You wouldn't want to be spending 30 minutes running along the huge brick wall the TARDIS had disguised itself as, hunting for the key hole. So Rose's question still stands - how would you find the lock?"

The Doctor took a drink from the bottle Jack had confiscated from Rose. "I have no idea," he admitted. "Never had a working chameleon circuit, so it's never been an issue."

"Well that isn't a very Spock answer," Rose complained.

That's all