Bleeding Out
Summary: Based on "The Evil Queen" episode. While watching it (with my Golden Queen goggles on, of course), something occurred to me: Regina had not mastered the shape-shifting spell in the flashback, and Rumple said it would take a while to teach her, so she had him transform her himself instead. Yet in present-day Storybrooke, we see Regina transfigure herself with ease. So that means between now and then, she must have learned the spell. The question is, who did she learn it from? I think you can see where I'm going with this. So, without further ado …
"Rumplestiltskin!"
Regina shouts out his name and looks around expectantly. When nothing happens, she lets out an impatient huff of breath, fills her lungs, and calls his name again, louder this time. That first night, it was very easy to make him appear, but since she is no longer under his tutelage, he's been much more … selective about when he deigns to answer her summons. Like the most recent debacle, when he put that damn shape-shifting spell on her.
But this time, she has a much better deal in my mind to make.
If he would just respond to his own damn name …
She'll scream it out until her lungs are hoarse if she needs to. And if he doesn't respond soon, she may start using some very colorful (and entirely accurate) adjectives to describe the twisted little imp…
"Rumplestiltskin! Answer me, you son of a –"
"Alright, I'm here already! Stop shouting!"
"Finally," Regina mutters as he appears before her.
"Well I'm not a dog like your precious Huntsman dearie. I won't come just because you call."
Regina's not sure why there's such venom in his voice when he mentions the Huntsman, but she has more important things on her mind than contemplating Rumple's latest personality quirk.
"Whatever. You're here now. I need a favor."
Rumple giggles in a way that sets her teeth on edge. "Well, considering how my last favor to you worked out, I have to say I'm rather surprised that you'd –"
"The shape-shifting spell, Rumple." She cuts him off.
He blinks. "You want me to transfigure you again?"
"No. Teach me. Don't just do it. Teach me."
He seems slightly perturbed for some reason, as he contemplates for her, and the smile falls from his face.
"Well, as I told you, that's not an easy spell to master, dearie. Besides which, our lessons ended years ago, as you may recall."
"I recall all too well," Regina says through gritted teeth. "And I know everything comes with a price with you, so I'm willing to make a deal."
"Oh, and what makes you think you still have anything I want?"
You have what you want …or who you want, at any rate. Regina thinks of Belle, falling into his arms, and sneers.
"You want me to cut ties with King George," she responds evenly.
"You're already doing that."
"Not anymore. I've decided to re-open trade with his kingdom –"
"What?" He snaps, and Regina is gratified to see him upset.
"– But I'll cut him off again in a second … if you agree to teach me."
"And why should I agree to this, hmm? So you can go back on your word again the next time you want something?"
"Because this time, I'll sign a contract. This time it will be a real agreement, a true deal." When he still looks reticent, Regina heaves a sigh.
"Look Rumple. Just write up a contract and be done with it. I'll sign it in blood if you want, just teach me that damn spell!"
"A tempting offer, but no dearie, you don't need to sign in blood." He macigs up a quill and paper. "This will do."
Regina snatches the parchment from him. "I want to read it before I sign."
"Don't you trust me?"
"No." And I was a fool to ever think that I could.
"Clever girl." She's sure the fondness in his voice is feigned. She reads over the words once, twice, and third time, waits for the impatient huff from Rumple (because it feels good to annoy him), and when she is satisfied there are no loopholes for him to exploit, she takes the quill from him and signs.
"As you say, the deal is struck."
"Indeed."
There's a beat of silence then, as they stand there, contemplating each other, and a moment of awkwardness ensues, as they both realize what this means, that they are once again teacher and student, master and apprentice.
Of course, as Regina cannot help but recall, the last time she was his student, she was also his …
His whore. Not his lover. His whore.
She needs to remember that.
"Shall we begin right away then?" She asks coolly, more to break the silence than anything else.
Rumplestiltskin shrugs. "Now before never, I suppose. Though I can't stay too long. I have …"
"Other business to attend to, I'm sure," Regina says flatly. She fell into his arms. She fell into his arms and he caught her, and the way he looked at her, it was like …
I don't care what it was like!
"You need to focus." He speaks to her softly, like he used to. "You remember what I taught you, that magic is about emotion?"
I remember. I remember every moment we spent together, even though I don't want to. "Of course," she replies, trying to inject as much haughtiness into her tone as she can manage.
"Now this spell takes a lot of energy, so you need to tap into a powerful, primal emotion." His voice is low, almost soothing. She sighs.
"Close your eyes, Regina."
She closes her eyes. She can sense he's circling her, studying her …
"You're going to tap into whatever you need to tap into to make this work. Whatever emotion you can bring to the surface first, grab on and sink your soul into it. I should think that would be very easy for you."
"What emotion?"
"Whatever you like. Just make sure it's raw and undiluted by other feelings. Tap into one emotion at a time, Regina. Fear, grief, rage… ah, I can see you're already leaning towards the latter." He giggles. "Hardly surprising."
Regina feels the old rage bubble up in her. At first she thinks to focus on her rage at Snow, but it's … it's still not pure enough somehow … and so much of the other rage she has is mixed with fear, that won't do, she needs … she needs….
He lied. He lied to her about Daniel. And then he took her and used her in every way a man can use a woman, and he tossed her aside like trash when he was done. He stole her innocence and blackened her soul and she loved every minute of it.
And now, he has his pure, perfect, innocent little dove …
Regina begins to shake as she feels a jolt of pain go through her body.
"Not bad." He sounds mildly impressed. "Open your eyes, your majesty."
Regina opens her eyes. Her face, her hair color, her eye color … all are shifting. It's rather disconcerting, and as she contemplates her reflection, she feels almost dizzy. Then the effect begins to recede, until she is left with only her own face, staring back at her from the mirror.
"That was actually quite good for a first attempt. You'll learn this faster than your mother did, I think."
It's instinctual; Regina feels the familiar swell of pride at his praise, and has to remind herself how much she hates him.
"Good. The less time I actually have to spend with you the better."
"Oh, such a lovely sentiment. And I assure you, your majesty, I reciprocate it entirely." He gives her a low, mocking bow. "Speaking of which, I believe that's enough for today. Rest now, and marshal your strength. We'll pick it up again tomorrow."
She raises an eyebrow. "So soon?"
"The sooner we continue, the sooner we'll be done."
She supposes she can't argue with that. "How long will this take anyway?"
He shrugs. "Hard to say. Not as long as I anticipated, in any event. Don't let your precious Huntsman keep you up all night. I want you ready to work when I arrive."
Before Regina can think to ask why he gives a damn about the Huntsman, he disappears in a cloud of purple smoke.
She supposes Rumple is trying to insult her somehow, with the insinuation that she's using the man to meet her base needs … which she actually plans to get around to doing, eventually.
But so what if she was? As though he has any right to judge her…
After all, as she knows, he has a pretty little pet all his own. It's rather hypocritical of him to look down on her for having one as well.
Not that she cares what he thinks.
Regina sighs. Rumplestiltskin was right about one thing, she needs to rest. The attempt at shape-shifting was exhilarating but also very draining.
Regina sleeps alone, and some small part of her wonders if he is doing the same.
The next morning, she dresses all in black, just like she used to, for her second lesson. She does the same thing for her third, her fourth … the time passes quickly, too quickly, and one morning, she knows, she feels it her bones, that this will be the final day, the last lesson.
"Rumplestiltskin," she says softly, and he appears.
"Are you ready to begin?"
"Oh I've been ready, dearie. The question is, are you?"
Regina feels a shiver go down her spine. They've done this dance before…
She tosses her head. "Of course I am. Let's get this over with."
In a few moments, with his soft words guiding her, she has her eyes closed and her energy focused. She tries to bring her rage to the surface, as she has in their past sessions, but it seems even that supposedly endless well has been exhausted, at least for now. And the emotion underneath, the one that's always underneath, is sorrow.
Grief.
"No, Daniel ….!"
"I loved my mother …"
He loves her. He loves Belle. He loves a girl with shining eyes and a pure heart and I meant nothing, less than nothing …
Regina feels her whole body spasm. She can't stop it, any more than she can stop the tears. She's only thankful that she has her eyes closed so she doesn't have to see his expression as he watches her cry.
Then suddenly, he's there, by her side, much closer than he should be, his voice soft and silky in her ear.
"Don't … don't get carried away with it now." He whispers softly, so softly, like he actually cares. She senses him move so that they are facing each other, even though she can't see him, keeping her eyes tightly shut, terrified to open them and find out just how close he really is.
Regina shivers and gasps when his thumb brushes a stray tear from her cheek.
"Don't … don't cry." He sounds almost pleading. He's so close she can feel his breath on her face, and instinctually, she leans in. "Don't cry, Regina, my wicked one …"
Regina's eyes fly open. "What did you call me?"
"I …" He seems as shocked as she is, and begins to back away. Staring at him, she feels the rage come back to her at last, a salve to the pathetic vulnerability she has momentarily allowed herself to display.
"I told you never to call me that again!"
The familiar jolt of pain goes through her body, and she feels the shape-shifting spell take hold. For a moment, she is not certain why he looks so horrified, but when she glimpses her reflection in the mirror, she laughs madly.
"So this is what my mother looked like when she was young."
He's backing away from her now. He is such a goddamned coward, despite all his magic. She had almost forgotten that.
She advances upon him.
"Regina, change back!"
"I don't take orders from you, Rumple dear." It's both terrifying and reassuring to hear her mother's voice come out when she speaks. She knows she has truly mastered the spell now. "It's a good likeness of her at that age, wouldn't you say?"
"Stop it!"
"Perhaps you'd prefer more recent version?" There's less pain this time, as Regina shifts her appearance to how Cora looked when she last saw her, when she pushed her through the looking glass. Her mother was beautiful, had always been beautiful, even when she was older and past her child-bearing years. She'd told Regina she was "pretty enough," but ever since she was a little girl she had always known she could never hope to match her mother's deadly allure.
"Regina…"
"I have her exact, don't I? Tell me Rumple, does the mere façade of my mother really frighten you so?"
"I am not afraid!"
"Liar!" She snaps. "But perhaps I should take out my own heart, to complete the picture? That would be fitting wouldn't it? Like mother, like daughter?"
He hand goes to her chest. She can do it. She can. She can end all the pain, so she doesn't have to feel anymore, for Snow or Daniel or Cora or him or anyone else –
"No, don't." His voice is low and shaky. "Regina, please, don't. You're not your mother. You're not."
"My reflection would beg to differ. But by all means Rumple, enlighten me. Tell me why I'm not my mother, the woman that terrifies you so."
"Because … because Cora's heart was hollow, and your heart is full. Yours is the strongest heart I have ever known. The depth of feeling you are capable of … Regina, I … you can't. You can't lose that. I won't let you."
Regina's hand falls limply to her side. She feels herself shift, feels her mother's form fade away, until she is left with only herself, the sound of her own breath, the beating of her own heart.
"Regina …"
She closes her eyes. She will not shed any more tears in front of him. She will not.
"Get out."
"Regina …"
"I mastered the spell. Our lessons are done. Our deal is concluded. Get out."
"Regina…"
Stop saying my name! "Oh gods please Rumple just leave!
When she opens her eyes, he is gone.
Back to his dark castle, back to Belle.
And she is alone.
But then, she's been alone all along.
He told her that her heart was full … told it to her as though it was a good thing.
She wishes it wasn't true. She wishes her heart was hollow, like her mother's.
Don't cry, Regina, my wicked one …
But her heart is full. It is full of darkness, and pain, and blood, and no matter what she does, it seems she can't stop herself from bleeding out.
Not when it comes to him.