Title: Mourning
Author: Terri
Disclaimer: Nothing you recognise belongs to me.
Summary: Jack grieves for a lost friend.
Rating: G
Spoilers: Meridian
Author's Notes: This is my first posted Stargate SG-1 piece, so any feedback would be welcome.
Ascended. Not dead. The mantra ran through Colonel Jack O'Neill's mind. A constant reminder that his best friend was not dead. Rather he had become a higher being. A person that now held an important position 'up there'. Maybe now Daniel's dream of being able to save the world would come true.
Jack had become increasingly depressed these past few days, his belief that Daniel was simply dead increasing. Teal'c and Carter had persistently tried to tell the Colonel to believe otherwise, but their words fell on deaf ears. He was quickly losing hope.
With the replacement of Dr Daniel Jackson on the SG-1 team, Jack felt his absence more definitely than before. Jonas Quinn, despite being an intelligent, friendly man, was no Daniel and therefore Jack resented him to some degree.
The Kelwonian had not been directly responsible for Daniel's ascension, yet Jack still placed blame with him and his people. Who had, in the process of experimentation with Naquadriah, exposed Daniel to high levels of deadly radiation.
Jack knew that he shouldn't be condemning Jonas like this, Carter had told him that on many occasions, as had Teal'c. Even General Hammond and Doctor Fraiser had picked up on the animosity he held towards Jonas. However, Jack found himself unable to take a liking to this man.
When Jonas was around it was glaringly obvious that Daniel was not. It was something that Jack refused to accept. He found it the hardest during briefings, seeing Jonas occupy Daniel's chair solidified the fact that Danny was not coming back. At least not any time soon. Maybe not ever.
At first Jack had held out some hope that Daniel was still alive, in a matter of speaking, and watching over him and his friends. Over the past few weeks though, it had become increasingly difficult to keep his hope alive. The more time spent without Danny the more Jack believed him dead, instead of ascended. The fact that Daniel had spoken to him before it had taken place and told him what was happening did nothing to comfort Jack.
Since the death of his son Charlie, Jack had relied on Daniel on more than one occasion to keep him grounded. Over time Jack had released the pain that had suffocated him and he was once again able to live. After Daniel's year on Abydos and the following capture and death of his wife (Sha're) Jack had been able to repay Danny. Helping him to recover from his loss.
The two had become fast friends, with a solid foundation. Balancing each other out, Daniel and Jack shared a friendship bond that many other members of the SGC couldn't comprehend. It had been a turbulent relationship to say the least. The two of them often argued and disagreed, in fact Jack couldn't remember a time when they had agreed with each other instantly. Daniel often disregarded Jack's orders, using his Civilian status as an excuse. Jack constantly wound Daniel up, using his sarcasm to provoke a response from the archaeologist.
Yet, the two of them were inseparable. Their friendship the most notorious within the complex. The dynamics between, not only Jack and Daniel, but Sam and Teal'c as well, made the team famous throughout the base and in other relating connections to the Stargate programme. Even the President of the USA knew of them.
Now, a member was missing and Jack was left without his sidekick. Although Daniel would argue the given name until his last breath. A dry laugh escaped Jack's lips. Daniel had already taken his last breath. It was unlikely he was going to take another one.
Placing his head in his hands, which rested on his desk, Jack allowed himself to wallow in his grief. Sam, Teal'c and himself had not been able to mourn Daniel properly. No funeral or other similar function had been provided, as no one was sure if one was necessary. Now Jack let his grief overtake him. He was off duty as of now. He could let himself do this. He needed to let himself do this.
A quick glance to the door of his office let him know that it was securely locked. The closed blinds and soundproof walls insured his privacy.
At first it was one single tear, falling softly down his cheek, never leaving a mark. After that it was impossible to stop the following water droplets that escaped Jack's eyes. Next came the choked sobs from his throat. It had been years since he had last cried, but he had not forgotten how to do so. That was evident from the wetness of his face and the broken sounds he emitted.
For the best part of an hour Colonel Jack O'Neill of the USAF, let himself cry without restraint. He did so for the death of Daniel, the destruction of his hope and the end of a friendship that should have lasted unto eternity. He cried for everything that Daniel had ever said and done. For all that Daniel stood for. He wept for Sam and Teal'c, knowing that they missed Danny as much as Jack. For Jonas, who was probably feeling alienated by him. He cried for everyone whose life Daniel had ever touched.
Most of all Jack cried for what had been lost and would never be regained.
Somewhere else, neither here nor there, a figure bathed in a brilliant white light watched over the weeping Colonel. A rueful smile graced his lips and a tear left a faint track along his face.
He had wondered how long it would take for Jack to break. For him to give into the utter despair that had been attacking him since his death. It had been a hard time for all of SG-1, but mostly for Jack.
Now though, he was finally mourning. Maybe then he could move on, take a step forward, say goodbye. A sad sigh escaped the ascended being's lips as he realised the futility of his thoughts. Jack couldn't let go. Wouldn't move forward too far. Refused to say goodbye.
"See you around Jack. See you around." Daniel Jackson sighed softly. Sadly watching his friend crumble. Slowly following him.
THE END