Baby Fernanda

Disclaimer: I don't own Darren Shan, Samsung or the disease Rubella (though which would be better to have, I don't know). As anyone know has met me knows, if I did own a Samsung, it would suffer my school bag same as everything else (no, it turned out the thing moving in there was dead by the time I got to clearing it out). If I owned Rubella, I'd never do sport again (we'll leave it at that). Lastly, if I did own Darren Shan, why would I be sat here at 1 in the morning with nothing better to do? I'd be too busy putting them on eBay, obviously!

A.N: This is something me and my best friend sheep-rock came up with a long time ago on the ride to Southport. I think it developed from a game of consequences similar to other ones we've done which have involved stuff that shouldn't be put on fanfic from Kurda being a robot and going hyper on cheese for the day to Arra being a Mary Sue (not that my co-author will remember these and is probably going to read this and think 'what?!' - an after-effect of the sugar, you'll see). We were very hyper which explains the randomness. If you want to flame it, don't bother wasting your time or mine – I haven't forced you to read this. You have been warned.

In the Hall of Princes, Mika is asleep. He is tired but only barely asleep. The Generals aren't amused after being ignored for several hours. Mika keeps muttering in his sleep, tossing and turning. Paris and Arrow are also asleep while Darren holds down the 'map frontier'. The Generals are like cats; the more you ignore them, the angrier and more deadly they get. This is not a good thing (if you've ever seen hungry kitties, you will understand this).

"No!" Mika suddenly screams, almost leaping out of his throne. The Generals scowl, doing Desmond Tiny proud. "Don't leave me Rubella!"

"Rubella?!" one General laughs. "Isn't that a disease?"

The Hall laughs which doesn't, for some reason, affect the Princes. Darren looks up from his 'deep concentration' and frowns as Mika suffers yet more hysterics.

"Hang on!" he yells. "You've forgotten this… WHAT THE HELL?!"

As the usually composed Prince seems delirious, one kind General decides it's probably better to wake him up but he's quickly swatted away by the evil others who are eager to hear the rest. Some are even producing phones, swiped from children on their way to Council in order to document this and put it on Youtube (A.N. Did you really expect vampires to shun technology? How did you think Kurda got his hair straight?).

"But this is a baby!" Mika continues. "You don't seriously expect me to look after it, do you? It smells, it screams, it wants feeding and it's a miniature poop-machine!"

Darren frowns and even Mr Crepsley looks up from his 'Vampire Mail on Sunday' sudoku problem. The room is deadly silent now except for the occasional snore from Arrow or Paris.

Mika looks very – as most accurately put as possible – horrified at this point. His expression is identical to the one Snape would wear if you put him in a pink room, as he recoils in his throne.

"No, keep awake!" he squeals. "Stay back you demon! HELP! NUCLEAR WASTE!"

The poor, sad, lonely Goth-prince's screams carry out of the Hall of Princes, attracting many curious vampires. The outer side of said room is almost covered in ears, all eavesdropping since they can't get in. Meanwhile, Darren puts down the map, secretly happy that he can do, and turns to his mentor.

"Should we wake him?" Darren asks. Mr Crepsley pauses for half a minute, thoughtful, but after looking at the Prince and remembering all the good times they had shared, he decides.

"No," he replies, shortly. He goes back to his sudoku.

"Still, I feel a little sorry for him," Darren muses. "Oh well, I'll forget it soon enough. Has anyone seen my Samsung?"

Yet another A.N: This isn't the end but you'll have to wait til tomorrow night until I can get sheep-rock over to help me out. I promise neither the disclaimer nor the A.N.s will be so long. If anyone has a vampire-sounding name that I can borrow for the next chapter I would be very grateful since I don't have one and Fernanda needs an introduction. Please review but no flames and no documentarians who will decide to tell me about the big flaws that are probably lurking around. Just live with it - it isn't real.