A/N: This is my first fanfiction! Please be nice... I would appreciate feed back (: Thank you! xx
Prologue
NIALL HORAN
You blew it, you loser. That's it. You lost your chance with the most beautiful, intelligent, and talented girl you'll ever meet.
I lie on my bed and stare at my ceiling idly. When your mind is perplexed with never calming thoughts, anything becomes amusing. You'll entertain yourself with anything just to try to clear your thoughts. But even that doesn't work. The circular rotation of my ceiling fan is quite interesting…
I'm heading off to university in three and a half months. This is my last summer in California for a while. After this, I'll be living in New York. I'm not sure if I'm excited or nervous. It means leaving home, my family, my friends … her. My emotions are awfully conflicted; my "mistakes" – whatever they are – being a major factor. What did I do wrong? Be scared? Yes. But I'm only human. An idiot one of that. I didn't want to ruin anything. And it's too complicated planning everything out to avoid every obstacle. And what did you do? I didn't take the chance. And what are you left with? Never ending obstacles. So who lost? I did. I repeat, you are an idiot.
I cover my eyes and take a deep breath. Why is love so complicated? Is this even love? I wouldn't be surprised if it is. But if I'm questioning myself, then it probably isn't. But how could it not be? She's all I ever think about. Her smile, her voice, her laugh. Her brown eyes losing me in a trance. Her touch, strengthening and comforting…
Are you going to lie around and sulk in this sadness or are you going to get off your ass and actually do something about it? I think about it for a moment. What's the harm this time? College is in three and a half months. I'm going to the East Coast in September. If this ends in tragedy, I won't need to see her everyday anymore. What about Zayn? You're going to the same university. Zayn will be fine with it. If anyone is going to have a broken heart, it'll be mine. He has nothing to hold over on me if his sister and I aren't together.
So are you going to finally do it?
I think so.
When?
I don't know.
You idiot.
That's getting a bit repetitive, isn't it?
Then smarten up and take the chance.
I will. I just don't know… when…
Chapter One: Don't Sit Around
JOY MALIK
It's officially summer vacation. It's the two and a half months students look forward to the most. You can sleep in, lounge around, hang out – practically do whatever you please at your own risk. This September I'll be a senior at Cambury High. I'm quite excited to finish high school and start university. It's about time I start becoming independent and stop relying on my parents. But for now, I'll just focus on finishing high school. The future can wait.
"Joy," my older brother, Zayn, says standing at my door. He's still in PJs at 12 in the afternoon. But I'm in no position to judge for I've been lying in bed watching old cartoon rewinds since my eyes opened this morning.
"Yeah?" I ask.
"Are you going to Jordan's today?" he walks in and takes a seat by my legs. His eyes have become focused on the TV.
"I don't know. Are you?"
He shrugs, "Yeah. Mom called me and said she wants us to help Aunt Martha."
"Help her with what?"
"Aunt Martha still needs help moving into the new house."
Jordan is a close family friend of ours. His mother, Martha, is our mom's best friend since high school. Aunt Martha is like a second mom to us. We grew up calling her "Aunt Martha" although she isn't our biological aunt. But she might as well be. Mom and Aunt Martha are like sisters. Anyway, Aunt Martha bought a new house several weeks ago. It's a large house in the rich side of the city. I saw it when I went to help her move in on Wednesday. I got lost in it a few times. I didn't think Aunt Martha had so many belongings it'd take her more than three whole days to move everything in. Her previous house was only two bedrooms with a living room the size of our kitchen and no backyard. But apparently, she does.
I think for a moment. As much as I love and respect Aunt Martha, I'm in no mood to help. It is 90 degrees outside. I'd rather stay inside my air-conditioned home than go out in the blazing heat doing bitch work. Plus, I helped her move in last Wednesday. Zayn can go alone. I've done my part.
I stay quiet, hoping Zayn gets the hint that I'm not going.
"God, why is it so damn dark in here Joy?" he gets up in frustration and walks towards my window. He shifts my curtains to the side, letting the sunlight into my room. My eyes shut reflexively. They slowly open up a few seconds after and adjust to the light. "You coming or what?"
"I think I'll pass," I say.
Zayn sighs and rolls his eyes at me. "Why?"
"Because it's hot as hell outside and I already helped her last Wednesday."
"Well, help her again!" Zayn insisted. I don't know what his problem is and why he wants me to go with him so badly. Normally, siblings would take every opportunity to get away from their siblings. So I ask.
"Why? Why do you want me to go with you? Are you scared to be alone or what?"
"No," Zayn says in an annoyed tone. "I'm just saying mom wants both of us to go. And I'm sure she's going to be pissed if she sees you watching television instead of helping Aunt Martha."
I scoff, disbelieving every word that just came out of Zayn's mouth. "Yeah, right."
Zayn doesn't say anything. He's just standing there, his weight on one leg and his hand rubbing the back of his neck. It's a habit of his when his frustrated. His eyes are staring at me, trying to tell me something I can't seem to understand.
I stop trying to read his mind and just ask the question that's been on my mind. "Seriously, Zayn. What's the problem?"
"I…" he pauses, trying to piece his words together correctly, "I… can't be … alone."
"You can't or don't want to?"
"I can't."
I try to read the emotions written on his face. They seem sad. Almost ashamed or embarrassed. He looks away from my stare and just looks to the ground, biting his bottom lip.
"Why not?"
"Because I'm tempted. I get tempted to smoke a cigarette when I'm by myself. I smoked one yesterday and now I feel horrible."
Zayn got into a horrible smoking habit two years ago. At first, he kept it a secret from us but my mom found out eventually. The school principle called. Zayn was caught smoking behind campus with a few of his "mates". He claimed he just wanted to be accepted by his friends. He promised to quit but he didn't. He had become addicted. A few months ago, he developed asthma. It scared Zayn straight and he's been fighting the urge to smoke ever since. But every now and then, there does come a point when he cracks and takes a smoke – like yesterday.
I sigh and try to understand Zayn. He needs support and even if it means spending an entire afternoon under blazing heat, he's family. I nod my head, "Fine."
He takes a throw-pillow from the foot of my bed and throws it at my face, "I love you, sis."
I throw it back, "A hug will suffice." Zayn comes towards me with his arms open and a wide smile spread across his face, showing his ever so perfect teeth. I put out my hand in a stopping gesture, "Don't touch me."
He smiles, "Oh, text Niall and ask him if he wants to come." He skips out of my room and starts singing 'I Kissed a Girl' by Katy Perry. Sometimes, I'm embarrassed to be related to Zayn. A second ago, he was a soap actor, pulling the pity card to try get me to accompany him at Aunt Martha's and now he's prancing around the house sing Katy Perry songs.
I guess you could say my brother and I have an interesting relationship. We hang out with the same group of friends. We're like best friends and we tell each other everything but we fight like cats and dogs. We get on each other's nerves and we just live on annoying the hell out of each other. My parents don't understand themselves. No one, not even Zayn and I, know whether we hate each other or love each other.
I grab my phone from my bedside table and call Niall. He's one of my best friends. He's on speed-dial.
"Hello?" his voice is raspy and low.
"Hey," I say. "Did I wake you up?"
"Err…" he says instead of not reply. "Yeah, but it's alright."
"I'm sorry. I was just calling to ask if you wanted to go with Zayn and me to help out our Aunt Martha move in to her new house…" I could just imagine Niall thinking 'Damn, she woke me up for this?' I suddenly feel horrible.
"Alright, call me when you're here?"
I don't respond in shock. I'm surprised he agreed to it. I shake the thoughts off and gather myself. "Yeah. We'll be there in twenty minutes. See you."
"Alright. Bye," Niall hangs up.
I get off of my bed and start getting ready. I examine myself in my mirror and sigh in disappointment. I don't take what I have for granted. I live in a decent home. I have a complete family. There's food on the table every day. No one can have it all. A nice body should be the least of my worries. I just can't shake off this ambitious wish to have a skinny body and long legs like those photo-shopped girls on the magazines.
I'm not tall. I'm barely 5 foot 2. I'm not what I would consider skinny. My eyes are your average brown. I don't have flawless skin but it's not ambushed with acne or scars. I think my bust isn't large enough to be considered appealing and that all the fat dropped into my ass. The only pride I have about my body is my hair. It's straight and light brown, almost blonde, in many layers. It's silky and soft.
I walk away from the mirror before I break down into tears. I search in my drawer and grab a pair of shorts and a lose shirt I could tuck in. I pick a beige plaited-like belt and finished the look off with low-top white converse. It's the typical casual summer look here in California.
Downstairs, in the kitchen, my litter sisters are fighting over the last piece of cake. Noah and Wendy. They can't be any more different from each other. Noah is hung up on sports and "boy stuff" – according to Wendy. Wendy loves nail polish, clothes, and boys. "She's an annoying girly-girl," Noah complains.
"I want it," I say when I step in. I grab the plate between them and start eating it. "It's good. No wonder you're fighting over it."
"Why'd you eat it!" Noah exclaims.
It's a small slice of cake. I finish it in five bites. I put the plate in the sink and wipe my mouth clean with a napkin. "Because I was hungry. Get over it."
My mom walks into the kitchen with full paper bags in her arms. It's filled with vegetables and other stuff from the grocery store. I didn't know she left for the grocery store. "I brought ice cream, girls," she sings. She places the bags on the counter for Noah and Wendy to dig into like scavengers. They go after the Drumstick ice cream.
"Mom, Zayn and I are going to help Aunt Martha today," I say. Noah throws me a drumstick.
"Oh good," mom replies. "We'll be there once your father gets home. Your sisters want to go swimming. You know, you and Zayn should bring some swimming clothes, just in case."
I nod. A swim sounds inviting. I run up to my room and put a bikini under my clothes.
Zayn calls me from downstairs, "Joy, let's go!"
Aunt Martha is pouring the three of us a glass of strawberry lemonade. Niall and Zayn have been carrying furniture from the U-haul truck. I've been unpacking boxes and placing them wherever Aunt Martha said they go. It wasn't as horrid as I'd thought it would be. I've been inside the whole time. Niall and Zayn have been doing the bitch work.
"Thank you so much kids," she says. "Jordan heading to the airport right now, picking up Ruth. The wedding is in two months but everyone is already flying out here."
"Where is Ruth from?" Niall asks.
"England," Zayn says with a smirk on his face. "She's a British babe."
I give Aunt Martha a 'Help Me' look and she just laughs. Funny. I'm actually quite serious.
"So where will they live?" Niall asks. To my surprise, he's actually curious. He was barely told about the wedding today.
"Here," Aunt Martha answers. "In the US."
Jordan is twenty three years old. He's been dating a girl from Great Britain named, Ruth Payne. I've only met her once during a dinner with our families. She's really sweet and funny. We got to talk a bit about random stuff that made sense at the time. Anyway, when Jordan went to visit Ruth in England late last year, he proposed to her. And in August, he and Ruth are going to get married. Everyone is excited. My family has been invited. My brother is going to be a groomsman and I'm going to be one of the bridesmaids along with Jordan's sister (one of my best friends), Charlotte. It's convenient Aunt Martha and her husband, Uncle George, bought such a large house. She's going to be housing quite a number of people staying over for the wedding.
We sit around and finish up our drinks. Aunt Martha reminds us that the pool is open for us if we're interested in swimming. Zayn and Niall immediately run to Aunt Martha's spacious backyard. They take their shirts off jump in. Zayn stays in the shallow end while Niall does cannonballs over the deep end. I stay under the shade of a tree near the deck.
"You okay?" Niall asks me after a half an hour or so of swimming. He sits beside me with a towel, drying his hair.
I smile and nudge him playfully on the arm. I've always found his caring side impressive. "I'm great. Are you tired?"
He shakes his head, "Nah, I'm hungry. We should order some pizza or something…"
He stops speaking as soon as he sees me pull out my phone and dial the Pizza Hutt number. He thanks me as soon as I finish ordering.
"This is a nice start for summer, wouldn't you agree?" he stretches out his legs and starts picking the grass.
I pick some grass and throw him playfully at his face. He throws some back. I laugh, "Yeah. It's off to a good start."
"Hopefully it lasts," he says in almost a whisper. I see his smile fade away.
"Hey," I say. I look into his blue eyes and keep a serious composer, "It will. Why do you doubt it? Is it because of university?"
He sighs, "Yeah. I'm going to miss you guys. It's just going to be Zayn and I…"
I give out a short laugh, "Good luck with Zayn."
"But I don't wanna think about that right now. I've got three and a half months left. I don't wanna waste them dwelling on the future."
I nod, "Yeah. There's no need to make ourselves so sad so soon."
Niall closes his eyes and rests his head against the tree. "Yeah."
We don't speak after that. We just enjoy the peace and serenity Aunt Martha's backyard brings. The heat is bearable with the cool breeze that comes every now and then. I cross my legs and lean forward. I stare blankly to the pool in front of me. Zayn is no longer swimming. He went into the house to take a quick shower.
I can't help thinking about the future. It's a scary yet intriguing mystery. The thought of my brother and best friend going off into university in the East Coast saddens me. Cold winters won't be the same anymore. There won't be campfires and marshmallows anymore. Summer won't be the same either. Our lives would change. And my Friday nights are going to be different once they leave. No more pizzas or movies or just random talk my roof… Maybe I'm just being selfish. But truly, the future takes away something but replaces it with something else. There's no guarantee you'll like it but there will be a replacement.
