When I walked through the door, he greeted me. I muttered a greeting back absently. With a quiet, faked smile I rushed back to my own room, sighing. I looked up at the ceiling, dropping on to the bed with a loud groan.
He didn't have a hint, did he? To him, I was just his brother. Just his sidekick, his protégé, his apprentice. That was it, wasn't it? I was just his little brother who did everything to pull him out of the couch and train me a bit of dancing. A prankster that would do anything to get his attention. But did he know that I had even more feelings for him? That I actually liked him?
No.
Did he have any idea, how I felt for him? I never blushed or acted weird around him, but I still liked him. At first he was nothing more than a bro to annoy, but now...
But we could never be, could we? I was years younger than him, to name one reason for that. I didn't even know if he liked me. I wanted him to be with me. I always felt like something was missing when he wasn't there. I always felt so empty without him.
With a grunt, I lifted myself off the bed and took out my mp3 player, listening to a song. One that played was Replay; another was OMG. But I didn't dance to then, I just skipped them. Why? I didn't feel like dancing. I just felt like lying there and thinking of this miserable day.
I wanted him to know how I felt. But first of all, I was just a kid, a teenager at that. After even more and more songs played that I could've danced to, I just turned the darn thing off. There was nothing for me to do. How could I tell him I wanted to be with him? Besides, he already had someone that he called his. So where did I stand? Was I a border between him and her?
Mo liked Taye. Taye liked Mo. So what about me? I was just another kid that he called Glitch. So who exactly was Glitch? Oh, yeah. Glitch was the prankster, one of the youngest dancers, that was it.
He kept telling me to pair up with Lil'T instead. He encouraged me to approach her in a different way, to maybe let something happen between us. But no, T just saw me as a friend. I respected her, but she was the only one who knew the fact that I had a crush on someone else. Someone older. She was a nice person, but she too had no feelings for me, apparently.
Inside, I wanted to cry. I wanted to, but I couldn't. If I did, he would misunderstand me further. He'd ask me if I had done anything wrong or if T and I fell out or something. He didn't know that the problem was just between the two of us. My heart cried for him. He was all I wanted.
But what if he had wanted to be with Taye from the start? There was only one other thing that my heart wanted. I wanted him to be happy. I wanted him happy, with or without me. He could have her if it would make him feel better. That was okay. Maybe I would drop him someday, and try to find someone who actually cared.
T cared. She was always there for me, and she would listen when I went on and on about how he didn't care for me. She had a gentle heart. She would calm me down and tell me that if he and I didn't work out, her door would always be open, and that she had a shoulder to cry on. It was surprising, I knew, but she was stronger than me. In fact, I was weaker than a nervous wreck around Mo that anything could be stronger than me.
Maybe she was the one for me, just like her sister was the one for my brother?
I should start calling him that. He was just brother, after all. He was once my crush, but to see him with someone else... Maybe I should just tell him that if he was glad to be with Taye, things would work out better.
I didn't know which way to go.
I was lost. I couldn't be his. He didn't have any feelings for me; he had his own crush. He was like a hidden treasure; T was an open gate. Which way was the right one? It's been years since he took me in, it's also been years since I've met T.
Mo had always shown me compassion, taking care of me whenever I needed help. I could tell him everything. My past, my worries, anything. If I was bullied, he'd give me a home to go to and heal.
Lil'T was always listening to what I had to say. I could pour in all my sadness and fear about Mo. She was something there. We used to be rivals – and we still are! – but now...
I didn't know who to stick to.
I should just face it. If I couldn't be with Mo, after all, it didn't mean I had to be with T. I didn't even think it was fair to compare T with Mo. Mo was perfect in every way possible. Nothing in the world would compare to him. It was like comparing a rusted coin to a golden orb. It wasn't fair.
With my finger, I traced a line on my blanket. Then I smiled. The daunting prospect of making a choice felt so small now that it hardly mattered. I didn't have to make a choice now, did I? Like Rasa always said, time was on my side. Mo would turn to me eventually. And even if he didn't, T would still be there. And they weren't my only choices.
Dancing was still my priority.
Just a drabble. A random one. I'll probably do another one, in Mo's point of view and his feelings for Glitch.
