A/N: I'm going to leave a longer Author's Note at the end. I'm just saying that this is after season two so it has spoilers for all episodes up to and including 2x15.

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. The people at TNT, Janet Tamaro, and Tess Gerritsen do. This is strictly for entertainment purposes only, am not making money off this nor do I ever plan to.


The incessant pounding on her door did not stop. It had been going on for five minutes. Jane's already aching head was pounding with every knock. The person had more resilience than her own mother. She finally stood up ready to tell the person off. If it was a neighbor needing milk or sugar she was going to be a very angry detective.

Maura stood on the opposite side of the solid wood door. How many times had she stood in this very position waiting on Jane? Whether it was for a run or movie night or just to hang out she had stood there waiting for the other woman to open the door. But this time was the only time she felt awkward, the only time she thought she might not be wanted.

Frost had told her that Jane was injured. Angela had said Jane checked out of the hospital and that her daughter wouldn't let anyone take care of her. Maura had been sent as a last resort. Maura was the only person Jane let see her when she was less than strong. Maura refused to say the word 'weak.' Jane had never been weak in the entire time she'd known the detective. But that was a long time ago. The two hadn't spoken to each other in four months. They still worked well with each other at work, surprisingly, but Jane never went to the morgue without Frost or Korsak and Maura never ventured up to Homicide. It had been four months since the incident at the burned down warehouse. All the initial drama was over. Maura's mother, Patrick Doyle, and Special Agent Dean all made full recoveries. The only ones left to recover were Jane and Maura. Maura was ready to bury the hatchet and rekindle her relationship with Jane. She just hoped the detective was also ready.

After what seemed like an eternity to Maura she finally heard the three locks on Jane's apartment door click and the door in front of her swung open. "What?" Jane practically yelled without looking at the person in her doorway. Once her eyes landed on Maura her heart could have stopped. She was the last person Jane expected on her doorstep. "Why are you here?" Her mouth felt dry all of a sudden.

Maura surveyed her best friend. The taller woman standing before her looked nothing like the strong detective she knew. Her shoulders were slumped forward, caving in on herself. There was a back sling hung around her shoulder encasing her left arm. Frost had said she was shoved down a flight of stairs. She had dislocated her left shoulder and got a small knock to the head. But behind all of that, Jane looked thinner. Dark circles were under bloodshot eyes. Her hair was limp like it too didn't have the strength to fight anymore. This was not Jane. This woman was someone she had never met before and it scared her more than she cared to admit. Had she broken Jane Rizzoli? "You checked out of the hospital, Jane. Head injuries can be tricky. You should at least have someone watch over you for the nigh –"

"Oh! And you think you're the one for the job, huh?" Jane interrupted. "What you think you can just waltz into my home like – like you belong here? It's been months, Maura! Months! You haven't spoken to me at all on something that didn't involve a case in four months. So what, it takes me getting my ass handed to me for you to come check on me? No."

Maura was taken aback by her words. She wasn't sure what she expected coming to see Jane, but this definitely wasn't it. "I care about you, Jane. I'm ready to move on."

"You care about me? Since when?" Jane could feel her walls tumbling to the ground, like she was standing alone in the middle of a battlefield wounded, the last to leave the toppling building, a captain going down with his ship. Once she let those words slip out everything came tumbling out fast and hard. "You left. I know in your fancy life growing up if you didn't like something you could throw it away. But that's not what normal people do, Maura!" All the hurt that had been building in her heart for the past four months exploded in that one moment. Tears were now crashing down her face. Her voice was cracking, stumbling on all the words. But she couldn't stop. "You're not supposed to just leave. You can't just go. You have to fix things. You have to face your demons. And you left Maura. You left me and you left Boston and you stopped trying. I tried. I apologized. I – I wrote you a letter explaining my side. I…" She took a deep a breath. Months of unsaid tension was being released in the hallway. "You chose him over me, Maura. You picked him. I know he's your biological father and it's complicated but I'm your best friend." She shoved her right thumb into her own chest. Her heart was thudding loudly against her ribs. "I've always been there for you. I've been there every time he's come trampling through your life causing messes. I've always been there. I tried to make this work. I tried to get you to talk to me, hate me, hit me, anything but you just shut me out. You threw me out of your life like last year's clothing, like I meant nothing to you. And it hurts." Maura was crying now too but Jane found she was too upset to care. "I thought, maybe you just needed time. After everything got settled you'd come around. But I was wrong. After your mom and Doyle recovered you went to Africa for a month. Without telling me."

"I came back." Maura bravely interrupted her voice almost a whisper.

"You still left." Jane shot back angrily. "I got investigated by Internal Affairs and I refused to tell them that you two were related. I refused to tell them because I knew that even though you hated me I didn't want some stupid person with a grudge to come after you because you were related to him. I nearly lost my job. For you. And where the hell were you? Gallivanting around Africa with your felon of a boyfriend." Jane spat. "Everyone just kept telling me you needed time, time, time. Well I waited, Maura! Month after month after month and nothing changed. So you know what?" Jane took a step back inside her home, standing more behind the door. "Now, I'm just angry all the time. I'm angry at my stupid life, at my damn job, at Dean, at Doyle. I'm angry at you. But most of all, I'm just angry with myself. Because I really thought…" Jane's voice trailed off. "Well that doesn't matter now, does it?" She asked sarcastically. "It's my turn for time." Then Jane slammed the door.

Maura stood in shock as she heard the deadbolt click into place from Jane's side of the door. Jane had locked her out. A small sob escaped her lips. Is this what Jane had felt like during their whole time apart? She hated this. Maura who had been so used to people leaving her had never had anyone fight for her. She had never had someone care enough to fix the problems. Before Jane she had never known that fighting for someone was even an option. The few times they had fought it was always Jane who apologized, Jane who chased after her, Jane who reacted first. Maura was always the one that retreated. She was always the one that left. Now karma was rearing its ugly head on her in twisted role reversal. Sobs filled the hallways as Maura made her way down the stairs.

A small part of her wanted to keep with old habits. She wanted to leave the detective's doorstep and never speak to her again outside of work. But the other part, the biggest part, the part where Jane had dug herself into and made a home, desperately wanted her best friend back. She started her car, a plan forming in her head. She would give Jane space. But she would be back.

Jane leaned her back against the closed her. Her body shook violently with her own silent cries. She could hear Maura on the other side struggling with her own broken heart. I caused this, she thought bitterly, I caused all of this. Her heart hurt. It's better this way. You'll just go to work and go home. No distractions. No nothing. Just work. You can handle that. Wiping her pajama sleeve across her nose she hobbled to her bedroom for another restless night of sleep. Glancing at the clock on her night stand she found that it was two in the morning, if she was lucky her mother wouldn't come bursting into her apartment at six. She took the sling off her shoulder throwing it across the room. She moved under the covers on her right side resting her sore arm across the pillow she brought to her chest. She curled up in the fetal position. Jo Friday jumped on to the bed nestling into her owner's back. Jane continued to cry into the dark room until sleep finally overtook her worn out body.

An hour later Maura sat at her kitchen table in Jane's clothes with Jane's unopened letter sitting in front of her. She had never read it. When Jane sent it by mail three and a half months ago she wanted nothing to do with the detective. She had felt betrayed and angry. But now she was alone, she needed Jane. She needed the comfort of a friend. The envelope and the clothing were the closest thing to Jane she had at the moment. She took a deep breath trying to still the nerves building in her chest. With shaking hands she opened the envelope and began to read.

Maura,

I know you're mad at me. You have every right to be. I put my faith in the wrong person and you got caught in the middle. I have no right to demand anything from you. You don't have to read this but I hope you will. I hope I didn't destroy our entire relationship with one bullet. I know I should say this in person but you won't talk to me. You won't even look at me. You're hurt. I hurt you. And I deserve whatever you throw at me; I just wish you would talk to me. Right now you only have your side of the story. I want to tell you mine.

The event at the warehouse was not the first time I put your life in danger, but it will hopefully be the last. I've spoken with Cavanaugh and Frost and Korsak. You won't be joining us in the field anymore if there's not a dead body or crime scene present. Your life has been put in danger too many times already. It's not because I think you can't protect yourself, because I know you can. I just can't bear the thought of you not existing anymore because you went out of your job description to help us on a case. Your life is important. Even if you rightfully never speak to me again, I want you to be safe.

Before I get into my side of the story, I want you to know that you wouldn't have gotten shot. If Doyle hadn't been there you would have still been safe. I wouldn't have let you get hurt. I had the shot on the suspect the whole time. I would've taken it. And even if I didn't you'd still be okay because I would have distracted him, I would have yelled or done something. I would've gladly taken the bullet for you. Your life is much more important than mine. There will always be another cop ready to take my place but there's only one you. I'm not sure you know the full impact you have on people. I would step between you and harm any day. You would have been fine.

Tears fell harder down Maura's face. Jane, her Jane, had written these words. She could feel the detective's sincerity like she was in the room reading along with her.

You were there through all the planning. You knew we didn't plan on Doyle or Dean showing up. How could we? A rouge FBI Agent and an Irish Crime Boss popping up in the middle of our run of the mill murder investigation, it just didn't make sense. But having them there brought two unknowns into the picture. Having them there ruined our carefully set out plan. They were two pieces that didn't fit into our puzzle.

When our suspect pulled a gun on you, I was terrified. A shot rang out from somewhere we couldn't see. Then Agent Dean was moving, firing his weapon. He didn't even care that a civilian was in the room. He didn't care that you could have gotten hit in the crossfire. Sometimes I forget why us cops hate the FBI, we run on a different rule book. I saw you crouched covering your head right there in the middle of it all. If a bullet had so much as ricocheted off of a wall or a pillar you could have gotten hit. I just wanted it to stop. Then Dean fell. I waited for Doyle to drop his weapon. I gave him a chance. I know you don't think I did but I did. I waited as long as a cop can wait before a decision has to be made. When Doyle trained his gun on me and Frost I had no choice.

Maybe Doyle wouldn't have shot his weapon at us. Maybe it was a warning. Maybe everything would have been fine. Maybe he would have slunk off into the night back to wherever he goes after he makes a mess of people's lives. Maybe then you'd still be talking to me. But I haven't survived this long on the job on maybes. I'm willing to die for you. I'm willing to die for my job, Maura. But I'll put my own gun to my head before I am ever responsible to for the death of a fellow good cop. I couldn't live with myself if I got my partner killed. I'm not sure you understand or that you want to understand but that was a very real threat whether you want to believe it or not.

That's my piece. I just wanted you to know my side so you can make an informed decision. I'm willing to give you the space you need. If you never want to talk to me again outside a case, that's something that I'll have to live with.

Love,
Jane

By the time she finished Maura folded her arms in front of her on the table dropping her head to them. Her shoulders shook with violent sobs. She was so tired of feeling things. That's why she was in this mess to begin with. She had been reacting on emotions and feelings. She wasn't used to any of this. She was hurt and betrayed and sad. Jane had been so good to her. Jane had given her a home, a new family, a sense of belonging. She protected her. Whatever you want, I can get it. Those words had come straight from Jane's mouth the first time Patrick Doyle came tumbling into her life. Jane saved her from Hoyt. Through all the people that had come and gone through her life like a revolving door Jane had stayed. And what had she done? She left. She didn't even listen to Jane's side, which now suddenly made some things clearer. It had answered the 'why?' she so desperately needed. But instead of dealing with the problems she froze the detective out, ruined the first real friendship she had ever had.

Maura cried into her kitchen table until she couldn't feel anything. She cried until her eyes were dry and exhaustion hung to her body like a second skin. She walked into the guest bedroom. She fell into the sheets that smelled like Jane's lavender body wash. She would fix this. Together they would get over this. No more running. She thought before drifting off into a restless slumber.


A/N: So.

The Jane in my head likes confrontation, she doesn't like silence, and she doesn't like it when people leave things unfinished. Now that may be totally out of character but that's the way I think. (If you look at all their fights she's always the first to apologize. Even in He Aint Heavy He's My Brother she still went down to the morgue to talk to Maura after they fought. She didn't apologize but she didn't shut Maura out either.) The Maura in my head avoids confrontation. She leaves, not because she thinks it's not worth it but because it's all she's ever known. After what happened at the warehouse I think they're both hurting. (Chapter two gets into Maura's side, since this was mostly Jane's.)

Anyways. I am very, very close to being done with chapter two. I know where it's all going to end. So this is not a one shot. It'll probably last between 4-6 chapters. I'll post chapter two in a week (on Sunday night.) Thanks for reading!