Chapter 1: Gone

Gemma sat there on the ground, her body leaning against the wall of the stall that she had been occupying. It hadn't been too long since Thomas had died, maybe fifteen minutes.

All she was trying to do right now was regulate her breathing. Her glossy brown eyes stared into space. She had just finished vomitting, the perfect end to her little scene that she had caused. As soon as she noticed on the monitor that Thomas's heart was beginning to flatline. She screamed for someone to come and help him.

Deep down though, she knew that there was nothing that could have been done. She wasn't even sure as to why she had been calling for a doctor. Maybe so that she wouldn't have to be alone when Thomas officially died?

FInally, she pushed herself to her feet and walked out to the sink. She took a minute to freshen herself, get rid of the mascara stains from under her eyes, neaten her hair a little. After she was done, she let out a heavy sigh. Her hands clasped onto the edges of the sink as she examined herself in the mirror. That break down that she had out there, that was all that she was going to allow herself to have.

Now she had to get back out there and act as though she were okay. She had to make sure that could get home and take care of Jax. Gemma had more important things to do than sit around and have everyone pity her. She even had a funeral that she had to plan. And all of this, she knew she would be doing on her own. In all honesty, she would rather do this all on her own. John hadn't been there lately and she hated him for his abadonment. She hated how he made her feel anymore.

Ever since Thomas had started getting worse, John had been spending more and more time away from home. He left her to lay alone in bed and worry at night, he left her to watch Thomas slip further and further from her each day. And most recently, he left her to watch her baby boy die right before her eyes.

She got through all of that, she could get through the next few weeks without him.

Besides, it wasn't as though she were completely alone. Clay had been there for her. In the past couple of months he had been stopping by more and more just to check on her, just to make sure that Jax was doing okay. They would talk. He made her feel less empty and numb. He made her a little happy when she needed it most. His presence was enough for her, Clay never had to do anything extravagent. He was simply there.

Gemma let go of the sink and turned to leave. She couldn't handle this place anymore, it was starting to make her feel sick to her stomach. She left the restroom and hurried down the hall, her heels harshly clicking against the floor.

As she reached the waiting room where the guys were waiting for her, she made sure to keep her held high. "Let's get outta here," she coldly stated, wiping her face with the back of her hand. She wasn't about to let herself start crying all over again.

The men had stood as soon as they heard her coming. All of them were concerend, and only watched as she passed them. It was Clay who finally followed her and the rest went to go to the club house.

oooooo

John sat on the plane, staring blankly ahead of him. Right now, he imagined that his wife was screaming at the nurses, telling them that they had to do something. Gemma was probably throwing a fit in the hospital, showing her rage and hiding the absolute emptiness and brokeness that she must be feeling. His son had to of been dead by now. There was no doubting it.

He had only been in Charming for the day, just long enough to see his son and say goodbye, just long enough to put him out of his misery and allow his wife to move on with her life.

The guilt was starting to eat away at him for what he had done, but it was something that he had to do. Thomas had been in a coma for four months now. There was no real hope of him getting any better. They were simply just standing there, watching him as he slowly died. In a way it seemed cruel what they were doing, dragging out the process of his illness eating away at him just so that they didn't have to say goodbye just yet.

Thomas's living wasn't doing any one else any good either. Gemma had been spending most of her time at the hopsital. She'd pretty much stopped eating, stopped sleeping. She stopped taking care of herself, all just so that she would have more time to sit in that dready hospital room next to her baby.

That left Jax to basically take care of himself at the age of nine. Gemma was only home at night anymore, just enough to feed Jax dinner and get some of the housework done. On weekends he was mainly over with Opie.

Mercy killing his youngest son was the best thing that he could have done for his family. John kept reminding himself of what he had left behind. Since he had been spending most of his time up in Ireland, he had relied mainly on Clay and Piney to tell him how his family was doing. It used to be Gemma that would keep him updated, but lately she had been giving him the cold shoulder.

As the plane landed, he shook the thoughts of his wife from his head. Although he loved Gemma, he couldn't handle being with his family right now. Too much was going wrong. He wasn't strong enough to help her pick up the pieces and move on with their lives. In his mind, he would have just been a burden on her and Jax anyways. Those were the words he told himself every night that he spent with Maureen to assure him that what he was doing was okay.

It was never supposed to happen, Maureen. He just met her while he was trying to work up a deal with the Irish. He was out with a few guys and saw her at the bar. There she was with golden hair, soft features. She was sweet and charming. She was gentle. And she was willing to listen to him about his problems. Maureen knew everything that was going on with his family. She was understanding.

Now, the two had a daughter together. And today was Trinity's third birthday. That was the reason he had to return to Ireland so quickly, was to be there for his daughter's birthday.