She was nervous. It was understandable, of course, since it'd been some time since she'd been around John in any capacity other than across a table in a depressing visitation room, but it still shamed her slightly. He was her husband, after all! She shouldn't be nervous about spending the night with him again. She should be happy, and she certainly was, but she was also nervous. She just wasn't sure whether she'd still be comfortable with him as a person, as a husband, or as a man. There was only one way to find out, though, and that was to experience it.

Dinner had been decorously happy (saving Thomas and Miss O'Brien) and Mrs. Hughes had even offered to excuse her from settling Lady Mary for the night. That wouldn't be fair to Lady Mary, though, so she had declined. Mr. Carson, of course, had seen this as the only right response to Mrs. Hughes' untoward suggestion.

Lady Mary had tried to excuse her as well, but by then Anna was feeling stubborn. She didn't want any favors just because John was back. She wanted life to be as normal as possible, and that included being sure that Lady Mary had everything she needed and being sure the next day's activities and outfits were in order.

Eventually, though, everything was done and it was time to take herself to bed. The challenge of their situation was that the cottage wasn't ready and neither she nor Mr. Bates was permitted to sleep in the other's room. Instead, Mrs. Hughes had quickly prepared a small bedroom that had once been used by a butler and housekeeper who happened to be married. It had last been used as a bedroom a hundred years ago, so it was more than a bit musty, but it was larger than either of their individual rooms and had a double bed.

She got there after John since the earl took far less time to prepare for bed than Lady Mary ever did. When she arrived, her husband was sitting up in the bed, reading a book. He had on an undershirt and she wasn't sure what else, but she was glad he wasn't totally undressed already.

"Good evening, Mrs. Bates," he said with a twinkle in his eyes as he closed his book and put it on the side table. He held his arm out to her and she hesitated long enough for him to notice.

"Anna," he said softly, and got out of the bed to approach her. He was still wearing his trousers, she noticed idiotically before he gently embraced her.

"I don't expect anything of you," he assured her, speaking to the top of her head since her cheek was pressed into his shirt. "We haven't really been man and wife for a long time. I made a vow to love, honor, and cherish you, and that includes understanding that it will take some time to become comfortable with each other again."

She sighed with relief and happiness that he not only understood what she felt, he seemed to understand why she felt it. She'd truly married the best man on earth.

"Thank you," she said quietly, and turned her face to look up at him. "I do love you so, John Bates."

"And I love you, Anna Bates," he said, and leaned down to gently kiss her. She relaxed into it, enjoying the feeling of kissing her husband with no one to see or judge or care. John let her draw the kisses out without progressing to any other activities, though she could feel that he would certainly like to progress to other activities.

When they finally broke apart, she was a bit short of breath and he was the same. She looked up to see an expression that mingled love, desire, and incredulity, which she supposed made sense. He'd probably never actually thought he'd experience this again, and that thought made her a bit more bold

"I think I'd like to get in the bed," she said, and started to undress.

"Are you certain? We have plenty of time, Anna. All our lives, now," he said concernedly, and she loved him more for it. Most men would have taken her agreement without question, but she hadn't married most men.

"I'm certain," she decided, and realized that she was. They still had things to learn about each other and they would have disagreements as they settled into their life together, but she loved him and he loved her. She removed her dress and draped it over a chair, then got into the bed wearing her underthings. She wasn't quite bold enough to take all her clothes off yet, but she thought her gesture was clear enough all the same.

It was.

Much later, she snuggled into his arms and felt his heart slowing under her ear. Her own heart wasn't exactly back to normal, but it still made her smile to hear his. He must have felt the movement against his chest because he asked, "Still comfortable?"

"Still comfortable," she answered, and meant her answer in many different ways.